Summer
break was coming to an end and I was ready to go back off to college at the
University of Tennessee for my sophomore year. As prepared I was to return to
school, I was a little mad at myself for not accomplishing the one thing I’d
wanted to do before the end of summer: suck and maybe even get fucked by my
future stepbrother’s dick. I’d wanted to get freaky with Deandre the moment our
parents introduced us to each other. His dad had already moved into me and my
mama’s house earlier in the year and Deandre was spending the last few weeks of
the summer break with us. I was determined to get Deandre’s dick before our
parents got married that October and I wasn’t accepting defeat.
It was a
hot afternoon, just days before we were both to leave off for our second year
of college that weekend. I’d bought a pack of ExtenZe liquid male enhancement
while out on my run that morning and had to wait for the perfect opportunity to
use it. When he came home from hanging out with some friends at the mall, I
noticed he had a cup from McDonald’s in his hand as I stared out from my
window. He entered the house and I heard him come upstairs and go into the
guest bedroom across the hall, which he’d been staying in while visiting us.
When I heard the bedroom door reopen, I peeked through the crack in my door and
saw him coming out of the bedroom with nothing but a towel around his waist. He
went into the bathroom and I soon heard the sound of the shower running. I knew
I had a little time to do what I needed to do, so I got to it.
Me (Montel Robinson)
I made my
way into his room and quickly removed the top from his McDonald’s cup. I poured
the male enhancement liquid into his drink and stirred it with his straw before
putting the top back on it. Not a second after I’d returned to my room, I heard
the shower turn off and the sound of him going back into his room. I was
nervous as hell but had it in my mind that he’d automatically come to my room
once that stuff made him horny. Why wouldn’t he? He knew I was gay and he’d
caught me looking at him many times. Nearly an hour went by and I was ready to
give up when I got a notification on my phone. I’d created a fake Instagram
account so that I could see Deandre’s Instagram because it was private and I
knew he’d never allow me to see his posts. He’d made a recent post and I
checked it out.
I laughed
to myself and asked, “Oh, is that right?”
VON MILLER is a T H I C K 28 year old linebacker for the NFL’s, denver broncos. tho he looks significantly older, von has only been playing professional football since being drafted in 2011.
over the course of his athletic career, von miller has been heralded as one of the best players amongst his contemporaries. he received the highest MVP honor after aiding his team in achieving super bowl glory in 2015.
h o w e v e r, it would be his 2016 sex tape scandal that would make national headlines. during the summer of that particular year, von miller met a non-black woman named elizabeth ruiz on instagram. the two of them met, flirted and engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. stupidly, von decided that it was okay to record the x-rated acts on his cell phone, while allowing elizabeth to do the same.
somehow, in his warped mind, von assumed the woman would simply delete the steamy, hotel footage – which she did not. he confided in his pr team & attorney that the video could possibly make its way to the world wide web. his legal representatives reached out to elizabeth PRIOR TO her even going to the press or doing any interviews or even making any threats to release the clips. they offered her money for a copy of the original recordings from her cell phone. elizabeth became offended that von would even sick his reps on her without just cause – AND THATS WHEN she started talking publicly. the entire scandal was shut down in a court of law & we n e v e r got to see von miller’s phat cakes on film.
we did, however get to see that thick, sugary brown tail plastered across the pages of 2016′s ESPN BODY ISSUE. and quite honestly, i am impressed!
The rain was pouring down that Saturday night as if it were coming from an enormous showerhead directly above Baton Rouge. The date was February 14, 2015 and I was ready for Valentine’s Day to be over. Yet again, I didn’t have a boyfriend or even someone to fake it with for some V-Day dick; therefore, I was over it. Still recovering from a cold, I was feeling good enough to try out a new anal toy I’d purchased from Amazon. My dinner consisted of a fruit salad with a caramel drizzle and water, so douching was a breeze. It was a quarter to eleven and I was all set for some vibrating action when there was a knock at my bedroom door. I put on my robe and opened the door to see my roommate Brendon standing there.
“Taye, please tell me you have some lube,” he said while barging into my room.
“Hold up,” I snapped. “How are you just gonna roll up in my room like that? What if I would’ve had somebody up in here?”
He looked around and smirked as he said, “You don’t. Anyway, I need lube. Greg got a hotel suite for us and told his wife he’s out of town for the weekend. He can’t use his debit card because his wife monitors the account and he spent the little cash he had in his wallet on the suite. You know I’m broke as fuck until my next paycheck.”
“You better be glad I have extra.” I went over to my nightstand and grabbed one of my bottles of naturally scented edible lubricant. I handed it to him and suggested, “You shouldn’t be sleeping with some woman’s husband.”
“Bitch please, you’ve seen him on Facebook. That man is the epitome of fine.”
“He is but I’d feel guilty as fuck. I don’t see how you do it.”
“Taye, the man is more into fem bitches like me than he is into his wife. He likes to suck dick and fuck an asshole.” He noticed the way I was looking and shook his head before asking, “So, you’d never give a brotha in need some ass if he’s married or in a serious relationship?”
“No. It’s not my thing.”
“Okay, but what about a guy who was with someone you knew? Would you fuck around with one our friends’ exes? Hell, would you fuck around with one of mine?”
Five years
after shattering my knee and losing my future in football, I was still doing
whatever I could to put everything back together. My knee was fine but the rest
of me was still broken, no matter how convincing my façade was at any given
moment. I finished college but couldn’t advance in the lane of my degree, so I
decided to make money off of my looks. I became what is known as an Instagram
model and influencer to make ends meet; meanwhile, I booked clients for private
massages for some extra income. It was through my massage clientele that I met
Thiago.
My
clientele was nearly all gay men, so when Thiago Alencar-Ellis booked me, I
figured it would simply be another routine massage. However, the moment he
arrived at the Airbnb I was using that day, I felt something between us. It was
sort of like the energy I’d feel whenever I was attracted to a woman but
somehow deeper. I tried to put up an invisible wall but his eyes seemed
to see through it and I knew he knew I was feeling something. I managed to
massage him professionally without crossing any lines and he left with less
stress than he’d entered with. That night, I got a call from him on my private
number instead of my business number. I still have no idea how he got it.
