Literally the best part of Breaking Dawn is Renesmee getting sad that she doesn’t sparkle like the others, and Bella saying “You’re the prettiest” followed immediately by Edward saying “I have to disagree” right in front of her
Like I get Edward can’t turn off the Bella Compliment Machine but imagine being self conscious about your looks and your mom is like “oh honey I think you’re the best looking one here.” And then your dad walks in like “What? No she’s not.”
this is so fucking funny bruh I’m physically crying bc I forgot smeyer needed her self-insert to be so not-like-other-girls that not even her kid could be complimented more highly than her by her own damn parents sjsjggzksndhxkdjdbshsissks
If you have any reason to want to skip Nine in Doctor Who - go and read the latest articles about Christopher Eccleston. What a brave, lovely man with an absolutely heart-wrenching story. All of that was going on while he was playing the Doctor.
no but seriously one time i ordered something from adam & eve (surprise a big ol dildo) and the order said discreet shipping and i was like cool ya know cause i lived with three dudes in an apartment and also had to go to the apartment office to pick up my package so discreet is dope and i got the package delivery notification like sick im about to dick myself so i walked my happy horny ass down to the office and told the lady my name and she went into the package delivery room to grab it and it took her a minute and she came out with a dick shaped bag just grasping the shaft of it and i looked at it mortified and had to grab the balls part of the package from the woman and she let go and it just wiggled and i could feel the squish through the bag and it was just horrible
If it’s any consolation, I get it. I’m a trans guy who wears a packer. One day I was in the restroom and pulled my pants down. I really had to go so I did it fast and the magnet clip came undone and my dick flopped out of my boxers and bounced into the stall next to me.
The OCCUPIED stall next to me.
I wanted to die. There was this horrible forever silence moments. Then the dude just goes, “Uh, you dropped your dick man,” and nudges it over with his foot.
hey, you wanna learn about the largest amphibian in the western hemisphere? you do?
then without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to
found in the eastern half of the United States, the Hellbender is a giant fucking salamander. they are the largest amphibian in the western hemisphere by a wide margin, with adults clocking in at around two… feet? (that definitely says feet. jesus) long.
large enough to use as a blunt instrument
no one is really sure how these giant salamanders earned the name “Hellbender”, but it is thought that white settlers thought it was “a creature from hell who was bent on returning”, or that its wrinkly skin reminded white settlers of “the horrible tortures of the infernal regions.” (white settlers should not have been allowed to name things.)
…all right, yeah, it does sort of look like it crawled out of a Bosch painting.
these days, locals just tend to give them endearing vernacular names like: Snot Otter! Lasagna Lizard! Devil Dog! Grampus! Allegheny Alligator! aaaand for some fucking reason, Leverian Water Newt!
these poor guys just can’t catch a break.
you’re hurting his feelings
the Hellbender is found in fast water streams and rivers from New York to Missouri. they breath completely through their skin (weird, but mammals can be judgey about this so I’ll let it slide) and hide under large rocks on the streambed, where they feast on crayfish and also regular fish.
maybe also feet
they are active at night and remain in dark areas during the day. to stay hidden, they have evolved light-sensitive cells all over their bodies. that’s right, they literally turned themselves into a single giant weird eyeball. what the fuck, evolution.
this seems like a good survival strategy (sort of), but it also means that to catch one you just have to go flip a bunch of muddy rocks over.
aaaaa! my plan, foiled!
unfortunately, human activity has been decreasing their number for years, and they are now regarded as Threatened. that said, there are many programs now in place for their recovery, including extensive captive breeding and environmental repair.
hopefully in the future these amazing giant snot otters will make a recovery. we wish only good things for the lasagna lizard.
look at those eager faces! the future is yours, children
Yes sir I will take 10 of the moist burritos please
Question: What are ur absolute all time favorite chicken breeds and why?
my all time favourite breeds are crested, spangled, and laced breeds
my #1 are cream brabanters, i just love everything about how they look
another cool breed that looks very similar are pavlovskayas, as far as I know they are unrelated. I just love them and brabanters for their half crescent spangles, they look like hearts its so cute
the most widely available funky breed i like are probably polishes. that being said, i’m not a fan of their reduced vision and sometimes their crest can need to be trimmed (they can also have dome shaped skulls with holes in them but most live fine)
another breed i love are salmon faverolles, they just look like toasted marshmallows and very huggable. they’re also one of the more dimorphic breeds, the roosters are black with light hackles and saddles
I was thinking of getting a faverolles but the only downside is their eggs are on the smaller side and my family wanted good layers.
so far all the breeds i listed are ones i’ve actually had no experience with so obviously i have to talk about ones i’ve owned. wyandottes are easily the most eye catching + reliable dual purpose you can get imo, plus the rose comb has less frostbite risk although lady columbian wyandotte has the biggest wattles of all my chickens. my SL wyandotte daisy is my baby and i’d die for her.
finally, there’s easter eggers (generic brand ameraucanas). If you’re in the hobby farm scene you’ll know both EEs and ameraucanas are an all-time favourite right now. their green or blue eggs are a novelty and you’ll always get wows from people who don’t know chickens can do that, so it’s really easy to sell or give away extra eggs. they come in a huge range of colours and the feet are green or blue, no two EEs look the same. they have a good temperament, and their tiny pea comb + absence of wattle is basically the most anti-frostbite you can get, which is great if you live in a cold climate. basically if you want a unique and cold resistant backyard breed my top recommendations are EEs or ameraucanas.
I have so many breeds i can talk about but its late and this post is getting really long
Good afternoon, the academic culture of “if you’re not overworking, you don’t deserve success” is unhealthy.
This has been on my blog before, but hot damn this is so so important. I’m a final year PhD student and I have had to train myself out of working insane hours and being hospitalised again. Nothing is worth that.