Joker: What could you hate enough to destroy me?
Joker: What could you hate enough to destroy me?
Jason: We could end this quickly, if you'd only listen to my advice.
Bruce: We are not assassinating every surviving political leader on the planet.
Dick taking care of a sick kid: Woah, you're burning up. Hang on I'll call a doctor.
Jason taking care of a sick kid: You're fine I'll get you some robitussin.
I’m thinking of starting a patreon despite the fact that I don’t post very often. Pretty much what would happen if this does happen and anyone were to join it/subscribe/follow (I clearly know what I’m talking about) I would pretty much give you guys more of a look inside of my process of writing my post. It would be more like a constant update of where I’m at in creating each post giving the outline, showing parts that I recently worked on, allow you guys to share stories you might want to be told from a perspective of someone in the batfam, and actual post that connect to each other (yet again, my stories are pretty unorganized based on the date I posted each one). I still need to look further into this but lets say if I get 20 likes on this post then I’ll actually start one. I just want to give an opportunity to not only share more but for you guys to feel like you could engage more with what I’m posting and stuff.
Bruce: You're coming dangerously close to insubordination, Red Hood.
Jason: No, B, I'm not your subordinate. And what I'm coming dangerously close to is violence.
Prompt: Life after the events of False Reality. Everyone was ready to move on, but you weren't. You needed your family back, and you finally figured out how to do it. You were going to get them back...no matter the cost.
It's been almost a year now, since the day you released the town you took hostage. You kept your head down, and avoided being noticed. You along with Damian moved out to a peaceful countryside where you wouldn't be bothered if you were spotted, by the media.
Your son thought that you had moved on, and started focusing on healing yourself....
You have been doing the opposite...
Night after night you were hovering over your son while he slept, combing through every memory of his mind trying to get every word he read from that book that Klarion had. You knew the book contained more about your powers, and it could have the answer to get your family back. Apart of you felt horrible for doing this to Damian, but you couldn't think clearly.
John held his promise to Bruce this time. He regularly checked on you, and helped you with your powers now that you've unlocked your full potential. Every time he tried to get the sparkle back in you eye, but it was just a soulless void. Anytime you smiled it was fake.
Now you were tired of sitting around. You were sick of sitting in the same rooms, and living a normal life when nothing about you was normal at all. It was time you took back the life that was taken from you.
During the times of John's visits he would briefly mention being apart of a team of time travelers. He talked about how they protected the timeline, and sometimes changed it if needed. All of his stories sparked an idea in your mind. It was stupid...and could end very badly, but it was a chance you had to take.
"Pocus? I have a question." You asked John as you handed him an ashtray so he would stop getting ash on your carpet. He took the ashtray then turned towards you. It'd been so long since he heard his nickname come from you. Honestly that was the most you've spoken to him since he started visiting you.
"Could I join the team...the Legends?" You ask biting your lip. John frowned hearing that question. Normally he would be all for you joining the team. Having someone in the same area of power as him would have been nice. Also having one of his closest friends with him would be much more fun.
"I'm not a fool Y/N. You can't change the past love...at least not this one." He replies standing up. You clench your jaw at his rejection then slammed the cup you were drinking out of while standing up as well.
"Why not?!? You said yourself that not all events in time were fixed points. What if that night isn't one? I could bring them back!" You exclaimed throwing your hands up.
"Yes, you could...but you could erase this version of you from time! Or worse! That one change could cause many drastic effects Hocus!"
The arguing startled Damian who quickly ran back into the house, "Ummi? Is everything alright?" He asks ready to fight John if needed.
"Everything is fine Damian...John was just leaving." You say glaring into John's eyes. He glares right back at you before opening a portal and stepping through.
Later that night you were sitting on the porch of your home staring up at the sky. Ever since John left you hadn't stopped thinking of a way to get your family back. You knew that you could just use your powers to take you back in time, but now John was expecting you to do that. You knew that as soon as you vanished from this time period, John would comb through every second of the previous years searching for you.
Damian walked outside to sit with you, "Ummi? I'm worried about you. You don't seem like yourself anymore. I know what has happened is the main reason, but something about you is not the same. It worries me." He says as he holds your hand in his.
