Pairing: LMM x Reader
Warnings: Smut / NSFW / Please only read if you’re 18+ / Alcohol / Angst / Crying / It’s pretty sad, you guys.
Notes: This is the third and final chapter. What am I going to write next? Who knows. Feedback, requests, etc etc all welcome. Usual shout out to @adotblog
Word count: 4674
“Oh my God, Y/N, my head this morning! I thought my eyes were about to fall out my face!”
Sam sits opposite you and immediately grabs a menu.
“Thank God for painkillers,” he goes on, “but I’m going to need to go full burger tonight. I’m starving.”
You sip your Coke and try to look sympathetic. You hope your eyes don’t look at puffy as they feel. You’ve been curled up in bed for most of the afternoon and you feel like you’ve cried yourself out. Still, the show must go on, and when Sam texted you again to see if you wanted to get food before work you forced yourself to go. The waitress comes over and Sam asks for his burger with everything, while you just ask for a sandwich. Sam raises his eyebrows.
“That’s not like you, Y/N. What’s up?”
“Nothing! Nothing, just… not that hungry.”
“Bollocks, you’re always hungry, that’s why we became friends.”
“I’ve just not had a great day, that’s all. I’m fine, I’ll be fine.”
“What’s happened, come on, you can tell Sammy…” he starts joking, but then he catches the look on your face, and his smile drops.
“Shit, Y/N, you’re really not ok are you?”
It’s all you can do to shake your head. Turns out there are some tears left in there after all, and as much as you adore Sam, you don’t want to cry in front of him. You take a breath, steady yourself.
“I… met a guy. I really like him, and he seems to really like me too, but it’s complicated and we can’t see each other anymore. I know when I say it out loud it doesn’t sound like the tragedy of the century and lots of people have worse shit going on, but… I really, really like him. And it hurts.”
“Oh, Y/N. Heartbreak is the worst. Look, if you’re not up to work tonight, I can get someone to cover you.”
Lin will be at the theatre tonight. Can you bear to see him? You’re not sure you can.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to leave anyone in the lurch.”
“Honestly, Y/N, it’s fine. You’ve not missed a single shift since you got this job and you’ve covered for others enough times. I’ll call Jenny, OK? I’ll say you’re sick.”
“Thank you. Tomorrow is my day off but I’ll be back for my next shift.”
“I know you will. Now, Dr Sam is King of Heartbreak and let me tell you what I do when a man gets me down…”
And with that he starts regaling you with some outrageous stories from his dating life. He knows how to make you laugh, and later as you leave you feel a little lighter. As you go your separate ways, Sam to the theatre, you back home, he pulls you into a hug.
“It’ll be OK, Y/N. You’re a great person. Whatever happened with this guy… well, you’ll get over it. I know I don’t know what the situation, but he’s a fool to give up on you so easily.”
You smile weakly and hug your friend back.
“Thanks Sam. The whole thing just sucks. And thanks for tonight. I’m going to go and get into my PJs and watch The West Wing.”
“Good plan. See you tomorrow. Text me or call me if you need anything.”
“I will. Thank you.”
You kiss Sam on the cheek and head for the tube.
The next morning you wake with a crick on your neck. It takes you a second to realise that you’re still on your sofa and that you must have fallen asleep watching the DVD. The TV is still on and showing the “play episode” screen. You sit up and roll your shoulders, trying to work out the stiffness. You’d spent the evening exactly as you’d told Sam you would: on the sofa, in your sweats, working your way steadily through the first season of The West Wing. You can basically recite it now, having watched it so many times over the years, but it’s comforting and the writing so good that it can take your mind off anything. Well, most things.
You turn off the DVD and turn on the BBC news channel. While the anchor talks through the latest headlines you start to tidy up, and make some coffee. While the kettle’s boiling you head for the bathroom and then fetch your phone from your bedroom. Last night you’d made the decision to switch it off and put it in a different room. You didn’t want to speak to anyone, and you didn’t want to see anything about Lin on Twitter.
You take it through to the kitchen, make your coffee then sit at the table and switch on your phone. After a minute notifications start pouring in. Most of them from colleagues - it’s so unlike you to call in sick that people are worried. A couple from Sam, checking how you’re doing. Another from your sister, God, you really should text her back. And then Lin’s name pops up. The message was from late yesterday afternoon, after you left Sam but before you would have been due at work.
