a bazillion years later i wake up in a cold sweat having an exid song stuck in my head and somehow come to a realization
exid’s song called lie….. it’s written as l.i.e …..and pronounced letter by letter rather than the word itself
……because L I E sounds like 에라이 (erai) which means like “damn it” or smth like that iirc ….. WOW talk about a 3am discovery bruh
“Driving the winding back roads of my small town while super stoned and listening to ‘Real People Do’ with the bass on full volume” is my new religion
Does anyone else feel sick to their stomach thinking about existing another day?
It feels familiar
Because you feel the same
You know the same
Facts
And life makes sense
With just a simple talk
You end the day
With a smile
Falling away
“At which point is it ‘acceptable’ to be falling in love? Cause I can’t wait to tell you”
- 3am overthinker
IT’S 3AM AND I WANNA DRAW RN BUT LIKE I SHOULD SLEEP??? BUT I’VE ONLY BEEN AWAKE FOR 11HRS SO FAR (I WOKE UP AT 4PM)!!!
Why must I have such a cursed sleep cycle?
“Confront you about how I feel? No thanks, I am better at suffering in silence”
- 3am overthinker
Imagine being broken into a million pieces and then the one thing that helped you piece yourself back together drops you and you shatter all over again when you were never even fully pieced back together.
That’s how you’ve made me feel.
I love travelling.
Not in the way you think though. New places, new faces are exciting yes, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t lay some praise on a good dose of Spanish sun, but I mean the action of travelling. A train, a plane, a ferry across stormy waters, my favourite places to be. Places in can lose myself in the view, in my music, in daydreams of dancing through cobbled streets or setting paper boat adrift down a hidden stream. Some may find it boring, sat down for hours in a rolling metal box, but not I. In the span of half an hour I can enjoy galloping foals, playing and dancing in lush green fields; isolated villages, with history older than any of its inhabitants could possibly remember; the curved glass and steel of modern man’s creations. How captivating to find such disparate beauties lined up one after another. And how can the returning flight be the worst part of a holiday, when you can see the snowy peaks of the alps dancing amongst the same clouds you glide over, or the illumination of Paris 30,000 feet below? It can’t, just as nothing can outweigh the satisfaction of the bracing ocean wind that hits your face on a channel crossing, the whipped up spray that matts your hair and makes your lips taste salty. Even a simple car ride can be joyful as a passenger, from bustling towns to great river bridges and every field, forest and football pitch in between. I love it all. It matters not if I enjoy the destination, the journey is my solace.
you are the text message i cant wait to receive, the hoodie that holds me every night you arent here to do so, the touch i crave at 2am when im so sleepy and at 2pm when im driving around. you are every cliche tumblr post ive read and never believed in. before you, my world was crumbling, filled with hatred and disgust and dark nights laying alone. now, everything is beautiful, every night spent with you is an adventure, making the colors of the sun spilling into the sky at 7am our night light because im scared of the dark. you make things bright, for once in this lifetime things are magical; you are magical. you give me a type of high no drug could compare to. your touch makes my breath hitch every time, when im around you i forget what “calm” is. you drive me mad and i cant grasp what you do that makes me such a reckless teenager in love. i dont think ill ever get over this euphoric feeling you give me. i wish to spend every night with you; falling asleep in your arms is the only thing that matters in that moment, nothing else. you are my home. you are all i think about, youre in that one song that came on in the car last night, and the picture of the sunset i took a week ago. i never believed in cheesy things, but here i am at 3am making art, making you try to see yourself through my eyes. i miss you every second; its so painful to sleep without you next to me, waking up alone. you are my home, you are art. i hope that one day we wont be another “almost” love story, i hope one day i can call you mine. but until then, ill be here, at 3 am, writing the things i told myself i wouldnt write, because i didnt believe in a love like this.
~if you see this, i love you.
After Dawn
Call me when you’re having three am thoughts.
a message you always left before you went to sleep.
you witnessed how bad my late night thoughts were, how my anxiety struck as the night gets deeper and my battles with the voices in my head became harder—
when three am strikes and the demons in my mind are scarier than the ones lurking out in the open.
you knew how to calm my raging thoughts, my overflowing emotions, your silly confessions and our conversations were my only escape and distraction.
Tonight, the clock struck three and I called but you were sound asleep and I was left with the monsters in my head.
I was left sleepless for what felt like the longest of nights tossing and turning waiting for morning to come when all this is over.
my mind overflowing with thoughts I did not long to hear but were screaming like beasts trying to tear me up.
I called over and over even if it was way past three but you didn’t answer so when dawn came I never called again.
“If you must leave, leave as though fire burns under your feet.
If you must die sweetheart, die knowing your life was my life’s best part.”
Keaton Henson
The opposite of “easy peasy, lemon squeezey” is “stressed depressed, lemon zest”
When you love yourself fully, you don’t have time for “less than” — you will only have eyes for what you deserve. And you will get it.
One day, I will not associate your name with love songs, places we visited, or “what if’s”. I will not flinch when I see someone with your name. One day, your name will no longer hold weight. It will just be a memory of a time that came and passed.
I saw her again. Her eyes were sparkling. Everyone loves her. How does she do it? She’s amazing. She can do everything—she is everything.
Compared to me, I am a nobody. No one wants to hang out with me. I am quiet and she’s not. No one appreciates my comfortable silence. They want her—always her. When is the time that I will find someone who would want me because I am me?
Should I also start doing art like she does? Should I start doing cute poses and upload it on social media? Should I also start a squad where everyone becomes my followers?
My insecurities are starting to eat me alive. I hate this feeling.
—hazelmaple