You look over at him then an idea hits your mind. It was bad...very very bad, but what other choice do you have. You smile softly resting your hand on his head and pull him into a hug, "My sweet boy, I'll be just fine..." You whisper as your eyes slowly turn black. You pull away before standing up, and walking into your yard. You turn to your son as black magic envelops your skin, "Forgive me Damian..." You whisper then blast your son with magic causing him to vanish in front of your eyes.
Damian felt his body being thrown around before he landed in the woods. He looked around frantically trying to figure out what happened to him, and where he was. He heard voices in the distance and started making his way towards them.
His eyes widened as he watched a horse and carriage go by him then a couple wearing clothes that didn't match the time he was from...
"Ummi...what have you done?" He whispers backing up. He had no clue where he was...and now he didn't know when he was...
grandpa bruce hogs his grandchildren when they come to visit and loves to carry them around on his shoulders and sneak them candy
Tim: Well, you want the bad news or the really bad news?
Dick: Well, let's try the bad news laced with a little optimism.
"Bruce being a bad father figure isn't accurate to his character"
*Instances of Bruce being a bad father figure dating back to the 1970s, 80s, 90s, and 2000s*
"Those don't count."
Stephanie, in Crime Alley: So this was your home.
Stephanie: Tell me about it.
Jason!Robin: If it isn't the hedonistic harpy.
Harley: If it isn't Batman's filthy, new, obnoxious little pet. Stand down and I'll give you a cookie, darling.
I’m sewing my spoiler cosplay, and in the most steph move possible I lost the fabric for the cloak on my bedspread because it was the exact same shade of purple
Jason: I’ve only said "I love you" to three people: my mom, my dad, and my dying brother. And one of those I regret.
Roy: Which one?
Jason: My brother. He survived the bullet so now I look like an idiot.
On this date last year, I posted the first Batfam During Quarantine post and since then this blog has become more popular than I ever thought it would be (my expectations were honestly pretty low). As a thank you for all of the love you have given me, (I legit get a dopamine rush whenever I get a notification on my phone) here is some stuff that was cut out from earlier post along with notes of why I took some of these bits out! Thank you so much for one year on this particular story, I wouldn’t be posting as much on here without you guys!!!!
Cass: I don’t think Bruce has slept.
Steph: Does Bruce even sleep anyway?
Dick: I’m heading out to the store! *walks out wearing assless pants*
Bruce: *spits out his coffee* FUCK NO YOUR NOT! CHANGE THOSE PANTS!
[Note: I felt like this was a little too much effort for the possibility for a slight laugh to the point where it wouldn’t be funny.]
Dick: I help him a bit. It's been so difficult acting like a grown up. I actually had to fight with Tim to get him to stop drinking so much coffee and that didn’t go well.
Barbara: What happened?
Dick: He threw a mug at me and said “Fuck you, I could stop when I want to!”
Barbara: Right, he definitely sounds like he has it under control.
[Note: Didn’t feel like this was as funny as sleep deprived Bruce.]
Selina: So you and Tim seemed very coy during Dick’s meeting.
Stephanie: Yeah, Tim is awesome and everything but I don’t know if he feels how I feel. Plus he’s been a bit oblivious to everything.
Cassandra: With how much he brags about being just as smart as Bruce, you’d think he’d know.
Selina: Then again, Tim has a lot on his plate. He’s trying to help Bruce and doing patrol every night longer than he should.
Stephanie: Good point. Last night I saw him fill 3 flask with coffee and still looked extremely tired last night when I met up with him.
[Note: I wasn’t too happy with how I wrote the first two Batfam During Quarantine post. When I was writing “27 Minutes” I realized how I wanted the relationship between Tim and Steph to play out and I wanted it to be more subtle with my hints on them getting together in “Retirement?”. Once I finish up every story that I want to tell I plan on going back to re-write what I originally wrote down, maybe add some more stuff, but one thing I definately want to change is the subtlety of the lead up to Tim and Steph getting together. That was why this was cut.]
Kate: Please, I’ve been training much harder than most of you guys since I was 6.
Dick: That’s debatable.
