The Tomb Raider one tho…
Bone structure. She has it.
ugh I’m really sorry. I know paying more isn’t ideal, but could you go somewhere else and still get what you want?
if I knew I could get somebody who would actually listen to me and work with me, then yeah, it would probably be worth it, especially if I could establish a cut I like and then go somewhere cheap to maintain it. and that’s…probably what I should do, considering my current strategy of using Groupon to find major discounts for stylists I know nothing about is obviously not working.
I just. I want to get rid of my hair. I don’t like it. I don’t like how it gets in my face all the time, and since yesterday when I thought I would get it all cut off and didn’t, I’ve even been hating how it feels on my neck, regardless of whether it’s actively getting in my face or catching on something or making me overheat. and it was just…very frustrating, because I have a good idea of what I want and I even made a big-ass (possibly too big) Pinterest board of examples, with the understanding that I probably can’t duplicate some of those because my hair is thin and I have a stupid cowlick and I don’t want to use much in the way of styling products but I figured a stylist would actually work with me to figure out how to get close to those general styles? like, okay, the person in that picture has really thick hair so yours physically can’t look like that, but a layered cut might look like this, or like this if you used this specific styling product, or whatever.
and instead she’s like. no your hair looks good as is, how about I just give you a trim. …but I want to get it all cut off, that’s literally the whole reason I’m here?? no your hair is thin and flat and with a pixie cut you’ll look like you have no hair but it’s good now. BUT I DON’T LIKE IT NOW. well you’ll like a pixie cut even less. I don’t like it now because it gets in my face! okay well we could drastically shorten the back but leave like longer side pieces that will look nice and you can tuck them behind your ears if you need to. right and those fall in my face as soon as I put my head forward. well don’t do that then, why would you do that. what do you want? I want a pixie cut, I want it out of my face always. no your hair is perfect as is because you can put it in a pony tail or tuck it behind your ears and it’ll stay out of your way. BUT IT DOESN’T, THAT’S WHY I WANT IT CUT OFF. look how nice it looks, how about I just take off an inch. or two, we could take off two inches but definitely no longer than that because really you should just get a trim, so what do you want? I just…want it really short… no you don’t, that’s bad, what do you want? well I wanted a pixie cut but now I’m exhausted and frustrated and second-guessing myself so just fucking do whatever I guess! and then she took off an inch or so and took forever blow-drying it and did sort of an asymmetrical part that, yes, did look nice BUT WAS EVEN WORSE AT KEEPING MY HAIR OUT OF MY FACE.
and then because my hellbrain is never content just being grumpy about a single thing, my frustration over this became frustration over my life in general, because I’m bad at knowing and then articulating exactly what I want and worse about standing up for myself against even slight resistance to get it, but also maybe I’m just being silly and childish because I’m wanting something impossible that I can’t ever have and I just have to resign myself to living with my stupid hair for the rest of my life, just like everything else that hugely dissatisfies me but that I can’t seem to change, and also it’s dumb and childish of me to be spiraling so much about this in the first place, and in fact I suck and so does everything else!!
hellbrain really never takes a break, I gotta give it props for dedication.
anyway today I found a ton of sites insisting that you can do a pixie cut with thin hair and in fact it’s often a good cut for people with thinning hair, so I guess I’m just gonna…add even more to my Pinterest board and try to find somebody who will actually work with me instead of fucking arguing with me about what I want
all things considered, I’m not that worried about the likely coronavirus pandemic, at least in the sense of “oh god I personally am gonna die and I must do many racisms to prevent it!!” or whatever–I am worried about how many people in more affected areas might suffer from it, and how many more people might be hurt or killed due to related political and economic fallout, but that’s not entirely the same thing as being scared of the virus itself, I don’t think.
