Okay no one on Tumblr that I’ve seen has been talking about the wine and cheese thing, but that means no one is reflecting on the absolute weapons-grade hilarity of Boris Johnson trying to inchworm his way out of trouble by claiming that he didn’t know about it
Like… that wine and cheese party was the Downing Street works Christmas do. Not just any old social, the Christmas social. There were invitations. There was music. Every single worker in Downing Street was invited, even Debbie from accounts. People who didn’t work there but were important to the government got invited.
And Boris is therefore claiming that all his mates got together and had a party and DIDN’T INVITE HIM.
Not only that, but they deliberately kept it a secret from him, because no one wanted him there to ruin the party because no one likes him, and I just…
The key difference between Johnson and Trump always came down to this: Johnson wants to be liked. He genuinely does. Trump wanted to be respected and feared and obeyed, he wanted to be seen as powerful and suave and cool. But he didn’t care about how liked he was. Johnson, though, really fucking does. He’s a deeply pathetic little twat, and he wants people to like him.
So, his choices currently are
- Tell everyone in the country that his own friends and coworkers actually cannot stand him, to the point that they arranged an entire Christmas party without him
- Admit that he was there and immediately be hated by literally every single human being in the country, including his own voters (hello North Shropshire), because while the rest of us spent Christmas 2020 in a lockdown and unable to see each other and in many cases literally alone, him and his mates held an illegal Christmas party that the police are refusing to investigate
His popularity is now nosediving in the polls, and it really cannot be stated how much that will be burning him.
Also, pro-Brexit Tories are even pissed off with him now. Which is a bit like someone buying a cake called a pus cake with pictures of pus all over the box and a warning sign that says This Cake Contains Pus and Other Bodily Fluids, and then crying because when they tried to eat the pus cake they found it was filled with pus. But also really funny.
Anyway, I’m placing the bet now: we will see a vote of no confidence, OR he’ll jump before he has to experience that (because it would kill him), and our next PM will be Rishi Sunak
And don’t forget
THEY HAD THIS PARTY IN THE HOUSE HE LIVES IN!
He’s trying to claim that all his friends and colleagues hosted a party IN THE HOUSE HE LIVES IN while he was upstairs apparently totally oblivious!
He really thinks we’re that stupid to believe that a party could be happening literally TWO FLOORS BELOW him and he not know?
Omg omg I forgot that part and you are so right
They had a secret Christmas party that was so big that they were sending out invites to non government members which they didn’t want him at, so they… what, had his mistress drug him with hefty amounts of antihistamines? He went out for the evening (also illegal at the time) and they partied hard on cheese and wine for precisely two hours and 46 minutes, then everyone went silent and snuck out when he came back?
A whole team of cleaners had to tiptoe about for four hours so they wouldn’t wake up the clown upstairs.
What a cover story.
Okay well this story has… Wow.
So, let’s update for those who don’t know. Bear with me, I may get a couple of dates slightly wrong. First, shout out to the incredible investigative journalism and absolutely chessmaster-level shrewdness of Pippa Crerar for both digging up this story and for picking precisely the right moments to release it, morsel by morsel, to bring down Boris Johnson and possibly the whole damn government.
So after Johnson claimed he didn’t know about it, then the Mirror published photos showing he was there and hosted a quiz. So, undeniable, Boris was at the Christmas party.
The Metropolitan Police declare that, even though they are investigating and fining people up to £12,000 a pop for lockdown parties, and doing so is literally their job, they will not investigate the government because “there isn’t enough evidence”. ACAB etc
Then, the Guardian reveals photos of Boris Johnson, his mistress, and Dominic Cummings eating cheese and drinking wine in the sun (with others around them) in the Downing Street garden, not allowed at the time (we were literally not allowed to leave home at the time). That day, Matt Hancock urges people not to have cheese and wine parties in their own gardens in spite of the nice May weather.
Then the Mirror reveals that there was actually another whole ass party - in May 2020, where 30 gathered in the garden of Downing Street (at the time we were not allowed more than 2 households meeting outside). Boris denies that it was a party, and claims it was merely a weirdly well catered work event that included his gin-drinking mistress and baby for some reason.
Then, the invites to the party were leaked by ITV. Turns out, 100 people were invited “to make the most of the lovely weather.” It also told attendees to “bring their own booze.”
