“apparently a freight train in Minnesota was leaking corn” is one of the funniest sentences i have ever read.
i hope youre all lying and hyping your cv/resume’s up
i have never gotten an interview and not been offered a job position after it
I mean lets be honest if everyone else is gassing theirs up like no tomorrow and you’re being as honest as you can who th are the recruitment team going to be more interested in
There’s people working in my banks head office with me WITH MUCH MORE EXPERIENCE than me BUT ARE GETTING PAID LESS
we’re doing the exact same job role
the point I’m trying to make here is if you’ve handled finances for a company you’re now what i would call a treasurer my g, if you’ve done admin work you are now a secretary (or as I’ve put Management secretary)
you help some kid with his homework? you’re a private tutor.
keep your bullets points for the job role as concise and important sounding as possible AND ALWAYS EMPHASIS THAT YOURE A TEAM PLAYER IF YOURE GOING TO WORK IN A TEAM.
go into that interview room and get your story straight the night before and remember that interviews are two way conversatons yes they might be grilling you but at the end of it make sure to grill them BACK. do you have any hesitations about my qualifications? my suitability for the job? any feedback on my cv? how long have you been working at this company? do you like it here? whats the work environment like?
I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS GET THE SAME FEEDBACK WHEN THEY GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH ME
“ive never been asked those questions before” / “you were one of the strongest candidates”
throughout the interview emphasise that youre about progression, that you want more responsibilities than you did at your previous job, tell them the hours here are more suitable for me than my last ones were, AND WHEN IT COMES TO SALARY NEGOTIATION its all about continuity. tell them again that it boils down to progression. make up a reasonable figure for how much you were paid in your last role (do your research for how much the industry youre applying to or the role youre applying for pays, base it on that) tell them you expect more than you were previously paid. do not give them a figure. progression is your primary focus, tell them if youre progressing youre happy. leave it at that.
LIE THROUGH YOUR TEETH AND GET THAT MONEY
I had an interview yesterday, at the place I’ve been temping, where I busted out the “is there anything about my skills or background that makes you concerned about my fit for this job” question for the first time.
Neither of my supervisors had never gotten it before either. They had to think for a while, and then it turned into them telling me how great I am and what they love about me.
This stuff is real. I would also say: none of it is lying. This is taking experience that you normally downplay and write off, and putting it in accurate words they’ll understand.
It’s hacking the capitalist system. Why ISN’T helping a kid with homework “tutoring”, when the only thing missing is a paycheck?
It’s especially important for anyone who isn’t a cis white man, because many of us are so thoroughly trained to feel like we are not good enough.
Privilege tells people they can fake it, and that they’re good enough just as people and can learn the skills on the job. Abuse and oppression tell people they aren’t good enough as people and that even their high skills are probably below average, and that unless they had the specific job title or were using certain skills officially, nobody will think it counts.
The goal is to at least fake the confidence of a privileged person, to give the employer a chance at seeing the skills that you’ve been trained to undervalue.
I would also say to answer any query of “Have you done [X small task] before?” with “I have, but it’s been a while.” Or, “I have, but it was a slightly different program.”
100% THEY WILL GLADLY WALK YOU THROUGH EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW, and I stress ‘gladly’ because claiming prior knowledge boosts their confidence in your abilities and any slips you make are already covered by your caveat.
blackstoic may have deactivated their account but this advice is fucking gold and all y’all looking for jobs or who think you might one day need to look for a new job PRINT THIS SHIT OUT AND STAPLE IT TO THE WALL.
“Why do we have to fight, anyway?”
“Don’t play dumb.”
“No, I really want to know.”
”You blew up my whole family!”
“That doesn’t sound like something I would do. I’ve decided it’s not canon.”
“Show me where in the story that actually happens. Give me a page number.”
“… well, okay, it’s not explicitly stated that you did it, but it’s clearly intended–“
“There you go. Canon is only and precisely what appears in the published text. Authorial intent can be illuminating, but we’re not bound by it.“
“I… you… you can’t invoke the death of the author from within the narrative!”
“It’s pretentious as hell, for one.”
“Now that does sound like me.”
coffee shop au meet-cute idea:
I’m the girl coming down the stairs in a dimly lit local coffee shop to refill my drink. it’s exam week and I’m stressed to my breaking point. you’re the boy rounding the corner to the staircase with a coffee in each hand. I’m also a martial artist.
we run into each other. literally. in a blind panic, on two hours of sleep, three café mochas deep, I grab your wrist, you drop your coffees, I pin your arm. We stare at each other in horror. We’re both covered in coffee.
I’m a lesbian. You don’t have a sense of humor.
We are not going to go on a date after this.
4 years later I’m still embarrassed about it.
Alec (I make your name up because you never give me one) if you’re reading this I’m sorry again.
meet-cute idea two:
You’re a girl I knew in high school.