“Rashad, my
husband and I want you to spend this upcoming weekend with us,” he offered the
moment I answered his call. “We live in a condo in Beverly Hills. You can stay
in our guest suite. We’ll need you to get tested at the same exclusive clinic
we go to for our own testing. There will be a non-disclosure agreement as well
as a contract for your payment that will require your signature, of course. Are
you interested in this opportunity?”
The
sexiness of his accent fucked with my train of thought for a second, but I was
able to get it together and tell him, “I’m interested.”
So, deep
into my weekend with him and his husband, Brendan, I was still trying to wrap
my mind around it all. I’d had my curiosities about what it would be like to
have sex with another man but that was in college whenever I’d see a nice ass
on a teammate or one of those track runners. The way I felt about Thiago was
different. Just thinking about him would get me hard to the point where I’d
have to masturbate for over an hour. While soaking in the tub of their guest
suite bathroom, I did my best to relax and disregard any sort of negative
energy. My mind was as opened as ever and my body was prepared to follow.
The date
July 22, 2009 is a date that I will never forget. It was a cloudy Wednesday
afternoon and while I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to Pastor Ballard’s
Bible study, I was excited about choir rehearsal because our choir director Mr.
Hankinson had agreed to play a song that I composed myself. I’d been trying to
get him to use one of my compositions since I began writing music. I wasn’t
much of a gospel lyricist so Mr. Hankinson wrote words for the music, and they
were amazing. I couldn’t wait to sing the song with the choir for the first
time and I really couldn’t wait to sing it for the church that following
Sunday. However, it wasn’t my music that made July 22, 2009 memorable. It
turned out to be the day I experienced a miracle.
“You’re not
gonna change my mind,” Kareem said to me while putting on his Jordans. “I’m
done with school, Ant.”
“Why now?”
I asked while looking at myself in the mirror to make sure my tie was on right.
“Baby, why would you drop out of school right before our senior year?”
“Because
it’s pointless. I’m not goin’ to college or doin’ anything important so I don’t
see why I should waste my time.”
“So, being
at school with me is a waste of your time?”
“That ain’t
what I meant and you know it. Anthony, I’m just done with that shit. I’m done
with it. I’m a grown ass man. Fuck…I mean, forget school. I got other stuff I
need to be worried about.”
Kareem
Taylor had been my boyfriend for a little over a year but we’d known each other
since elementary school. He was my best friend up until sixth grade, which was
when he began picking on me and hanging out with the bad boys at school. I
later figured out he picked on me because he liked me and even though I liked
him, too, neither of us built up the nerve to do anything about it until the
end of our tenth-grade year. I wrote him a letter basically telling him that I
wanted us to be boyfriends. He came to my house after school that day and gave
me my first kiss. And just like that, we were together.
Senior year
at Braxton-Jacobs High was definitely a game-changing year for me. I’d gone
from being somewhat of a nerd with a handful of friends to being cool with
almost all of my peers. I say almost all because although I’d completely
changed my image, there was one girl who still treated me like shit. Her name
was Danielle Murphy and we used to be cool until seventh grade. For whatever
reason, she became a major bitch to me and made it her mission to always fuck
up my day. She once talked her friends into playing a prank on me where they
somehow got the combination to my locker, stole my books, and tossed them in
trash bins all around the school. Needless to say, I desperately wanted to get
even.
“Noah, how
do you think you did on Mrs. Howell’s test?” my friend Caiden asked me as we
sat in the senior lounge during our free period.
“I know I
got an A,” I answered confidently. “I mean, every question on the test came
straight out of things that happened in chapters ten, eleven, and twelve from
the book.”
“Yeah, but
I’m sure she put in a few trick questions.”
“Even if
she did, I know I still got an A.” The bell rang for seventh period and I asked
him, “Are you staying after school today for the cyberteam meeting?”
Me (Noah Ross)
“Not today
but I’ll definitely be at Thursday’s meeting when we get to hack computer
systems again.”
I rolled my
eyes and said, “Of course you wouldn’t miss that. I’ll see you later, Caiden.”
“Later,
Noah.”
We headed
out of the senior lounge in separate directions. I was on my way to advanced
biology in the building next door when I heard her annoying voice call
out, “Girl, you gone be late if you don’t twirl and skip your fruity ass to
your next class.”
Stress had
been eating away at me the entire workday and I just wanted to leave the office;
however, I couldn’t because my department had to meet an impossible deadline. I
would’ve given anything for a drink and a massage that night. Instead, I was
most likely going to go home to my nagging fiancée, Erica, and her annoying miniature
poodle, Holly. As the clock got closer to striking midnight, my team got their
shit together and we made enough progress to call it a night. I admit, I wasn’t
as relieved as I should’ve been because I was horny and I knew Erica would fuss
about me coming in so late instead of giving me some pussy. I had no idea I’d
end up finding another way to relieve my stress that night.
“That’s the
end of it,” I said to my subordinates. “We have met this quarter’s fiscal
deadline. Congratulations.”
“I’m out
this bitch,” Leon, my right-hand, called out before strolling over to the
elevators.
I laughed
and told everyone else, “Goodnight.”
While they
all headed to the elevator, I felt the sudden urge to take a piss. So, I headed
to the men’s room to handle that. I halfway expected someone to walk in—which
always seemed to make my dick hard—but no one ever did. I finished pissing and
washed my hands before snapping a pic of myself with my phone to prove to Erica
that I actually was at work late. She was always accusing me of seeing some
other woman when in reality, I was more likely to cheat on her with another
man. Bisexuality remained the ultimate test I had yet to conquer.
Me (Cameron Clark)
I was in
the middle of shutting everything down for the night when I heard a noise from
the supply closet near my office. I stepped inside to see one of my subordinates,
Antoine Ivory, was in there organizing some supplies. Out of my team of
fifteen, Antoine was the one who gave me the least amount of bullshit every day.
He did what he had to do and never complained about anything. I could always
depend on him; and to a somewhat equal extent, Leon to help us advance through
the workday. Beyond his dependability, he was sexy as fuck.
“Mr. Ivory,”
I said, startling him a little. “You do know everyone else has gone home,
right?”
Antoine Ivory
He looked
at me and replied, “I know you have to come in here and check all of this stuff
before you can leave and I just wanted to help out. You seem a little more…stressed than normal.”
