am i bi or am i looking at unattainable men and thinking theyre conventionally attractive love this
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Happy BiVisibility Day to all of you beautiful, bisexual people! 🏳️🌈
I hear you.
I see you.
I support you.
And I most importantly LOVE you. ❤️
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it is bisexual visibility day so please make yourself aware of me today and also everyday thank you 💗💜💙
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i requested post cards for my boyfriend since he’s been going through a hard time. on reddit, i asked people for things he would like on a post card, and i gave them a bunch of his interests. i won’t see him until the weekend after next, so i’m hoping that i get them all in by then. i can’t wait, and i hope he really likes them.
0Fellas: Is it gay to have the intense urge to shove your finger into your vampire’s friend’s mouth to see if he’d suck it while he feeds from your wrist?
You all know the answer.
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Went for a little hike in the forest. It was extremely smokey from all the wildfires in Cali so I wore a mask. Again, dgaf about society and went shirtless. Feels so liberating everytime.
0This is a sad blog. One thing I’m not unsure or worried about is my sexuality.
0Thinking about coming out today but also terrified. There‘s never the right time to come out but I’m soooo scared. I know my mom will accept me but also…what if she acts different?
4Happy Bi Visibility Day to my other Bisexuals! We are VALID! I LOVE YOU! LET’S GET IT!
3Hey all! Sorry that I’m running behind. May look for a different platform so I can share more of the story at once. Anyway, here’s part 7! Warning, this section contains discrimination and mentions drug use.
“I rushed into the lab, the bird cradled gently in my gloved hands. It was late, so I wasn’t sure if anyone would even be in still.
Andrea looked up from the desk, clearly working on some paperwork. Probably office paperwork. Nothing had changed in the office since she’d helped me with getting assaulted or since she’d told me she liked having me in the office. She was still neutral towards me, not being any friendlier since that day. I did notice she’d started taking on even more administrative tasks for John, and wondered if she was doing that to help her raise argument.
“Andrea!” I said, relieved to see her. “Thank God. Please, this bird is dying!”
She shot up from her chair and ran to the nearest table, grabbing supplies. As she did, I laid the bird on the cool surface and stepped back, looking around.
“Where’s Shawn?”
“He never showed up,” she replied curtly. I could tell from her voice she resented him heavily for it. “Shit. I need help with this one, too,” she admitted once she caught a glance at the wound.
“What do you need?” I asked, moving quickly to take my gloves off and wash my hands.
“Hailey, this will be an extensive procedure,” Andrea said, hesitation in her voice.
“Look, just because I was in prison doesn’t mean I can’t be gentle and have dexterity,” I snapped. I was really getting sick of her prejudices getting in the way.
“No, I’m saying it will be long. You have that date after work. And I’ll have to do some things that might gross you out.”
“As cliche as this is, I’ve seen some shit,” I respond, surprised that she would care enough to make sure I’m comfortable with helping. “And screw the date, this bird’s life is on the line.”
My back was turned so when the room went quiet, I turned around, snapping new latex gloves on. Andrea was staring at me, her eyes narrowed as if to study me. It only lasted a moment, though, before she snapped out of it and continued prepping her tools.
“Right. Well then throw on a lab coat and come here, I’ll need you to hold the skin back.”
I did as she instructed. The bird let out a pained shriek as she grabbed the edges of the skin to pull it back from the wound.
“I’m sorry little guy,” she murmured, handing me the foresep.
I took one in one hand and gently patted the head of the bird before taking the other. I used my pinky to stroke its side soothingly and Andrea put a mask on it and gave it more anesthetic. It calmed down enough to stop trying to fight us and Andrea began to work. I didn’t know what she was doing, only that it was both rushed and careful. Whenever she instructed me to move I did, when she asked for me to hold something new, I did. I followed every order she gave with the utmost caution while being as fast as I could.
Finally, she put stitches in the bird, sewing up the wound and cleaning its feathers. She then put it in a cage, making sure it had food and water.
I sat down on the desk, massaging my forearms after I had degloved and washed my hands. She was right, that had been a long procedure. My arms and hands were now burning from having to have gripped the tools.
Andrea sat down in the chair next to me, sighing. She noticed me massaging myself and took my forearm into her hands, more effectively working out the acid in my strained arms.
“Thank you, you didn’t need to do that,” she said quietly as her fingers gently but firmly pressed into me.
“Would the bird have made it if I hadn’t stayed?” I asked.
Andrea shook her head without meeting my gaze, instead focusing on my arm in her hands. Her touch felt amazing. So amazing, I couldn’t help a small groan from leaving my lips as she moved up my arm.
She gave me an amused look, lifting one eyebrow curiously. Her lips pursed together as she tried not to smile. Her thin face looked tired, but still gorgeous. Her cheekbones stuck out a bit. I wondered vaguely when the last time she had actually sat down and had a proper meal was. I couldn’t remember a time when I had come in and she hadn’t been here since she took that seminar.
“Sorry, my forearms are just really sore. You weren’t kidding when you said that would take a while,” I explained as she moved to my other arm.
