sometimes you ever feel like there’s another version of yourself in this version of yourself? it doesn’t even have to be a body thing, but just the feeling you’re not who you are?
honestly? never mind, its definitely a body thing.
I wake up, struggle to want to eat and stare at my reflection for 75% of my day, maybe even more. I don’t exactly want to, I just can’t do anything else.
So far, this extended amount at home has my weight fluctuating of course. I attempted gaining muscle and being “fit” but it scared me so much to see weight go up rather than down. when I restrict, I feel almost at home and happy. but I also feel cold, tired, and a little lonely. I guess its just confusing me mostly always. like come on pick something brother. but I guess that might just be me idk.
Im unhappy in my body at the moment. hell, I’ve always been.weight piled on due to my excessive need to please people. so I feel trapped, in a never ending cycle of fluctuating. but enough of me, feel free to share. my blog is always open.
This weekend, we celebrate Independence Day in America. July 4, 1776 was the day America declared independence from Britain, but the battle for freedom went on until 1783—seven more years. Even though the people declared their freedom in 1776, they had to stand and fight for many years before the British would accept and recognize the United States of America.
In the same way, we have to declare our freedom and be determined to stand against the enemy in our lives. We have to declare our freedom from addiction, poverty, sickness and lack. We have to stand and fight until we fully experience the freedom and peace that God has promised.
Do you know what our forefathers did once they signed the Declaration of Independence? They read it out loud in public. They published it in the newspaper. They spread the word. They continued to declare and celebrate even though they were in the midst of the battle.
Whatever battle you may be facing today, declare that you are free! Declare that you are an overcomer! Celebrate the victory that is on its way!
Father, thank You for setting me free in every area of my life. I declare today that nothing can hold me back. I declare that I am free from sickness, poverty, lack and addiction. I declare that You have set me free and thank You for freedom and discipline in every area of my life in Jesus’ name. Amen.
I am not a finished poem, and I am not the song you’ve turned me into.
I am a detached human being, making my way in a world that is constantly trying to push me aside, and you who send me letters and emails, wouldn’t even recognize me if you saw me walking down the street where I live tomorrow for I am not a poem. I am tired and worn out and the eyes you would see would not be painted or inspired but empty and weary and I am not the life of your party who sings and has glorious words to speak for I don’t speak much at all and my voice is raspy and unsteady from unhealthy living and not much sleep and I only use it when I sing and I always sing too much or not at all and never when people are around because they expect poems and symphonies and I am not a poem but an elegy at my best.. and It’s the beating of my heart. The way I lie awake,playing with shadows slowly climbing up my wall. The gentle moonlight slipping through my window and the sound of a lonely car somewhere far away, where I long to be too, l think. It’s the way I thought my restless wandering was over that I’d found whatever I thought I had found, or wanted, or needed, and I started to collect my belongings. Build a home. Safe behind the comfort of these four walls and a closed door. Because as much as I tried or pretended or imagined myself as a part of all the people out there, I was still the one locking the door every night. Turning off the phone and blowing out the candles so no one knew I was home. cause I was never really well around the expectations of my personality and I wanted to keep to myself and because I haven’t been very impressed lately. By people, or places, or the way someone said she loved me and then slowly changed her mind.
Yup. Shusai’s turn to get some love.
Think I’ll go mess around on Star Forge as one of my Sith Purebloods.
I like that you’re broken, broken like me.
Maybe that makes me a fool.
Why the fuck would anyone want to bring a new life onto this horrible fucked up rock drifting thru space just for it to suffer like the rest of us?
I FINALLY SAW FREDDIE IN MY sleep. This man blessed my mind, my id
(thanks Freud for forcing me to study on it), made my day and made me cry when I woke up because I came back in reality :(
Make sure to come again Fred, k? It was nice hanging out with you, ily x
my eye is acting up…looks like something is going to happen with/to levi
Perhaps time not stop,
as I know it,
Whenever I look back,
I’m still there,
amidst the chaos
If People Are Not Laughing At Your Goals, Your Goals Are Too Small.
There was an awful storm that made me lose all my hard work on that RP blog I was working on. I’ll have to try to remember what all I had written later. I’m too tired to even think about working on an RP profile or a Tumblr right now. so I’m going to go to bed and hope that there will be no more storms later on.
Sad & alone
I feel unwanted by everyone
I have no one to talk to
I don’t enjoy being by myself
My family sucks
And i just can’t bear it anymore
I hate crying, asking for help and being depressed
Sometimes when we’re being tested by discouragement, it seems God is silent. We pray and don’t hear anything. We read the Scripture and still come away feeling as though God is a million miles away.
It’s easy to think something must be wrong. But remember, this is a test. You have to pass the test of being faithful where you are. Keep stretching, praying, and believing. The next step is coming—an increase step, a favor step, a healing step, a breakthrough step. When God is silent, don’t assume He’s left you or is mad at you. He is right there with you during the test.
His silence is a sign that He has great confidence in you and He has prepared you, and now He is watching to see if you have learned. He knows you will come through the test victoriously or He would not have permitted you to be tested. Keep being your best with what you have.
Father, thank You for the good plan You have for my life. Even when I don’t understand things, I choose to put my hope and trust in You. Help me to live in Your joy and pass the discouragement test when You seem to be silent. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
try your best at any given point of time and you can’t be wrong with the life you’re living