every moment in time, every split second, every heartbeat and every breath and every blink, can be your new beginning. there’s no reason to wait. change starts when you decide you want it to happen.
you can be a good, considerate person and it won’t necessarily mean being quiet and obedient whenever that’s expected of you. sometimes you’ll find yourself in a situation where you have to speak up to be taken seriously, or a situation where you have to be nasty and rude in order to get someone to get their hands off of you or leave you alone or respect you / your body. you’re allowed to use your voice to protect yourself and you’re allowed to get mad.
〄 you were carved out of the sea, watermarked by your ancestry (watermark)
〄 i will soften every edge, hold the world to its best, i promise i’ll do better (light)
〄 you are loved, you are loved, more than you know. i hereby pledge all of my days to prove it so (light)
〄 i finally feel the universe expand, it’s hidden in heartbeats, exhales, and in the hope of open hands (five)
〄 i guess a part of him just couldn’t return, forgiveness is a lesson he cursed you to learn (uneven odds)
〄 maybe your light is a seed and the darkness the dirt, in spite of the uneven odds beauty lifts from the earth (uneven odds)
〄 i guess space and time takes violent things, angry things, and makes them kind (sun)
〄 make my messes matter, make this chaos count, let every little fracture in me shatter out loud (jupiter)
〄 let’s make a map of what matters most: where every fracture is a running river, leading us back to our golden coast (taste)
〄 you’re ready, born ready, and all you gotta do is put one foot in front of you. our ceiling is your floor, and all you gotta do is put one foot in front of you (daughter)
〄 but every sighting is proof, and every heartbeat proves it, too: that only love can change the shape of such permanent truths (no argument)
— my favorite lyrics in sleeping at last’s discography
do you ever look at strangers smiling or dancing or having fun and think “i love you”? or see someone bop their heads along with the music from their headphones and you just wish you could tell them how pretty they look doing just that? or feel your heart warm when you watch someone laugh really loudly and then think about them later that day, completely randomly? you’re a part of that, too. someone has kept quiet about how beautiful you are to them, has smiled at the thought of this complete stranger that made their day, has repeated a joke you made to someone they love. there’s a lot of quiet love and admiration and connection in this world and even if you think you don’t belong, you’ve always been and always will be a part of it.
slfcare :
you won’t be in this position for the rest of your life. you don’t have to be. make plans, be spontaneous, move away and find new career opportunities, and you’ll come to find out that there is no single right path for you. there are a million different things you can do, and a billion ways to live this life. you aren’t limited to the idea you have in your mind right now.
As a young adult who is constantly trying new things, this is extremely reassuring. I moved away from home and across the country for university, and that time away from home has given me the opportunity and room to flourish and grow. I am still discovering who I am and what I want. And I am thrilled to say, THAT IS OKAY!
you won’t be in this position for the rest of your life. you don’t have to be. make plans, be spontaneous, move away and find new career opportunities, and you’ll come to find out that there is no single right path for you. there are a million different things you can do, and a billion ways to live this life. you aren’t limited to the idea you have in your mind right now.
please keep in mind that learning is always a process. learning to draw, dance, play an instrument, but also learning to say no, learning to start conversations, learning to be more comfortable in your own skin. it’s great setting goals for yourself, as long as you allow yourself to get there gradually instead of immediately wanting to be the best at it (and setting unrealistic standards for yourself because of it). change is rarely a single moment during which everything suddenly shifts, but rather a period of time in which you learn and adjust and improve. you’ll get there, but you must give yourself time to do so.
your face has been carefully constructed, perfectly arranged. the curve of your hips and slope of your lips, the pull of your eyelids, the slightest dip in your back, they’ve been drawn through generations like a single red string to end up with you. in a way you carry the faces of your ancestors, and that alone—the fact that you are you, the fact that you’re what millions of years have brought forward—makes you worthy of life. you don’t have to be or do anything more, you don’t have to earn your breaths or heartbeats. you’re already meant to be.
Can I vent? I was in an arranged marriage, and within the first week I wanted to call it quits because I didn't like the guy at all. He kissed me without my consent and it was really obv he was just h*rny the whole time. All he wanted to do was make out whenever we went on dates. In front of my family he's the nicest gentlemen, and no on believed me when I said I was traumatized from him. They thought I was being a B when I didn't want him to touch me. He would stalk me at work (1/?)
