Can I vent? I was in an arranged marriage, and within the first week I wanted to call it quits because I didn't like the guy at all. He kissed me without my consent and it was really obv he was just h*rny the whole time. All he wanted to do was make out whenever we went on dates. In front of my family he's the nicest gentlemen, and no on believed me when I said I was traumatized from him. They thought I was being a B when I didn't want him to touch me. He would stalk me at work (1/?)
He would circle my workplace and beep repeatedly. Security wouldn’t let him in tho thank god. After a year and a half, my parents were fed up with my depression and eating disorder I developed, and agreed to let me call it quits with him even tho I begged them constantly to let me end it. They didn’t want to tarnish their reputation within the community. Toxic relatives from both sides think it’s my fault and throw shade at me for it bc everyone thought he was an angel. 2/?
I work in a toxic workplace too, but it’s heaven compared to my toxic home. I’m scared to let any male touch me now, I get so angry and defensive when they get near. I panic when I see a car in the street that resembles his, and I always have to read the license plate to make sure it’s not him. I panicked in a store once because I thought I heard his voice and I ran out. I’ve gotten assaulted for ignoring his calls, and his messages. He would make me call his parents and 3 sis every week 3/?
I hated him so much. I gave him everything back that he bought me ( never used or opened anything ) when we broke up, but he never gave anything back that I gifted him. Everyone gives me this look like.. it’s not pity but it’s mocking? They used to laugh and give me judging looks when I wouldn’t accept his hugs or kisses. He wanted to make out in public when we only knew each other for a week. I was grossed out of him. Disgusted and repulsed. I was never attracted to him 4/?
I did sit with him before our engagement and he was okay. You can’t really judge someone by talking to them 3 times. I only know someone when something bad happens , their true colors show. One day I woke up and everyone was congratulating me on being engaged when I never even said yes to my parents. My mom decided for me. My dad was actually a lot more supportive of my breakup than she was. I would complain to my mom constantly about him thinking she’d explain it to my dad too 5/?
Hi love, this is the last part I could find in my ask box so I’ll just reply to these if that’s okay.
First of all, I’m so terribly sorry for the traumatic events you went through. All of this happening is so not okay and I can only imagine how hard it is to go through life with so many reminders surrounding you. I’m very glad you got your father’s support and that you were able to leave this relationship, that’s a huge thing and unfortunately many people in abusive relationships aren’t able to.
Regardless of how people may treat you for having left and how they look at you and whatever their opinions are: they don’t have the slightest idea about how this marriage has been for you, and they obviously don’t know what a terrible creep he is, but if any of them had been in your position they most definitely wouldn’t have been able to handle the anxiety and the heartbreak that comes with it, not to mention the repercussions. I’m so proud of you for leaving and for continuing on, even if you’re scared. You’re still doing it and that’s such a large achievement.
If you feel overwhelmingly anxious because of this, and even if not, I do really advise you to reach out to a professional or perhaps someone who’s been through something similar. No matter how strong you are or how you’re handling it, you’ve been through something traumatic and in a way you still are, and you deserve help for that. Most of all you deserve to feel safer than this and happier than this and more resilient when it comes to the judgement and inconsiderate behavior of those around you. You deserve better.
I wish you so much joy and luck and health and recovery, and I believe in you.