Then an inquiry begins, carried out by Sue Gray. She is in fact a member of Number 10 staff, but no idea how independent she’ll actually be one way or the other. Either way, the police are still literally refusing to investigate so lmao that’s what we’ve got. She did get Damien Green fired for that porn thing, though, so that’s encouraging.
Then this week, Johnson goes on Prime Minister’s Questions. He sort of apologises, and claims that he was only there for 25 minutes but implies he then left because it felt more like an illegal social than the work event he was expecting, which is interesting, since his mistress was necking gin next to him the whole time. He should have just asked her, like. She could have clarified.
Then the Times reveals a source at the party who says that no, Boris stayed WAAAYYYY longer and spent his time wandering around and ‘gladhanding’ people (side note, posh people have weird words).
Then yesterday, even though we now have evidence and a confession of criminality, the Met Police announce that they will not investigate unless/until the Gray Inquiry finds evidence of criminality, which is just…an astonishingly open display of corruption, really. A real quiet-part-loud moment.
THEN, within hours, it’s revealed that there were ANOTHER TWO PARTIES, except… Okay you’re going to want to sit down, because shit hit the fan yesterday.
These two parties happened on the day of Prince Philip’s funeral last year, aka Put Philip In The Floor Day. At the time, restrictions meant just 30 people could attend that funeral.
Which means, the Telegraph ran this headline and image:
I know we all hate the royals on Tumblr, but you have to understand just how hard that headline, and that image, and that message, hits British society. The Queen, beloved monarch, “forced to grieve alone” while the government danced and drank the night away. You cannot imagine how much power that image holds. You cannot begin to imagine the social power of it.
Boris Johnson can. He was polling only one point above Theresa May’s all time low within the hour. That is a devastating popularity drop for the man who needs to be loved, who came to power on a cult of personality.
So, he went on PMQs again, to apologise to Lizzie Two. It’s a really funny apology because he kind of can’t apologise without admitting it and there’s an enquiry going on so it’s real vague, but he does cop to the parties on Put Philip In The Floor Day. Keir Starmer, in a rare display of actually providing some opposition, put the boot in quite nicely:
Well, there we have it. After months of deceit and deception, the pathetic spectacle of a man who’s run out of road.
His defence, that he didn’t realise he was at a party, is so ridiculous that it’s actually offensive to the British public.
He’s finally been forced to admit what everyone knew that when the whole country was locked down, he was hosting boozy parties in Downing Street.
Is he now going to do but decent thing and resign?
Which brings us to today! How is the Prime Minister coping with the situation?
Well, according to a leak from the Independent, he literally spent today working out which senior officials he can force to resign and take the blame in order to save himself in a move that he, a grown man who has fathered six or possibly seven children who is Prime Minister of the country, is without irony calling, and I am not making this up…
Operation Save Big Dog.
Big Dog is him. He is Big Dog. He has called himself Big Dog. He chose to call himself Big Dog.
Except, the Independent leaked it, as I say, so now he looks EVEN WORSE.
The Mirror’s front page for tomorrow is revealed.
They have a photo of a wine fridge (capable of holding up to 34 bottles of wine) being delivered to Number 10.
Because, they reveal, these parties were not special events only.
Downing Street has been holding what they called Wine Time Fridays every week during the pandemic. They used to hold them before as well; but apparently, they’ve been particularly popular during lockdown.
Current polling as of 14th January 2022:
Those figures would translate to the Tories losing over 126 seats. Labour’s largest lead since Tony Blair.
Side note to finish off for now:
Interesting how we now know a good 100 people who was at those parties, complete with photos, and yet Rishi Sunak is not in any of them. One might almost call it suspicious. And wonder at who the main source is.
Jiang Cheng and Nie Mingjue are giggling when they stumble through the door. There’s nothing even remotely funny about the situation, except that they are together and happy and just drunk enough to find it funny.
“Your brother’s parties are dangerous,” Jiang Cheng says, clinging to Nie Mingjue’s arm when he stumbles and it makes Nie Mingjue laugh again.
“They are,” he agrees with a groan and steers them towards the couch where he promptly sits down, resting his head against the backrest. “I’m so tired,” he whispers and Jiang Cheng giggles again, even though there’s still no reason for it.
“It’s almost three am, of course you’re tired,” he says between his chuckles and sits down next to Nie Mingjue, completely pressed to his side and throwing his legs over Nie Mingjue’s lap.
