#365project Tumblr posts

  • I got a message from one of my suitors this morning saying that he wanted to spend the day with me.  I was quite appalled; doing that sounds like torture.  It is not that I don’t like him, but THE WHOLE ENTIRE DAY?!?! Doing what?!?! I can’t even think of anything that I want to do right now that requires two people.  Well, actually, if he can cut pieces of wood or acrylic for me, I can see how we can turn this into an all-day date.  I do have some craft ideas that require me to do things that I am unable to do (Can you imagine me using a saw?  I would not have any fingers left).  So if that is what we will be doing, I am down to do it.  If not, then I have no reason to be with him ALL DAY.

    I truly thought this is what I wanted, but I can’t seem to get this to fit into my lifestyle.  I am not used to men who have ample free time on their hands.  My ex is a hobbyist like me, so he was never under me 24/7 because he was always home working on something.  Therefore this concept of having to spend ALL THIS TIME with someone else is a struggle for me.  I don’t know how people do it.  It feels so draining to me.  Needless to say, I did not show up for my all-day date today.  I could not bring myself to do it.  For how much I am struggling with this, singlehood might honestly be the life for me.

    Adeeyis

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  • Challenge Day 118 Year 6
    Speedoosh was not a morning person. It was considering running for office in order to ban alarm clocks and early starts.

    What I used: Muji Light Blue 0.275mm nib pen on Orlakiely Sketchbook.
    What this is: Daily Character Design Challenge, 2020-09-20 Year 6 - No118, by Jeff Stewart

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  • I think I have asked this before, but do people still read blogs?  Or more so, do people read life blogs (or whatever grouping my blog falls into)?  I honestly don’t think they do, which is why I tried to pivot into something else.  However, my issue is that I honestly just want to write.  I don’t care for audio and video as much as I love writing.  Also, the other mediums require more time than I have right now.

    While I was drawing last night, I thought to myself, “You just want to write.  Why are you doing this?”  I am going through all of this trouble/stress/pressure/frustration/sleepless nights just to convert my passion into a more marketable format.  While I like animation and I think it is pretty cool, it is not my passion, and it takes a LOT of time.  While I like some of the other mediums, they are not my passion either.  WRITING IS MY PASSION, BUT I DON’T THINK THAT PEOPLE READ ANYMORE!  I find that majority of people prefer to watch a video or listen to something.  That is currently my dilemma.  Do I pivot, or do I ride with my passion until the wheels fall off?

    I have a lot to think about.  Since time isn’t on my side, the easiest option I may have is going back to my podcast.  I will see how this goes.  Anyway, I am going to bed.  I AM EXHAUSTED.  I was up until midnight drawing, and I got up early to exercise this morning.  So you KNOW I am bitchy mood, and I am battling a headache. Hopefully, I wake up in a better mood tomorrow.

    Adeeyis

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  • I think I am one of those people who truly like the idea of something but do not want to apply it to their life.  I love the idea of love and marriage.  I LOVE IT!  Therefore, I always say I am looking for someone to settle down with, BUT as soon as someone who may be worth it comes into my life, I backpedal.

    I have been single for so long that I struggle badly with getting out of my routine.  I would sit here and talk to you on WhatsApp all day, BUT I have a hard time showing up for face to face time.  It is almost like I prefer to be alone, or maybe it is hard for me to invite people into my physical space.  If you ask me out on a date, I will find every excuse in the world as to why I can’t go.  Even if I show up, I would be mentally home, and I will be thinking of all the things I could have been home doing.  It is almost like I am a complete loner who only wants to spend time with people virtually.  I don’t want to be taken out of my personal space.

    I only realize this when people get too close to me.  When I don’t have any good candidates, I will long to have someone.  When someone is there, then I impatiently wait for them to leave so that I can be alone again.  After that, I go back to longing for companionship again.  I have come to the conclusion that I am crazy.  It is like I want to have someone AND be alone at the same time (which is selfish AND impossible).  It is extremely mentally draining for me to spend physical time with people.   I was not always like this, so I figured that this new behavior is because I have been single for too long.  Allowing people into my space suffocates me, and it feels like HELL.  I don’t even know how to fix this.  Anyway, I just wanted to get that off of my chest.

    Adeeyis

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  • Challenge Day 116 Year 6
    R1-S-752 wasn’t much of a tourist. But would always go out with the crew of his ship when they landed. Not to look around, but to hang out with his friends.