however, the whole thing is making me even more pissed at and grossed out by the coworker who almost never washes her hands after using the restroom, which I know because–gross TMI but there are only two stalls and if I’m in one and she’s in the other, I can hear her wipe and then walk right out and it’s SO GROSS and also why I never ever touch restroom doorknobs with my bare hand anymore if I can possibly help it
fucking YET AGAIN I let an adamant stylist talk me out of the cut I actually wanted, which means this week is two for two on long-awaited appointments that mostly just made me feel shittier, except in this case it was a total waste of time and money
anyway I hate everything at the moment, and yes I feel stupid/guilty/something for being upset and for allowing myself to be argued out of what I wanted, and no that isn’t helping
I’ve been thinking about the Loki sequence in Thor (2020) #1, and want to go through some of panels. One page, which circulated widely on tumblr a while ago as a preview, was somewhat confounding in its apparent portrayal of Thor and Loki’s relationship - at least, it looked as though things were worse between them than they ought to have been (compared with how they last were in Loki (2019), a few months ago). Upon reflection, though, I think in context it is not so bad, given some of what else is going on in the issue, and the role Loki is actually playing in the story at the moment. (Disclaimer: I only bought Thor #1, and have not read #2, though it is presumably out now, so perhaps this is all already jossed, I do not know. But ignoring that…)(Disclaimer 2: I actively try to be optimistic about the future prospects of of the comics, it is just more pleasant to hope for the best than to worry about the worst and I find if I am going to be disappointed I may as well wait until I have all the actual reason to be - which is just to say, there are no doubt equally valid readings that are far more damning in their conclusions. So anyway, YMMV.)
(I’m sorry this is such a long post, I realize people tend to prefer shorter ones (at least, those tend to get reblogged more), but part of why I’m doing this extended treatment is because I think the amount of time the comic spends making these points, and then reiterating them, is significant to the key argument here, which concerns Thor’s mindset at present.)
The TL;DR: Thor is having a bit of an existential/identity crisis and it has put him in a shitty mood, Loki happens to hit a nerve and Thor reacts with hostility, but not in a way that is really permanent or, I think, an indication that the book intends to permanently fix Loki as an antagonist/ take a shitty view of their relationship.
So, to start out with, the issue takes place a considerable while after the War of the Realms has been over, and yet, Thor is proving to be a reluctant ruler, and would much rather be a Thor than an Allfather. This is not helped by fellow Avengers’ teasing:
It’s taken a while longer, but it looks like Thor has finally come to the same realization Loki had early in his book, that far from the fulfillment of lifelong dreams, the prospect of actually ruling as king has lost its appeal. Sif, who has become the Gatekeeper of Asgard (now that Heimdall is dead and off…somewhere that is not Valhalla, thanks to Valkyrie), takes him to task:
And more (as well as, incidentally, a rather gorgeous Bifrost panel):
Thor, not being thrilled (incidentally, the rebuilt Asgard and throne is quite interesting and…foresty?- actually built into Yggdrasil):
It is at this point that Loki enters:
These panels do reveal more hostility than, say, when Loki and Thor were interacting back in Loki #3, where we have this exchange, for example:
But, in the latter, Thor is where he wants to be (with the Avengers), while in the former, he is definitely grumpy and facing a future he is having doubts about. I think, for Loki’s side of things, Loki can be seen as attempting sympathy - he does ask how Thor is feeling - but at the same time, doing so is poking at a subject Thor is feeling vulnerable about, and it is perhaps not entirely surprising that Thor responds hostilely.
Back to Thor #1, these two pages were the ones that were particularly troubling in their portrayal of Thor and his treatment of Loki (particularly the second, which, iirc, circulated as a preview to the issue/book):
The threat Thor makes on the first of these pages certainly feels a bit odd in its distancing effect. But then again, it is in response to Loki essentially prodding Thor’s fear of being unworthy, which this (ie 616 comics) Thor has had personal experience with in the past, and is no doubt just as big a part of Thor’s problem, here, namely - that he’s having a bit of an existential / identity crisis.
The second page, I still have questions about - what exactly is Thor doing that surprises Loki and is an indication of his powers as Allfather - he has always been able to throw and recall Mjolnir (well as long as he has had the hammer), so why this surprise? (If anyone has any ideas, I would love to hear.)
The key point here, though, is that he actually does recall it. In other words, there are sharp words exchanged, but no actual violence. And keeping in mind that exchanges of some degree of violence between the two, no matter their version, are not that big a deal, I do not even think it would necessarily have been a sign of implacable enmity if it had been worse/actual violence. (This is probably a ymmv point, I realize.)
