Spoiler alert: adulthood is 96% of you going “well, I hope this is how it works and I’ll keep doing it till someone yells at me”
I like these posts because you read them as a teenager and you think, ‘surely these people are blowing it out of proportion’
AND THEN YOU REACH ADULTHOOD
And the other adults dont yell at you because they are all thinking, “well, she must know what shes doing cuz she keeps doing it”
And then suddenly something is on fire and you have to deal with it because you touched it last, and no one else knows what’s going on. And you realize… we’re really just children they trust not to explode each other.
“stop post+ from happening fill out this survey sign this petition do a log out protest” listen ive been here since 2011 that’s not how anything on this website works. whether or not you do these things post+ will stay, make little to no money for the website bc nobody uses it except self-important funnyman bloggers and instagram influencer wannabees, and slowly degrade as lack of maintinence from an underpaid staff brings it to complete obsolescence. Let nature run her course 😌
what if vampires are like mosquitoes and only the ladies drink blood
Pretty sure that would mean the fellas drink tree sap or something. Imagine running from a vampire thru the woods and passing her husband who’s biting a tree real hard
Maple syrup vampire husband
What does it take to teach a bee to use tools? A little time, a good teacher and an enticing incentive. Read more here: https://to.pbs.org/2mpRUAz
Credit: O.J. Loukola et al., Science (2017)
“Friend? Friend push ball? I push ball. I do good.”
Bees. Smart enough to push a ball, not smart enough to not be fooled by a stick masquerading as a bee.
maybe they know and they’re just being polite
Other dimensional beings are undoubtedly amazed at what human beings will accept as human beings too. “But it’s just a stick with a person on it.”
NEIL WHY. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT.
This turns up on my dashboard. And I read it and am impressed that someone writes exactly the post that I’d write, without actually reading the name of the person who posted it.
And then I’m puzzled at all the Neil Why’s, and realise that this was me in the Wayback Long-ago.
At least I’m consistent.
And, I should point out, we are no closer to being able to spot the extra-dimensional stick “people” who move unobserved among us.
tbh rather than existing bloggers turning their tumblr into a patreon my guess is that staff is trying to entice ~influencers~ to come here and honestly that’s so much worse
if any blue checks on twitter start promo-ing their new $3.99 tumblr account everybody better start getting real weird real fast. gonna need 5 human pet guy imitators discoursing about fallout, stat.
Tumblr equivalent to firing a few rounds every so often to keep the rent low
this was that tiktok i saw btw lol
I get the impression this is meant mainly for girls but this is a gift to gnc trans mascs
MOVE OVER BITCH IM TRYING TO STEAL THIER GENDER!!!
They haven’t even started serving h'ors d'oeuvres yet when Taako up and whisks Kravitz away from the ballroom. Kravitz lets himself be tugged out to a balcony, and watches with no small amount of amusement as his boyfriend shoos a halfling couple away with a flippant little twist of his wrist and a glare. They scowl, but leave without much argument, which is something of a relief; Taako looks about ready to start firing off spells.
When he turns back towards Kravitz, his expression softens into what can only be described as a pout. It’s ridiculous, given the situation, but Kravitz is charmed regardless. He reaches forward to pull Taako into the circle of his arms, and when Taako presses close he valiantly resists the urge to kiss him.
“Darling,” Kravitz starts.
Taako wraps his arms around Kravitz’s neck and glowers. “You—”
“Are you—don’t tell me you’re jealous?” Kravitz asks, trying not to smile.
“Wh—no, I’m not—why would I be jealous? Stop laughing!”
Kravitz does his best to school his face into neutrality. Judging by the look on Taako’s, he’s failed miserably.
“Sweetheart,” Kravitz says, “This was your idea. You asked me to come tonight, remember? What did you say again? You wanted me to—”
“Now, hold on a second—”
“—Put that charisma modifier to good use and bag you some, ah, how did you put it—‘GILF gold?’”
“I don’t really recall—”
“—asking me to ham it up for your investors? Really get in there with the old money and schmooze?” Taako groans. “I think that nice half-orc gentleman might fund half the scholarship himself, and we barely spoke. I thought I was doing quite a nice job.”
“You were,” Taako huffs. His earrings clink together as his ears twitch. “Old people fuckin’ love you, it’s nutso.”
“Well, I’m rather old myself. We have a lot in common.”
“Mm, y’all both like prune juice and bingo night, I got it.”
Kravitz raises a brow, amused. “So what’s the problem? Seems like everything’s going all according to plan. You looked like you were enjoying yourself when the party started.”
“That was before I realized everyone here was a fuckin’ cougar looking for their next sugar baby—”
“Love, I promise I’m not interested in going to the Moonshae Isles with Susan,” Kravitz says.
Taako throws his arms up. “She’s on the board of directors! She knows we’re together! She shouldn’t have asked!”
Kravitz presses his lips together to hide his smile. “Maybe she likes a challenge.”
At that Kravitz can’t help but laugh. He leans in to peck his terrible boyfriend on the cheek. It’s gratifying to feel Taako’s skin warm underneath his lips. “Very,” Kravitz promises, “which is why you don’t have to worry about anyone’s grandmother coming to steal me out from under your nose.”
“From under me, huh—”
“Now, that trust fund tiefling you were talking to,” Kravitz continues, “He was handsome. I wonder if I shouldn’t be worried myself—”
Taako rolls his eyes and leans in to kiss him.
My doggo, Ezri, who rarely barks and mostly borks.
