I swear I am going to answer my asks tonight--
I swear I am going to answer my asks tonight--
i dont wanna be a one hit wonder i gotta write another banger
I see the dashboard is happy
LIKE THIS for a starter if you’d like one. i’m free from the shackles of midterms!!!!!! i have a few things to do today so i’ll be on later.
APPARENTLY SOMEBODY WROTE MUSHXCRUTCHIE ON THE MUSICAL THEATRE WHITEBOARD IM SOBBING 😭😭 IDK WHO DID IT BUT….. hope they didnt get in trouble for that
(For @lilmeier who requested Eddie renovating Buck's apartment only for Buck to realize through a shared blanket what home really means)
You’re like a perpetual roommate in your own apartment.
Ali had said those words to him, once. They didn’t register as anything significant at the time, but in retrospect, as with most things, they burrowed beneath his skin and found a home there. He feels their weight against his chest, shackles around his ankles, some kind of foreboding shadow following him from his bed to his kitchen to his couch to his bathroom. You’re like a perpetual roommate in your own apartment.
It’s a problem he clearly doesn’t have a clue how to fix, so he calls the most qualified person he knows.
“God, finally, I’ve been waiting for you to let me loose on this place.”
Buck steps to the side to let Eddie and Christopher through. “Well, hello to you, too.”
“Now, are we talking full control, or are you gonna be micromanaging my every design choice?”
Buck locks the door and trails him to the kitchen. Christopher rolls his eyes at his father and settles into the couch, flipping the TV on. Buck stands across from Eddie at the counter and watches him flick through his white binder. “You’ve come prepared.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve made a serious request.” Eddie’s gaze roams through the apartment, cataloguing everything. Buck feels exposed in a way he never has before around Eddie. They spend so much time together, at both their places, and yet here Buck is openly admitting to the clinical sterility of what is supposed to be his home, and Eddie more or less agreeing. The feeling isn’t altogether unwanted, just new. Untrodden. Unfamiliar.
Eddie shakes his head, blowing a low whistle through his lips. “Yeah, this is gonna be at least three trips.”
Buck splutters. “I’m sorry?”
“No, I heard you, I’m just trying to figure out why.”
Eddie turns his head around to flash him a brilliantly crooked smile, and suddenly, whatever the reason, Buck doesn’t care. As long as Eddie’s face keeps doing that he’ll be fine. “You’ll see.”
So, Eddie spends another few hours in Buck’s apartment at the counter, head buried in the binder. Buck busies himself with Christopher, chatting and playing video games and making fun of his father. When dinner rolls around they leave, and Eddie tucks his binder under his arm with something in his eyes teetering between a threat and a promise.
Buck isn’t allowed to join him on the shopping trips.
It takes four, or so Christopher complains to him over the phone one night, spread over the space of a week. And only when Eddie suffices he has everything he needs does he lug his haul over to Buck’s place. It’s tremendous, and it takes him two trips, and Buck feels a needle of regret pricking the back of his skull. But there’s a way Eddie gets when he has his white binder in his hands and a pencil tucked behind his ear and a rant about color theory spilling from his mouth. It makes Buck’s toes curl, makes his heart clench, makes him want to sit and listen to Eddie talk about the refined art of color coordination until the end of time.
He jerks to attention, already feeling his cheeks warm. “Huh?”
“I asked if you wanted to help or just be surprised.”
Buck laughs, walking around the counter to the fridge. A blast of cold air hits his face and he relaxes. “Yeah, right, because I want to be steamrolled by you around every corner. I’m not a masochist, Eddie.”
“Wow. I’m not that bad.”
“Yes you are,” Chris pipes up from Buck’s couch, and Buck pulls a popsicle out of his freezer and grins.
“The voice of truth has spoken,” he teases, ripping open the wrapper and hopping up on the counter. Eddie flicks a cursory glance toward Christopher to make sure he’s not watching before giving Buck the middle finger. Buck garbles a laugh around his popsicle and contents himself to trail Eddie with his gaze as the other man moves around his apartment.