Things
surprisingly went back to normal after a few weeks. Dezmond finally stopped
blowing my phone up and stopped being petty on the field. We won three games
straight and were practicing hard for our upcoming homecoming game. Off the
field, things were just as good. Shaad had easily become the best dude I’d ever
decided to do shit on the low with. We hung out all the time and fucked around
whenever we could. Somehow we’d managed to keep our roommate Tevin and the
other DL teammates from knowing about our relationship. Nobody needed to know
anything.
“Let’s make
a bet,” I suggested to Shaad while we played Madden NFL 17 in the living room.
“If I win this game, you gotta give me head tonight while Tevin is here.”
“Alright,”
he agreed. “But if I win, you gotta give me head and a foot massage. My feet
been killin’ me all week.”
“Okay,
deal.”
We put our
attention back on the videogame. Some head would’ve been nice, but I did wanna
massage his sexy feet. He’d gotten me into so many things I never thought I’d
be into and my newfound foot fetish was one of them. So naturally, I let him
win the game. Not a second after we finished the game, Tevin came home so me
and Shaad went outside to talk. It was a nice late-September afternoon so the
weather was just right.
“Dez still
cool?” he asked me.
Me (Ellis Morton)
“Yeah,” I replied.
“I think he’s finally moved on.”
“I noticed
he’s been givin’ you the ball more. I got a feeling that if he knew about us he’d
be a dick again.” He laughed.
“True, he’d
definitely be jealous of you. You’re taller and got that whole sexy chocolate
thing goin’ on.” I felt on his chest and then we started play wrestling. I almost
accidentally hit him in the nuts and he quickly jumped back.
“You almost
hit my nuts, nigga.”
“Yo freaky
ass would probably like that.” We shared a good laugh and then sat down beside
each other. “Are we really gonna do this, bruh?”
“What do
you mean?”
“Try the
relationship thing. This is what I wanted but I don’t want you to do it if you
don’t feel…”
“Ellis,
this is what I want. You’re everything I want in a partner and friend.”
“But what
about after we enter draft? It’s gonna be crazy tryin’ to keep people in the
dark about us.”
“You don’t
think there’s DL niggas in the pros? Come on, bruh. Curtis is in the pros and I
told you all the shit he into.” He chuckled and admitted, “I am a little
nervous about it all but I ain’t worried. It’s nobody’s business what me and
you do off the field. I’m yo nigga and you’re mine.”
“Okay, I’m
convinced you’re for real just like I am. But there is somethin’ else I wanna
ask.”
“You can
ask me anything, El. You know I’ll keep it real with you.”
“Does…you
know…fuckin’ me and lettin’ me fuck you mess with your head at all since you’re
Muslim?”
“El, I haven’t
participated in anything the Nation of Islam does since I was like thirteen. My
parents ain’t as backwards as some of the other families that are a part of it.
They gave me the choice to stay in or not and chose not to, and it was way
before I discovered I liked other boys.”
“Why did
you choose not to?”
“Because my
granddad, my mama’s dad, was my biggest inspiration and wasn’t Muslim. He
believed God exists but that no religion could define God. My granddad was the
greatest man I’ve ever known and he was my only family member who played
football. I figured if someone that great didn’t need a religion to define him,
then I didn’t either. I had the option to change my name but I didn’t want to.
Rashaad Salaam is who I am and who I always will be.”
Rashaad “Shaad” Salaam
He looked
into my eyes and I couldn’t help but blush and feel vulnerable in a way. I wanted
to kiss him so bad but we were outside and anyone could’ve seen it. So I just
settled on looking into his eyes. We were so caught up looking at each other
that we didn’t even notice the police car pull up. All I knew was I heard
someone clearing their throat and when I finally broke eye contact with Shaad,
two cops were standing there.
“Rashaad
Salaam,” one of them said, looking back and forth at Shaad and I. “Which one of
you is Rashaad?”
“I am,”
Shaad answered, standing up.
“We’re
gonna need you to come with us, son,” said the other officer.
“Hold up,
why?” I asked. “He didn’t do nothin’. He’s been here with me ever since
practice ended.”
“You need
to come downtown with us, Mr. Salaam. We don’t want to use the handcuffs but
will if we have to.”
“What is
goin’ on?” I asked.
“El, it’s
cool,” Shaad told me. He then turned back to the officers and asked, “Can I at
least go put on a shirt?”
“Of course,”
said one officer.
Shaad
stepped back into the building while I stayed outside with the officers. I shook
my head and asked, “Y’all ain’t got nothin’ better to do than harass young
black men?”
“Sir,
please step back.”
“Nah, I don’t
have to do shit. I live here. Why is my homeboy under arrest?”
“He’s not
under arrest. We’re taking him down to the station for some questioning.”
“About
what?”
“Young man,
I’m not gonna ask you again to step back.”
“El, chill,”
Shaad said as he stepped back outside with a shirt now on. He stepped over to
the officers and told them, “Alright, I’m ready.”
As I watched
them taking him away, my heart stopped. With everything that had been going on
in relation to black people and the police, I was worried out of my mind. I had
no idea if he’d done anything that I wasn’t aware of or if the cops were just
fucking with him, but I knew it wasn’t going to be okay. I went back into the apartment and told Tevin
what was going on. Like me, he was starting to worry that we might not see
Shaad alive again.
About two
hours later, I got a call from Shaad asking me to come down to the police
station. He told me not to bring Tevin or anybody else. I grabbed my keys,
phone and wallet from my room and hurried out of the apartment. While driving
towards downtown, I thought about how worried I was and how important Shaad had
become to me in the past few weeks. He was more than just my teammate and
friend. He meant so much more to me and even though we were just now beginning
our relationship, I was already catching feelings for him. So when I got to the
station and saw he was still in one piece, I let out a sigh of relief.
“What’s
goin’ on, Shaad?” I asked.
“Some
stupid ugly white bitch said I raped her,” he told me.
“What?!”
“This girl
from my philosophy class. She helped me write a paper last Thursday night and
she claims after I left her dorm at eight, I came back two hours later sayin’ I
left somethin’ and then I raped her.” He shook his head. “She kept askin’ if I wanted
to have sex while she was helpin’ me but I said no thanks. I wasn’t mean about
it. I don’t know why she lyin’ like that.”
“If you
didn’t rape her then why are the cops believing her? What proof does she have?”
“She went
to a doctor and had a rape kit done even though she claims I wore a condom.
