If you haven’t heard by now, yes, I have been banned - specifically, for botting.
I don’t regret getting caught. I needed to be disciplined, because I couldn’t discipline myself. I regret that I needed to be disciplined in the first place.
To those of you who knew me, this probably comes as a bit of a shock, and I know that some of you have been trying to rationalize what you have heard. I’m very sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t deserve your faith in me. It probably wouldn’t surprise you when I say that when I first started this stupidity, it was so that I could buy things to gift other people, both anonymously and not anonymously. I rationalized that since I wasn’t trying to make a profit, that it was okay - and then conveniently didn’t think about it ever again in some kind of subconscious dismissal of the problem. Mistake number two (mistake number one being using a bot in the first place, of course).
I pride myself on my integrity - or rather, I did, since I’ve now well and truly proved to myself that I’m not nearly as honorable as I try to tell myself. Still, I think that even though it doesn’t make up for my actions, owning up to it is still better than just disappearing without a word, and letting people wonder, or leaving my friends to try and defend me in my absence.
My most beloved projects, the PSD Services thread and The Everlasting Memorial, have been taken up in new incarnations by bun and Calix respectively (I’m sorry, I don’t remember their IDs). Please give them any support you would have given me.
Now that there is no point in secrecy, I can tell you all that I was, indeed, the Aywas Fairy - and no, I didn’t do it to get praise and attention. I did it because there were people I wasn’t comfortable interacting with on a more personal level, since there are people who will consider small gifts as overtures of friendship, and I wasn’t really looking for that. I was and still am struggling with finding a balance between being friendly and having only a few close friends, as is my preference. So the Aywas Fairy was a way for me to distance myself and still send out small gifts to cheer people up whenever I could.
Staff has graciously closed my threads, cancelled my breedings, and contacted any users with outstanding commissions with me. If there are still things that have been left at loose ends, please contact a staff member, who will be more able to assist you than I.
Thank you for the fun times, the lessons, the friendships, and the experiences. I wish you all the best.
I would appreciate it if you didn’t reblog this to add commentary. I’ve made my public confession, and there’s no changing what has happened. All I can do is learn from this and reflect on how I need to change for the better.