Now that they are sitting down, exhaustion hits him and Jiang Cheng blinks slowly.
“We should go to bed,” he slurs out, as much impacted by the alcohol as by his tiredness and Nie Mingjue hums.
“You know what we should do?” he asks and puts his arm around Jiang Cheng.
“We should marry,” Nie Mingjue says again and despite the way it makes Jiang Cheng feel warm down to his bones he frowns.
“We’ve only been together for seven months,” he argues but it’s mostly because he feels like he has to.
“So what. You’re practically living with me anyway and I don’t see myself ever dating anyone else. Do you?” Nie Mingjue asks him and Jiang Cheng shakes his head even as he pats Nie Mingjue’s chest.
“We should not make decisions while drunk,” Jiang Cheng says and channels his sister’s voice of reason.
“True. So marry me in the morning,” Nie Mingjue whispers, clearly already half asleep and Jiang Cheng nods.
He would marry Nie Mingjue in a heartbeat, drunk or not, and that’s his last thought before he, too, falls asleep.
Jiang Cheng wakes up to a splitting headache and lips pressed to his forehead.
“Marry me,” Nie Mingjue mumbles, and Jiang Cheng snorts, not caring that his head feels like it’s exploding.
“You’re still drunk,” he accuses Nie Mingjue who promptly waves a cup of coffee under Jiang Cheng’s nose.
“I am no such thing,” he corrects him when Jiang Cheng almost yanks the cup out of his hands.
“Are you sure?” Jiang Cheng asks between sips and when Nie Mingjue also puts a painkiller into his hand, Jiang Cheng sighs contentedly.
“You’re the best and I love you.”
from Drum: Sex in Perspective pub. 1966
[ID: New York. New York City: Scrawled on a poster in the subway: “My mother made me a homosexual.” Comment scribbled underneath: “If I sent her the wool, would your mother make one for me?” /end ID.]
finally someone has something worthwhile to say
Ok, for the ask thing, I know you’re mostly a precious bean but I also know from some of your work stories that you are for sure a vague gremlin. And I adore you for all of it. ❤️
ehehehe vague gremlin 9-5, precious bean outside working hours 😎✌🏼
So, your usual (??? nothing usual about this novel) update about the most fucked up het OTP it is my pleasure to read about.
Su Su told Tantai Jin she wanted to be his empress - she did so because no way he would trust that she genuinely cared for him and this is something he can both understand and find safe. And you know what is insane?
Tantai Jin genuinely believes he doesn’t love Su Su (he has a fit when someone suggests he likes her), he genuinely believes if he marries her it will destabilize the country AND prevent him from conquest AND prevent him from cultivating immortality and he agrees anyway.
And Su Su’s main thought is “good, my pearls are closer to magic tears and I will be able to take him down.” And as the novel says, when he made her kill Xiao Rin, the pity and unwilling liking she felt towards him and reluctance towards her mission disappeared. There is a moment when he does something she doesn’t like (I honestly don’t even remember what) and she looks at him and thinks (since he’s becoming more human and she will be able to remove his devil bone and turn him into an ordinary vulnerable mortal), “in a 100 years, this will just be a pile of bones” (so 500 years in the future when she returns he won’t be around) and it’s so shockingly, ruthlessly COLD and I live for it!
And yet the novel doesn’t really ever forget Tantai Jin is a monster who is well deserving of Su Su’s actions. He’s been abused his whole life, but that is an explanation not an excuse - he’s a truly awful person. There is a scene where he thinks she left and he starts shooting to kill into a crowd of his citizens because it knows it will bring her to his side. And he feels no emotion towards anyone but Su Su.
And yet. And yet. She’s supposed to embroider some item to wear for the wedding and she’s a terrible embroiderer who doesn’t hide it (she’s a warrior and it’s made clear over and over she doesn’t have any typical feminine skills) and is all “we can have embroidery office do it”) and he snarls but later she finds that item exquisitely embroidered for her by him. And monster or not, it is profoundly sad that he is more able to believe she wants a title than that anyone can genuinely love him. The amount of disinterested kindness he received from anyone in his entire life could probably measure in under two hours.
I am so fascinated where the drama will go with this story tbh. Because I am sure they will soften him a lot (and/or, if I am right and there is a supernatural explanation why he was born different, put it front and center as justification) and that’s fine but they are gonna have to tread a fine line to then not make him merely a tragic woobie because then Su Su’s actions become inexcusable (unless I suppose they will go for tragic lovers.)