“Hi Y/N. I’d really like to come and talk to you tonight. I feel bad about how we left things. Let me know when you have a minute later?”
Then another message from a couple of hours later.
“Sam said you’ve called in sick. I really hope you’re OK. I’m so sorry if this is because of me.”
Then another from late in the evening.
“I’d still love the chance to talk but I’ll understand if you don’t want to. I won’t message again, but if you want to talk, I’m here.”
You sigh. You’re thinking about whether to reply or not when another message comes in. This time it’s from Sam.
“It’s Lin, isn’t it?”
You exhale hard. How does he know? You call Sam, who picks up straight away.
“It is him isn’t it?”
“How did you guess?”
“I guessed the minute he asked where you were and I said you were sick. He didn’t look great to start with but when I said that his face just dropped. The whole evening he wasn’t himself. He just sort of wandered around looking like a kicked puppy.”
“Oh great, thanks for that Sam. That makes me the kicker.”
“I’ll be at yours in half an hour. I’ll bring breakfast.”
“You’re a good man, Sam.”
“So what do I do, Sam? Do I reply? What do I say? What can he possibly want to say? It’s not going to change the outcome. And what if we end up… y’know… again?”
You’ve poured the whole story out to him over coffee and a bag of cinnamon rolls that Sam brought with him.
“I think that you already know you’re going to reply, and I think you already know that you want to see him again before he leaves tomorrow. So this is what you’re going to do. You’re going to text him back and just be forward. You’re off tonight anyway. Say you want to see him again. And then you’re going to get Lin round to your flat, and say a proper goodbye. Then tomorrow after the evening show you and I are going to get drunk, OK?”
You sigh. You know he’s right. “OK. But you’re buying the gin tomorrow night.”
“Deal. Now, go get him.”
You did just as Sam said. Straight after that conversation you texted Lin and told him that you wanted to talk too, and suggested he came to yours. Lin replied saying that he would be there once his final meetings had finished, late afternoon. You said you would make dinner.
In the meantime, you texted back various people from work, reassuring them that you were OK and that you’d be back as normal tomorrow. You phoned your sister. You cleaned your flat to within an inch of its life. You went out and bought ingredients for dinner. You showered, dressed, did your hair. Most of all, you tried not to think beyond this evening.
Finally, the door buzzed. You pressed the button to open the downstairs door, then waited for him to come upstairs. There is a knock on your flat door, you open it, and there’s Lin. He’s wearing jeans and a zip-up hoodie and he looks gorgeous. You stand back to let him in. He bends and kisses you on the cheek. He smells amazing.
“Hey Lin. Thanks for coming over.”
“I was glad to.”
You’re just sort of standing around awkwardly, so you close the door and lead him through to the kitchen.
“I’ve just started cooking. You want a drink?”
“Just water would be great, thanks.”
You pour him a glass and set it by him on the table. You go back and continue preparing the food, relieved it gives you something to do.
“Hey, Y/N, I feel bad about you missing work last night. When Sam said you were sick, I wasn’t sure what to do. I wasn’t sure if you really were sick, or whether you were avoiding me, and then when I thought it was probably the latter I felt awful because that theatre is more your space than mine and I made you feel like you couldn’t be in it.”
“I had planned to go, but then I had dinner with Sam, and he realised I wasn’t myself, and suggested I take the night off. And yeah, I was worried about seeing you, if I’m honest.”
“Oh Lin, you know why. Because we’ve had this… thing… and you’re going back to America tomorrow, and I didn’t trust myself around you. It took every ounce of my courage to leave you yesterday morning. I felt like if I saw you again so soon I would fall apart. Or jump on you. Probably both.”
“But you trust yourself around me now?” Lin asks, his eyes wide, his voice quiet. You lean against the worktop and fold your arms.
“Not entirely. But I realised that I wanted to see you again more than I was worried about tomorrow.”
You share a long look, full of meaning but also longing. You can already feel the tension between you begin to crackle. It would be so easy just to walk over to him, tilt his head up, and kiss him. And you will. Just not yet.
“Right, come and help me with dinner. There’s stuff in the fridge to make a salad.” Lin grins, jumps up, and heads for the fridge.
The next hour or so passes happily. While dinner is cooking Lin takes control of Spotify and selects an eclectic playlist that has both of you singing and dancing along. Soon, you sit down to eat and the conversation has lost all the awkwardness of earlier. You laugh and swap West Wing quotes. Every time your mind flits to tomorrow and Lin leaving for NYC you take a breath and stuff the thought away.