They said she had bruises on her…area. And a bruise on her neck. I didn’t do
nothin’ to that girl, El. I don’t even look at white bitches like that. If
Keyshia hear about this shit, she’s gonna trip and put me on blast on Instagram
and shit. I was just about to breakup with her next week, too. I can get kicked
off the team and…”
“Wait, what
time did she say you came back and raped her?”
“Around
ten.”
“Last
Thursday night?”
“Yeah.”
“Shaad,
last Thursday night we…recorded what we do. Remember? We were in my room that
time and Tevin wasn’t home.”
“Do you
still have the vid on your phone?”
“Yeah. Show
it to them. It has the date and time we recorded on it.”
“El, I can’t
do that. I can’t risk gettin’ us outed over this bitch.”
“No, you
gotta show it to them. It’ll prove you’re innocent.”
“Those cops
will know about us, Ellis. They might tell people and…”
“Fuck that,
Rashaad! I’m not lettin’ you go to jail and lose your freedom over some lyin’
ass white bitch!” I pulled my phone out and walked away from him towards the
officers. “My teammate is innocent and I can prove it.”
“Ellis, don’t.”
“He was
with me at the time that girl says he raped her. She’s lyin’!”
Me, Shaad and
two officers stepped into an office and I showed them the video and the
timestamp of the video. I knew it would put us at risk but I didn’t care. I wasn’t
going to let anything happen to him based on some salty white bitch lying.
After seeing the video, he was cleared of any wrongdoing. They brought the
white girl down to the station and she admitted to lying because Shaad didn’t
want to have sex with her. I had to force him to file charges against the white
bitch for lying. On the way back to our apartment in my car, he was silent.
“I’m sorry
but I had to do it, Shaad,” I told him. “They weren’t gonna listen to anything
you said. To them you were just another nigga who raped some random white
bitch. Once they think they have you, they just run with it. And that bitch has
no respect for women who actually have been raped on-campus.” He was still
silent. “Shaad, please say somethin’.”
“I’m not
mad at you, baby,” he finally said. “I’m just frustrated. My whole life could’ve
been over today over some bullshit. You’re gonna think I’m crazy but before
today, I thought my biggest fear was bein’ outed. El, when I was ridin’ in that
police car and when they took me to the station, I was beyond scared. It just…it
makes this shit seem so stupid. Why do we have to lie about who we are just to
get people’s acceptance and validation?”
“I don’t know
but it is what it is. All we can do is keep playin’ football and do what we do
behind closed doors.”
“Nah, fuck
that. If I don’t make it into the pros, then I’m done hidin’ who I am.”
“You mean…”
“I’m gonna
come out, man. What the fuck is the point? I mean for real, El; what the fuck
is the point? I didn’t even do shit and I still could’ve lost everything. What
if we hadn’t recorded ourselves fuckin’ that one time? It would’ve been my word
against hers and I would be in jail right now. Think of all the other black men
who this has happened to. What’s the point of me hidin’ who I am if I can lose
my life just for bein’ black?”
“You’re
right.”
“What?”
“You’re
absolutely right, man. If we don’t make it to the pros, then let’s do it. Hell,
why not do it even if we get drafted? Michael Sam did it and even though he
didn’t get to stay in, he did get drafted.”
“Let’s make
it a pact then.” He held out his hand and I shook it.
When we got back home, we sat out in
my car and just talked for the longest. I wasn’t there yet, but I could see
myself being in love with him. We just had this understanding that I’d never
had with anyone else before. I knew it then but it would take some time to
admit that he was the one for me and I was the one for him. And I hoped that we
could always be there for each other when one of us was in trouble and needs
some help. Because whether we were on or off the gridiron, we had to have each
other’s back. No matter what.
[Disclaimer]:Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.
Me and
Dezmond began drifting apart during summer practice. By the time the season
started, we’d downgraded to just being occasional fuck buddies. We just stopped
talking as much and as a result our relationship on and off the field became
strained. With him being quarterback and me being our team’s running back, it
was important that we kept our personal issues off the field. Whenever we were
alone together, I’d ask him if he wanted to end the relationship. He’d always
say no but I could tell he wanted to just as bad as I wanted to. The feeling
just wasn’t there anymore and the more he tried to force it, the more I wanted
it to end. Finally, one day I just decided enough was enough.
“I feel
like it’s run its course,” I said to him as we sat in my car in the practice
field parking lot. “You can’t even name one reason why we should keep it up.”
“It’s
convenient, El,” he said to me. “I don’t wanna go back to fuckin’ around with
random dudes who I gotta worry about tryin’ to out me if they get salty. And no
other niggas on the team get down like we do.”
“That’s
your only reason? Convenience?”
“What else
do you want me to say? You act like I don’t care about you.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. You
know I do.” He sighed and continued, “El, we’ve been doin’ this for almost two
years now. Nobody suspects a thing and I can’t lie; the convenience is a real
factor. And even you can’t deny the sex is bomb as fuck. I still get horny
whenever I think about you.”
Me (Ellis Morton)
“I get
horny, too. But Dez, the connection ain’t there anymore. You know it and I know
it. We can’t just keep fuckin’ to catch a nut and then not speak for days.
Meanwhile, you’re throwing the ball to Shaad more than me because you’re
frustrated with me.”
“That’s not
why I throw the ball to Shaad. I throw it to him because he’s fast and he know
how to shuffle his way out of a situation to catch the ball and run it. I hand
or toss the ball to you when we need to get a first down quicker.”
“That’s
bullshit and you know it.”
“Ellis, I
feel like you’re puttin’ this shit on me because you haven’t been focused on
the field lately.”
“I haven’t
been focused? Nigga, you’re the one who thinks he’s faster than lightning and
tryin’ to run the ball all the time; only to be sacked and lose yardage!”
“If I get
sacked then it’s because you simple ass niggas don’t block worth shit and can’t
seem to outrun even the weakest defensive line!”
I took a
deep breath and told him, “That’s it, whatever we had is over. I’m not gonna
fuck up my last college season over some dick. We both are tryin’ to get
drafted and that means this season has to be our best. It can’t be the best if
we’re mad at each other over shit that has nothin’ to do with football.”
“You’re the
one bein’ difficult for no reason!”