“Yeah, why do you think I had you hold the forceps and not me?” she asked with a mischievous grin.
“You dick,” I joked back.
She laughed a little, showing her teeth in her smile. Her smile faded as she looked at me thoughtfully. “You seem like you’ve done some medical things before you started here,” she noticed.
I nodded. “When people beat you up, it’s not always in your best interest to go to the infirmary in prison,” I said quietly. Andrea’s eyebrows raised with some concern and surprise. “First I learned to patch myself up, then others when they needed it.”
“What put you in prison?” Andrea asked. Her hands were now done working through my muscles and were just holding my arm. I realized she didn’t even seem to notice that she was touching me. I could feel my cheeks tinting at the careless touch.
I looked away from her, not wanting to admit what had done me in. I hated that part of my life. I hated that it was something I still sometimes struggled with thinking about.
Before I could answer, Andrea realized she was still holding onto my arm. She looked down and let go, but not before noticing the scars on my inner elbow. Right where the vein was. I could tell she knew exactly what they were.
“Did it have to do with these?” she asked, picking my arm back up to look more closely at the scars.
I pulled my arm away and turned away from her. “That’s not me anymore,” I said, hating the judgement in her voice. “I’m clean. I don’t want to go back to that life. Now all that I want is to help animals. They’ve helped me when no one else would.”
She didn’t say anything at first, pursing her lips together as I got up. “You better be clean. If you even think about-”
“I would never endanger an animal’s life like that,” I exclaimed, turning around to face her again.
At the raising of my voice, Andrea retreated back into her chair a little.
“And fuck you for even suggesting that I would,” I said, spinning back around to leave. “I have a date. Bye.”
But when I checked my phone on the way out, I saw that, upset from being stood up again, June had cancelled and told me not to talk to her anymore. I sighed as I got onto my motorcycle, trying not to be hurt. As I started my motorcycle up, Andrea was walking out of the office, locking the door behind her. I flipped her off as I kicked my stand up and rode off.
The next week I drove to work on my bike, knowing it was one of the last weeks I’d be able to do that before the weather got too cold. I went to the back, putting all of my things in my locker and making sure everything was in order before I went to clock in.
“Hey, jailbird,” Nick said jokingly, walking in after me. I’d learned that only Andrea knew about my history when I’d first started, just as I’d hoped, but gossip was gossip and word got around. Everyone seemed casual enough about it, so I didn’t mind.
“Nick, vets should be here at seven,” Andrea said from the desk, clearly annoyed.
Nick checked his watch. “It’s only thirty minutes after. Besides, why do we need to be here before the rescuers?”
“To do this,” she said, gesturing to the paperwork she was doing. “I’ve been cleaning your crap up all morning.”
Nick shrugged and walked back out front, muttering something about not wanting to be around a grouch while it was so early.
Andrea pursed her lips and shook her head.
I felt awkward, not sure what to say. Andrea was definitely uptight, but I had noticed that Nick’s work was sloppy, which meant Andrea had to pick up the slack.
“Would it help if I came in earlier?” I finally offered.
“What? No you don’t have to do that. Plus, I doubt John would pay you for it unless he specifically asked.”
“Well you don’t deserve to get stuck with all this,” I said, walking over to the desk to get a look at what she was doing. I saw spreadsheets with rows and rows of numbers and secretly hoped she wouldn’t take me up on the offer.
Andrea just smiled politely up at me. “It’s not your job to do this. I appreciate it, though.”
I nodded and started to turn away.
“Oh, I almost forgot, how was your date on Friday?” she asked, stopping me from leaving the room.
I had to turn back and look at her for a while. With the conversation we’d had on Friday, I wouldn’t think she’d be in the mood to make small talk with me, not like she ever was. And she always sounded so annoyed whenever she heard about my personal life, I’d assumed she was homophobic or something. “It, uh…. Well turns out she doesn’t like being stood up twice in a row,” I admitted.
“That’s bullshit,” Andrea commented nonchalantly, sounding sympathetic as she turned back to her paperwork.
I tried to hide my shock. Andrea had never swore on the job before.
Before I could reply, she asked “Did she let you explain what happened?”
“I didn’t bother. The first thing was…. A little personal. And I can’t promise anyone that the second wouldn’t happen again,” I shrugged, half-way turning back towards the door.
“Too bad. And you didn’t even get to sleep with her,” Andrea said.
I looked at her face and saw a smile. “Are… Are you joking right now?”
“Yes, that was a joke,” she giggled, rolling her eyes.
I let out a chuckle. “Good, I was hoping your opinion of me wasn’t that low.”
“No, I know you’d at least treat her to mac and cheese first,” Andrea said, winking as she smiled again.
“You already know me so well,” I joked back as I walked out the door. I couldn’t help but smile at having a casual conversation with Andrea. Maybe she didn’t mind me after all. And she was so fun to talk to and work with when she wasn’t in a bad mood or upset with me.
