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These days are burdens. I feel so near to having my life the way I want itâ and so frustrated with where I still am and the problems I am still dealing with.
Since January my life has been dominated by my financial situation. When I left Richard I was behind on all my billsâ had borrowed money from Marijean for deposit on my apartment and had to come up with the first monthâs rent very shortly. That situation has perpetuated itself for ten long months nowâ and the constant pressure of being broke has taken me to the limits of mental exhaustion. I drink and get stoned because it is only when I am totally narcotized that the worrying seems to be alleviated.
And then, about a week ago, the horror stories from Missouri resume. This time she leaves him and goes to her motherâs house. In the scuffle he hurts Grandma Cline, hits Aunt Ann over the head with a gun, and throws Laura Lee around. Uncle Bud comes to the rescue and when the police and ambulance arrive he is giving my father a rather sound beating. My father spends the night in jailâ next day my mother tells her lawyer to proceed with divorce proceedings which have been pending since March. Aunt Ann files charges against my father.
Meanwhile, no one has heard anything from him. He vowed to Uncle Bud that âhe owed him one.â So the family is waiting in fear for the crazy man to strike again. My mother, penniless, canât even drive because he broke her car windshield. I sent her $30 to pay bills withâ which I have to borrow from Arlene.
Then today, Lynn is driving my car when the motor stops and she parks the car in Georgetown illegally in rush hour and leaves it. The sticker has expired, I canât get it inspected because I canât afford the repairs. It has no license on the front. When I get home from work, Richard drives me there to see if it will start. The car is gone. Furious I have him bring me home. He calls me later to tell me that it wasnât towed (he called the police department) but moved onto a side street. So we have to go back later to get itâ IF it will start.Â
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Your soul is hunting me and telling me
That everything is fine
But I wish I was dead
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â Naomi Smith â
- aspiring architect
- started dressing vintage because of a trend and she absolutely loves it
- owns a lot of poetry books but rarely reads them
- once saw a Michael Angeloâs painting in a museum, absolutely loved it and that got her into drawing
- canât go through her day without sth sweet
- currently on her gap year preparing for applying into Paris university for architecture
0âCentaur Kissâ by Georges LĂ©onnec (1881 - 1940)
Cover for La Vie Parisienne (1924)
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