Dick: *embraces Tim in his arms* Tim, once when I was Robin, I stayed up for five nights. At the time I was trying to balance being the leader of the Teen Titans, being Bruce’s ward, competing for my gymnastics team, and trying to balance high school. I became so tired that on the fifth day I started to hallucinate. It didn’t help that at the time we were facing Scarecrow and he sprayed his fear toxin everywhere. With how weak my immune system was, I failed to fight off the fear toxin and ran away from Bruce. Because Bruce didn’t want me to hurt myself so he chased me and sent me to the batmobile. Three people died because I distracted Batman. When the toxin wore off, Bruce ordered me to go to sleep. I refused and he said that I am now suspended from patrol for two weeks. After a long conversation, not only was I suspended but I finally slept.
Tim: So what’s your point?
Dick: The first one is that change is going to happen whether we like it or not. It’s not what happens that shapes who we are but how we react to the changes that occur in our lives. The world is never going to be the same after this pandemic is over, so you could either adapt, or repeat your mistakes. Second is that it’s okay to not be okay. You are not alone, you have all of us at the mansion to talk to. Third is that people are going to die, and sometimes there is nothing we can do about it. All we can do is learn from what happened to stop it from happening again. And the most important one is to sleep. I know you are under a lot of stress right now, we all are, but how can you expect to save others if you won’t take care of yourself. You need to sleep because if you don’t you’ll eventually die in the field because of the lack of sleep.
[Note: Too wordy. I lost my own attention trying to read this when I originally wrote this.]
Jason: Sh ta ta ta ta. *presses his finger to Selina’s lips* Don’t speak, I know just what you’re sayin’, so please stop explainin’.
Selina: Really Jason? How long have you been waiting to use that one?
Jason: *breaks into a dance* All night long, all night.
Stephanie: What is going on with you Jason?
Tim: I know right? You don’t ever listen to Lionel Richie, let alone pop music.
Jason: It’s his fault! *points at Dick* Him and his stupid playlist!
Dick: You said you liked my playlist!
Jason: I only like some of the songs on there! Everything else is trash!
Dick: *gasp* You take that back young man!
Jason: You’re not that much older than I am!
Cassandra: Guys!!! What is The Last Airbender?
Dick pulls up in front of the apartment that Barbara and her family lives in. He takes out his boom box and sets in a cassette tape. He sets the volume to the maximum setting. He holds the boom box over his head as Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” starts playing.
He waits out there for a few minutes until she opens up the window and leans out of it.
Barbara: You Dick!
The song ends and starts playing “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” from Aerosmith.
Dick: BABS! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! PLEASE TALK TO ME!
Neighbor 1: GO HOME!
Dick: I’M DOING THIS FOR LOVE!
Neighbor 2: LOVE IS DEAD YOU SCHMUCK!
Dick: YOU’RE HEART IS DEAD!
Neighbor 3: SHUT THE FUCK UP KID!
Jim Gordon: DICK, IT IS 5 AM! GO THE FUCK HOME!
The next night
Dick walks up to the door to the Gordon family’s apartment. He knocks on the door and Jim opens the door.
Dick: Hey Jim, I was sorta expecting Babs to open the door.
Jim: *looks at the cards in Dick’s hands* Just take a hint kid. You’re making this harder than it needs to be.
Dick: I’m persistent, it’s part of my charm.
Jim: Whatever. *shuts the door*
A minute late Barbara opens the door.
Dick: *holding the cards*
Barbara: *arms folded* They’re facing you.
Dick: *looks down and flips the cards around* “Babs, I know I messed things up by *flips the card* not telling you Helena was staying at the *flips the card* mansion. I want you to know that you are *flips the card*
Barbara: *shuts the door on Dick*
Dick: I still have twenty-something cards left. At least finish reading them.
The next night.Dick walks out of his car carrying a blue french horn. He presses the buzzer for her place and walks back out on the grass. Barbara opens up the window again to see Dick holding the blue french horn. She then shuts the window.Dick: So can I come in! Come on it’s a Smurf penis!Neighbor 1: SHE SAID NO KID! GO HOME!
Two days later at the grocery store
Barbara is walking down the aisle looking for food. The music playing over the speakers as a voice replaces the music.
Dick: You’re just to good to be true. Can’t take my eyes off of you. You'd be like Heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much.
Barbara starts looking around the store for Dick and sees him leaning against a wall with one of the phones.
Dick: *notices Barbara and points to hear and then makes a heart with his hands* At long last, love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. *plays the instrumental part on his phone*
A store employee now spots Dick and heads towards him.