He would circle my workplace and beep repeatedly. Security wouldn’t let him in tho thank god. After a year and a half, my parents were fed up with my depression and eating disorder I developed, and agreed to let me call it quits with him even tho I begged them constantly to let me end it. They didn’t want to tarnish their reputation within the community. Toxic relatives from both sides think it’s my fault and throw shade at me for it bc everyone thought he was an angel. 2/?
I work in a toxic workplace too, but it’s heaven compared to my toxic home. I’m scared to let any male touch me now, I get so angry and defensive when they get near. I panic when I see a car in the street that resembles his, and I always have to read the license plate to make sure it’s not him. I panicked in a store once because I thought I heard his voice and I ran out. I’ve gotten assaulted for ignoring his calls, and his messages. He would make me call his parents and 3 sis every week 3/?
I hated him so much. I gave him everything back that he bought me ( never used or opened anything ) when we broke up, but he never gave anything back that I gifted him. Everyone gives me this look like.. it’s not pity but it’s mocking? They used to laugh and give me judging looks when I wouldn’t accept his hugs or kisses. He wanted to make out in public when we only knew each other for a week. I was grossed out of him. Disgusted and repulsed. I was never attracted to him 4/?
I did sit with him before our engagement and he was okay. You can’t really judge someone by talking to them 3 times. I only know someone when something bad happens , their true colors show. One day I woke up and everyone was congratulating me on being engaged when I never even said yes to my parents. My mom decided for me. My dad was actually a lot more supportive of my breakup than she was. I would complain to my mom constantly about him thinking she’d explain it to my dad too 5/?
Hi love, this is the last part I could find in my ask box so I’ll just reply to these if that’s okay.
First of all, I’m so terribly sorry for the traumatic events you went through. All of this happening is so not okay and I can only imagine how hard it is to go through life with so many reminders surrounding you. I’m very glad you got your father’s support and that you were able to leave this relationship, that’s a huge thing and unfortunately many people in abusive relationships aren’t able to.
Regardless of how people may treat you for having left and how they look at you and whatever their opinions are: they don’t have the slightest idea about how this marriage has been for you, and they obviously don’t know what a terrible creep he is, but if any of them had been in your position they most definitely wouldn’t have been able to handle the anxiety and the heartbreak that comes with it, not to mention the repercussions. I’m so proud of you for leaving and for continuing on, even if you’re scared. You’re still doing it and that’s such a large achievement.
If you feel overwhelmingly anxious because of this, and even if not, I do really advise you to reach out to a professional or perhaps someone who’s been through something similar. No matter how strong you are or how you’re handling it, you’ve been through something traumatic and in a way you still are, and you deserve help for that. Most of all you deserve to feel safer than this and happier than this and more resilient when it comes to the judgement and inconsiderate behavior of those around you. You deserve better.
I wish you so much joy and luck and health and recovery, and I believe in you.
:¨·.·¨:
`·. 2021 will be a year of
𓂃 learning
𓂃 success
𓂃 connection
𓂃 change
𓂃 breakthroughs
𓂃 acceptance
𓂃 help
𓂃 community
𓂃 solidarity
𓂃 self- love and care
𓂃 joy
it might not feel like it until you reflect, and it’ll inevitably be paired with hardships and tough decisions and frantic searching and hopelessness, but we’ll be okay, each of us. that’s what we do. we survive and then we live.
i wish all of you comfortable, happy, healthy holidays, and i hope you know how valued and loved you are by me.
Hi good day, any advice for overthinking? I tend to overthink abt things that happened in the past and I keep blaming myself for it. Thank you!<3
Hi!
I very much hope the following won’t sound too stupid, as I do it a lot, but: you’re just a person. You can remember that and even use it as an excuse. You messed up a presentation? Well, what can we say, you’re just a person. You’ll probably trip over air sometime as well and hurt someone’s feelings and that’s going to feel terrible but it’s okay, because you’re just a person and you make mistakes and mistakes are there to be made and learned from.
You will not be flawless and perfect and good all the time, and that shouldn’t be something you want to be either. Stop seeing mistakes as negative things that’ll haunt you for life, and start turning them into stepping stones. This thing went wrong last time? Then you at least know what not to do in the future. It’s like taking the wrong turn while driving. You really won’t make that wrong turn every time forever. You’ll just know where not to go and that’s good and positive, too.
