# joke Tumblr posts

  • sarcastic-clapping
    22.10.2021 - 3 minutes ago

    anyway i’m going insane BUT for anyone curious i used this episode’s air date as colin’s birthday 100 years ago - and idk if that has literally any alignment with the time of year it’s supposed to be in the show but if we PRETEND that it does and colin’s birthday is 10/21/1921……there is so much to unpack here……

    this is literally the most annoying chart i could imagine ❤️

    like ok libra / 12H stellium king!!!! the virgo mars…….the scorpio mercury……..many thoughts………many thoughts

    #by ‘annoying’ i mean designed in a lab to be endearing to me and only mean in a little rat way #wwdits#wwdits spoilers #even if it’s not canon in the show this chart is now canon for ME because i have decided it is funny #colin robinson #fun fact i wasn’t joking about smoking a fat bowl for c man
    View Full
  • butterycockporn
    22.10.2021 - 4 minutes ago

    ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ #pun #puns #dadjokes #underratedmeme #underratedmemes #laughingmyassout #laughoutloud #rollingonfloorlaughing #rollingonthefloorlaughing #thatsfunny #adultjokes #jokes😂 #jokester #jokesdaily #igotjokes #humorous #dankmemesig #dankmemesgang #likes4likes #liker #likeme #likeallmypics #like4like #like4likes https://www.instagram.com/p/CVUUXXFjkKO/?utm_medium=tumblr

    View Full
  • somecommonbitch
    22.10.2021 - 4 minutes ago

    orym, on a skyship with two of his og party members: new city, new people. maybe we can meet some smart ones.

    orym, surrounded by a brand new band of idiots: oh no

    #critical role #low int party part two baby!! #cr spoilers #untitled c3 party #ik bertrand beats him for now but. let me have this joke askfasf
    View Full
  • crystal-jack-asripines
    22.10.2021 - 5 minutes ago

    Welcome back, Bertrand Bell <3

    #missed his stupid old ass KSKDNJXJSJDJ #critical role#cr#bertrand bell #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers#cr3ep1#crliveblogging #arthur christmas steve #I made this joke when we first met him and I’m keeping this joke the whole campaign
    View Full
  • justsomeweirdbandkid
    22.10.2021 - 5 minutes ago

    God why can't people just listen sometimes

    #I tell kids to chill out and I get 'no' #I tell kids to leave me alone for a second but they keep crowding around me #I tell kids I'm getting through a bad sensory overload and they just talk even more #I'm sick and tired of people not listening rn #just because I'm mentally ill doesn't mean you get to treat me like some fucking joke #I get so panicked during overloads that I can barely breathe #I was trying so hard to avoid hearing actual voice on that bus #you can even ask SatanYoggie who watched me put headphones blaring Hozier at full volume as I huddled under a jacket #it's.. been a rough night #I'm just gonna stay off of here for the night but I wanted to get this off my chest
    View Full
  • initiatedefenestration
    22.10.2021 - 6 minutes ago

    gilf bertrand

    you need a sugar baby or what

    #for legal reasons this is mostly a joke #critical role #critical role spoilers #critical role liveblog
    View Full
  • ghostfacersnatural
    22.10.2021 - 6 minutes ago
    #also some of y’all motherfuckers are already making jokes like??? that is okay literally never #bee says things #answering asks
    View Full
  • hotphobia
    22.10.2021 - 7 minutes ago

    The way my account would’ve gotten suspended by now if I was on twitter

    #you crack a couple jokes about Lisa and it’s over for you on there #at least on here I can be truthful
    View Full
  • thornyroses
    22.10.2021 - 8 minutes ago

    all the importance in the world

    ALT TITLE: they love each other. they love each other, they love each other, they love each other.

    AUTHOR’S NOTE: chrysi and despair don’t care about being terrible people as long as they can be terrible together <3 that’s all that matters. they love each other so much. so, so much. 

    SOUNDTRACK:

    Casanova // Allie X

    — — —

    “Sometimes I hate myself,” Chrysi whispers into his shoulder, folding herself even closer to him.

    Despair doesn’t look down at her. Instead, he tries to memorize the shape of her next to him, how she fits so well against him, how she’s all he’s ever cared about even after all this time. He’s scared he’ll chase her off.

    “Why?” he asks into the darkness looming overhead, even though he knows damn well why.

    The tracing of her hand along his ribs makes him shiver. She still remembers his weakness, even if she doesn’t remember their past entirely—even if she doesn’t remember the countless times they’d laid out on a bed like this together in the blackness, fatigued and desperate only for each other’s company.

    “I think you can guess why.” And she doesn’t sound angry like Despair thinks she normally would. All she sounds is sad and reluctant.

    Sourness coats his tongue. He struggles to swallow properly.

    Slowly, he says, “I’m sorry I’m not a better person.”

    This time, it’s true. It’s not like the words he spat at her when she discovered his plans for the second great collapse—rife with heartbreak and deflected with coldness.

    She doesn’t reply. Her fingers curl into the folds of his clothing, anchoring herself to him.

    Then, very quietly, she murmurs, “I’m sorry I’m not a better person either.”