Dick: I love you, baby. And if it's quite alright. *struggles to keep possession of the phone* Get away, you’ll sing next. I need you baby *still fighting for the phone* To warm the lonely night. *starts climbing between the wall and the refrigerated section* I love you, baby. Trust in me when I say.
Barbara starts walking away embarrassed.
Dick: Oh, pretty baby, wait Babs, where you going? Babs? Babs? BAAABBS! LET ME ME LOVE YOUUUUU!
[Note: I felt the “How I Met Your Mother” reference would have either not been noticed or wouldn’t be as funny (if you don’t know which one I’m talking about it’s the smurf penis one) so I cut it out.]
Dick: Okay, while things are a bit peaceful now, they’re not going to stay that way forever. Let’s try to plan ahead now and see if we can recruit any former members of Batman Inc. Tim, Steph, and Duke, you guys need to try and convince Luke to come out of retirement.
Duke: Can I have new partners?
Tim: Hey, Steph and I are amazing partners!
[Note: Not subtle.]
Nightwing: Yeah, but as Red Robin, not Tim Drake.
Stephanie: Oh, because what you did the the other night was a total Red Robin move.
The other night
Nightwing: Hey, Spoiler, check this out! *jumps off the roof of a building* YEAH I’M FREEEEEEEE! FREE FAAALLLLLIIIN’! *fires his grappling hook across the street*
Nightwing: You’re point is?
Duke: *mumbles under his breath* I need to find a new family.
Nightwing: *singing as he swings* Arabella's got some interstellar-gator skin boots. And a Helter Skelter 'round her little finger and I ride it endlessly. *arrives at the apartment door and takes out his earbuds*
Dick: *singing karaoke* And I won't listen to your shame. You ran away, you’re all the same. Angels lie to keep control, Ooh, my love was punished long ago, If you still care don't ever let me know, If you still care don't ever let me know!!!!
[Note: Comment/reblog if you would have gotten all three of these song references. If you did neither, your the reason why I cut this out (not in a bad way). I felt like this wasn’t going to be super noticeable, especially the Slipknot one (last one). On top of that it felt like way too many song references just to say that Dick listens to a wide variety of music.]
Dick: Everyone, please let us take some of your time to head down to the gym right now. The time has come to watch Jason fail a basic pommel horse routine!
Jason: Shut up!
Tim: Wooo! Let’s see Jason eat mat!
Stephanie: I don’t know what to expect but this should to be interesting!
*Everyone else walks in*
Bruce: Okay, lets see it!
Duke: I’ve seen this for the last few weeks so this could go one way or another.
Jason: All of you shut up!
Cassandra: *takes out her phone and records*
Jason: *steps up to the pommel horse and competes a whole routine and falls on his back during the dismount*
Dick: *whispers to Tim* Well, your feet separated on the magyar.
Tim: You forgot to salute.
Jason: *salutes with a his middle fingers sticking out* How’s that?
Alfred: Jar, Master Jason.
Tim: Plus, your hands must be as straight as a knife.
Dick: You actually pressed into the handstand.
Jason: Are you guys seriously scoring me?
Tim: The loop on pommel was piked, legs were bent on you scissors.
Dick: And you didn’t stick your landing so we give you a score of...
Tim and Dick: EAT MAT!!
Bruce: *smirks a bit* Come on boys, be fair. You’re cutting him too much slack.
Dick: Yeah, his toes weren’t pointed, his butt hit the pommel.
Jason: HOW ABOUT YOU EAT SHIT!!!
[Note: Debated on sharing this one because this one was really just for me. Wasn’t sure if you guys would have liked it. Long way of saying Dick and Tim know gymnastics.]
Tim: Hey, my mom is calling. Dick, you answer the phone.
Dick: Okay. *answers the phone* Hello, Tim isn’t here right now, would you like me to find him?
Tim’s Mom: Yes!
Dick: Okay, let me put you on hold *sings the Mii channel theme*
Dick: *taking a breath* Tim, your mom wants to talk to you. *goes back to singing*
Tim: Obviously I can’t. I’m working.
Dick: Okay, *stops singing* I’m sorry for having you on hold for so long. I can not find Tim so I would assume he is working! I am sure though he will either call you or text you at your earliest convenience. I mean his earliest convenience.