“It ain’t
for no reason, Dez. I want more than just some dick every now and then. You can
call me a bitch or whatever you want, but I want somebody I can connect with
beyond sex. I need somebody that I can talk to about the shit that be on my
mind from day to day. I can’t do that with you because we don’t have that kind
of relationship.”
“What if I
let you fuck me? Will that change anything? I know you be wanting to because
you’re always lookin’ at my ass and rubbin’ on my asshole when you suck me off.
If that’ll fix our problems, then I’ll do it. I’ll let you fuck me.”
Dezmond Saylor
“That’s not
what this is about? I am vers but I don’t wanna top you. I only do that shit
because you got a tight and pink asshole. I mean it would be cool to fuck it
but…” I shook my head. “No, I’m not doin’ this anymore. We gotta end it. And we
can’t let it fuck with our performance on the field.”
He sighed
loudly and said, “Well fuck it then. I tried. You wanna act like a bitch for no
reason. I thought two grown ass niggas wouldn’t have to deal with this stupid
bitch made bullshit but I guess I was wrong.”
“Can you
get out my car? I’m ready to go.”
He gave me
a look and asked, “Damn, you salty as fuck ain’t you? You big mad or lil’ mad
right now?”
“Just get
the fuck out of my car, Dezmond! I’m not salty. How am I salty and I’m the one
kickin’ yo ass out? You couldn’t fuck worth a shit no way.”
“You a
bitch ass nigga for real. And you can’t take dick. Fuck you!” He climbed out
and slammed my door.
I watched
him as he stomped his way over to his car and left the parking lot. After
collecting myself, I started my car up and left. As I drove to the apartment I
shared with two of my teammates, I thought about my recent behavior. I don’t
know why I was wanting a boyfriend so bad. It was risky. I would definitely
have to trust him and hope that he wouldn’t one day out me if things didn’t
work out. My situation with Dezmond wasn’t threatening because he was a
football player like me; therefore, he’d be outing himself if he ever said
anything to anyone about us. I did feel bad for how I did him but I owed it to
myself to strive for an actual relationship with somebody who respected me as
much as I respected him.
So when I
got to the apartment complex, I was happy to see neither of my teammates’ cars parked
out front. I figured they probably both went to the gym after practice.
However, when I stepped into the apartment, I was surprised to see Shaad
sitting in the living room playing Madden
NFL 17 on the PlayStation 4. Rashaad Salaam was our team’s best wide receiver
and was one of my closest friends on the team. I was surprised by him being
there because his black Toyota Land Cruiser wasn’t parked out front.
He noticed
me walk in and said, “Wassup Ellis.”
Rashaad “Shaad” Salaam
“Wassup Shaad,”
I said back before closing the door. “How are you here but you’re Land Cruiser
ain’t?”
“I let
Keyshia drive it to her Delta Sigma Theta meeting.”
“Oh, okay.”
I sighed and began making my way towards the hall.
“Yo, hold
up.” He paused the game. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Huh?”
“Why you
look so upset?”
“It’s
nothin’. I’m just tired.”
“It’s about
Dezmond, ain’t it?”
Okay, when
he asked me that I swear my whole body locked up for a quick second. I laughed
nervously and asked, “What makes you say that?”
“He barely
passed the ball to you in practice today. And both of y’all been actin’ weird
lately.”
“Nah, we
cool. I mean he does need to hand the ball to me a little more but we cool.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah,
bruh. It’s all good.” I waited until he resumed the game before I turned and
headed to my room.
After
closing the door, I tossed my duffle bag over near the closet and then
collapsed on my bed. I looked at my phone to see Dezmond had texted me eleven
times already. He’d forgotten that he’d called me a bitch just that fast. I
wanted to text him back to get him to stop, but I honestly didn’t feel any
different than I’d been feeling. I was over him. If we had something special to
begin with then it would’ve been worth fighting for. He texted me a record
twelfth time without me responding and that’s when I decided to just turn my
phone off. Almost immediately after I turned it off, there was a knock at my
bedroom door.
“It’s me,”
Shaad said from out in the hallway. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” I
called out.
He opened
the door and stepped into my room before asking, “You wanna go get somethin’ to
eat? The fridge is empty and I know you’re hungry.”
I laughed a
little and told him, “Yeah, let me take a quick shower and put on some clothes
first.”
Even though
I was close friends with Shaad, I never let him know about me. And it wasn’t
because I thought he’d out me or anything like that. I never told him because I
figured since he came from that whole Nation of Islam background that he was
most likely extremely homophobic. He was a cool down to earth dude and I’d
never seen him get upset by anything before, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t
homophobic. I always kept my front up whenever I was around him. I made sure
not to even look at him a certain way.
We headed
to Zaxby’s in my car to get some food but when we got there, he insisted on
getting the food to go. I didn’t have a problem getting the food to go so I
didn’t question why he didn’t wanna eat in the restaurant. I don’t know what it
was but I kept getting this weird vibe from him. Usually he’d be going on and
on about his girlfriend Keyshia but he’d only brought her up once that day when
he told me she had his car. I would soon find out why—like me—he wasn’t himself
that day.
“Why you
wanted to bring the food back here?” I asked him while we were eating in the
kitchen together.
“So we
could talk in private,” he replied.
The moment
he said that, I tensed up. I took a quick sip from my cup of Sprite and then
asked, “What we need to talk about in private?”
“You and
Dez.”
“Huh? What
about us?”
“El, you
don’t gotta lie to me. I know.”
“You know
what?”
“That you
and him are…together.”
My heart
was pounding in my chest but I was playing it off. I chuckled and lied, “Man, I
don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He took a
deep breath and sighed before revealing, “Last Tuesday after practice I came
back here and realized I left my phone in the locker room. So I drove all the
way back to campus and…”
“You saw
us?”
“I didn’t
mean to walk in on it. I grabbed my phone and jetted.”
I couldn’t
believe what was happening. My biggest fear was having somebody else find out
about me and Dezmond, especially somebody like Shaad. Me and Dezmond mostly
jacked off together that day in the locker room so I tried to come up with a
bullshit excuse to give Shaad. “We just jacked off together. That’s it.”
“But y’all
were kissing and he had his finger in your…”
“Damn, what
all did you see?”
“Enough to
know y’all just wasn’t catchin’ a nut together.”
“Oh my
God.” I fell back in my chair and covered my face with my hands.