I sincerely hope you forgive yourself and stop unnecessarily blaming yourself for the things that still help you today. You’re just a person.
Hi!! I actually came here for an advice today. I was feeling very down recently due to my breakup and after a while being lonely i decided to invest some more time on my relationship with friends and family. But I'm feeling tired due to me putting pressure on myself to meet up with the expectations from them. (It could be small things like watching this certain serie or asking about my day) I don't know what should i do but i don't wanna feel overwhelmed or burned down after. Any advice?(V)
Hi!
To put it simply: you’re allowed to not do or be anything. You’re not obligated to throw yourself into a bunch of socializations with friends and family just to get your mind off of it, and you don’t have to immediately try and forget what happened. A breakup is a big deal, and it’s gonna affect you either way, so if you feel exhausted or overwhelmed or plain sad your first instinct should be to acknowledge that and work with it, not push it aside and distract yourself from what you’re feeling.
This is a healing process, you can see it as such. Rest, reflect, accept. That’s all you gotta do and all that’s expected from you. You got it.
Good luck and happy holidays ♡
hi!! i hope you're well!! i believe i need ur advice or just someone to talk to. i am not a genius or an easily smart student but ive always gotten decent grades through really rigorous studying. im a slow learner, i need videos and my attention span is really flighty so i really prefer discussions and sometimes i get too sad to do work until someone pushes me to. now that classes happen online and i am at home, it feels like things have gotten more difficult. i have to deal with house chores. im the oldest sibling in our family & i do not really have the heart to ask my siblings to help me because i can see they are struggling with their classes. but it's also taking a toll on me. i have no time to do my class work, i feel like my mental health is deteriorating (if u must know, last year i got caught in my s*icide attempt and i was about to be brought to a professional but the pandemic happened and mental healthcare in my country isn't really a thing and i am honestly terrified of being "branded" or being named an illness. tbh i have nothing against mental illness, it's just the way my parents sees it and it sucks to be viewed as someone incapable or weird by my family. so i actually prefer not seeing any professionals.) and i feel so alone! i am repeating my last year of highschool in a new school and i know no one!! my friends had moved on to college and here i am, still in hs with no friends. i don't really know how to make friends online, i always feel anxious with private messaging, and i am scared they might know i was the one who tried to attempt her life. news is fast with things like that.
it feels lonely and frustrating doing and squeezing things alone and without anyone to help. i can't answer anything because i genuinely want to learn and understand and i do not understand anything!! i cant ask for help from my family because they too are busy and i do not want to intrude. and, as for my mental health and them— i feel they do not understand and i give up talking to them about it. and i did try to ask my parents for help once (about school not my mh) but they said i could just copy off this kid we're good acquaintances with. they say it doesn't matter if i understand it because it's all useless in the future but i want to understand it so much!! i dont want to just copy answers!!!
anyways, it would have been a bit better if my school did stuff like video classes but no, they just send in documents with so much pages for us to answer and submit through emails by the end of the week. now, ive earned quite a stack of untouched school work since the last week of october to this week. it's terrible, but i just lost all will to study. i feel so busy busy busy with the house and trying to keep my mental health in check. i am so desperate to just graduate and get it over with but i feel so hopeless about it! i don't know what to do!! i don't know how to fix up a routine! i just don't know!! maybe i just need to find a way to lighten up the load?? enjoy what im doing? (im so sorry for dumping all this to you, ive just never really talked about it and it honestly feel like too much on me)
Hey there angel,
I completely understand the weight you feel considering your current circumstances. School is obviously very different to what we’re all used to and adjusted to, so this major change is bound to have major consequences for everybody.
It makes complete sense for you to feel like you have a million responsibilities and feeling alone in that, but keeping that to yourself (however noble the cause) will perpetuate that loneliness. You’re very kind to not want to bother you siblings on top of the pressure you know they’re experiencing, but this workload shouldn’t just be yours, and dividing it will give everyone a bit to do instead of you having to do everything. At the end of the day, you’re struggling because this is too much for you. You’re not just feeling like it’s too much, but it actually is, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be everything for everyone at the same time and nobody will be disappointed or hurt or mad if you express that you need help.
