I could imagine em in a besties to lovers au (not switch) where they’re both denying their feelings for each other and the one of their friends (probably connie) is all like “would you marry your best friend for the government benefits” and em is all like “yeah…. for the benefits” and they’re friends are all “oo bet 👀” so they get married and fall even deeper in love and one day one of them tells the other “yeah so ive been in love with you this whole time soo 🤷♀”
i’m feeling creative!
“You’re insane Mikasa.”
“No i’m not! Good insurance just does things to me,” she shivers a little bit as if in pleasure and Eren groans.
“You understand we have universal healthcare right? Like it’s free.”
“Wrong! It’s free to an extent, but who is going to pay for all my extra dermatology appointments?”
Eren grumbles, “I don’t even know why you have those your skin is perfect.”
Mikasa pinches the fat of her cheek in the hallway mirror, “And how do you think I keep it like that?”
He pinches her other cheek and she yelps, “With all those extra dermatology appointments probably, but I’m just saying Mikasa, you’re a bit too excited about insurance, it’s insurance.”
“Yes, but Eren it’s like the dream plan,” she gets a little starry-eyed as she says it, her thighs squeezing together and Eren pinches her cheek all over again.
“You’re getting turned on by the thought of good insurance, there’s something wrong with you Mikasa.”
Eren tugs his sneakers off, dropping them by the door before moving into their apartment to start unpacking their groceries.
Mikasa follows him a few minutes later with the rest of the bags.
“Look it’s hot, the coverage that comes with my new government job is hot as hell Eren Yeager,” she slams her bags of groceries onto the counter and he tsks at her, she’s probably bruised the bananas!
Eren boots her out of she way with a hip bump, grumbling how useless she is at chores under his breath.
“Hey, I heard that! I can be useless if I want, thats what I have a doting malewife for.”
His eyebrow twitches as he saves the bananas from her clutches, and yeah they’re already bruised.
“I’m not your malewife.”
“Yeah you’re right, I meant to say my bitch.”
Eren throws a grape at her rather brutally and it smacks her in the nose before falling to the dip in her shirt and dissappearing between the glorious mounds Eren refuses to think about. He turns away before he can wonder just how far they’re nestled between her boobs.
No, no, no , no not allowed to consider them! Bad road Eren, dangerous road.
He gives her a shit-eating grin as she pouts, her hand already reaching down her shirt, dissappearing in the valley of her tits.
Eren groans, he really needs to go back to unpacking the groceries.
“Anyway,” Mikasa continues and Eren glances up just to see her whip the grape out of her shirt before popping it into her mouth.
“As I was saying, I have the sexiest healthcare plan ever, and you’re just jealous.”
Eren relents, maybe he is a little jealous, “Yeah, yeah, maybe I am. It would be really nice if you could share it. If only they extended coverage to live in malewives who work thanklessly to make their best friends dinner.”
Mikasa grins cheekily at him, leaning over the counter to bop a kiss to his nose which he leans in for, “You’re the best malewife, I might make you banana bread later if you behave.”
He perks up right away, he loves the sweet treat!
He continues unpacking and Mikasa starts fiddling with the more interesting groceries like the sandwich buns, picking one apart to snack on, “But for real, it would be nice to share with you. I mean seriously, it’s almost wasted on me, your insurance doesn’t cover anything, every time you need a new pair of glasses you have to buy them yourself.”
She pauses to give him a stern look, “And with you, we know that’s about every five minutes with how often you lose or step on them.”
Eren grins sheepishly as he considers how many times he’s broken his reading glasses, he’s currently in need of a new pair after dropping them last week.
“Yeah, but only spouses right. It sucks but that’s how it is,” Eren shrugs as he finishes unpacking all the fruit.
He thinks that’s the end of the conversation, humming happily as he puts the bags away, but when he turns around Mikasa’s eyebrows are furrowed up adorably.
“Or is it?”
Eren raises an eyebrow, “I’m not scamming the government.”
“Didn’t say we were going to.”
“Then what exactly do you mean?”
“I mean let’s get married.”
Eren chokes on air, as his best friend blurts out the words he’s been thinking since they were little.
Marriage??? For health insurance?? Not for love??
What a sick joke? To the girl he’s loved since forever. Ridiculous.
It happens. In a city hall, on a friday afternoon, they get married and right after they go to buy Eren a new pair of reading glasses.
It’s about the least romantic thing that’s ever happened and at first he feels rather melancholy about the whole thing, he’s finally with the girl of his dreams, and it’s entirely for medical insurance. He can’t even kiss her.
Fortunately for Eren, none of it ends up mattering because about an hour after they get home he’s reading in his new glasses on the couch, innocently sitting next to the window near the floorlamp.
He’s not even reading anything fun, it’s just some papers for work, and he shoves his glasses back up his nose in annoyance, maybe he should have gotten the other ones he liked, Mikasa’s pick kept falling down his face.
He truly regrets letting her choose.
But he doesn’t regret it five minutes later when Mikasa walks by, takes one look at him, and decides to break his next pair of glasses, because she launches herself at his face and the next thing Eren knows her tongue is in his mouth and she’s grinding against his dick.
“Fuck, you look so hot in those glasses, did I ever tell you that Eren?”
He shakes his head hazily, he has no idea what’s going on he only wants more of her lips on his and Mikasa agrees, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt to bring him back to her. She tastes like chocolate and mint from her toothepaste and the friction against his dick is amazing as she rolls her hips against him.
His hands slide up her waist to cup at her tits through her t-shirt, he’s finally allowed to touch them, not just fantasize from afar and it’s amazing.
All is going well, and it’s literally Eren’s dream, when at some point his glasses fall to the floor with a crash and they both pull away to look down, wincing as they observe the cracked lenses.
Mikasa doesn’t look at all sorry when he turns back to her, “I’ll get you a new pair with my insurance, don’t care, now kiss me.”
Eren does as he’s told.