…So yes, it is less pleasant than the times we find them really working together, or Thor being proud of Loki’s progress, but I do not think it necessarily means that the writers intend to use Loki exclusively as an antagonist in this series, if this is any indication.
Rather, what he’s being used for here is a mirror to force Thor to reflect on his situation, and a means of exposing Thor’s internal state to the reader. It is worth noting here, also, that the larger plot of the comic not indicated in these panels, seems to be something involving Thor becoming a Herald of Galactus to fight some new cosmic menace with all the others who have been heralds - that is to say, in this particular plot, Loki is not a central player in the plot at all. While disappointing if one is reading particularly for Loki content, I think it makes the depiction of the relationship less troubling - Loki is present in this issue particularly to set the stage explaining Thor’s mindset and forcing him to reflect on the situation. This, in fact, is very much in character with qualities we can find in myth Loki and trickster figures in general - he forces reflection upon the status quo and challenges complacency.
That this issue is largely about Thor’s state of mind is emphasized in a page a bit later where Thor reflects on these several incidents that have occurred:
Finally, and perhaps most importantly to the positive reading that I’m attempting here, we end with a window onto Thor’s subsequent reflection:
The narrative is from Thor at some unknown point in the future, but more importantly, it is definitely much more reasonable where Loki is concerned, and it reinforces the fact that this has very much been a sibling exchange - moderate but nonetheless insightful ribbing that happens to hit a nerve on Loki’s part, and then defensiveness and a refusal to admit to vulnerability on Thor’s. (Note, above on the earlier page, that Thor also does call him “little brother” even alongside the hostility.) Now I would certainly prefer something more like the lovely heart to heart and collaboration we see, for example, back in the Hel war against Sindr and Muspelheim in Thor (2018) #1-4, but wishes, horses, etc. - Anyway, overall I do not think this is necessarily an indication that this book is going to do Loki dirty–notice, for one thing, that the questionable characterization is all on Thor’s part - the authors of the book have not particularly written Loki in a way that counts as character assassination.
Okay, that is what I wanted to say. Now….do I post it or delete 90% of it and try to paraphrase it all in 1-2 pages, hmm…
I think Thor seems to be basically holding the hammer in midair instead of just throwing and snap-recalling it? which I guess is somewhat different from what we’ve seen before and shows more precise control, and if that’s the case then Loki’s surprise makes sense.
otherwise, I gotta admit this mostly makes me sad, because I agree that Loki is written pretty reasonably and it’s mostly Thor who’s being a dick but also I just want them to get along, you know? and it sounds like King Thor ultimately turned out more or less okay but a lot of stuff happened in it and leading up to it that I really don’t like, so anything that looks like it’s moving them in that direction is definitely going to make me sad.
also on a very shallow level I’m sad because they’re both kinda getting old and ugly, and in Kibblesmith’s run they both looked much younger and cuter, and I liked that a lot better >_<
@bronze-blade replied to your post: “now that it’s actually Haircut Day I’m second-guessing myself all…”:
Short hair. For neck you could use a gorget (a set of pieces of plate armour, or a single piece of plate armour hanging from the neck and covering the throat and chest.)
Well, the issue of my neck being cold isn’t related to cosplay, it’s just related to…I live in Alaska and it’s winter and it’s cold, and when I got my hair cut short over a year ago, I was kind of surprised at the difference it made. probably the smart thing would’ve been to wait a couple more months…but my Groupon is expiring, and long hair is annoying in winter too because it gets caught on my coat all the time. I’ve got scarves though, so that part isn’t really a huge deal. and if I have to wear a wig to cosplay Loki, well, it is what it is.
