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You know I think you’re the only girl in the world who can stand on a stage with a spotlight in her eye and still see a diamond inside a man’s pocket.
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953) dir. Howard Hawks227
Ted: “…uh-oh.”
Narrator: “And it looks like Jimmy’s going to keep out of trouble for once.”
Ted: “…really?”
Carl: “Dare we believe it? Has the curse lifted?!”
Narrator: “He can’t get into anything because he’s ‘it!’ No, Jimmy’s alright…”
Ted: “…”
Carl: “…”
Narrator: “…but I’m not so sure about Marsha.”
Carl: “NOOOOO!”
Ted: “The Curse of Jimmy hath found a new host!”
Carl: “’Moooom! There’s a skeleton in here that looks like Harrison Ford!’“
Narrator: “Well, it’ll still be alright if they can just find her.“
Ted: “You heard it here first, kids: locking yourself in a refrigerator is fine, as long as your friends will find you.”
Narrator: “Too bad… that one girl might’ve found her, if Jimmy hadn’t stopped her.”
Ted: “Dang it, Jim! …mmy.”
Carl: “Smooth, Ted. Smooth.”
Narrator: “So far, we’ve seen all the wrong things. Is there anything wrong with flying a kite?”
Carl: “Not in the capable hands of Skier Sweater Boy, unenlisted brother of Major Moose Sweater.”
Narrator: “I think by now, everybody but Jimmy knows how foolish it is to play in the street.“
Ted: “At this point… you gotta wonder if Jimmy’s favorite hobby is ER visits.”
Narrator: “It’s no good flying a kite in the rain either… and you know what might happen?”
Carl: “…come on. Cheesy lightning effect. Lay it on me. I’m ready.”
Ted: “…”
Carl: “…”
Ted: “…?”
Carl: “…uh-huh?”
Ted: “…oh.”
Carl: “I’ll be honest, the 10 seconds of dramatic music weren’t worth it.”
Carl: “As dope of an illustration as that is.”
Ted: “At least now I can finally say I’ve seen Lightbulb Benjamin Franklin launch a bottle cap off his head.”
Narrator: “Jimmy’s really asking for trouble, climbing a power pole!”
Ted: “I guess flying a kite near power lines wasn’t enough electrocution risk for ol’ Jimmy?”
Carl: “Better to take things into your own hands and lick ‘em, just to be sure.”
Ted: “Wow. I mean, falling I can take, but getting bird-shamed like that?”
Ted: “…brutal.”
Narrator: “Well, kids, what have we learned so far?”
Carl: “That deadly powerlines do, in fact…”
Carl: “…love their jobs?”
Ted: “Deadly infrastructure always has the most fun.”
Narrator: “We’ll leave the chance-taking to Jimmy.”
Ted: “Wait, he went through all that yesterday, and ended up with a single bandage on his head?!”
Carl: “Skynet coulda saved loads of time if ditched the T-800 in favor of a Jimmy or two.”
Narrator: “He can stay home and feel sorry for himself all day, because he didn’t use that big bump on his shoulders…”
Ted: “…oh. His head.”
Carl: “Ah. Mmhmm.”
Ted: “…his head.”
Carl: “Deeeeefinitely his head.”
Ted: “…look, it’s his head. We get it.”
Carl: “IT’S HIS HEAD!”
Narrator: “Know what I’m talking about?”
Carl: “HIS HEAD, SID DAVIS, IT’S HIS HEAD!!!”
Narrator: “His head!”
Carl: “IT’S HIS- oh. Yeah.”
Carl: “Ha! We made it!”
Ted: “And how fitting this rollercoaster of child endangerment ends with a dangerously-uncentered end card.”
Carl: “That was great. Think we’ll be invited onto MST3k or RiffTrax yet?”
Ted: “Well, speaking of ‘using heads,’ I’m guessing they’re looking more for, uh… non-fictional people. With corporeal forms.”
Carl: “…call me fictional again, Ted, and I’ll show you the true meaning of the Curse of Jimmy.”
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