When I got her, she’d been abused and would cower and pee at almost everything, and had been mistreated when she’d barked, so she never would. One day months after I had her she got excited on a walk and borked at a bird, and then immediately cower-peed. I had to re-teach her to bark by gathering her whole human pack and having everyone bark and howl and feed her treats and pet her till she got excited enough to join in, and then got more treats. Took a while but I was able to teach her to bork on command (and she’s gotta be excited or she just stares at me like “Sorry, the bork system needs charging”) and she’ll do it happily when she’s excited to go for a walk or upon seeing a friend, and at birds. I love her croaky borking, especially when she started off terrified of making a joyful noise.
What kind of dog is Ezri? I love her!!
I… did not expect this post to blow up this much but I am delighted at all the tags and replies and Ezri has been told the internet thinks she’s a Very Good Dog. :D
She’s a German spitz - in the same family as keeshonds and pomeranians. She might be crossed with something else as her freckled coat, non-pointy nose, and personality are not standard for her breed (they’re usually a lot more high energy and excitable - she’s super laid back and chill). She’s a bit less fluffy than breed-standard too, mostly because she’s grown out from her spring/summer trim (not usually necessary/good for her type of coat but she gets terribly itchy otherwise). It also makes her look like a puppy of a large breed:
Ezri’s best friend is Murder Cat, who is a gentle friend to humans and Ezri, but does things to mice that would make Hannibal Lecter go “Isn’t that a bit much?”
I got Murder Cat as a kitten, and she used to try to nurse on everything when she was small. Eventually, she settled on her favourite thing to nurse on, Ezri, who has never had puppies and a little confused at first but eventually went with it. She grew out of it, but they have stayed snuggly buddies ever since.
New Years here is full of fireworks outside and Ezri gets Vry Scared. I usually set her up somewhere with a snuggly spot right by me, and Murder Cat comes and does this all night:
She goes everywhere with me in my bakfiets (cargo bike) and lets me warm my hands in her fur on cold days.
And her ears disappear if I say her name to get her attention.
ok so great thanks for coming to my TED talk about my dog, good night, drive safe
Okay this might not be? Possible? Bc of canon. But… the soulmate prompts,,, “tell no lie” and Blupcretia
21. Tell no lie - it’s impossible to lie to your soulmate
“Why?” Fuck, Barry has never been so glad that they couldn’t lie to each other. Usually, it’s fine. Sometimes, it was an annoyance- for Lucretia, especially, when planning days for their lich ceremonies. They’d figure out ways around it, of course, mainly to hide surprises from each other.
Of course, one of the ways to hide it was to just not respond at all, so when Lucretia asked “why” and Lup didn’t say anything, Barry was already fumbling to get his glasses and sit up in bed. Lucretia clicked on the bedside lamp.
Lup was dressed, standing in the open doorway, umbrastaff at her hip. She was biting her lip, like she wanted to tell them, but didn’t, at the same time. Just a minute before, Barry had asked, still half-asleep, where she was going. She had said, “out” and left it at that.
“Lup,” Lucretia said. “Can you come sit and talk about it?”
“I really don’t want to,” Lup said. “I’d rather just go.”
“We won’t be upset or whatever,” Barry said. “But it’s- I’d feel better knowing where you’re going. That way if something, uhm. Breaks bad, then we can come after you.”
“It won’t,” Lup said. “Trust me.”
“We do, babe,” Barry said, at the same time Lucretia said,
“We do trust you.” Lucretia sighed, swinging her legs over the bed. Barry came forward to sit next to her, leaving a Lup-sized space between them, as always. “This has something to do with the relics, doesn’t it?”
Lup didn’t respond again.
“We don’t like it as much as you do,” Barry said. “I think it’d be a good idea to talk about what you want to do before you do it, though. I think we can both admit that this-” he took a side glance at Lucretia and then a deep breath, to steady himself. “This plan didn’t turn out the way we hoped.”
“We can make a better one,” Lucretia put in.
“Together,” Barry said.
Lup’s hand moved to the door handle. After a moment, looking between them and the hallway to the ship, she shut it soundly and come to sit in between them. They immediately wrapped their arms around her and Barry’s heart twisted in his chest hearing her start to cry.
the fact that in the truman show truman doesn’t know about the product placement is so funny. imagine you’re a coffee company and you spend thousands of dollars to have truman’s fake wife talk about how great it is and truman tries it and is like this coffee tastes like shit actually
the meaning of life is summed up in the story elmer bendiner tells about how when he was a pilot the second world war, his plane was hit with a barrage of anti-aircraft fire from the nazi forces but the crew survived. and how everyone was saying it was a miracle until they investigated the shells that got in the fuselage and found there was no explosive charges in any of them. in one they found a note scribbled in czech, written by the person who had been forced to manufacture the shells, and it just said ‘this is all we can do for you now’.
every time i see someone acting tough online about how harm reduction is pointless and in some convoluted way worse than doing nothing i think about that person in some soul-destroying nazi factory in occupied czechoslovakia removing all of the explosive charges from their anti-aircraft shells and writing a note that they must have known would probably never be read, just to say ‘this is all we can do for you, and we’re going to do it’. they are trying to make us kill you and we refuse. i do think that maybe it’s all going to be okay.
obsessed with the fact that loki in the series is literally avengers loki who just finished up doing a bunch of murder and evil then mobius snags him and he just fucking drops his edgy persona within like 48 hours. attacked the wholeass planet a couple days ago and now he’s like can you take me to dennys :)
loki before and after the dick made him go stupid