    It sends a jolt through him, to hear her say those words. His fingertips go numb, his skin feels odd, and he can only thread his hand through her long curls.

    “What do you mean?”

    She breathes out a long breath—slow, warm—and she pushes herself up. Her legs curl up behind her, her hair falling around her like white clouds of fog. Even in the dark, her eyes shimmer.

    Her nose wrinkles and she averts her eyes. Her hand remains curled in his lost-and-found sweater.

    “I still don’t feel bad for William,” she admits, and the way her voice barely cracks the blackness around them sounds like she’s admitted to murdering people.

    He doesn’t know how to respond. Words evade him.

    Despair can only look at Chrysi, thinking only of how wonderful it is to be with her again, to be able to spend nights like this, to not have to worry about the secrets he was keeping from her. They’re on the same terms again, and it’s a relief.

    Chrysi continues with an unhappy line to her mouth, twisting them like a tangled bow. “I don’t feel bad about never warning the HLPD about what you were planning to do. I don’t regret keeping my relationship with you secret from Willow, from Filly, from Faye, from Daniel.” She leans down, her hair falling over the curve of her shoulder in a snow waterfall. Her eyelashes brush the curve of her cheek. “I know I should,” she whispers, “but I can’t feel bad about it.”

    Despair still doesn’t know what to say. He reaches up and cups her cheek in his palm.

    Her eyes flutter shut. Her hand touches his.

    “I don’t feel bad that you possessed Will. I’m glad I was able to meet you again. I’m glad I am with you again.”

    She shifts her face downward, nuzzling into his palm.

    “I don’t feel bad that I never told Daniel about your plans. if I had, you would’ve gotten hurt. I didn’t want that to happen.”

    She pushes so far into his hand that he can feel the delicate caress of her long, long eyelashes on his skin. His heartbeat trips.

    “I don’t feel bad that I never told anybody who you were to me after the Second Great Collapse. I couldn’t bear the thought of somebody hurting you through me. I couldn’t bear the thought of incorrect interpretations being leveled at our relationship.”

    Her lips are next, kissing from the delicate vein in his wrist, up to the heartline in his palm, up to the tips of his fingers.

    Her mouth is still on his hand when she says, “I don’t feel bad that you failed. Because if you hadn’t, there would’ve been nothing for me to return to.” Her eyes open, and they pierce him right through the heart with electric gold and deep, scarlet red. “There would’ve been no Caeruleus left behind for me to love.”

    Despair shivers. Her lips are closed. His fingers press lightly against their softness.

    He sits up. Slipping his arm around her waist, he pulls her to the line of his body.

    “Chryseis,” he whispers, and he’s so happy to say her name and to hold her in his arms. He didn’t know how he survived the two millennia without her, when he now could barely stand being without her for a scant year and a half.

    She hums. Her arms slip around him in kind, and she rests her chin on his chest, tilting her face to look up at him.

    A smile warms his mouth. He wants her mouth on his. Instead, he traces the line of her lips with his fingers.

    “I don’t mind any of that,” he says softly. “So long as I can be with you, everything is as I want it.”

    She blinks up at him. Her eyes are dreamy—beautiful.

    “Even if I’m a terrible person for not caring how much I’ve hurt others?” she whispers—so uncertainly, too.

    Angling his head downward, Despair presses a delicate kiss to her forehead. “I’m a terrible person too.”

    “I know. That’s what scares me.”

    His smile widens. Chrysi tilts her head in a silent question.

    “I’d love you even if you’d tortured someone,” he says into the kiss. He plants another to the edge of her brow. “I’d love you even if you’d killed someone in cold blood.” He spread another kiss to the curve of her eyelid. “I’d love you even if you killed ten.” The arch of her cheek. “I’d love you if you tried to kill half the city.” The corner of her lip. “I’d love you if you tried to kill me.”

    At this, she finally makes a noise of dissent. Despair lifts his face, his nose bumping into hers, and meets her worried eyes. He reaches up to ease the tense line of her brow with a gentle fingertip.

    “I love you, Chryseis,” he breathes, his lips almost brushing hers from their closeness. “I’ve loved you ever since I’ve met you, and I’ll continue to love you no matter what.”

    Chrysi plays with the hair at the nape of his neck. She leans her forehead to his in a slow, smooth movement.

    Quietly, she murmurs, “I love you too.” She tightens her arms around his neck. Her mouth almost slots against his in a kiss, even as she repeats, “I love you.” Her lips lightly caress the line of his mouth. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

    Like a spell. Like a blessing. Like a curse.

    Despair pulls her into a kiss proper. He doesn’t have the willpower to hold back. He isn’t able to handle one second more without feeling her mouth on his. He wants Chrysi, Chrysi, Chrysi—to hell with the rest of the world.

    He is sorry he’s not a better person.

    But he doesn’t care when Chrysi still holds him in her arms, when she lays with him in the dark, when they kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss, until the world doesn’t matter anymore.

    All Despair needs is Chrysi, and he will do everything in his power to keep it that way.