Be more vocal, ask for help with chores, email your teachers or guidance counselor or both, and please don’t carry this on your own. That’s not what humans are made for.
I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for and I wish you happy, stress-free holidays.
you were always deserving of kindness, consideration and honesty. don’t blame yourself for other people’s mistakes and negligence towards you. how they treated you was a conscious choice that’s never been yours.
slfcare :
your weight doesn’t determine whether or not you’re beautiful. your family doesn’t determine whether or not you’re loved. your achievements don’t determine whether or not you’re deserving or intelligent.
stop loving yourself conditionally and letting these things tell you whether or not you’re good enough. you’ll always be good enough and you always have been.
if all you did today was get through today, it’s good and it’s enough.
that time when you couldn’t get out of bed, and your throat was dry but you couldn’t reach for the water on your desk, and you didn’t meet the expectations that were set for you? you were still worth it then. and your worth also didn’t falter when you snapped at a friend for no real reason, and you slapped your sibling’s hand after they took the tv remote from you in the heat of the moment, and you yelled at your mother when she just wouldn’t listen to you.
you’re not more worthy of life as a saint, as someone who’s always overly compassionate and kind and calm. you’re not more worthy of life as the smartest student in the classroom or as the most productive, positive employee. you’re not more worthy of life when you’re happy or content or never tired or never mad. you’re not more worthy of life as anybody but the person you are right now. you’re worthy of life because you are alive and that’s just how it goes. you will make unfair mistakes and even then every breath you breathe is justified and real. i’m sorry if this world has convinced you that there’s no place for you here, and i’m sorry if no-one was there to soften the edges for you when you needed it, but you should know that you hold immense value in your beating heart. though you might deserve better than the filth of this world, you should never rule out the possibility of finding that in the beauty of it.
update : 07.16 : (long post)
it’s still difficult for now, i can’t pay much groceries for my siblinngs. I’m trying rn to find a job in emergency but during corona and summertime, it’s a nightmare to find one.
Many of you don’t have paypal and ask for another to support me. One of my followers ( @ruthfully) offer me to use her accounts.Venmo: @sunflowerofseattle
Cashapp: $CurlyHumility
paypal (mine account) : paypal.me/janeyyre
please reblog 💛
11.11.2020 : I lost my job because the corona situation, the quarantaine etc if anyone can support my family, please reblog this and maybe donate if you can.
Financially my situation is really hard. Any help would be amazing rn to help me to survive until i found a job ad pay food and bills.
💛
Can I vent? I was in an arranged marriage, and within the first week I wanted to call it quits because I didn't like the guy at all. He kissed me without my consent and it was really obv he was just h*rny the whole time. All he wanted to do was make out whenever we went on dates. In front of my family he's the nicest gentlemen, and no on believed me when I said I was traumatized from him. They thought I was being a B when I didn't want him to touch me. He would stalk me at work (1/?)
He would circle my workplace and beep repeatedly. Security wouldn’t let him in tho thank god. After a year and a half, my parents were fed up with my depression and eating disorder I developed, and agreed to let me call it quits with him even tho I begged them constantly to let me end it. They didn’t want to tarnish their reputation within the community. Toxic relatives from both sides think it’s my fault and throw shade at me for it bc everyone thought he was an angel. 2/?
I work in a toxic workplace too, but it’s heaven compared to my toxic home. I’m scared to let any male touch me now, I get so angry and defensive when they get near. I panic when I see a car in the street that resembles his, and I always have to read the license plate to make sure it’s not him. I panicked in a store once because I thought I heard his voice and I ran out. I’ve gotten assaulted for ignoring his calls, and his messages. He would make me call his parents and 3 sis every week 3/?
I hated him so much. I gave him everything back that he bought me ( never used or opened anything ) when we broke up, but he never gave anything back that I gifted him. Everyone gives me this look like.. it’s not pity but it’s mocking? They used to laugh and give me judging looks when I wouldn’t accept his hugs or kisses. He wanted to make out in public when we only knew each other for a week. I was grossed out of him. Disgusted and repulsed. I was never attracted to him 4/?
