You know, I keep seeing all these posts going around lately about “being a daughter” that, frankly, as an eldest daughter myself, I find… Pretty horrifying?
I want to make something very clear: Being a daughter is not inherently a tragedy. If your parents treat you like shit and try to convince you that’s just how life is for girls, if your mom treats you as a therapist, if your mom never apologizes when she mistreats you, if you’re “inheriting” your mom’s trauma, those are signs of abuse. You may have been manipulated into believing they are normal, whether intentionally or not, and it’s likely that both you and your parents should seek therapy.
I promise you, those things are not normal, and you should not stand for them. Demand better for yourself! And most importantly, stop talking as if these are normal things. For every post about the “tragedy” of “being a daughter”, there is likely a girl out there who will think “Well, I guess the way my parents treat me is normal and ok, then,” and continue on believing that the abuse she suffers is normal or even justified.
Instead of telling victims of abuse that this is just the fate they’re doomed to, we need to make it clear that what they’re going through is not normal, not ok, and that they can and should fight for better lives for themselves.
If you truly find yourself relating to many of those “daughter trauma” posts, I’m so sorry you had that experience. Please know that it’s not normal, it’s not your fault, and if you need to please seek help. Women are not a tragedy- Your mom just sucks ass, and that’s on her, not humanity.
your mother had a responsibility to heal from her trauma before she had kids, at least enough to know it was there and have control over how it impacted her children. she failed to do that. that is common, but it isn’t okay, and you deserved better.