After you’ve carried your plates to the sink, you produce a couple of beers from the fridge.
“Want one?” You ask.
“Sure,” Lin says, and takes one of the bottles.
The two of you head through to the living room and slump onto the couch, taking swigs from your beers. You both lean back, your heads resting on the back of the couch. Lin turns to look at you, and you look back.
“Hey,” he says softly.
“This has been fun, Y/N. I wish…”
“Don’t, Lin. Please. Don’t wish. I mean, I wish too, but I can’t think about that just now. It hurts too much.”
Lin looks into your eyes, nods.
“What about if I just did this instead?” he says quietly, leaning over to take your beer from your hand and setting it on the floor with his. Then he gently traces his fingers down the side of your face, brushing your hair from your eyes. His hand rests on the side of your face, his fingers in your hair. His thumb runs along your bottom lip, and your mouth opens just slightly. His eyes flick down to your lips and he leans in.
The kiss begins slowly. His lips are warm and soft against yours. You run your tongue along his lip, and he opens his mouth to you. Your tongues press against each other, your mouths moving instinctively together. Lin pulls at you and you understand what he wants you to do. Breaking the kiss only briefly, you straddle him on the couch before cupping his face in your hands and pressing your forehead against his. You look into his eyes before kissing him deeply again, his head tilted up to you. You feel his hands run down your sides, over your hips, to rest on your ass. He slides his hands into the back pockets of your jeans and gently squeezes you. You sigh, letting your hands drop to rest on his chest. You unzip his hoodie and run your hands down his body, over his t-shirt. Your fingers find the hem of his t-shirt and slip underneath it. The skin of his belly is warm and soft.
You dip your head and start kissing his neck, working from his jaw down, behind his ear, then lower until your lips brush the neck of his t-shirt. Lin’s hands move up to your sides, running up and down, and every time you kiss or nip him in a particular sweet spot his grip tightens briefly, his fingers digging into you slightly. You bite gently at his shoulder and he gasps.
“God, Y/N, you drive me crazy.”
You look down at him with a teasing smile.
“Oh yeah? How crazy?”
“You’ll find out soon enough, sweetheart.” And he reaches up, pulls your head down to his and presses his mouth to yours again. You can’t help but roll your hips against his, and as you move you’re aware of his erection bulging through his jeans beneath you. You rock against him gently and the friction makes you moan quietly into his mouth. His hands move to your breasts, fondling them over your clothes before slipping until your shirt and pushing it up. You sit up, pull the shirt over your head, and drop it beside you. He pulls you back in close and kisses your chest wherever your skin is exposed before reaching behind you and unhooking your bra. He kisses your mouth again as he pulls your bra straps down and you drop your bra with your shirt.
His thumb brushes over your nipple and you gasp at the pulse of electricity that shoots through you. You pull back, look at him, then stand up and hold out your hand. Lin shrugs off his hoodie, then takes your hand as you lead him to bed.
Neither of you speak but somehow once you’re in your bedroom you both know there’s a subtle change in atmosphere. As soon as you’re through the door Lin has you pressed up against the wall, one hand on the back of your neck, while the other is in the small of your back, pulling you towards him. He has whipped off his t-shirt so you are both topless, your bodies pressed together. Your breasts are pushed against his chest and the feeling of his warm skin on your increasingly sensitive nipples is intense.
Your hands move to his jeans, and you lay your palm flat against him, feeling his erection through the material. You squeeze him gently and his breath catches. You quickly undo his jeans and push them down until they fall to the floor and he steps out of them, pulling off his socks as he does so. You start walking him backwards to the bed then, as he reaches it, you stop and pull down his shorts so that he is completely naked. You push him down so that he is sitting on the edge of the bed, his head level with your breasts. He pulls slightly at your nipples with his thumb and forefinger, pinching them just hard enough to make you gasp.
You’re standing between his legs and he starts kissing down your body, slowly, teasingly, until he reaches your belly and then lower to the waistband of your jeans. He looks up at you with his dark eyes, the pupils virtually indistinguishable from the iris. In a low voice he whispers “take them off”.