I did sit with him before our engagement and he was okay. You can’t really judge someone by talking to them 3 times. I only know someone when something bad happens , their true colors show. One day I woke up and everyone was congratulating me on being engaged when I never even said yes to my parents. My mom decided for me. My dad was actually a lot more supportive of my breakup than she was. I would complain to my mom constantly about him thinking she’d explain it to my dad too 5/?
Hi love, this is the last part I could find in my ask box so I’ll just reply to these if that’s okay.
First of all, I’m so terribly sorry for the traumatic events you went through. All of this happening is so not okay and I can only imagine how hard it is to go through life with so many reminders surrounding you. I’m very glad you got your father’s support and that you were able to leave this relationship, that’s a huge thing and unfortunately many people in abusive relationships aren’t able to.
Regardless of how people may treat you for having left and how they look at you and whatever their opinions are: they don’t have the slightest idea about how this marriage has been for you, and they obviously don’t know what a terrible creep he is, but if any of them had been in your position they most definitely wouldn’t have been able to handle the anxiety and the heartbreak that comes with it, not to mention the repercussions. I’m so proud of you for leaving and for continuing on, even if you’re scared. You’re still doing it and that’s such a large achievement.
If you feel overwhelmingly anxious because of this, and even if not, I do really advise you to reach out to a professional or perhaps someone who’s been through something similar. No matter how strong you are or how you’re handling it, you’ve been through something traumatic and in a way you still are, and you deserve help for that. Most of all you deserve to feel safer than this and happier than this and more resilient when it comes to the judgement and inconsiderate behavior of those around you. You deserve better.
I wish you so much joy and luck and health and recovery, and I believe in you.
helping others by neglecting yourself will do so much more damage than expressing you’re not in the right headspace / position to give someone the aid they deserve. although you may feel the need to be a source of positivity to those around you who aren’t doing well, it’s not your job to be everything for everybody all the time, and kindness and helpfulness don’t always mean putting yourself second.
slfcare :
slfcare :
removing yourself from toxic situations is lonely. removing toxic friends and family members from your life is lonely. learning to be without the people, or outside of the environment you were in for so long–somewhere that might’ve been unsafe or made you unhappy but was still familiar–is lonely. but it isn’t supposed to be easy. you have to choose yourself and you’ll regret it sometimes because you’ve never felt this alone, and yet it’s the right thing to do. learn to be happy with your own company, learn to support yourself the way you wish others would. there’s nothing others can give you that you cannot eventually give yourself.
someone called me a sociopath (yes, literally a sociopath) because of this post so just to be clear… the last sentence meant things like
- love (self love)
- confidence (self confidence)
- a home (you can have a home with and in someone, but it’s okay if you don’t want to and would rather be on your own)
- stability (most people think they can depend on others for this, which they often can, but whether or not you’re stable and taken care of shouldn’t change when you’re on your own)
of course you need things like companionship and friends and family whether they’re blood-related or not, BUT the point of this post was that you are able to take care of yourself, you are able to be your own friend and you are able to get yourself back on track without the toxic people in your life right now. i’m not saying you can never need anyone, i’m saying you can learn how to support yourself and the fear of not being able to shouldn’t stop you from leaving toxic environments.
Original post was perfectly clear (and very appreciated). Tumblr is just gonna be Tumblr sometimes. Just ignore those dickheads, they haven’t figured out yet that raging at everything for no reason makes the world worse instead of better.
Your blog is great and we appreciate it.
thank you very much, i’m glad! and don’t worry, i blocked them real fast :)
slfcare :
removing yourself from toxic situations is lonely. removing toxic friends and family members from your life is lonely. learning to be without the people, or outside of the environment you were in for so long–somewhere that might’ve been unsafe or made you unhappy but was still familiar–is lonely. but it isn’t supposed to be easy. you have to choose yourself and you’ll regret it sometimes because you’ve never felt this alone, and yet it’s the right thing to do. learn to be happy with your own company, learn to support yourself the way you wish others would. there’s nothing others can give you that you cannot eventually give yourself.
someone called me a sociopath (yes, literally a sociopath) because of this post so just to be clear… the last sentence meant things like
of course you need things like companionship and friends and family whether they’re blood-related or not, BUT the point of this post was that you are able to take care of yourself, you are able to be your own friend and you are able to get yourself back on track without the toxic people in your life right now. i’m not saying you can never need anyone, i’m saying you can learn how to support yourself and the fear of not being able to shouldn’t stop you from leaving toxic environments.