The whole process takes an hour, is surprisingly quick, and Buck’s not sure if that means his apartment is just small or simply that far gone. Eddie puts out a few plants. “Real plants,” he tells Buck, “so don’t forget to water them.” He fits his bed with a few more colorful pillows and a brighter comforter. Swaps all the black and white imagery in his bathroom out for scenic views of an italian landscape. A deep orange dish towel hangs over the edge of his sink, and it matches the deep orange oven mitts on his counter. He recognizes some of Christopher’s drawings on the walls, and then a smiling picture of Chris at the beach in a magnetic frame on his fridge. “Christopher’s idea,” Eddie is sure to tell him, but the quiet, pleased grin doesn’t slide from his face.
The last thing is a deep blue blanket thrown over his couch, identical to the one at the Diaz house.
Buck grasps the fabric in his hands, feeling the soft caress against his arms as he bunches it in his grip.
Eddie clears his throat. “It isn’t always about getting new things,” he says, and he can’t meet Buck’s eyes as he does. “Sometimes it’s about what feels familiar.”
The words echo through his mind long after they leave.
He sits on the couch wrapped in the blanket, thinking, staring, hearing the words on repeat. The thing is, it is familiar. It feels like a comfort. And his apartment looks better, just not different. It’s a bandaid on a gaping wound, a simple paint job over incurable rot. Just like the reason for the renovation job. The reason for Eddie and Christopher in his space. Because for moments, for minutes and hours at a time, his apartment feels like home. Eddie’s laughter warms the sterility of the space. The clack of Christopher’s crutches presses comfort into the neglected crevices. And the fond, scathing roast sessions between father and son over bed time or Eddie’s black thumb or his lack of cooking skills or Christopher’s bedhead in the morning, makes everything so bright and bold Buck feels like he needs to shield his eyes.
And then they leave, and they take it all with them.
It’s how Buck always ends up on their doorstep, through their front door, joining them in the kitchen or the living room, never a guest or a roommate in their house.
“Buck!” Christopher calls, and Eddie just smiles from the kitchen table where they’re working on his math homework.
“Hey,” he says, grabbing an apple and settling down. “Oof. Fractions, huh?”
Christopher sighs. “The rules are different when you add them than when you multiply them. Math is dumb.”
“Whoa, math is not dumb,” Eddie chastises, squinting at the problem set in front of him. “It is definitely harder than I remember, though.”
“Nah, you’re just old. You’ve had a lot of time to forget stuff." Buck takes the paper from Eddie and sets it back down in front of Christopher. “It’s multiplication, so you have to go straight across. No need for a common denominator.”
Chris squeaks in triumph and scribbles away. Eddie kicks Buck’s foot under the table and their eyes lock. “Don’t like the new digs?”
Buck winces. “No. They’re . . . honestly, the place looks the best it has since I toured it.”
“So what’s the problem?”
Buck doesn’t know how to say it. Doesn’t know if he’s allowed to say it, to put such a potentially cataclysmic shift into their little universe of three like that. But maybe he doesn’t have to, because Eddie’s eyes soften like he knows, and he must, because he leaves the kitchen and returns a minute later with the familiar blue blanket and drops it over Buck’s shoulders. It’s the same one they got him for his own apartment, but when he wraps it around himself, it feels like Eddie’s laughter, and it feels like Christopher’s smile, and it feels like their subdued banter over what dessert he deserves for cracking the code of fractions. It's another key. Another key in a long line of keys Buck has tried for the lock in his chest.
Except this time, this key, it fits.
This time, it turns.
Cap'n : Oh shit....am I gay?!
K_K and Sweet who are currently cuddling him and exchanging soft smooches. *confused static noises*
K_K: well I'm non binary so I think you're only part gay?
Sweet: I too am sometimes non binary
Rouxls Kaard kicking down their door for no reason: THOU ARST QUUERE THOU IGNORANT AND ADORABLEST FOOLS!
(This was loosely based on a convo between two of my friends who happen to be dating. I guess they were trying to figure out if by dating since one of them was masc presenting NB and the other was a guy who was exploring his interests after being raised in a strict Christian home. I guess 2 hours later they remembered the word queer and called themsves ignorant dumbasses.)