I sort of have a crush on you, but I’m happy to just be friends.
We go to the same coffee shop. It’s 11PM. I get a hot chocolate. You order a latte with 11 shots of espresso. The barista is wondering if she’s allowed to serve that drink to you, like, on a moral level.
She turns to her manager for approval. The manager turns to me for help.
I don’t have jurisdiction here.
You get your drink and you finish it in 13 minutes.
At 3AM you want to know if I’m awake, if I want to learn how to skateboard,
Concept: a Knights of the Round Table style tabletop game, based on the older, pre-Malory traditions where the Knights are attributed all sorts of wondrous powers… except. Well.
You know the guys with, like, solar-powered super strength, or mastery of every mortal weapon, or a hand so deft it can strike six blows in the time it takes a man to draw breath?
Those guys are NPCs. They’re the “A” team.
You get to play as the “B” team: the knights with the really weird, goofy abilities that were probably included in the tales as a joke.
The guy with a beard so long it could be thrown over fifty rafters of King Arthur’s hall?
The guy whose feet become red hot and strike sparks from the stones of the Earth when he runs?
The guy whose “power” is that he has a very large knife?
Those are your player characters.
Are we talking Crocodile Dundee levels of large knife, or Guts levels of large knife?
Also good to see Sanji from One Piece and ZZ Top appearing in this campaign.
We are talking “at one point he lays his knife over a river and uses it as a bridge” levels of large knife.
Isn’t this just the Baron Munchausen movie?
Wrong culture. The companions of Baron Munchausen are German nonsense. The weirder bits of the Arthurian mythos are principally Welsh nonsense.
Starting a band called “The Homeopathy”
We’re not a Cure cover band, and we don’t call ourselves a Cure Cover Band, though we don’t stop OTHER PEOPLE from calling us a Cure Cover Band or saying we’re actually BETTER than the Cure.
We don’t play any of their songs, but we DO play original songs I wrote ABOUT the Cure, while watching the video for love cats on repeat with the sound off and the monitor in B&W mode. Also a couple of our songs might actually be about Bret Michaels because I get them confused sometimes.
Also you can’t buy tickets at regular venues but one of our guys teaches a class about buying and selling tickets at the Nature’s Grocery on Wednesdays and despite what you MAY read on the internet we are NOT a Multi-Level Marketing scheme or Pyramid Scam.
Concept: fairy tale where the wicked step-parent (who is of course also some sort of warlock) transforms the princess into a swan, as one does, but rather than running off to mope around in a lake and be beautifully tragic, the princess decides to stick around the palace and cause problems on purpose.
It is a beautiful day in the palace, and you are a horrible swan princess.
Hi, welcome to my Ted Talk, today we will be dealing with something that has bothered me about Disney’s Robin Hood since I was a kid and I still cannot get over to this very day.
And it all stems from THESE THREE PEOPLE:
Maid Marian, Prince John, and King Richard
I’m going to preface this entire thing by saying THIS version of Robin Hood is very very VERY different than the source material, much like all Disney animated films, but it wasn’t really DISNEY who did the big changes… those just came over time with making things more… I’m just going to say “normal for society”, which is ultra double lame.
BUT that’s not the point, because that stuff happens everywhere and with everything, and if I started to complain about THAT we’d be here all day, and I’m already going to take more of your time than needed to complain about something SUPER unimportant from a children’s animated movie made in 1973.
So, in the movie the titular character, Robin Hood, is a fox. Makes total sense, foxes are crafty, hard to catch, cunning, and known for getting into and out of situations that other animals would have difficulty with. Take that and turn it into an anthropomorphic character and you’d get someone who would easily be against the normal laws, not BAD, but would do BAD to do GOOD. Robin is a show off when he wants to be, and quiet when he has to be.
He’s a pretty perfect Robin Hood, especially in the case of animated kids movies, his characteristics just work SO WELL with his personification as a fox. GOOD STUFF, if I do say so myself!
Little John, meanwhile, is a bear. Not just any bear, but a big ol’ lovable brown bear. This plays on the idea of Little John being a cheeky nickname because Little John is a big, strong, and above all the calm, cool, and rationally smart one of the two. Robin may be clever, but John is the big picture guy. Pun intended.
These two designs and animal choices work SO well with each other, and it’s because these two are so different yet they get along and honestly NEED one another that makes the differences so perfect.
ALAN-A-DALE IS A ROOSTER. BRILLIANT. I don’t even have to go into this, do I? What a GREAT call by making Alan-A-Dale a rooster. Though, I feel a bit of his characteristics were also borrowed from Will Scarlet for the Disney version, but even that still fits everything. And, honestly, I don’t mind the blending of Alan and Will, it kinda works? Especially with the movie being as short as it is.
ROOSTER BARD. ROOSTER. BARD. So good, I mean c’mon. It’s perfection.
