how do you know if you’re self destructing? maybe it’s the bruised knuckles. or the A.M. eyes. maybe it’s the hollow feeling in your chest. the countless fights. having thoughts you wouldn’t dare utter out loud. it’s watching your own self destruction and letting it happen without a fight.
- l.r(@goldenangelll)// error #13
2i want to be beautiful. in the most vain and brazen way. i want my pupils to dilate when i see myself in the mirror. i want to light up a room when i walk into it. i want to take someone’s breath away. i just want to be beautiful. and i’m not. i’m not. i’m not.
- l.r(@goldenangelll)//everything i’m not
1Imra’u ‘l-Qays, king of the Arabs,
was very handsome and a poet full of love songs.
Women loved him desperately. Everyone loved him,
but there came one night an experience
that changed him completely.
He left his kingdom and his family.
He put on dervish robes and wandered
from one weather, one landscape, to another.
Love dissolved his king-self and led him to Tabuk,
where he worked for a time making bricks.
Someone told the king of Tabuk about Imra’u ‘l-Qays,
and that king came to visit him at night.
“King of the Arabs, handsome Joseph of this age,
ruler of two empires, one composed of territories,
and the other of the beauty of women,
if you would consent to stay with me,
I would be honored. You abandon kingdoms,
because you want more than kingdoms.”
The king of Tabuk went on like this, praising
Imra’u ‘l-Qays and talking theology and philosophy.
Imra’u ‘l-Qays kept silent.
Then suddenly he leaned and whispered something
in the second king’s ear, and that second
king became a wild wanderer too.
They walked out of town hand in hand,
no royal belts, no thrones.
This is what love does and continues to do.
It tastes like honey to adults and milk to children.
Love is the last thirty-pound bale.
When you load it on, the boat tips over.
So they wandered around China like birds
pecking at bits of grain. They rarely spoke
because of the dangerous seriousness
of the secret they knew.
That love-secret spoken pleasantly, or irritation,
severs a hundred thousand heads in one swing.
A love-lion grazes in the soul’s pasture,
while the scimitar of this secret approaches.
It’s a killing better than any living.
All that world-power wants, really,
is this weakness.
So these kings talk in low tones,
and carefully. Only God knows what they say.
They use unsayable words. Bird language.
But some people have imitated them, learned
a few birdcalls, and gotten prestigious.
~Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī
1“You already know
You already know
Everything I could ever say
But I can’t keep my mouth closed
I can’t keep my mouth closed”
A song I wrote about you today
0
Yes I’m fragile. Yes I will break. Yes I do love too easily. Yes I will most likely break bc of that.
2
And then imagine them using that understanding to hurt you & keep hurting you until you call them out on it. Then imagine them making you the bad guy.
0I hope I’ll one day be with someone who likes me and wants me enough to what to kiss me.
0