Having mental and emotional burn out for past 3 months now and doing anything is so hard. I want to write or do anything that is simple. But I cant and its so difficult to the point it’s frustrating , with being slammed down by my depression on top is only making it worse at times.
Only can do so little and write but so much in little time before I feel so hallow and empty. Just sucks honestly I can’t do what I want creativity until out of no where being bashed against the head with a hammer saying “Times up back to being a pile of sludge￼.” Vibes.
Kinda just want to push through and post something tomorrow to make up time.
reina / dex infodump, part 1! ♡
dex was immediately attracted to reina when she first showed up at the church. and then with the way she fought during her canonisation, he was more than impressed. some of the other saints caught on to his crush and would tease him, but he only ever took the ribbing from lin and johnny.
after dex’s plan of johnny and reina dressing as vice kings and causing destruction to direct the police’s attention away from the saints and towards the vks, the two are enjoying freckle bitch’s back at reina’s loft when johnny starts complaining. he keeps going on and on about how dex needs to relax, come out with them more, stop being so nitpicky with the details of their missions. reina asks him why exactly he’s complaining, seeing as dex just sent them to wreak havoc, but johnny just continues, saying that he’s always limiting their fun. more like limiting the body count. reina casually says, “well i think he’s cute” and johnny has to do a double take. he can’t tell if she’s just saying it as a joke or if there was actually something going on between her and dex.
when reina isn’t off disappearing (to look after her daughter and keep her private life away from the gang) or hanging out with johnny, she finds herself with dex. it started off as her sitting in his part of the church, asking questions about this and that, then it was grabbing fast food or coffee together. she found herself genuinely enjoying his company, or perhaps she just liked making him blush. teasing him was fun, it was like a game to her, see how far she could push it before he breaks eye contact or colour rises to his cheeks. if it was a game, she was going to win.
reina, dex, johnny and troy were all packed into a stolen capshaw outside of the grocery store that the vice kings had been seen visiting during all hours of the night. the mission was just sprung on them by julius, so dex didn’t have a plan, but while he’s trying to quickly come up with one, reina gets out of the car and makes her way into the store, guns blazing, with johnny not too far behind. panic starts building up in his chest at her recklessness, but he tries to stay calm. he and troy follow the trail of bodies before meeting up with the chaotic pair. they find out that the store was being used as a place to stockpile weapons, and while the boys are going through the hardware, reina goes to bring the car around and call julius to ask for a truck. dex slips away unnoticed and catches up to her, placing a hand on her arm. he tells her that she could’ve gotten herself killed, they had no clue how many vks were inside, but she just grins before leaning closer towards him. “you worryin’ bout me, dex?” she tilts her head to the side as he fumbles for his words, and after a bit she lifts her hand up to cup his cheek, thumb brushing over his cheekbone. “you’re cute when you worry.”
when reina collapses at the entrance of the church after almost drowning and being shot by william sharp, it’s then that dex realises just how much she actually means to him, how much his feelings for her had been growing. he didn’t want to lose her. he re-dresses her bandages after julius and troy leave the room, and reina watches him intently as he does so. he was being so gentle with her. she wasn’t used to gentle. his fingers lingered each time he cleaned one of her wounds then bandaged it back up, and whenever he would glance up to make sure she wasn’t in too much pain, all he found was her watching him.
price gets away from reina and julius, and her wounds need to be looked over again at the church. when she’s leaving, dex offers to drive her back to her loft and they get fast food on the way. they end up watching a movie together while eating, and reina starts complaining about price getting away while munching on her fries. dex can’t help but watch her, the way she’s gesturing with her hands while she talks, motioning for him to agree every now and again, slipping in and out of italian as she goes. she looks over at him as she’s unwrapping her burger to see him deep in thought, she asks what’s up, but he just dismisses it as their rough week. in what was probably supposed to be a supportive gesture between friends, reina takes hold of his hand where it’s resting on his thigh and just squeezes. her hand lingers and his breath hitches, heart beating a little faster. she wasn’t even trying to tease him, but she notices his reaction. it was curious. she tries to ignore the feelings that have been slowly creeping up on her.
