Federated States of Micronesia Bulletin of Keynesian Childish Astrotheosophy and Ichthyological Biased Theory
poem: letters
i’ll love you
always and always,
no matter the time,
not the confusion—
i’ll write poetry
even if it loses meaning,
even if we lose our feelings—
for i’m trying to find you
in every letter of every word,
i look for you,
and i look for where i went wrong—
you fell into my life,
and i fell with you,
yet you saved yourself,
yet i’m still here—
falling,
falling,
further down—
i know you don’t love me,
but part me still wishes,
and i don’t think there’s a way to stop it.
-j.g. edge
Today has consisted of doing some basic calculus work, thinking about The Theory of Everything, and finally, painting a skull (that is still in progress).
Proceedings of the 9th Annual Conference of the Cornish Commission on Quick Aural Bears
April 13, 2021
Forced myself to read a chapter of my HTE textbook. it was really interesting stuff but my brain is unable to concentrate today. moved the flowers to a better spot. maybe they can motivate me to do more tonight
“...for if you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this but that you first make thieves and then punish them?”
-Sir Thomas More
shower thought #13:
if a tomato is a fruit, can ketchup be considered a jam
Day 2/5 of productivity (I kinda forgot I was doing this lol)
I worked on my paper and fixed my advisor’s criticisms! :)
I grabbed my data from the DMA from yesterday and made my beautiful graphs in Igor
Attended my food and mood group therapy session
I can’t believe I actually made myself work on my paper. I dragged my feet through it and I def have plenty to write about but I think I cleaned up my intro/background/experimental sections. I meant to try my other experiment with the air momentum, but my samples were locked in a lab that I didn’t have access to :/ I hope it’s open tomorrow so I can try before my meeting with my PI.
And my food and mood went well :) if I talk about it, tagged as #foodnmood if you’re interested
I love reading Agatha Christie or The Secret History because my mannerisms, personality, and diction change accordingly. It's like Henry Winter beat me senseless with a lexicon and then Agatha Christie made some concoction in order to revive me.
coffee dates where we lay bare our childhood trauma while proofreading other's people writing, you asking me for advice and i the same. then we'd go around explaining our current existential crisis-es, and im holding the same pen you used to correct,exchanging glances, sometimes touch. its an awkward and intimate moment yet it's a lovely night. you're sebastian and i'm mia, i think to myself. and we're simply fools who dream.
Comptes rendus du Collège sénégalais d'astrophysique et de sub-nécromancie lesbienne
4/13/21 - 9:22 pm || dining hall leftovers and grace petrie
your study space may be prettier than mine, but i have a pigeon who poops on all of my important readings... so i think we know who’s really winning here.
i’m going to try to catch up on my statistics work tonight. i just started taking zoloft again and i don’t have any bad side effects so far, and i’m cautiously hopeful that if i increase my dose slowly enough maybe i won’t get any side effects at all this time. i didn’t want to risk spending my last month on campus in a constant state of debilitating nausea (as usually happens when i increase a dose of SSRIs) but my depression and anxiety have been so severe that i didn’t really have a choice.
so far i have been unsuccessful at my attempts to start falling asleep before four in the morning. nor have i been able to go a single day without taking any naps. but i don’t have class in the morning tomorrow, so at least i can sleep in.
what i wouldn’t give to have a can of redbull right now.
“He had some vague radical opinions and some fleeting infidelities, which he would now and again set forth and emphasize with tottering slaps upon the table.” (83)
Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Tale of the fishermans wife
The cold breeze brushing against my skin gently
I stand at the shore facing the sunset
I'm waiting.
I'm waiting for you just like every year
For you to come from the ocean to me
Bring stories of adventure and blue whales.
I'm waiting.
It's twilight now, you are still not here
I'm waiting.
News comes on my door , knocking early in the morning
While I'm waiting,my palms are warm from the mug
Storm storm storm
Shipwreck shipwreck shipwreck
Tears flow, I whisper no no no
The mug slips off and it all turns black.
You are gone .
I'm waiting again.
Like every year for you to come
I'm waiting again.
Like every year you don't come back.
But I'm waiting.
And I'll keep on waiting.
The ocean cannot keep my groom my you from me.
So I'm waiting.
-October