Tim’s Mom: Okay.
[Note: This actually happened but I felt that it was funnier in the moment then written down.]
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
Tim: YOU DID NOT SEE ERIC CLAPTON AT THE HOTEL 3 YEARS AGO!!!
Jason: YES I DID!!!!
Tim: HOW, YOU WERE DEAD!!!!
Damian: *knocks on the door*
Jason: *opens the door with a box of Reese’s Puffs* What demon seed?
Damian: Give me back my Reese’s Puffs, Todd!!!
Jason: I don’t know what you’re talking about! This is my box! *finished eating the box of cereal and walks through the house towards the study*
Damian: I NEED MY CHOCOLATEY PEANUT BUTTERY CEREAL!!!! GET ME A NEW BOX!!!!!
Jason: You know how to drive, get it yourself! *moves the hands of the grandfather clock and enters the batcave*
Damian: Father won’t let me.
Jason: Boo hoo. What would you ever do. It’s not like you have a brother who will literally do anything if you give him a hug or another one who you could annoy into getting you some.
Damian: THEY DIDN’T EAT MY REESE’S PUFFS!!!! YOU DID!!!
Jason: You have no proof that I did. *throws the box away* Now piss off! I’m going on patrol! *hops onto his motorcycle and drives to his safe house*
Jason: *opens the door*
Jason: AHHH!!! SON OF A BITCH GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!
Damian: GET ME MY REESE’S PUFFS!!!!!
Jason: *drives to the store then to the batcave* Get off!
Damian: Thank you, Todd!!!
Jason: Go fu-
Dick: Jason! Censor yourself!!!
Jason: Whatever *drives back to his safe house and opens the door. turns on the tv and puts in Rent in the dvd player*
Jason: *sighs and sits on the couch* Finally!
Damian: Before you tell me anything, Todd already told me about sex and how I’m a freak of nature because my mother didn’t want to carry me for nine months.
Jason: WHATEVER IT IS, I DIDN’T DO IT!!!!! UNLESS YOU HAVE PROOF THEN I STILL DIDN’T DO IT!!!!!
Dick: Smart, toit. Okay I am thankful for Nickleback.
Tim: What the hell!
Duke: *to Bruce* Where did you go wrong?
Jim: *to Barbara* I think it’s time to let go of Dick.
Dick: Hold on, hold on. I am not thankful for Nickleback. If anything they are something I am least thankful for. It’s just what Alfred and Julia said was super serious I had to say something stupid. I’m truly thankful for this pandemic, because I feel it has brought us closer together as a family.
[Note: Not as funny as I thought it was when I thought of it.]
That is most of it. Yet again I hope you guys still enjoyed this and thank you so much for a whole year of this! I probably would have delayed more of these stories until who knows when if I didn’t know that there are people who actually read this! So thank you for a year and thank you for actually making me think of a deadline for all of this!!!!
I’m still working on a story that is going to be pretty long so it’s going to take a while before I publish that, but I have a few smaller stuff that I will try to spread out before I publish the larger one. I will also be posting a more organized version of each of these stories and post the cold open for the next story as a thank you for one whole year!!!!
Bruce, passing out paint brushes: Okay, everyone take a brush and get some paint.
Dick raises an eyebrow: Seriously, B? You said we would be carving pumpkins!
Bruce: It’s the same basic premise, but this version is less likely to result in a stabbing.
Damian: Tt. You have such little faith in us father we would never-
Tim: WHAT THE FUCK STEPH???
Dick, Bruce, and Damian turn to see Tim bleeding and glaring at Steph.
Steph: Sorry!! I didn’t mean to!
Bruce: What happened?!
Steph holds up a bloody paint brush and smiles sheepishly: Maybe we should just finger paint the pumpkins?
Prompt: You thought False Reality was the end of our Noir Witch? Wrong! Batmom is on a new quest....into the timeline. She manages to get herself on board the Waverider, and once she get's the chance, she'll bring her family back...she'll undo what time took from her.
Damian: Good to see you too, Grandfather.
I just want a fic where the entire BatFamily has to apologise to each other and recognise that they all have been through some fucked shit. And some of that was caused by each other and only after that can they move on
Damian: Only heroes die. Villains and cowards are left to suffer.
Jason: Anything worth hitting is worth hitting twice.