after taking down the westside rollerz, the saints throw a small party at the church. aisha notices dex watching reina dancing from afar and tells him to go and talk to her, he wasn’t up for that kind of stress, so he sits outside to get some air instead. reina goes out to have a smoke and sees dex by himself, she sits on the steps next to him and asks why he isn’t enjoying the party with the rest of them, he tells her he just isn’t feeling it. she stands up and holds her hand out for him to take then she pulls him back inside, to the dance floor. the last thing he wants to do is dance. reina wastes no time in teasing him, grinding up against him before stepping closer, wrapping her arms around his neck and whispering in his ear, asking if he’s “feeling it” now. after a while, when she goes to dance with aisha, he leaves the party early, he needs to be as far away from her as possible. that doesn’t last long however, she shows up at his place, wondering why he left. she ends up teasing him some more and they find themselves making out on his couch, but before things can go any further, she pulls back, telling him that she won’t sleep with him when they’ve been drinking. as much as he wants her, he’s glad she stopped things before they went too far. she just pulls him in for a hug and he quickly kisses her cheek. she punches his shoulder while laughing, “stop. it.”
although they didn’t leave things awkward, reina and dex end up avoiding one another for a little bit. they basically start from the beginning again, working their back towards the flirting and the teasing. troy actually notices the tension between them but doesn’t comment on it, he just finds it odd.
after angelo gets away from their car chase, reina and dex are high on adrenaline. they are barely through the door to her loft when she pushes him up against it. they stumble over towards her bed, tearing each other’s clothes off as they go, and the thought of not crossing the line she had set for herself goes completely out the window. afterwards reina snuggles up to dex’s side, tracing lines on his chest, while he’s lazily running his fingers through her hair. then he takes a chance. he pulls her up for a long, languid kiss. she tries to push aside the feelings it brings up in her, how comfortable she feels around him, and how much it terrifies her. she leaves small kisses wherever she can – his neck, chest, along his knuckles on the hand he had wrapped around her waist. he’s trying to figure out what all this affection means. if there’s actually more to her teasing, and that he hasn’t just been imagining the soft moments they’ve shared. she ends up falling asleep, and when he goes to leave, her arms tighten around his waist, and she mumbles something that sounds suspiciously close to “stay.”
after they take down angelo, reina grabs dex’s collar and pulls him in for a kiss. they haven’t spoken about the night they shared, and they’ve tried to avoid one another, but with going after the carnales, that’s been hard to do. she hops in angelo’s car and drives it back to her loft, and dex meets her back there. she’s unlocking the door when he wraps his arms around her waist and rests his chin on her shoulder, she doesn’t pull away.
when the lock clicks, she takes his hand in hers and leads him inside, over to the couch. she holds both of his hands while sitting next to him, and she’s trying to figure out why he’s not ecstatic that the carnales are done for. he finally lets out a deep breath then looks at her, and he looks so vulnerable, he asks her where they stand. she wasn’t prepared for this. there’s no doubt she has feelings for him, but she’s scared to fall in love with someone just for them to be taken away from her again. she asks if he’s looking for something serious, it’s a stupid question, she already knows the answer. he thinks that he got his hopes up but nods anyway. then he sees the look on her face, and he finally realises that she’s just as worried as he is. for the first time, he sees her fumble with her words. he tells her how much he cares about her, how much she means to him. and she doesn’t know what to say, so nothing comes out. he sits there for a while until it’s too much to bear. he stands up, pulling his hands free from hers and he swears she grasps for them again. when he’s at the door, he hears a small “wait.” she hurries over and hugs him. she apologises and he mumbles that it’s fine, thinking they aren’t on the same page. but then she curses at herself before getting out, “i want this. you, i mean. i want to be with you.” but she also tells him that she doesn’t know if she’s ready for a relationship. he asks if her last one ended in a bad breakup and she says, “something like that.” he kisses her forehead and says that it’s alright.