@leveledupgeek replied to your post: “now that it’s actually Haircut Day I’m second-guessing myself all…”:
SHORT HAIR SHORT HAIR SHORT HAIR
@leveledupgeek replied to your post: “now that it’s actually Haircut Day I’m second-guessing myself all…”:
But seriously though, I have never once missed long hair. Plus it’s my happy rebellion against all the fundie upbringing of “women must have long hair”.
yeah exactly, when I cut it before I kind of felt more like myself in general, not to mention more visibly queer, and tbh every single time I see some sexist dipshit online talking about how women must must must be feminine and have long hair, I’m just like “oh god I must shave it ALL OFF, RIGHT NOW, not only do I not want to appeal to any straight male douchebag but also I would be thrilled to actively repel them all, I do not want to perceive or be perceived by shitty cis straight men, also I need to get a bunch more tattoos immediately”
@erlkonigstochter replied to your post: “now that it’s actually Haircut Day I’m second-guessing myself all…”:
Everyone looks good w short hair! Have you ever seen a woman and wished she’d grow it out longer?
fair, I definitely have not
now that it’s actually Haircut Day I’m second-guessing myself all “it’s winter and that means getting it cut off will leave my neck a lot colder, and also I do probably look better with long hair……” but like, those are literally the only two positives for me having long hair, everything else about having very short hair (it won’t get in my way! I’ll overheat slightly less when I work out! washing and brushing it will be quicker and easier! I really like short hair on women! I like feeling more visibly queer!) will make me happier if I can find a cut that really works for me
well, I guess short hair will limit some of my cosplay options, mostly in the sense that Loki never has short hair, but…wigs exist, or there’s always the option of deciding I don’t care
These are quickly being put into the “always reblog” category.
Female pilots edited out of the Star Wars movies.
I saw the tweets about this today, and I was like oh yeah, I remember hearing about that.
And then I saw the pictures and just— wow. What it would have meant to have these women in the movie, all this time. I can’t properly articulate it but it’s hitting me unexpectedly hard.
Wow thats a shame, even a nice old lady too. These Space Valkyries should have been left in.
They really should have.
I lived, ate, and breathed Star Wars from age 2 until 2005 when RotS finally beat the enthusiasm out of me, and I have NEVER, EVER in all my reading on behind-the-scenes and makings-of heard of these shots. It’s a shame there was no relaunched edit of the original trilogy they could have slipped these in OH FUCKING WAIT THERE’S BEEN LIKE 3 OF THOSE NOW.
Fuck. FUCK. Whoever decided to edit out and bury these needs to french kiss an angle grinder.
I want to see the old lady in the A-Wing. Seriously, it’s like, she’s somebody’s grandma. Some kid in the Outer Rim Territories got greased by the Empire for seeing something she wasn’t supposed to see, and her grandma, the bush pilot, decided “Fuck this, I’m gonna strap on an fighter and make the Empire fucking PAY for the moment it decided to fuck with MY FAMILY.”
DON’T. MESS. WITH. GRANDMA.
Whenever there is a war, there are women who are warriors. Then they get erased from history. Happens in real wars and fictional ones alike.
Less than 5% of general aviation licenses go to women. If these had been left in, you can bet that number would be higher.
^^^That knocked the breath out of me.
I just can’t believe they not only took them out, but refused to put them back in during the seventeen times they updated the movies. And of course the only possible explanation for this is: you do not belong here.
Literally though. How many stupid remasters have they done but THIS gets left out? Ugh
for the record the names of these characters are Sila Kott played by Poppy Hands and Dorovio Bold played by Vivienne Chandler. I couldn’t find the name of the old woman though :(
https://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Dorovio_Bold “As well as her appearance in the briefing, footage of the character in a cockpit during the Battle of Endor was also filmed, but not used in the final cut of the movie.”
https://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Sila_Kott “Although played by British actress Poppy Hands in Return of the Jedi, Sila Kott was later dubbed over by an American man’s voice.”
I’ve seen these photos before, and it didn’t even OCCUR to me that they could have been restored during the special edition.
It would have meant so much.