You take a step back from him and watch him as you start unbuttoning your jeans. His eyes are glued to what your hands are doing so you move slowly, sliding your thumbs under the waistband of your underwear and gradually pulling them down along with your jeans. As your naked body is revealed Lin’s breath hitches in his throat.
“Y/N… you look amazing…” he breathes, his hands tracing the outline of your curves without quite touching you. The way he gazes at your body makes you feel incredible, powerful, sexy. It only adds to your arousal.
“Come here,” he whispers, and pulls you down onto the bed with him. You both scooch higher up the bed, and Lin presses your hip down so you’re on your back. He butterflies kisses down your chest and stomach and hips until he is between your legs. He gently pushes your thighs further apart, then looks up at you as he dips his head down and runs his tongue along your folds. You immediately arch your back and moan at the sensation. You’re already incredibly wet for him and when he realises this he groans and flattens his tongue against you before flicking it quickly over your clit.
The sudden jolt makes you buck your hips up, wanting more contact, more friction. He grins wickedly at you then presses his whole mouth against you, his tongue dipping inside you, teasing you. Then he returns his attention to your clit, circling the tip of his tongue around it, occasionally flicking over it, making you moan his name. Your hand finds the back of his head, tangles in his hair, trying to press his mouth to you. All of a sudden you feel his fingers slip inside you as he sucks and licks at your clit. He immediately starts curling his fingers so that he is stroking your g-spot, making you moan a long “fuuuuuuuuck” in the process.
With his fingers moving inside you and his mouth and tongue on your clit, you quickly feel an orgasm start to build. You can’t help but press your hips to his face, pushing yourself against his fingers, and you lose control, crying out, cursing, your grip tightening in his hair as you come hard.
As the peak passes and you begin to calm down, you open your eyes to see Lin lying alongside you, grinning.
“God, Y/N, seeing you come like that is fucking amazing.”
You smile up at him lazily, then reach up to bring his face to yours. You kiss again, slowly at first, but the intensity quickly builds. He moves half on top of you, his leg in between yours. His left hand cups your breast, his right supporting his weight. You can feel his cock pressing into your thigh and even though it’s not long since he made you come undone you know you are ready for him again.
You look up into his eyes through your lashes, and reach down to wrap your hand around his cock. His mouth falls open as your start to stroke him up and down. He moans a little then stills your hand. He leans down and whispers hoarsely in your ear, “turn over, sweetheart”.
You lie on your stomach and you feel Lin move between your legs. Then his hands are on your hips and he’s pulling you up so you are on all fours. One hand is still on your hip, but the other squeezes your ass, making you gasp.
“Are you OK, baby?” He asks gently. You look over your shoulder at him, “yes, completely, now, please…” you trail off. You feel him position himself at your entrance.
“Please what, Y/N?”
“Please fuck me.”
You feel his cock nudge against you and you wiggle your ass a little, wanting more.
“You sure, baby?” he teases. You can hear the smile in his voice.
“Yes! Lin, please, I need you,” you moan, and as you do, you feel him push into you. He enters you slowly, both of you savouring how it feels. Once he’s all the way inside you he wraps one arm around you, holding you, his other hand gripping your hip. You are both still a second before he starts thrusting in and out of you, slowly at first but soon quicker and harder.
He’s so deep inside you, he’s filling you so perfectly, that it’s hard for form coherent thoughts. You push back against him as he slams into you, both of you groaning and gasping. He moves the arm that’s wrapped around you slightly and suddenly he’s almost folded over you, his fingers finding your clit. He strokes your clit in time with his thrusts and feeling your body tensing under him, whispers “come for me, Y/N.” This tips you over the edge and quickly you’re coming again, a short intense burst that has you crying out formless words, your eyes squeezed closed, your brain going fuzzy.
Lin rides you through it, whispering to you “that’s it, yes Y/N, you’re so good,” until your peak has passed then quickly picks up the pace. He’s straightened up behind you, his hands firmly on your hips, and he’s fucking you hard, relentlessly. He grunts with every thrust, and he swiftly loses control. His movements become stuttering, and his grip on you tighter, his fingers digging into you.
“Fuck, yes, Y/N, oh God oh God oh God…” and he spills into you, you clenching around his cock, him pushing his last thrusts into you. You feel him collapse onto your back, panting, before you both slump onto the bed.
Lin rolls onto his back, and you curl around him, your head on his shoulder, your arm over him. He wraps his arms around you too and you lay there for some time, listening to each other’s breathing return to normal. Eventually you look up at him, and he looks down at you, and you both smile, then kiss softly.