for a few days, reina avoids anywhere she would possibly run into dex, trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between them. when she heads back to her loft she notices a bouquet of roses on her doorstep, the note isn’t signed but she recognises his handwriting. he apologises for bringing feelings up and hopes that they’re still cool. she just stands there grinning like an idiot. after getting the second call from monroe, she pulls dex aside. she thanks him for the flowers, and he mumbles a small “that’s alright.” when she asks why he chose roses, he motions to the tattoo on her hip, not really knowing the significance they hold for her. she kisses him on the cheek then raises one finger, “one date.” his jaw actually drops at that. he goes to hug her, but stops himself, then he asks if he can kiss her. fuck it, she thinks, and she beats him to it.
fuck-you-gender: because fuck you that's why
Once I heard that some peoples always make gurgle noises and I’m pretty sure that means something bad.
except instead of future it’s weekend
the mother that brings life and assures death. and with that, rebirth.
my moots as Seventeen members
no one asked for this, absolutely no one but I wanted to anyway. Let me embarass all of you, and myself, I'm being sappy tonight and it's all because of Seventeen so take it up with them.
1) @scoupsy: Choi Seungcheol
Dreamy is one of those people that you instantly feel you can rely on. She's amazing at what she does, she gives generously and she works really hard. I haven't known her for all too long but I like the way she's a humble person who's really cute. If she likes you, she pays attention to the smallest things about you and it's honestly the warmest feeling to be at the other end of. She's charming in a way that's familiar, and she's a genuinely thoughtful person who's comforting and generous to her friends as much as she's teasing. So yes, definitely Scoups.
2) @yoonzinoswife: Yoon Jeonghan (with major Hoshi tendencies)
I usually tell Mina that she's more like Hoshi if anything, but if anyone is close to Jeonghan's personality as we know him, it would be Mina. Mina usually says she's not really that good with words, but she still finds the right things to say to make you feel nice. Also has a talent for gift giving. She will put an insane amount of heartwarming effort into making a gift for you that will reduce you to tears because how can someone be so sweet. She jokes around and she teases her friends a lot, but that's just her love language. She means well even though she does threaten to harvest organs sometimes, and she'll love you in the small ways she loves everything. Also very sly, will cheat to win in games because it's more fun that way. Jeonghan and Mina are the same kind of gremlins (affectionate).
3) @joshuas: Joshua Hong
Aria is a really welcoming person. She is inherently altruistic and patient and sociable. Also the kind of person who lets herself get bullied (affectionate). And she's great with words! The way she writes is honestly amazing and I love reading her fics whenever I end up finding them, they're so good. There's something to Aria's whole vibe that is almost calming, and it's one of the things that makes you feel comfortable talking to her. She's kind, creative and she's genuine in her friendships. Aria is either always in mom mode and worrying about her friends pulling some dumbass-ery or joining them in on it, there's literally no in between. Her url fits her well hehe <3
4) @another-fckn-incorrect-svt-blog: Wen Junhui
Chet was one of the first people in caratblr that I interacted with and they're really fun to talk to. They're bright and open, and brilliant. Chet expresses themself in a way that's void of any facade. There's no performance put up in the way they interact with you, they're honest about themself and won't make promises they can't keep. They come across as upbeat and playful, but really, they're someone I can go to if I want grounded and realistic advise. Also has a great sense of humor and is a really talented dancer. I feel like their personality matches Jun the most <3
5) @seekingthestars: Kwon Soonyoung
The most Hoshi-esque person out there. There could be no other. If I have to put it in one sentence: Sarah is 🥰🥺💓🌼🤗 but says she can 💀🔪😤💢💪😼 but is actually 🥰🥺💓🌼🤗. Our conversations are almost always chaotic and she can get as intense as Hoshi in mafia games, but she's also adorable and comforting. She's not shy to rant about the things that she loves and that's something really endearing about her. Her persona is basically this-
and I think that says a lot about why I think she's like Hoshi.
6) @myungho: Jeon Wonwoo
Alicia strikes as Wonwoo for me. She prefers fun, light conversations and she's quick to humor. She's mischievous and playful, and that's her way of showing that she cares about you and feels comfortable enough to do that. If you're looking for a friend who's like that but also has this sureness to them, it's Alicia. She's kind, helpful and supportive, adaptable around people but not conforming, if that makes sense, and will meet you halfway. She cares about people in a very Alicia-esque way and that's more than enough really.