today is a day i’ve been dreading for some time, so i thought it’d be nice to start it off with some short affirmations:
୧ today i will try my best and it’ll be enough
୧ today i will express my feelings in a way that isn’t harmful to anyone and it’ll be enough
୧ today i will be a friend to myself and try to help them wherever i can and it’ll be enough
୧ today i’ll only say yes to the things i want to say yes to and it’ll be enough
୧ today’s events won’t ruin my day regardless of what happens, i’ll accept it all and it’ll be enough
୧ today i’ll respect what my body tells me and it’ll be enough
୧ today i’ll feel safe and protected and free to do what feels right and it’ll be enough
୧ today and tomorrow and for the rest of time i’ll be enough
012901 :
HELP A BLACK BISEXUAL WOMAN ESCAPE FROM AN ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD.
this is urgent. by the end of year, i need to move out of a toxic situation with my mother. my mom has been physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive since i was very young. recently however it has really spiraled out of control (it was still fucked before, now im just realizing the gravity of it). i deal with major depression (among other things i do not want to disclose, all diagnosed btw) and her blatant disregard for my wellbeing and mental health is something i can no longer tolerate. she takes all of the money me and my sister make so we cant save, basically making us trapped with her. im also a student, so finances are already tight for me. if you’re reading this, anything would help. i am so desperate to get away from her, i wouldnt even mind being homeless at this point.MY CASHAPP IS: $neicy012901
MY PAYPAL IS: paypal.me/neicy574
Hello. I'm 22 from Asia. I got a crazy job offer in nyc. Idk if I should move to nyc all alone, during covid, most like at the beginning to work from home on zoom. I'm scared of the loneliness and I hear that covid is bad there. I would like to hear ur opinion or advice. Thank u
Obviously this is your decision to make and I really can’t give a valid opinion with how little I know, but being 22-years-old and being offered a job in a major world city is an unbelievable achievement. I am glad that you’re considering every aspect of a change of this size!
Loneliness can become a problem, but I do think that’s more because of the change. You would be moving to a new country where you don’t know anyone, so while you’ll be very busy adjusting to the situation you’ll most likely miss the presence of someone to ground you.
Nevertheless, I don’t think the loneliness will last for very long. Even though covid is pretty bad in NYC and most people are quarantined, you will be able to get comfortable in your new home and explore the neighborhood in peace. You can combine working from home with taking free time to adjust to your surroundings.
I don’t really know what to say, but I do advise you to not let go of the idea just yet. This is a decision nobody can make for you and I hope those around you have given you enough to consider :)
sehyn :
i’ve always thought it was so beautiful how people have the capability to fight for others, including complete strangers. like the fact that we have entire hospitals to help each other, the idea of surgeons in those hospitals who’d have 30-hour surgeries to save one life. firemen running into a burning building and training for the possibility of it ever happening. people volunteering to help in a country they’ve never been after a natural disaster, expecting no money in return for their kindness. i think this urge to help and be a part of this and keep as much people as possible alive is something natural and it might just be what we were made to do and be. even if you think you’re unloved, your life would always be considered worth saving, if not by those around you then by the surgeon, the firefighter, the paramedic, the volunteer, the eye-witness who’s hell-bent on not losing you.
if some online stranger is offending, hurting or harassing you, it is your right to decide to block them for it. if some online stranger is adding negative additions to your posts, it is your right to decide to block them for it. and if some online stranger has views you don’t share, or makes you feel unsafe, or has an online presence that makes you feel uncomfortable, it is your right to decide to block them for it.
the internet will never be a place you can completely control, and you’ll most likely be exposed to certain content you disagree with or that upsets you, but nothing should stop you from taking as much control as is possible and making your online surroundings somewhere you at least feel safe and content.
slfcare :
the universe isn’t against anyone, the odds aren’t against you. when you look back and count your mistakes and misfortunes, every single one you’ve yet to meet will only feel like an ‘i told you so’, and every good thing will fade into the background. a positive attitude—however sarcastic or ridiculous, a ‘what if it does work out?’—and the slightest bit of hope can already change so much for you. cut yourself some slack.
in average
are photos
are videos
are texts
are gifs
are audio