“El, I’m
not gonna tell anybody. You know I wouldn’t do that.”
“I told him
not to start no shit in the locker room. He kept sayin’ the possibility of
gettin’ caught turned him on. I can’t believe this!”
“Man, it’s
okay.”
“How the
fuck is okay, Shaad? You probably lookin’ at me as a fag now. This is gonna
change everything on the field. We’re gonna start missin’ plays and shit and…”
He reached
over and touched my hand while staring into my eyes and said, “El, it’s okay.
This doesn’t change anything, at least not for the worst.”
“What do
you mean?”
“I know you don’t think that you and
Dez are the only niggas on the team that get down.” He laughed. “Bruh, you
don’t even know the half.”
[Disclaimer]:Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.
I knew the
moment I returned to North Carolina from college that Drevonn would want to see
me. He was going to be home for a month before having to return back to Alabama
for football summer training, so we were supposed to be spending that time
together as much as possible. Although I did miss him, my attitude towards our
relationship had changed. While I was in Maryland for college, I met this
openly gay guy named Reggie and we really clicked. We had absolutely everything
in common and like me, he was vers. So, we developed this friendship that
turned into a sexual relationship and by the end of freshman year, we caught
feelings for each other. A part of me felt like shit for cheating on Drevonn,
but I actually didn’t see a difference between what I did and what he always
did when he’d have sex with girls to keep up his reputation. I’d soon find out
that it was much deeper than that.
“Dre, I am
tired,” I said over the phone to Drevonn. “I worked all day today at the mall.”
“You’ve
been back all week and I ain’t seen you once,” he said back on the other end.
“Come on, Kel. I thought we were gonna spend time together, boo?”
“We are. I
just…I feel like we’ll have plenty of time to be together.”
“See, you
say that now and then the next thing I know I’m goin’ back to Alabama without
gettin’ some ass from my boo.”
I laughed
and asked, “Is that all you think about?”
“Yes. You
know I love the way that booty grip my dick. I can’t wait to shoot my babies
all in that pretty ass. I’ma get you pregnant this summer.”
I laughed
again and told him, “Boy, you are so crazy.”
“I’m at the
park up the street from my house. Ain’t nobody out here. Drive out this way.”
“So, we’re
gonna have sex in the park now?”
“Nah, I
just wanna see you.”
“I don’t
know.”
“Come on,
Kellan. Please.”
I thought
about it for a little while before telling him, “Alright, but we’re just gonna
talk. I need to talk to you about some stuff anyway.”
“Cool. Wear
one of them cutoff tops that show off your cute stomach. I love that shit.”
“Okay,
baby.”
“Love you.”
“I love
you, too, Drevonn.” I ended the call and went over to my dresser to pull out
some clothes to throw on since I was lying around in my underwear and a tank
top. I grabbed one of my crop tops and a pair of shorts and put them on.
Me (Kellan Moore)
My
relationship with Drevonn Simms started during our eleventh-grade year. He’d
been throwing hints whenever we were around each other and taking up for me
whenever the other football players called me a fag, but it wasn’t until the
eleventh grade that he finally told me he liked me. It was on a cold night
after a football game in October when he offered to give me a ride home because
I was walking by myself. Instead of taking me home, he parked the truck in a
Burger King parking lot and told me he’d been thinking about me a lot and that
even though he didn’t consider himself gay, he wanted to be my boyfriend. It
was cute and confusing all at the same time and I was a virgin looking for my
first boyfriend, so I gave in.
As I headed
to the park to meet up with him, I thought about how I was going to tell him
that I’d started something with someone else. I didn’t want to hurt him but I
kept telling myself that he’d understand. He had sex with so many girls and
talked to girls on his Instagram all the time. We did have a conversation
before going off to college but it was pretty much one-sided. He didn’t want to
classify his sleeping with random girls as cheating because he was only doing
it to keep people from knowing he was with me. I didn’t even bring up the fact
that I felt like I should’ve been able to see other guys. We’d argued before
and I have hit him before but he’s never hit me. I was a little scared that if
I told him about Reggie he’d knock me out or something.
“Damn, I
missed you,” he said while hugging me. “I can’t believe we ain’t seen each
other since Christmas.” He kissed the side of my face as he kept his arms
wrapped around me.
Drevonn Simms
“I missed
you, too,” I told him before finally pulling back.
He looked
me up and down and said, “Look at them sexy long legs. I missed yo tall ass,
boo. Almost the same height as me, damn.” He put his hand on my ass and started
feeling on it.
“Dre, I
thought we were gonna talk?”
“We are but
damn, you know I had to feel on that ass.”
“I’m sure
you’ve been smacking your teammates’ asses all the time.”
“That ain’t
the same. My tongue ain’t never been up in they booty like it’s been in yours.”
He grabbed my hand and said, “Come on, let’s go talk in my truck.”
We went
over to his truck and climbed inside together. Immediately, he started kissing
and touching on me. I gotta admit, it felt good as fuck and my dick was getting
hard. I could feel how much he missed me in his kisses. Still, he needed to
know the truth and even though I hated to ruin the mood, I had to be honest. So
I put my hand up to his mouth to keep him from kissing him and told him
bluntly, “I’ve been seeing somebody else.”
He smiled
for a second and asked, “What you mean?”
“Dre, I met
somebody at Calhoun University.”
“You mean
like a friend or somethin’?”
“No, more
than that.”
“You went
out on some dates with him because you were bored? Was it like that?”
“No. Dre,
we had sex a few times.”
When I told
him that, he gasped a little before asking, “You cheated on me?”
“Not really.
I mean, you have sex with girls all the time.”
“That’s
different, Kellan!”
“How? Are
you or are you not fucking them?”
“I don’t
care about them. I don’t love them. Fuck, Kel! I can’t believe you would do
some shit like this!”
“I knew
you’d get mad.”
“Yeah,
because this is fucked up. I don’t fuck bitches just because I want to. I do it
so I can keep playin’ football and so nobody won’t get suspicious.”
“You’re
bisexual, Drevonn. I know you’re attracted to those girls they give you
something that I can’t.”
“You think
this is because you don’t have a pussy? Kellan, I love you! I don’t love
anybody the way I love you, bae. You know that. So, you need to call that nigga
you met at Cal U and tell him you got somebody.”
“No.”
“What?”