    #memoriewrites #rose and thorns #*buries face in hands* gjrkgjdkcjdjjchdjfjsifjfhdjdjsksk #they love each other so so much….. i can’t even make a joke. they’re lovers through and through!!!!!
    View Full
  • chiliryee
    22.10.2021 - 10 minutes ago

    I hate you.

    - Noah about Charles

    View Full
  • vampowers
    22.10.2021 - 10 minutes ago

    being able to curl up and cry in fetal position is a privilege

    #this is fully a joke if it's not clear #i would cry in fetal position all the time if i was physically capable of laying on my side for longer than 30 seconds without pain #but my spine doesn't support my weight that way so i have to cry on my back holding a pillow like a 00s protagonist #mine
    View Full
  • evenmywordsare
    22.10.2021 - 10 minutes ago

    seam being toriel’s stuffed animal.. the implications. she named them. she loved word play even when she was little. i can just hear her correcting people—“it’s pronounced ‘shawm’!”—and decades later seam still echoes her when they introduce themself.

    #man 🐴#toriel#seam#pie posts #it’s interesting in itself that seam makes that remark #because presumably they would have just said “name’s seam” the exact way it’s pronounced #it’s just another reason why seam feels like a genre aware character. it’s as if they knew we weren’t actually hearing them #same with the “seap” joke. it would have technically sounded like they just said “shop” normally #seam!! you are so interesting
    View Full
  • thunderxthighs
    22.10.2021 - 11 minutes ago

    "Im gonna fuck the rug!"

    #cr spoilers #presented without comment or context because im laughing too hard to make a joke #marisha my beloved
    View Full
  • chiliryee
    22.10.2021 - 12 minutes ago

    daily noarles headcanons ♡

    ♡ I'm going to make this a daily / bi-daily thing! I love this ship sooo much and I can't stop thinking about them~! October 21 ♡

    ♡ Noah once tells Charles to bugger off and Charles takes it literally! He proceeds to drive away in a buggy car and make a Beatles reference

    ♡ Charles buys Noah a gay pride flag not knowing his family is homophobic ^^; He gets really upset when Noah throws the flag away and ends up jumping off the Carquinez!

    ♡ Inspiration from @minimnmsdotcom! Similar in fashion to one episode of Criminal Minds, Charles gets a death row execution by electric chair and Noah watches ( ゚▽゚)/ The last thing Charles sees is Noah making an "L" shape with his fingers and holding it up to his forehead while laughing at Charles! 0//////0

    ♡ Charles gets Noah the moon and Noah tells him to make like Laika

    ♡ Charles pins Noah to a wall and Noah pins Charles to a crucifix

    ♡ That's all for today! Aaaah, I love this ship~! By the way, this is all a joke~ Noah and I are dating ♡

    View Full
  • myuheru
    22.10.2021 - 14 minutes ago

    leorio getting his medical license revoked because he ignored kurapika’s DNR

    #i miss hxh maybe a little bit these two are so easy to make jokes about #h#(carte)
    View Full
  • diavolosinferno
    22.10.2021 - 14 minutes ago

    Satan stans give me extreme "I could fix him" energy

    #THIS IS A JOKE #/j #for the love of fuck this is a joke #but I could make him worse- #mine #im not putting this in the main tag
    View Full
  • dumb-doll-lips
    22.10.2021 - 17 minutes ago

    So stressed about having to go into the office tomorrow. The last time I was in was one of the worst work days I’ve had years.

    It feels like a push up bra and showing a lot of cleavage can only do so much to help lol.

    #trying to make a joke to be like chill #I hope it’s not too busy and I have time for lots of distractions #work has been getting way to hard #personal
    View Full
  • miss-mammon
    22.10.2021 - 18 minutes ago
    #this is mostly a joke dont kill me
    View Full
  • boatem
    22.10.2021 - 19 minutes ago

    “I think we’re married now,” says Etho, apropos of nothing. The night is silent and dark as anything, and Bdubs had hoped to go to bed and get some sleep in a few minutes.

    Instead, he visibly startles, sputtering. “Huh? What do you- since when?”

    “When I went to get your life,” Etho elaborates. “I went to Scar - you’re welcome for that, by the way- don’t look at me like that- I went to Scar and he started saying he felt like a marriage counselor.”

    Bdubs is silent for a moment. “And what did you tell him?”

    “It wasn’t inaccurate, so I didn’t say anything.” Etho shrugs, glancing to the side and not quite meeting Bdubs’ eyes. “And then I realized, oh, that’s what this is.”

    Bdubs opens his mouth to object, then thinks better of it. For a moment, it is silent, and pale yellow stars dance in the night sky.

    Bdubs says nothing, and that’s enough.

    #b originals#writing #last life smp #ethoslab#bdoubleo100#trafficblr #ask to tag #??? I guess??? #I don’t count this as shipping because that just. wasn’t what I had in mind #but it’s also marriage so??? idk man if this should be tagged a certain way just tell me #I’m just elaborating on canon jokes in a way I thought was interesting #man #it’s late I’m going to bed #heart
    View Full
  • n4b3
    22.10.2021 - 20 minutes ago
    #ask#afjgvbhrsivhsrf#dnf #it was funny how they find the idea of wilbur being a simp for george a joke kdfnksjdfn #says a lot about society
    View Full