I was struck hard by all the women in The Last Jedi. During that first scene, where you see all the women in every job, in the First Order AND the Resistance… I started to cry.
well, if my first ADHD-related appointment with a therapist was kind of validating in confirming that I have this thing I think I have and yes it’s a problem, today’s appointment with a nurse practitioner who can actually prescribe stuff was…kind of invalidating? not even materially so, I mean she said I meet the criteria for ADHD and she wrote me a prescription for Adderall with instructions to start at a very low dose and gradually increase to see what happens, and she scheduled another appointment with me in a few weeks to check back, and it basically all seemed fine at the time, but–
well, she also said it didn’t sound like a severe case, and that at least some of what I was describing was just kind of what modern life is like for everybody, and when I said I figured my ADHD is at the root of a lot of my anxiety and depression she was pretty quick to tell me that’s not how it works until I explained the–in hindsight pretty fucking obvious–connection that a lot of my depression stems from feeling like a failure in ways that are probably caused by ADHD, and a lot of my anxiety stems from how I’m constantly forgetting things and sometimes I can’t hold onto a thought long enough to write it down and I get overwhelmed easily because I can’t prioritize, etc. etc. etc.
and like, again, I don’t think it really…matters? she’s not the one I’ll really be talking with, for the most part, and they’re in the same office so if my actual therapist is picking up on things that the nurse practitioner isn’t, they can, should, and probably will discuss my case between themselves. all I really need from the woman I saw today is the willingness to write prescriptions and work with me to find the right dose/medication and I have that, I literally have an Adderall prescription now and she perfectly willing to do medication management with me. so that’s all good.
but basically as soon as I left the building, my brain started chewing on it and wouldn’t let go, because shit, I didn’t really emphasize my procrastination and perfectionism enough, did I? especially with examples from college and grad school? I mean I talked about it but did I talk enough about how my brain just kind of divides things into “now” and “not now” and if something either can’t be done now or isn’t due now, I can’t feel the urgency needed to make me actually do it? or the self-loathing spiral I get into every time I fuck up? or how I do fuck up, all the time, except now I can’t think of concrete examples? I said I had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep and I never feel rested but did I say that it’s at least sometimes because my brain won’t shut off? or how something relatively minor but negative will happen and my brain sinks its teeth in and won’t let go? or how slow I am at work? did I emphasize enough how much I need to externalize my brain or I completely forget things, I mean I know I talked about it but apparently it sounded somewhat normal? I should’ve told her how often I get hit with interest charges and late fees on my credit cards because I can’t remember to pay them, or…how I got this character in a game and I had two entire months to level her up but doing so involved active playing so I kept putting it off and when time was running out I really sincerely meant to do it and then I just kept forgetting, and obviously that wasn’t a genuinely important thing but maybe it still would’ve been a good illustration? or how my room is a disaster and part of that is because of the earthquake way back in Nov. 2018? or how I keep buying posters and prints but never putting them on my walls, and starting projects I never finish even when they’re relatively quick and easy? (wait, I did talk about that though, didn’t I?) or how I have to write everything down in my planner but there are times when I still somehow forget to look at it, or how I write tons of to-do lists but never cross off most of the things on them and after a little while I forget the to-do list exists in the first place unless it’s constantly in front of my face? or how sometimes extremely basic shit just straight-up doesn’t occur to me until it’s too late? or how I think I don’t regulate my emotions very well? or how miserable it makes me that I feel like I never finish anything or accomplish even very basic goals? or how I am almost never on time, ever, in part because my sense of time is just kind of terrible? or my executive dysfunction, fuck, that’s definitely a thing and I never used those words either, I mean I talked about how I can’t get myself to fucking start things but maybe if I’d used the term…? and fuck, maybe she’s right and my brain is actually not that fucked up, it’s actually way closer to normal than I’ve been thinking, which I guess just means I’m a lazy piece of shit who can’t accomplish anything…but she said I meet the criteria for ADHD, and I keep reading all these articles and posts about it and going “oh shit that explains so much about my brain,” and obviously I’ve had like two decades to figure out some coping strategies so my various dysfunctions don’t completely ruin my life all the time, and sure I haven’t been fired because of things I can confidently blame on ADHD but that doesn’t mean it isn’t negatively affecting my life, and it’s not like she actually said “nah you’re making this up, fuck off” or anything, she said I meet the criteria and she wrote me a fucking prescription for Adderall, but if she thinks it’s a relatively minor case and a lot of the things I struggle with sound normal to her, then maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing and I need to just suck it up and be better somehow, and maybe medication isn’t even going to help because there’s nothing that wrong in the first place except for me being a fuckup—
and around and around it goes. it’s…I mean, again, it’s probably not really a huge deal. I have another appointment with her for medication management, and I have the prescription, and I have more appointments with the therapist who did seem to take it more seriously. and this one did say I meet the criteria. but honestly the way my brain has been chewing on this for the last few hours is…well, probably indicative of something.