Oh, and it’s official I loathe Ye Bingshang, Su Su’s half sister. Not for anything she’s done to Su Su, she’s barely done anything to her. But because she supposedly married Xiao Rin for love. Xiao Rin, who was gallant and loved her and protected her with his life and had no other wives and concubines. And she happily married his murderer and is currying favor with him without thinking about her dead husband for a second. Su Su, who never felt anything more for Xiao Rin except purely platonic liking and admiration for his heroic spirit, has mourned him 100x more than she has. GROSS GROSS GROSSSSSS!!!!
ETA: Haven’t checked it so not sure proper translation or MTL but look what I found: https://www.readwn.com/novel/black-moonlight-holds-the-be-script.html
Did I mention that at one point, Su Su comes in to see people scrubbing blood off the floors and Tantai Jin tells her “Minister X told me I could marry you only over his dead body. So I killed him. For you.”
My my, what a big, hard sword you have, Tantai Jin!
Only because I want to see more LYX on my dash.
If this is how CWN would look like if he took the flower I am about this life
Somewhere in my notes in the last few days I saw someone add some tags that I’ve been thinking about ever since. I wish I could find them again (or that I’d just saved their post at the time) because I think they made a lot of sense.
They were talking about how fanfic is becoming more and more mainstream while still remaining largely transgressive. It’s such an interesting dichotomy to think about!
On the one hand, you have sites like AO3 and realities like widespread high speed internet access being more and more accessible to larger and larger groups of people. This makes it incredibly easy for anyone at all to find and read fanfic.
On the other hand, you have the roots of fanfic. It was born out of marginalized groups such as women, people of colour, and members of the queer community deciding to take the stories that had been aimed at a largely male, white, heterosexual audience and inverting them into something they could enjoy and relate to. To this day, fanfic is a place where people write the kinds of stories that don’t get made into movies and TV shows. The kinds of stories that don’t get published or end up on the New York Times bestseller list.
Fanfic used to be written and shared in secret. People used to hide it. People still do hide the fact that they read or write it. But it’s becoming something that more and more people are becoming more and more aware of.
So now there’s a spotlight starting to shine on fanfic. People who aren’t looking for transgressive works are finding them where they always were. People who think the status quo is fine are getting upset when they enter a place where the status quo is constantly being upended.
The tags on that post that I can’t find made the point that popular media is curated and sanitized and stripped of most of its controversy in order to appeal to the widest possible audience. But that also makes that audience expect all media to be curated and sanitized in the same way. When they encounter the messy, controversial, ugly, radical, difficult things that people write in fanfic, they’re unprepared.
Fanfic isn’t big media. Fanfic authors aren’t being edited and filtered and polished - and nor are their works. The clash between the expectations of people new to fanfic and accustomed to popular media and the realities of what fanfic is and what it’s being written for - that’s part of this struggle that fandom is going through right now. It’s been going on since the beginning of course, but it’s getting louder every year.
I’m still thinking my way through this, but it really does make a lot of sense to me. If those were your tags, please let me know so I can credit you with the ideas at the core of this post.
And if you have any ideas for how we as fans can better introduce the newbies to the culture and expectations in fandom, I’d love to hear it. The better we can guide people into our space, the better they’ll fit in when they join it.
shang qinghua can juggle and this captivates liu qingge. he won’t leave sqh alone he’s like showing up in the middle of the night going ‘can you throw those oranges in a circle again. for my personal enrichment.’ it also captivates luo binghe but he acts normal about it until he’s invited for dinner at the northern palace and he’s like ‘hey mobei-jun can your husband throw some oranges in a circle for us (asking as your overlord)’ and mbj just sighs and goes ‘qinghua. throw the oranges in a circle for the demon lord.’ sqq cannot juggle though.
“It’s not that wet”
This cat strikes me as both fascinated by the sensation of the rain - the smell, sound, and feel of it - and completely mortified by the fact that it comes with being wet
This cat is like “I am enjoying approximately 75% of this experience but I’m not sure if it’s worth that other 25%”
Tada!! The three Tang Dynasty versions of Mulan!
Because why not? Which is your favorite?
(And I know she also has a third blue & red outfit but it would most likely be a variation on one of these outfits in those colors so… I decided against.)