“I’m not
doing that. If you’re gonna keep messing around with girls then I’m gonna keep
seeing Reggie.”
“You keep
seein’ him and I might just pop up at Cal U next semester and snap his neck.”
“Drevonn,
this isn’t fair. I’m supposed to just sit and wait for you while you’re
constantly having sex with girl after girl?”
“Are you
only with me for the sex?”
“What? No.”
“Then you
don’t have a point.”
“I don’t
have a point? You cheat on me all the time!”
“Nigga, it
ain’t cheatin’! Fuck, I swear you about to make me…”
“What? You’re
gonna hit me?”
He calmed
down and admitted, “I don’t like that you were with somebody else because I was
your first and your only.”
“You can’t
be serious.”
“I am
serious, Kel. Now, you need to cut ol’ boy loose because I’m your boyfriend,
not him.”
“Well,
maybe I want a boyfriend that can be with me all the time and not just some of
the time. Maybe I want somebody who will be with me and only me.”
“You don’t
think I want that? Baby, football is payin’ for me to go to school. You think I
wanna go pro and shit? I don’t. I just wanna go to school and get my degree. It
ain’t forever. Me and you, we’re forever. But I can’t be cool with you lettin’
some other nigga fuck you.”
“He doesn’t
just fuck me. I fuck him, too.”
“So, that’s
what this is about?”
“No, but it
does make me more compatible with him.”
“I can’t
believe you right now. I really can’t.” He shook his head and asked, “So, you
cheated on me…”
“I didn’t
cheat.”
“Yes you
did!”
“Well, then
that means you cheat on me, too. If you really want us to fix this then you
need to be real, Drevonn.”
“What do
you want me to do? Huh? You want me to come out and tell people that I’m bi?
You want me to give up football and college?”
“I want you
to be my boyfriend!”
“I am!
Damn, you really fuckin’ with my head right now! Shit!” He punched his steering
wheel, making his horn go off once. He calmed down again and asked me, “Do you
care about this other nigga?”
“Not the
way I care about you. But I’m not sure how much longer I can care about you
when you really don’t care about me.”
“Oh my God,
bruh.” He put his hands up to his face.
“Dre, I’m
not trying to be mean to you but…” I stopped when I heard him sobbing. “Drevonn,
are you crying?”
He turned
away from me and answered quickly, “No,” before sobbing again.
“Drevonn, I’m
honestly not trying to be mean right now. I just…I thought I could handle you
being with girls but I can’t. You’ve hooked up with so many of them, yet I get
with one other dude and you can’t handle it. Do you see how I feel?”
“It ain’t
the same yo!” He finally turned back to face me, showing the tears that were
streaming down his face. “But fuck it, you wanna dump me then go ahead. I don’t
care!” His voice cracked and he coughed a few times as more tears fell from his
eyes.
I’d be
lying if I said his crying wasn’t breaking my damn heart. I was still pissed at
him but I felt like shit for making him cry. I’d never seen him cry before so
it was a little overwhelming watching him break out into a full bawl. He said
something incoherent in between his sobs.
“What?” I asked
him.
“I said I think
I’m gonna throw up,” he said more coherently.
“Oh my God,
Drevonn. Take a deep breath and calm down.” I rubbed his back and offered, “I’m
sorry.”
“You don’t
say no shit like that to me, man. I do care about you. You don’t think I feel
guilty enough as it is? I can’t be like you, Kellan. I can’t be out and shit.
You don’t think I wanna tell the world that I love you?”
“I said I was
sorry. And I’m sorry if it seems selfish…”
“It is
selfish! I told you from jump how it was gonna have to be between us. I never
lied to you.” He wiped his tears and calmed back down before telling me, “I can’t
come out, Kel.”
“That’s not
what I want.”
“I can slow
down with the girls. I can try to do better, baby. I’ll work on all that just
please…” He got choked up again. “Kel, I’m beggin’ you. You know how I feel
about you. You got me cryin’ and shit. This shit ain’t fake. I’m damn near
about to throw up right now.”
I looked
away from him for a second and took a deep breath before looking back and
saying, “I just don’t know right now. Baby, I love you. I just don’t know if I can
keep putting myself through cycles of depression because I have to see you on
Instagram and Snapchat with random bitches all the time. I get so depressed
when I see that shit and when I’m with Reggie…”
“I don’t
wanna hear about him no more.”
“Drevonn,
when I’m with him I feel better. So, we need to renegotiate this whole thing.
If we’re really going to be together then both of us should be happy.”
“If you let
him fuck you again, then I’m not gonna be happy.”
“Well, I can’t
give you a definite answer on us then. I’m sorry.”
“You’re
gonna leave me over some stupid bitches that don’t even matter?” He tilted his
head back against his seat as tears fell from his eyes again.
Now tears
were filling my eyes and I could feel my breath shortening. I stared at him and
told him, “Sometimes, relationships go through different seasons, baby. Maybe
this is our off-season.”
He grabbed
his chest and continued to cry as he asked me, “What am I gonna do without you?
You’re the only person that knows me.”
“And you’re
the only person that knows me inside and out, Drevonn. I feel like you’re my
soulmate but at the same time, it’s like you don’t belong to me. Do you know
how fucked up that feels?” I wiped my tears and calmed myself before
continuing, “I love you and this isn’t a breakup. I promise you it isn’t. Maybe
with a break, we can reevaluate this whole thing. We need to step back before
making any major commitments because making a commitment is supposed to be
forever and we’re not ready for that yet. Clearly, we’re not ready for it.”
After
almost an hour of crying with him and reassuring him that everything was going
to be okay, we had emotional sex in the cab of his truck. I didn’t look at it
as pity sex or goodbye sex, it was more like making love to my boyfriend who
was going to continue being my boyfriend even though we were going to be on
break. I had no intentions of getting serious with Reggie, but I was going to
keep dating him and having sex with him. But my heart belonged to Drevonn.
“You know,”
he said to me as we put our clothes back on, “you’re still the only person I have
sex with without rubbers.”
“Same,” I said
to him, making us both laugh. “But seriously, when you go back to Alabama next
month for summer training, hook up with as many girls as you want.”
