tfw u see stuff about dedede “finding out what mk really is” and assume they’re referring to his species n get excited abt the implications that kind of revelation / interaction might have but then you actually sit down to read it and it’s just m3ta kn1ghtmare shit
Well this blog is ruined and so is my username and probably my entire writing career bc no one wants to be associated with someone who “belittles trauma” or for that matter who is like this - 36 and still living with parents, only had pet sitting, baby sitting, crossing guard, data entry, basic office tasks and basic temp jobs for jobs despite having a political science degree– obs someone who doesn’t belong in real world. Fired from internship. Always late with things or never– didn’t learn how to ride bike til 11, never learned how to swim. Never boyfriend, barelt ever friends, nor successful even in things I do and love the most… so I should and probably am retreating from tumblr, u r good to ignore me, and probably from life in general, yeah don’t worry- no courage to end it, just fade away as I deserve. I m most sad that now no one will even like my stories bc u dknr want to be associated w this and … I feel sad for my characters lol who did nothin wrong. But they are part of me so… Probably best they don’t see the light of day
I never thought I’d be so fucking happy. And in love.
You make me feel so good. So safe… I’ve never felt so safe. Never. You gave me more love I could have even imagined. Thank you for that.
I don’t know why I did this. Why I disappointed you so many fucking times. I know I don’t deserve you. But I hope you still love me… I can’t live without you. You are everything to me. Please, be always.
My thoughts raced but when I tried to write them down a barrier appeared to force static. No word comes out clear. Its just fuzzy. And empty. So very very empty. There’s nothing to do but try to stop the sad seep in to fill the empty void. Because once I let the sad in, I know I won’t hesitate to surrender. So much has happened and I’ve blocked it out, kept it at bay so it wouldn’t hurt. Because it didn’t seem significant at the time. Now I’m older and I see how everything intersects and weaves throughout another. And I’m fucked. I won’t take full responsibility because over the years, I have reached out for help to those people called “professional”. But here I am. I did my part and I keep trying to stop the inevitable. I’m just so very tired. I’m trying to hold on but I’m losing grip. Cherish the moments.
was in college. Teacher gave out keys (or something like a key) and I had no
idea what to do with it. Kind of noticed other students with paper stacks and
slowly figured out that they had been given a key to a nearby cabinet where we
each had a stack of papers waiting. I found mine. It was a hefty stack but the
pages were loosely piled instead of neat.
going through pages to see it was an exam and I had entire pages of questions
that I had failed. All were circled in red. Most I didn’t even put an answer,
like I had skipped them, like I had run out of time. Or maybe I just didn’t see
them, since a lot of the were on the back page of a sheet. Some were just a
number and some random letter combinations, like
knew there was no way I had passed the test, and I thought just leave the
class, but I didn’t want to just walk out. So I sat there knowing the teacher
knew how I failed every time she looked at me.
i was driving down the road yesterday leaves falling like broken promises you made me for some unknown reason i found myself locking eyes with strangers wondering for a spilt second if i might ever see you again after awhile of blank stares i found myself disappointed just like the last time i heard you say i love you
It was a super busy day and pressuring day for me. I almost lost my temper and starting to give up. I don’t know why it’s difficult to insist yourself to someone who doesn’t see your worth. I was really down the entire day. I am drowning with my self esteem and I am tired of trying to be enough for him and yet knowing that he has been talking to some other guys, I slowly died.
I am really hurt. I don’t know what should I do. I don’t know what will I do. I don’t know how long can I stand to this feeling. I kept on crying the entire day, and I feel like this feeling is crushing me and crumpling me. I have been disappointed on him as always.
I am not expecting a lot from him but right of this moment, I feel like he will never ever like me, like I can never really give the love , the attention and care
that he needs. He really never see me.
I stopped at work when I heard them talking and laughing about being friend zoned. I feel so attacked and it feels like they are laughing at me and not knowing how painful it is not to be liked back. Like, how insensitive they are just because they are likable, they are easily to be like by others. They don’t experienced chasing someone, pursuing someone or being rejected by someone. It feels really sad and it makes me mad how insensitive they are. I cannot focused at my work as I am just holding up my tears. I tried not to feel it but all the words they are saying are like punching my heart and I am losing my focus.
I really hope that they wouldn’t feel that or not anyone in their family would felt thee same way I did. It is really tiring and I don’t know else what I can do.
I am tired.
I am not okay at all.
He even checked me earlier like trying to sound concerned but I don’t know if he really concerned about me. I just don’t know how can I tell him that its you who’s causing all this pain. If only you didn’t come to my way, maybe I am still okay right now. Maybe I don’t feel sad right now. Maybe, I am happy, free and open.
I am really tired.
Good thing, I have Dade with me earlier, he was there to support me. He was there to catch my feelings, I can talk to him even just a small talk helped me to somehow ease my pain.