Question: How do you get men to wanting to care for you and help you? It doesn't matter what kind of men I meet, bf/pot/sub they don't want to give me money, they don't want to give me any gifts and they don't want to help with anything. And I don't get it? It's like I am so strong that I should manage by myself. But I never do the whole independent woman thing, on the contrary I really try to be feminine, I ask for help, I show appreciation when they do things for me etc. What am I doing wrong?
You are either picking up men in the wrong place or your “look/appearance” is not giving off a “kept woman” vibe.
You get men wanting to take care of you by looking and acting as if you’re already being taken care of.
You have to look like it, act like it.
You have to eat, sleep and breathe it.
You have to EMBODY it.
Giving you a “script” or phrases to say doesn’t always work because certain words don’t have the same effect on every man.
For instance some guys love damsels in distress. (aka “captain save-a-hoe” types). If you approach them with a tragic, sad story they’ll leap at the opportunity to help you.
But every guy isn’t like that.
Some guys love the bossy, princess type. They love a girl that’s a bit demanding, bitchy and takes no shit.
Both of these guys will “keep” you. But they will do it for different reasons.
And if you try to use a “bossy princess tactic” on a “captain save-a-hoe” type it’s not going to work. He’s going to get turned off and will probably cut off contact with you. Or he’ll pretend as if he’ll assist you and then never come through.
Words are not the most effective way to IMPLANT the idea into a man’s head that you want to be kept.
Most people don’t really hear you when you speak. Everyone has “selective hearing”. They hear what they want to hear.
So what do you do?
You show them better than you can tell them.
It’s 80% of how you present yourself and 20% of what you say.
Haven’t you ever made up your mind about someone or made a judgement about a person before they even opened their mouth to speak?
Your words merely back up your actions.
You have to dress like a kept woman.
This doesn’t mean you have to be draped in Chanel but you do need to be put together. Looking put together is SO fucking important.
Look at how the “rich women” in your area are dressing and presenting themselves. Are you doing the same? Everyone has their own unique style but the common theme is that they are put together from head to toe. Be honest. Are you doing this? ALL of this? Hair. Eyebrows. Skin. Teeth. Makeup. Posture. Perfume. Properly fitting outfit. Manicured nails. Quality handbag and shoes (it doesn’t have to be designer).
When you look like a million bucks you attract a million bucks.
There are quite a few videos on YouTube about how to look expensive on a budget. Watch them and take notes.
You have to act like a kept woman.
How would you act if you were already being sponsored? What would your hobbies be? Where would you go? What would you do?
Begin incorporating it into your lifestyle.
And don’t think it has to be expensive either. It costs absolutely nothing to walk around Saks Fifth Avenue.
Now where are you finding your men?
I know you’re on a lot of online sites. I urge you to diversify and begin freestyling and to also change the pictures that you’re using. If they’re head-shots or body-shots of you in some random location or in front of a plain background/wall they’ve got to go.
A picture is worth a thousand words and you need to set your narrative:
- A picture of you in an upscale hotel lobby.
- A picture of you in front of a high end department store (with the name of the store in the picture with a shopping bag in your hand)
- A picture of you in an expensive restaurant at the bar with a pretty drink.
- A picture of you holding a bouquet of flowers, box of chocolates, etc.
And when a man sees that type of profile with those kinds of pictures, he’s not going to think “wow she’s an independent woman getting it on her own”. He’s going to think “there’s some man paying for all of that and if I want to get with her, I’m going to have to do the same.”
And THEN when you start to ask for things, he wont be surprised. But you have to set this precedent from the very beginning.
He doesn’t want to give you what you want? Thankyou, NEXT.
I personally like to start off like this:
- 2 Dates at a NICE restaurant (do not accept drink dates).
- Then I start asking for gifts. Maybe a dress for our next date. Or 2 dozen roses. Or chocolate truffles. Nothing too crazy as long as it sends the message that I am a luxury, I like luxury things and you will spend your money when you’re around me.
It doesn’t matter if he’s a captain save a hoe type, bossy princess type or something else. NO MAN should have a problem with buying gifts for his lady.
He has a problem with it? THANKYOU NEXT.
After a few gifts, I ask for a small bill to be paid.
Then I keep working my way up.
And do not be afraid to “act dumb”:
“What do you mean you didn’t give your past girlfriends gifts??? Didn’t you want to do something sweet for her?” *look confused*
What do you mean you never took your former Mistress/Domme shopping?? I thought you liked showing your appreciation? *look confused?*
What do you mean that’s all you gave your previous sugar baby?? Didn’t you want to help her out more? *LOOK FUCKING CONFUSED*
You do not have to act bitchy or demanding (unless he’s in to that)
You do not have to beg or plead.
You do not have to act overly sweet.
You simply say this as “matter of factly” as you can with a straight face.
He’s going to feel like an ass and is either going to cave within 24 hours or disappear out of your life.
You have to set the standard from the beginning.
And you can not waver from it.
You have to be ruthless and willing to cut him off with the quickness if he will not meet your demands.
You don’t have to be mean. Just stop giving him attention.
A kept woman does not “ask”, she expects.
She expects you to take her on shopping trips.
She expects you to take her dining at upscale restaurants.
She expects you to take her on luxury vacations.
She expects you to take care of her financially.
That is simply the “cost” of dating her.
When I look at both my successes and failures I noticed that every time I failed it was because I acted like a woman that WANTED to be a kept woman. Every time I succeeded it was because I acted like woman that IS a kept woman.
There is a difference.