“Kel, baby,
no girl will ever compare to you. Never forget that you’re my first love, too. I
ain’t never said I love you to none of the girls I’ve been with. I’ve never
even had a girlfriend. But I love you enough to respect you. I’m pissed and I’m
probably gonna cry about this whenever I’m alone, but I can’t do nothin’ but
respect what you want. I’m the one that fucked up.”
“Drevonn,
no…”
“Nah, it’s
my fault. I know it is. I can admit that. But boo, I don’t care how long it
takes, I will make this right. It’s like you said, our relationship has seasons
and we’re in an off-season right now. I’m gonna have to deal with you bein’
with that other nigga. I’m gonna have to trust that you won’t get serious with
him. I’m not gonna make you make me a promise but I do want you to know that I don’t
blame you and I’m not mad at you.”
“We can
check-in after the summer and during each break throughout semesters.”
“Check-in?”
“Yeah, talk
over the phone or some other way to make sure we’re both still on the same page.”
“Okay, I’m
cool with that.”
“I also
want you to call me anytime you feel like you really need to talk to me. I don’t
care how late at night it is, Dre, call me.”
“Okay.”
I finished
getting dressed before saying, “I better get home. I need to soak in the tub
with some Epsom salt after taking that dick with just spit as lube. Got me all
sore.”
He smiled
and said, “I’m sorry, boo.”
“Yeah, sure
you are. You didn’t nut in me like you were sorry. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Baby,
wait.” He grabbed my hand and placed something in it.
I looked
down to see it was his high school class ring. I looked back into his eyes and
asked, “Why are you giving me your class ring?”
“I want you
to keep it.”
“Drevonn, I
can’t keep this. It’s important.”
“You’re
more important. Give it back to me when the time is right. It’ll be somethin’
for you to remember me with so that you’ll know I’m always thinkin’ about you.”
“And what’s
going to make you think about me?”
“Kel, you’re
gonna be on my mind every single second you’re not physically with me. I can
promise you that, boo.” He leaned over and kissed my lips for a few seconds
before pulling back and telling me, “Go on ahead and get your cute ass out my
truck before I change my mind.”
I giggled
and told him, “I love you.”
“I love you
more. Goodnight, baby.”
I climbed out of his truck and went
back to my car. We both drove away from the park in opposite directions. It
wasn’t until I was home in the tub that I finally allowed myself to let it all
out. I cried harder than I’d ever cried in my life. Still, a part of me was
happy. We’d finally reached some form of an understanding and even though we were
taking a break from the relationship, it was something we were both willing to
give a try. One thing I finally knew for sure was that relationships could be
complicated. You honestly never know what season ends up changing everything, for
better or worse.
[Disclaimer]:Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.
And to
think it all started with me posting a pic on Instagram that late Friday night,
hours after the basketball game I’d attended with my friends. Well, Anquan had
been displaying what I’d heard my friends describe many times as classic DL
signs, but it wasn’t until I posted the pic that I got confirmation that he
actually was DL. He invaded my DMs just two minutes after I’d posted that pic;
which meant he was already stalking my shit that night. Our chat in the DMs
wasn’t long and his demands were direct.
Park at the stop sign up the street from his house.
Walk around his house using the side alley to the
abandoned house behind his house.
Come in through the back door of the abandoned house.
Take the stairs and enter the second door on the right.
I was told
by my friends that DL boys were paranoid as fuck but I wasn’t expecting to go
on some mission just to get some dick. However, it was my first time and there
was no way I could turn down having my cherry popped by Anquan Miller. The only
reason why I was the only one out of my group of friends holding onto my
virginity was because no boys ever hit me up. I guess that’s why I posted that
pic of myself. I was so glad it worked. My wait wasn’t in vain.
Me (Toby McCallister)
The
abandoned house—or bando as he referred to it—wasn’t that bad looking inside
and somehow the power was on. I was expecting a cold and disgusting place but
it was actually warm and decent in there. There was no furniture but the carpet
was clean and it didn’t smell bad at all. He had a light on upstairs but it
must have been a small light because it didn’t brighten the dark house too
much; only casting a little thin stream of light on the stairs. I followed the
light to the second door on the right like he’d said and noticed the door was
slightly open. I stepped inside and there he was sitting on a twin-sized memory
foam mattress on the floor in nothing but his underwear, black socks, an Under
Armour cap, and a blanket wrapped around him.
Anquan Miller
“Does
anybody know you came here, Toby?” he asked.
The streets
had a code and even though I respected that code, I had to do what I had to do.
When Trikk killed my brother, I went rogue. I knew that going after Trikk would
put my own boss in a world of trouble but I had to do it. My actions would
probably cause a new street war but I had no choice. Trikk ran the eastside and
my boss, Murda, ran the westside. They had a truce but that shit had been shaky
for a minute. So, I spent weeks planning on how to avenge my baby brother’s
murder. All of that planning went to waste when I learned something unknown
about Trikk.
Me (Sloan)
“Close the
fuckin’ door,” I said to Trikk’s trick. I could tell he was still in
shock from me being in the dressing room with my pistol aimed at him. He closed
the door and I quickly told him, “Put your hands on the wall.”
“What is
this about?” he asked. “Who sent you here?”
“Nigga,
either put your hands on the wall or I’m gonna have to splatter your brains all
over this mothafucka!”
“Okay,
okay.” He put his hands on the wall and looked at me without saying anything.
Cass
“Is anybody
else comin’ back here?”
“Not right
now. But the club is about to close so…”
“A’ight,
shut up. You need to get dressed and come with me.”
“Who are
you?”
“I’m the
nigga with the gun. You don’t need to know more right now. Get dressed.”
I stood
there and watched him change out of his stripper outfit, if it can even be
called that. Once he was dressed and had his stuff ready to leave, I put a
towel over my wrist to hide my pistol and pressed it to his back so that he
would know not to try anything. I was prepared to kill his ass if I had to.
Lucky for him, we made it out of the club without anyone noticing anything. We
made our way across the street to the parking garage where I’d parked my Dodge
Charger. I unlocked the doors with my alarm remote and made him get in.
“Are you
gonna kill me?” he asked before I could start the car.
“No,” I
answered. “Not if you do exactly what I need you to do.” I started the car and asked
him, “Does anyone live with you in your apartment on Ridgeview Street?”
“How do you
know where I live?”
I laughed a
little and admitted, “I know everything about you, Cassius Talbert. Everything.”
runner365always11.07.2020 - 7 monts ago
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