That day at work John brought lunch for everyone. Amanda, Todd, and I were enjoying our food when I stood up to throw my plate away. As I did, Nick, who was turned to talk to someone at the table next to us, bumped into me, spilling his spaghetti and salad all over me.
“Nick!” Amanda groaned.
“Oh my God I’m so sorry!” Nick exclaimed.
“Hey, no worries, I always bring an extra set of clothes. Can never be too safe with animals, right?” I said. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Todd smirk with approval.
“If you want, I can help you clean off,” Shawn offered, giving me a wink.
I didn’t even try to be nice when I laughed at him. At first he laughed, too, but then realized I was laughing at him, not with him.
“Not if you were the last person on earth,” I muttered as I strode out of the kitchen. I was glad everyone was having lunch, that way no one would be in the back lab while I changed and cleaned up.
I shouldn’t have been surprised when I opened the door and saw Andrea in there, but I was.
“Oh, you’re here,” I say, a little startled to see her in the back room. So much for changing in private.
“I am here,” Andrea replied, light-heartedly immitading my tone but not looking up from the dog on her table at first. When she was finally done doing her checks on it, she turned to look at me and her eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, you do realize you could use a lunch box to carry your food, right?”
The amused look in her eyes made me blush and the way her eyes lingered over my body to look at the food covering me made my heart quicken.
“Nick,” I said curtly, hoping I wouldn’t have to explain any further.
“Ah,” she said, unable to keep her smile off of her face any longer.
I looked around, but I didn’t see any way to keep from changing out in the open. I made sure the door was closed and went over by the lockers by the desk. Andrea’s eyes followed me curiously. I had my back to her as I unbuttoned my shirt and took it off, grabbing some towels so I could wipe the food off of my skin.
To my surprise, a set of hands reached around me and closed around the towel in my hand. I could feel her breath on the back of my neck. It caused me to freeze. At first, I was worried I would get a flashback, but none came. I knew I was safe with her standing there.
She brought the towel up to my shoulders and started cleaning around my neck and down each arm, taking her time and making sure she got every morsel. She was always so thorough, but now time seemed to stand still as she picked off every crumb. The cool towel felt nice on my skin the way that she wiped me down. It was relaxing. She occasionally took breaks to reach around me again and rinse the towel in the sink in front of me, causing her jaw to brush my cheek and her chest to press gently into my back.
“You have a really nice back,” Andrea noticed as she wiped me down. Her voice was far away. She was making sure what happened last time she had cleaned me off didn’t happen again.
How was she so casual? Right, this was just between coworkers for her. She obviously didn’t like me like that. Calm down, Hailey.
I could feel the towel go down the small of my back and get to my waistline on my pants. My breath caught in my throat as she reached around to wipe off my stomach just above my shorts. I swallowed hard, hoping she couldn’t hear just how much I was straining during this.
I shouldn’t enjoy this, that’s not what she’s thinking. She’s just cleaning me. Get over it, I told myself.
My focus on keeping my head clear wavered when her hand slipped past the towel onto my ribs. The feeling of her skin on mine was intoxicating.
She doesn’t like you. There’s no way this means anything for her. She’s just cleaning you off like she did with the blood.
I was so caught up in her touching me that I imagined her hands lingering a little longer than needed on my skin. And did she just trace my shoulder blade with her index and middle fingers? I closed my eyes and leaned forward, putting my hands on the sink in front of me and using it to support myself.
“You okay?” Andrea asked, squatting down so she could better get my lower back.
“Mhm,” I managed. I prayed she couldn’t hear the tension in my voice. “Just thinking to myself how I need to stop getting naked around you.”
She laughed and her hands gripped my shoulders after she stood back up and she spun me around. Our eyes met and for a brief moment I considered leaning into her. But before I could, she raised the towel up to my face, cleaning it of all traces of food. Her eyes were focused as her hands went through my wavy hair, trying to comb out the crumbs and lettuce leaves, but I knew I would just need to wash it tonight. Her face was so close to mine as she bent down slightly so she could look closely for food morsels. I could feel my cheeks getting hot and tried my best to keep any emotion off of my face. My face felt absolutely electric with her so close.
She finally deemed me clean enough and put the towel on the sink edge, reaching around me one last time to do so. Before walking away, she gently set her hand on my shoulder, giving me one last jolt of butterflies in my stomach.
I shook my head, trying not to let it show just how frazzled she had me, as I went into my locker to get my back up work clothes to put on before I rinsed my dirty clothes in the sink.
“Thank you. That would have been almost im-pasta-ble to do myself,” I said once I was sure that my voice wouldn’t crack.
I heard a rough movement and turned around to face Andrea. She was leaning over the table that the dog was still sitting on and her head was down. At first I was worried she was hurt, but as I took a few hurried steps towards her, I realized her shoulders were shaking in silent laughter. She finally straightened back up and shook her head.
“Hailey, I swear to God your jokes will be the death of me,” she chuckled out.
A grin spread across my face as I was unable to contain my own amusement. And your laugh will be the death of me, I thought to myself.
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