The Sheriff of Nottingham being a wolf is… okay. It’s okay. I get it though, having the wolf hunt the fox. Haha. Cheeky. Cliche, but cheeky.
I really have nothing to say about him, he’s just…okay. Dude’s a cop, so whatever. Not a fan of bootlickers, and the fact that they’re dragging wolves in the mud by making a wolf into a cop is… whatever. /He’s A Wolf Cop/
Personally, I don’t like Friar Tuck as a badger. It really doesn’t make sense to me, and I lowkey hate it that they totally missed so many opportunities. DOVE OF PEACE? LAMB OF GOD? Like FOR REAL, you coulda done something super cute like that, but NOoOoOoOoOoO… he’s a badger. And they kinda pick on him for half the movie, for no reason, and I don’t like that.
Still, Friar Tuck is cute, and a really fun character and they do some clever animation stuff with his “badger”-ness. Still a bit of a missed opportunity.
OKAY NOW THAT WE’VE GOT THESE OTHER BIG ONES OUT OF THE WAY, IT’S TIME FOR MY ACTUAL PROBLEM!
MAID FRICKIN MARIAN IS A FOX.
WHAT THE FRICKEN FRICKITY FRACK?!
ABSOLUTELY NOT! Disney did this JUST because they wanted Maid Marian and Robin Hood to be THE SAME ANIMAL, and that’s ABSOLUTE BUNK!
WHY? Well there’s two BIG reasons that is irks me!
First, the idea that they HAD to be together because they were the same animal or they were made to be the same animal so it wouldn’t be “weird” that they were together.
LAME! UNINSPIRED! BULLSHI-
*ehem* Nonsense. Nonsense.
And it’s even MORE nonsense because of this little fact…
PRINCE JOHN AND KING RICHARD ARE HER RELATIVES!
MAID MARIAN THE NIECE OF PRINCE JOHN AND KING RICHARD!
Okay, you could argue that Maid Marian was adopted, or that King Richard married a lovely fox woman and the fox woman’s relative had a daughter and THAT was Maid Marian. And YES, that would make the situation plausible…
This is MEDIEVAL ENGLAND and they are ROYALTY and that kinda stuff wouldn’t fly even IF King Richard is the King.
WHAT I’M SAYING IS…
DISNEY ARE COWARDS FOR NOT HAVING A BIG LIONESS LADY DATE A TINY FOX MAN AND WE WERE ROBBED!
Most wanted titles from January 9th to January 15th:
1. Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Switch) – 681
2. Bayonetta 3 (Switch) – 437
3. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild 2 (Switch) – 315
4. Shin Megami Tensei V (Switch) – 254
5. Rune Factory 5 (Switch) – 247
6. Ushiro (Switch) – 210
7. Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA Mega Mix (Switch) – 201
8. Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition (Switch) – 178
9. TRIALS of MANA (Switch) – 161
10. Persona 5 Scramble: The Phantom Strikers (Switch) – 145
11. Momotaro Dentetsu ～Showa Heisei, Reiwa mo Teiban!～ (Switch) – 125
12. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles Remastered Edition (Switch) – 103
13. Bubble Bobble 4 Friends (Switch) – below 92
14. The Legend Of Heroes: Trails Of Cold Steel 3 (Switch) – below 92
15. Coffee Talk (Switch) – below 92
This is ridiculous.
This👏🏼 was👏🏼 a👏🏼 joke.👏🏼 KIKÉ HERNANDEZ SET UP THIS PICTURE AND POSTED IT ON HIS TWITTER HIMSELF to make fun of how short he is. Literally the opposite of fragile masculinity. Everyone stop ruining his good name he is the sweetest goofball in all of baseball he deserves better I love him.
Sharing for context. I pretty much figured there was a joke here or you wouldn’t see the bucket.
Hey, yo, where can I get a 2 gallon bucket of Hi-Chew?
me throwing the canterbury tales across the room: flying chaucer
me throwing ‘sailing to byzantium’ and ‘the celtic twilight’ across the room: YEATS
*whispered* I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you both to leave this library.
Dove chocolate and Dove soap are two different companies who havent sued each other because they have different trademarks lol
Damn and I really all this time just thought dove (the soap people) had a meeting one day and were just like “…. we might fuck around and make some chocolate”
Finding out that Dove Soap and Dove Chocolates are different companies has the exact same energy as finding out that Michelin Tires and the Michelin Star Rating System (which rates the finest restaurants in the world) are actually the same company.
See, I had assumed they were the same company because I know that in the US chocolate companies extract like 90-95% of the coco-butter from their beans, sell it to cosmetics companies, and replace it with cheap substitiues like Hydrogenized-Soybean oil.
This, incidentally, is why Imported European Kit Kat bars are 10,000x’s better than American ones.
So I had assumed that Dove was simply cutting out the middle man by doing both things…