“You’re really special, Y/N,” Lin says quietly.
You close your eyes. You lace your fingers through his.
“So are you, Lin. I’m never going to forget this.”
“Me neither. Not ever.”
Lin kisses your hair. You kiss his shoulder. You pull the duvet over the two of you, and you both drift off to sleep.
You’re woken by Lin gently saying your name. You blink, rub your eyes.
“What time is it?” you mumble.
“Nearly 7am. I’m sorry, I know it’s early, but I need to go in an hour. I need to go to the hotel, and then the airport…”
Your heart sinks. You can’t pretend this isn’t happening anymore. You bury your head in his shoulder and cling to him. He holds you tightly, gently murmuring reassurances that it’ll be OK.
You sit up. “I’ll make coffee. You want anything to eat?”
“Not just now. I’ll get something later.”
You nod, get up, throw on a t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, then head for the kitchen. You hear the shower start running and while you would love nothing more than to go and get in there with him you know it would only make things worse.
Half an hour later you’re both dressed, sitting opposite each other at the kitchen table, sipping coffee.
“So…” you start awkwardly, not really knowing what you want to say. You look at Lin, smiling weakly.
“I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together, Lin. I’m sorry it can’t be more. I wish…”
Lin reaches over and puts his hand on yours.
“You were the one who said ‘don’t wish’…”
“But I wish too.”
You are standing at your front door. Lin has his hands shoved in his pockets. You reach for him, put your arms around his neck. He wraps his around your waist. You kiss. It’s long and deep and just a little desperate. By the time you break apart there are tears running down both your faces.
“I gotta go.”
“I know, it’s ok, go.”
“I’m sorry Y/N.”
ONE YEAR LATER
Tonight the brand new West End show you’re working on opened and the atmosphere backstage is intense. You’d stayed with Hamilton for another nine months, but then this opportunity - a promotion - came up and you couldn’t say no. Leaving your Hamilton family had been sad but you’d made friends for life and you knew you’d stay in touch.
So here you were, first night done and it’s all gone perfectly. Everyone is getting ready to head for the aftershow party and you and your colleagues are speculating about which celebs might show up.
“Claire Foy was on the red carpet.”
“Oh she’s great, I’d love to hang out with her.”
“And Matt Smith! He’s here!”
“I heard Bryan Cranston is in town.”
You are all laughing and swapping celeb stories and a while later as you all enter the party you’re all excited and giddy. It’s time to kick back, celebrate your success, and hang out with your theatre family. You’ve managed to get Sam an invite and he’s already at the bar when you find him.
“Y/N! You look fabulous as usual!”
You swipe at his arm. “Yeah, yeah, I hope you ordered me a gin.”
“Of course, darling.” And he hands you a glass.
You’re both suddenly aware of a burst of camera flashes, which indicates someone famous has arrived at the party. You crane to see who it is but you can’t see, so Sam stands on tiptoes and looks for you.
“Who is it? Is it Matt Smith?”
Sam is silent. He looks at you, his face suddenly serious.
“Y/N. It’s Lin.”
You freeze. You had decided not to stay in touch after those few intoxicating days. You both wanted to but agreed that it would have made it too difficult. It had been horrible but you moved on because you had to. But the knowledge that he was here in this room sent you straight back to twelve months ago…
“Lin? He’s here?”
“Yeah. I didn’t know he was in town, I would have warned you. Look, Y/N. He’s not alone. He’s brought someone. I’d heard he was dating someone but I didn’t know it was at a public level.”
Sam puts his arm around your shoulder.
“I don’t want to see him, Sam. I can’t. Not if he’s with someone.”
“OK, let’s just take our drinks through to the other room.”
You nod and you both head for the door through to the smaller party room. But to get there you have to go past the photo area. You intend to keep your head down and get through the door as quickly as possible but as you approach you can’t help but look.
Lin is smiling, looking handsome in a black suit, his arm around a beautiful woman. The sight of him squeezes the breath from your body and you stop. You’re staring at him. Time seems to slow down as he turns just slightly. He sees you.
Your eyes lock. You feel as if time has stopped completely. It can only have been a few seconds but it feels like an eternity. He nods, smiles slightly.
You raise your hand. You hold his gaze for a second longer. Then you link your arm through Sam’s and head for the other room.