As Ferris and Sloane kiss in front of a stained-glass window, Cameron concentrates on George Seurat’s painting “A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte”. Explaining the pointillist style — and moviemanking, teenage angst and adult insecurity — Hughes says, “I always thought this painting was sort of like making a movie, the pointillist style,” he says. “You don’t have any idea what you’ve made until you step back from it. … The closer he looks at the child, the less he sees. But the more he looks at, there’s nothing there. I think he fears that the more you look at him the less you see. There isn’t anything there. That’s him”. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) dir. John Hughes
“…ran off on the plug, not me I stayed right there…”
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or maybe the true danger is that niqqas feel like they need people, who are willing to devastate and hurt them in their lives…
“I still need you while it hurts; I still want you while it hurts.”
You were the closest I ever got to having IT, then you took it away from me. You’re my best chance at getting it back. Are you?
If a niqqa you trust is willing to do some shit that’ll hurt you that bad (I mean badly), you don’t think that’ll fuck you up a whoole lot? Not just any niqqa, like the one person you fux with on the highest of all levels (lovers, friends, etc.) If a niqqa can willingly cause you trauma or consider it for long enough that it becomes an actual issue, shit cannot be regular or normal after that.
…shit is literally its own form of devastation…
…to take it a step further, imagine trying to “rebuild” that after so much devastation. You’d have to be figuratively naked every time I was around you for me to actually feel comfortable again; My brain would not allow me to fully fuck with you otherwise…(all figurative)
If you were going that hard when it was some shit that could really slow me down, then you gotta go 3 times that to help me get back, IF you tryna be in my life…
“You’re nervous, ‘cause I feel funny?”
“…She just wants it the way she wants it…”
…shit ain’t rocket science…but ya swear you’re the exception…smdh. LOL
The original story of Adam(Kadmon)
Top: The Egyptian god Khnum (right), creating two humans from clay, on his potter’s wheel, seated next to the goddess Isis (left), who is imparting the breath of life into the clay figures by pointing the ankh at their nostrils.
God made the first woman from Adam’s rib In the Biblical version of the Heliopolis creation myth, the first woman was made from Adam’s rib. This is a re-write of the original Egyptian version of how Shu, the sky-air god, son of Atum (Re) and father of Geb (earth), “pulled Nut (sky) from Geb’s body” and separated heaven and earth. In short, the Biblical story of God creating Adam from clay and Eve from Adam’s body, and their three sons (Cain, Abel, and Seth), is de-deification re-write of the story of Atum-Re self-generating out of the Nun or formless water of beginning to create Geb and Nut and their three offspring sons (Osiris, Horus, and Set).  In Surah 4:1 of the Quran, this “creation of women” story is re-stated as such:
“…so what’s up?…”
I wanted to take some time out and talk about who I am, where I’ve been and why….
I feel a need to touch base with my fans, old and new, and talk about the process of a dream. :)
My truth is simply my truth. I think it’s important for the world to really understand what it takes to be an indie artist, I would like to share my story.
It’s normal to be human.
It’s normal to have a journey, a plan.
It takes TIME to know who you are as a person, let alone an artist.
My EP is done.
Now you ask, where is it?
I’ve never talked about the numerous day jobs I’ve worked since graduation from NCCU in 2012.
I’ve never talked about the 3 banks I’ve worked at, and how I pretended to “love” being a banker.
I never told anyone about how my passwords at work always had something to do with “Having Faith”, and each year, I’d change the year.
I’d ask myself, “Damn, Heather! How many years is it gone take of you changing this password for you to finally try and do music full time?”
That was my goal.
Do music full time, make it a priority.
I’d never had the courage enough to do so, until I was let go June 2, 2016. And the whole time, 9th remained patient with me and supportive while I found myself, and figured out what I truly wanted.
My parents made me a hard worker.
I got it honest. I got my sense of pride honest too. It seems for years, after I released “Hip Hop Soul Lives” in 2011, I had a disconnect within myself. I couldn’t figure out who I truly was and how I could be that person. FULL TIME.
How can I be successful in the eyes of my family, knowing that chasing my dream would take extreme sacrifice?
How can I succeed when people in my own family are telling me that being a singer and being from NC is pretty much just a fairy tale.
I received way more BS than I did support.
That shit takes a toll on your mental.
Especially a YOUNG chick, whos fresh out of college and still figuring things out.
(I’m almost 28 and im still figuring things out btw).