7) @soonhoonsol: Lee Jihoon
Our beloved Chey ofc. If not Woozi, I would have said Jeonghan, but honestly Woozi fits better. She's kind and patient and she will be nice to you regardless of how long you've known her. She's inherently talented at whatever she picks up, and she's passionate towards each and every single one of them. Also while she's initially shy, if Chey gets comfortable with you, she'll be very chatty and cute. Also very fond of her friends, no matter how embarrassing we can be. She'll support you no matter what and will fight anyone who hurts you. She's hardworking and is sometimes hard on herself, but I love how creative she can be, and how resilient she is. Deserves all the love in the world for how sweet, caring and funny she is. A cute bundle of comfort, talent and squish. Cheyahae <3
8) @ofcoursewhynottt: Kim Mingyu
For Sa, it's the Maltese puppy personified himself <3 Sa is the one person who never fails to make me cry. I swear she has some sort of radar because she always sends me comforting messages on days I feel really down and it always makes me feel better. She's hardworking, worries a lot in the face of problems but tends to work harder to overcome them and perseveres. I love the way Sa reaches out, because it's in a way where she cares about how your day was, and tells you to take it easy and hopes that you're doing well. And it's not in a way that it's an obligation or a formality, it's that she genuinely wants to make sure you've been doing well. Very compassionate, very adorable.
9) @xuseokgyu: Lee Seokmin
I think it's pretty much established how Belle is DK at this point in caratblr but here's another addition to that lol. Belle is really bright and friendly and charming. She's very caring about her friends and loved ones, and is literally sunshine personified. She's talented and supportive of her friends, is ambitious, clever, very creative. Spontaneous but overall successful with friendships. Honestly, Belle is just a really nice and warm person to interact with. And she has the sweetest smile pls.
10) @soonshuas: Xu Minghao
Meet Hana, a very creative and a very intelligent cinnamon roll. Her writings reflect a part of her and the way she writes always has me awed. An amazing storyteller. She likes the small comforts in life, is very perceptive of the people she cares about and is quick to mediate in a situation if she thinks getting involved is the right thing to do. She's strategic and smart, will always be a step ahead of you if you're playing against her. A good listener too, she's the sort of person one can choose to rely on easily. Did I mention she's very creative?
11) @gyukwans: Boo Seungkwan
Who else but our Lee? She's creative and sociable, and she probably also has days where some old memories give her secondhand embarassment and that's ok, because honestly, who doesn't. She's extremely passionate and likes it when someone gives her the love she deserves towards something she's proud of. She doesn't sell herself short, is strong willed and takes on responsibilities. She's not afraid to speak her mind and approach someone she finds interesting. If sought out for advise or opinions, Lee's very honest and straight forward, and has good judgement.
12) @kwanberryshortcake: Vernon Chwe
Ren gives me a mix of Jun and Vernon vibes. They would pspspsps at any cat that passes them on the street and get scratched. While not really outwardly chaotic, Ren does has this quiet mischievous energy to them that gives me Vernon vibes. Gentle soul, but will probably throw hands if provoked. In a room, I feel like they're the sort of person who'll just sit back and observe, or just fondly look at their friends being embarrassing and go, "I can't believe I would die for them". 10/10 will also pspspsps a car apparently and scratch the bumper. They also make such pretty moodboards, so talented <33
13) @whatisasvtbias: Lee Chan
Leyla my beloved <3 nobody nobody but you. Extremely ambitious, has too many interests so she always has trouble choosing her next project. She's amazing at everything she does and I'm not going to list them all because we don't want people having an existential crisis. Going to mention professional dancer tho, because Dino. I think we have more of a Boochan dynamic, because sometimes she wakes up and decides to pick a fight 😄🔪 call me tiny ass again I dare you. She's emotionally intelligent, hardworking, and is someone I'm really fond of. She tends to be too hard on herself and works hard to be someone people can rely on. Fun to mess with and tease, and has a distinct laughter that's cute and infectious. Duck hair dino looking baby <3
I only have energy for dumb sketches lately my apologies
Hey man I rly rly regret getting to skip second year physics man the new prof teaching that class this sem is sooooooo cute