oh, you know what else was funny actually, she also informed me that if I was prescribed Adderall in grad school then I had to have been formally diagnosed, because otherwise it absolutely couldn’t have been prescribed to me. and I guess when the original dose didn’t seem to do much for me I just…stopped taking it and didn’t go back for more, and we didn’t really revisit the issue, and the records probably didn’t get transferred to my next counselor because I guess it never occurred to anybody to ask, and she eventually thought maybe I’m on the autism spectrum because I said I don’t like eye contact but ADHD didn’t occur to her either, and I just. fucking forgot? that I was formally diagnosed with ADHD probably an entire decade ago? so over the past 2-3 years as I’ve become increasingly convinced that ADHD hellbrain causes a lot of my problems, I was coming to it as brand new information because I literally fucking forgot that I had already been diagnosed? like…fuck, man, I’m no expert but that seems like kind of a weird memory thing too! which she definitely knew about because I was surprised when she told me I had to have been diagnosed! so I mean! if we’re talking about a disorder that involves memory issues, forgetting about an entire diagnosis because it wasn’t right in front of my face seems like pretty fucking good evidence that I have memory issues!
I finally went for it and got all my hair cut off, because I’ve been wanting to do that for years but never really got up the nerve until now. I really like how short it is in the back; not so thrilled with the front, because that hair is now too short to tuck behind my ears so without an as-yet-unknown amount of wax (that gets rubbed off if I wear a hat, which I do, because Alaska) it falls into my face. Which is pretty much why I grew out my bangs years ago in the first place.
reblogging myself because my haircut is TOMORROW YIKES and I want to be able to show the stylist my previous haircut
This ordinary looking Texas house is so plain outside, you could never tell what’s inside by looking at it.
Some people are maximalists and some are just plain over-the-top.
It kinda looks like, “I’m decorating and I can’t stop!”
This is the family room, don’t touch anything.
My favorite room is the kitchen. Look at the work- every cabinet has been hand-painted, and there are a lot of them.
The master bedroom has a touch of Texas in the horse print bench.
The cabinetry in the bathroom has also been painted. I think either you love it or you hate it, there’s no middle ground.
remember to cry for help without guilt-tripping. i know it feels like you’ve been abandoned and betrayed, but it’s probably not true, and it’s not okay to accuse the people around you of something they might not have done.
“i guess none of you like me” could be better phrased as “i feel unloved right now”
“but nobody cares anyway” could be better phrased as “i feel insignificant and i need reassurance”
rather than assuming others’ feelings, give them time to explain them. you’ll usually get a much better answer.
Guilt-tripping people while asking for help is also a great way to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You fear that you’re unwanted or unlovable, so you act in a way that is alienating and upsetting for those around you, thus driving them away. It’s understandable to think those things when you’re feeling terrible, but talking like that to people is almost guaranteed to make people less willing to help. Nobody wants to be manipulated or told how crappy they are while helping someone through a crisis.
tomorrow I have an appointment with somebody who I hope can get me started on ADHD meds, and the day after that I have an appointment to get all my hair cut off, and I’m just like…bouncing back and forth between “aaahhh it’s finally happening and it’s happening soon 😃” and “aaahhh it’s finally happening and it’s happening soon 😱”
I should do that, I actually just got a couple other Loki shirts (one from Teepublic and one from ShirtPunch) that I’ll have to remember to take pictures of when I wear them.
It’s 6:45 because I spent too much time fucking around and that’s ridiculous, but I’m here and I hope you’re all proud
There’s a misperception that a perfectionistic and critical attitude keeps us motivated. Research shows otherwise. Perfection is impossible to achieve. Striving for it wears down motivation, leaving us no room to fail and recover. As we would tell anyone else, to succeed requires the desire to improve, and also the space to stumble, reorganize, and move forward again.
oh hey this is pretty much exactly what I said my main goal for 2020 should be!