I lied to myself when I didn’t have the answers. In 2014, I told myself, “Hey! Maybe I’ll just find a part time gig, record music, AND go to grad school to become a counselor…” so I started grad school online.
I put singing on a back burner.
I was taking advantage of my gift and didn’t even know it.
I was recording a lot less, but I never stopped completely.
For 6 months, I focused more on grad school, pleasing family and looking like I had a “real” plan, and less on MY music.
I mean I had put out singles, (Drive Home) and (Summer Day) and done some shows with my team but still felt discouraged. I’d done features and worked with awesome artists like Jadakiss, Mac Miller, and K.R.I.T., yet still wasn’t in tune with my own artistry.
I worked with a writer and those songs were never released because the songs never really came together project wise.
It wasn’t the right time. I didn’t have a full project that made sense yet.
In the midst of me deciding that grad school wasn’t gonna work, I had a heart to heart with 9th. I said I’m ready to put a project together…but I don’t know what to call it.
I told 9th I wanted to tell my story, who I am.
I wanted it to be honest….I wanted to pour my heart out. He then suggested “Black Girl”….“its who you are….tell your story….Black Girl Story”…little did I know, most of the content that would make for my project hadn’t happened yet.
This was 2014.
As an artist, it’s important to take your time in your personal growth. It’s easy to get caught up in the “keeping up with the Jones’” game because we live in a land of “followers” and “likes” and who’s who! To me, it ain’t never been about the fame.
I’ve always just wanted to tell my truth, THROUGH THE MUSIC.
My team has always moved by a cree of moving in silence, but I must recognize how important it is to be patient and to trust your leadership. It’s important to trust the timing and process of what it takes to put out your best work.
People in the streets say, “9th Wonder ain’t fuckin with you like he fuck with Rapsody.”
THEY didn’t SEE Rap in the studio day in and day out. She inspired me to get on my shit. She’s always been a go getter and one that spends endless hours on her craft. THEY don’t know about how 9th never asked me or anyone to pay for studio time. THEY weren’t there when 9th paid for rooms on each and every festival trip…and bought food for us.
THEY weren’t there when Rap set up my photo shoots, paid for make up appointments and wardrobe. Nobody knows what goes on behind the scenes! No one wants to talk about what it takes to be a real team player.
No one but the squad has been in the studio with ALL OF US for the last 7 years.
THEY dont see all of what 9th does to run a label and a studio. They don’t understand how much heart one must truly possess to literally invest time, money, and energy into someone’s else’s dreams and aspirations. It’s something that is taken advantage of too often.
In all actuality, my project wasn’t ready.
9th taught me about patience, and how important it is to stay away from being an artist who will “just throw something out” -
Hes taught me about the importance of perfecting your craft. I’ve learned that making a solid project, or album takes time and it’s more than the music.
It’s about the packaging, the content, the message, the articulation, the style.
None of that comes over night. Sometimes egos get in the way….and sometimes your ego will kill yo ass if you let it.
Timing is EVERYTHING.
I got to a point in 2016 where I felt like everything was falling apart. I had Records in the can, but it still didn’t feel “right” or “done”.
I guess God decided that enough was enough because in the remainder of 2016, I lost my job, my love relationship ended, and I felt like I was at ground zero.
The day that I lost my job I went to the studio after crying my eyes out for 2 hours.
I sat down with 9th and Rap who were both there and told them about my day.
I told them before I told my parents what had happened.
Within minutes, 9th told me that the JamRoc deal had come into fruition and that though one door had closed for me with my job, a new one had opened.
I was speechless. Look at how God works.
You mean Jamla, is going to have a partnership with Roc Nation?
I had confirmation, on a spiritual level.
I called my momma and told her I was coming home. I left Raleigh, and moved all of my furniture to my moms house.
I decided it was time to focus on my damn self for a while.
I finished my EP, over a course of about 11 months. I took my time. I felt free.
I stayed many many many nights in the studio. My sister Rap welcomed me with open arms into her home. My team, my JAMLA family…
helped me become who I am today.
I’m forever grateful.
It only gets better….from here.
Thank you 9th Wonder, for listening to my demo that day back in 2009. Thank you for endless beats at no charge. Thank you for signing me to Jamla. Thank you for giving me a chance. Thank you for sticking with me, when I was lost. I’m appreciative of the ups, the downs, the shows where only 15 people showed up.
I’m thankful for a team that is strong and that is better than ever.
Welcome to JAMROC.
resiliency, courage, && strength…