    What I used: Muji Light Blue 0.275mm nib pen on Orlakiely Sketchbook.
    What this is: Daily Character Design Challenge, 2020-09-18 Year 6 - No116, by Jeff Stewart

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  • Is it just me, or does everyone’s job also feel like Junior High School?  Some days I even think it is as bad as Elementary School.  The older I get, the more I realize that adults are GROWN CHILDREN.  I thought that as we get older, we learn how to resolve conflicts and handle issues.  But no, it gets WORST.  On a daily basis, I get caught in the PETTIEST situations at my job.  It is almost like everyone’s call to action is to be problematic FIRST, rather than try to address the issue.  I don’t have time for drama; I am too busy for that.

    Today was FILLED with a lot of petty and unnecessary drama. I am thankful for a job, BUT I truly hate the toxicity.  I cannot wait to buy my freedom!  I cannot wait for the day that I no longer have to subject myself to this.  So many things can easily be solved if we COMMUNICATE and BEHAVE like adults.  Why do we hold onto these childish ways?  Why do we have to move so sneaky and underhanded?  THINGS WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF PEOPLE ADDRESSED THINGS HEAD ON.  But no, we want to undermine people, be sneaky and do things secretly, AND THEN pretend like we didn’t do anything. ARE WE CHILDREN OR ARE WE ADULTS?!?!?!

    Anyway, I am going to bed.  I just finished helping my son with his math homework, and I am TIRED.  I am definitely not going to work tomorrow.  I will not have the patience to deal with those people.

    Adeeyis

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  • Challenge Day 115 Year 6
    Christine wasn’t thrilled living in a marshland colony. She felt like she was always cleaning up water. From broken condensers to leaky pipes, and weakly sealed ports. It seemed to her like an endless cycle of drying and patching. She wasn’t read to head to the desert just yet, but somewhere a little dryer would be nice.

    What I used: Muji Light Blue 0.275mm nib pen on Moleskin Sketchbook.
    What this is: Daily Character Design Challenge, 2020-09-17 Year 6 - No115, by Jeff Stewart

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  • Please, pray for your IT people.  WE ARE NOT DOING WELL RIGHT NOW.  When will this pandemic be over?  I am thankful for having a job, BUT I feel like it is overwhelming at times.  I have been tugged in a million directions since 7:30 AM this morning.  As soon as I hopped out of my car, I was ambushed by my coworker.  She didn’t even give me a chance to go to my desk or anything.  I STARTED WORKING FROM THE DAMN PARKING LOT.  How crazy is that?

    I didn’t get to eat lunch until 3 PM, and I decided to call it a day after that.  I did not do another ounce of work for the day.  I AM TIRED.  I AM DRAINED.  I AM OVER IT.  Today was just a HORRIBLE day.  I spent most of the afternoon trying to figure out how I can live on the money I have saved.  Yes, I am that fed up.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

    Adeeyis

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  • Challenge Day 114 Year 6
    Kal didn’t always armour up for a job. But felt this one merited a more careful approach.

    What I used: Muji Light Blue 0.275mm nib pen on Moleskin Sketchbook.
    What this is: Daily Character Design Challenge, 2020-09-16 Year 6 - No114, by Jeff Stewart

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  • Exploring emotions is one of the tools that I use to stop myself from panicking.  It is the most POWERFUL tool I have in my arsenal.  I have yet to meet a panic attack that tool cannot handle.  If you suffer from panic attacks, I strongly suggest that you dig through the emotion, find out where it is coming from and talk your way out of it.  Trust me, it works.

    I also use that tool to explore my moods.  As I have been mentioning lately, I have been struggling to get my creative side back.  Most days, I sit here and frustrate myself into a headache, rather than dig through it to see what is wrong.  Today, I decided to dig through that emotion (I honestly don’t know why I didn’t do that before).  I know it sounds crazy, but I asked inner me what was wrong, and the feeling of sadness and brokenness came over me.  

    Deep down, I am dealing with a LOT of disappointment.  I feel like inner me is focused on suppressing those emotions so that I probably don’t fall into a depression.  That, in return, blocked me from tapping into certain parts of myself because inner me is busy holding the trauma door closed.  So when I ask her to open the creativity door, she can’t do it because that would mean that she would have to leave the trauma door unmanned.  She can’t afford to let that out.  That is where I think my frustration is coming from;  I am trying to tap into my creativity, and she can’t do those two things at once.  So I am left here without my creativity because she needs to save me from having to deal with my trauma.

    Yes, I know I probably over analyzed this and overthought it, BUT this is how it truly feels.  I tried to unpack all of it, but I became overwhelmed and allowed inner me to close the door.  I truly do have a lot of suppressed emotions.  Getting back to me is going to be harder than I thought.  Anyway, I am going to take this one day at a time.  Shout out to inner me from protecting me from myself.

    Adeeyis

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