Dear love of my life.
I never thought I could love so deep and so gratuitously, You define me, as a person, as a lover, as a human. Your love was something that was keeping me alive, that was keeping me together. Now im a mess. I miss you every day. Im going In my mind over and over if I could do something different to make you stay. You moved on. You fell in love, you have different life, but im still in the same place. Im just begging to stop loving you one day, because I hardly have strength to still live with all that rejected love that I have for you. You were my soulmate. After a year, I feel so hollow. I can not find who I’am without you. I was so fucking proud to love you, to have you. I deeply knew you. You know I did. I knew all your parts. I knew everything, how sweet you could be, but also how dark was going your mind sometimes. I loved every single piece of you. I know how scared that was for you, to know that someone fully know who you are and still love you exactly the way you were. I don’t care if you changed or if you stayed the same. I love YOU. I don’t care who you became. I want to get to know you again. To fell in love with you again. To look into you eyes again. I loved smell of your skin, your voice, your hair, your hands, eyes, brows, nose, belly button, your feet. I loved you when you were messy, when you stayed in bed whole week, I was taking care of you no matter what. I loved you when you were smiling, I truly loved when I was making you laugh. It was the best feeling on this planet. Watching you smile because of me. It was something I could do whole my life, and watch your little dimples when you smile. I was with you when everything was falling apart, and I can not stand that I could not be when you had your surgery. I wanted to help you so bad, but it was not my place anymore. It hurts me every day, because I know, deep in my heart that we could be something. I was planning my life with you. I was planning you to be my wife. I wanted to spend everyday of my life with you. Everything I had was you. And one day I lost everything. I still don’t understand why. Why I let you leave. I should made you stay no matter what. I know you loved me. I know you truly loved me. I felt that. I was so PROUD you were my girlfriend. I was thinking in my head “what a losers, look what I HAVE. Look who loves me, look who kiss me, look who is taking care of me. SHE. She- the most perfect women on earth.” And then you left. Left for someone else. And I was devastated. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. It was hard to breath actually, and its still is. Maybe it sound pathetic…but I don’t care about that anymore. Im tired of loving you. I want to stop. I can not stand that anymore. it is killing me to see that you are making all this things that we were talking about to do together, with someone else. It is hurting me that someone just took you from me. that was that easy. One day I had everything, and the next day- I had nothing.