i swear i have this curse where i ship the hopeless ships that will never be cannon
is it bad that i really ship mini and franky in skins?? i think not…
Hey everyone, it is with a very very heavy heart that I am letting you know that I will no longer be attending Clexa Con as a panelist/speaker, or at all. I received a message from one of the organizers today recanting their invitation. It is their belief, according to that message that my “vehement feelings” about Ben Bateman would present a problem at the convention based on the messages they’ve received from some fans/supporters.
That said, I would like to clear a couple of things up. I spoke a bit on twitter about the fandom’s praising of a straight, white ally over other members’ of the queer community. In short, I asked said ally - Ben Bateman - to perhaps spend some time propping up queer voices instead of only his own. His response was that he believed “what he had done so far” “elevated him” above the status of “straight white guy.” The next couple days were a bit of a whirlwind of tone policing on his part and demanding I speak to him more “respectfully” or “professionally” if he were to listen, despite my telling him that the true problem of his allyship was his inability to listen. The conversation about allies aside, some people in the community agreed with me, others were more angry. I’d like to make it clear that that’s okay. We should police and debate within our own movement and community. There is room for that.
It was that discussion that lead to me being doxxed, sent death threats and pleas to kill myself, and had my phone and apple ID hacked. Without a doubt, that was one of the most frightening things I’ve experienced in a long time. There’s something very unsafe about feeling like someone has gone through your things and has access to and shared your information. But I hoped at the very least, it sparked a conversation about the community’s attitude toward one another over the voices of straight men and allies. I hoped that all the negativity would shed some light on that attitude. At that same time, conversations were brought up about Clexa Con, as that was the same day that they had invited me. Many people were worried about me and Ben both being there, including the organizers. I spoke to one of the organizers, via twitter about this issue. I assured them that I certainly dod not have any problem with Ben being there and would not engage with him or let there be any problems. They even offered to schedule our stuff on different days so we wouldn’t see one another and I told them that would not be necessary, as we were both respectful adults. In that same exchange, I expressed my concern to them about a straight white male being given a position at a convention for a queer relationship, that should go to perhaps a young queer female journalist and they assured me that Ben would be speaking on a panel about allyship, monitored by a queer person, and that they would never prioritize the voice of an ally over the voices of members of the LBGT community. I felt really good about that and continued to plan enthusiastically for the convention. In the meantime, conversations re: Ben subsided and didn’t come up again.
Cut to today, I happened to make a tweet expressing my disapproval of the word “lesbro” and a call for people to stop using it. This kind of thing isn’t abnormal for my twitter. I’m always happy to engage in conversations about this sort of thing within other members of the LGBT community. Some of the same people who have been tweeting me hatefully since a few weeks ago came out of the woodwork once more to express their outrage that I was attacking Ben by telling people I don’t like the word lesbro. This was a general statement, about the word and about straight allies. But as it usually does, twitter set fire anyway.
Several minutes ago, I received a message from the con recanting my invitation as I explained in the first paragraph here. I have to say that I’m so disappointed and sad to not go but even more so, I’m angry. I’m angry that at every corner, speaking as a woman and as a queer woman is met with tone policing and that the voices of straight white men are always propped up as the examples of calm and rationality despite not having the same feelings to be angry over. We do have room for debate within this community and movement. We have room for discussions and opinions. The most important thing is that we do not elbow one another out of our own conversations and our own community. I am one queer woman with one opinion but it is baffling time and time again how scared fandoms, communities, and the rest of the world (but specifically this fandom/community) are threatened by a woman with an opinion.
I’m angry that this con promised this was not something they would do and yet did it anyway and I’m angry that once again, we are somehow prioritizing the voices/safety/comfort of straight people in queer spaces. I defended the convention more than once. I defended it to friends and other people in this industry and people who thought it was silly to have a whole convention dedicated to this. I expressed with pride how important something like this was, how much the fans needed it, and how great it would be to have everyone there to come together. I expressed to them how proud of the community I was and of Clexa’s fans I was to come together and create something so palpable and real, something that could be experienced as a group. I continue to believe those things and I continue to think it’s important that something like this exists. That said, I’m heartbroken, confused, and angry about what has become of what I thought this event would be. I had truly been looking forward to meeting all of you and I am so sorry that my own anger and my own emotions and frustrations ruined our chances to meet one another and share the many drinks I was promised and talk about things we all love and things we need to fight for. Once again, I hope, that if nothing else, this is at least an opportunity for us to continue to look toward change and toward empowerment, to prioritizing and uplifting and supporting the voices of our own community first and foremost, always. I want every one of you, whether you love me, hate me, or don’t have the slightest clue who this assistant girl is to know that I will never stop fighting for this community, for fellow queer women, for queer creators and writers, for angry women on the internet with something to say that straight white men don’t listen to. I will never stop asking better of myself and my community and I will never stop asking better of the rest of the world on our behalf. I can’t promise I will always do that politely. I can’t promise I will always hold back. I can’t promise that my passion, my anger, my self righteousness, and my emotions won’t often get the better of me. But I can promise I am one of you and I am with you no matter how many elbows I have to take or hands I have to hold to make that clear.
lexa dying affected me so much that i went months without logging onto this account
It’s true. Without Lincoln, all of the sky people would be dead by now.