Tuesday, January 25th, 2022
TW: Self Harm, Bullying
Does anyone else suffer trauma and really bad self image issues due to severe bullying? Just me... Haha...ha...
I forgot to take my medication, so my guess is my depression is outweighing whatever happy chemicals are supposed to be there to make me feel normal.
I wish school was like the movies. A coming if age story where the bullied girl gets called a dork and she realizes by the end that she is pretty and the opinions of others shouldn't affect her. Real life is much more grotesque. I had people tell me that hated me, called me ugly every chance they got, left me voicemails anonymously urging me to cut more, to go further with it... Because it was widely known that I cut myself and had attempted to take my own life.
I'm 26 now and their voices still ring through my ears. So many.people talk about, "Haha yeah I was bullied but I like got over it." ...literally how? What kind of bullying did you go through to where you look at yourself and you aren't sickened by what you see? I feel disgusting... Not because of anything superficial, but because I am me I am disgusted. The fact that I look like me, act like me, sound like me... I shouldn't be alive. I am an eyesore to everyone around me. My voice is grating and disgusting. I'm weird and socially inept... Everything about me is gross. I should be ashamed for leaving my house and burdening anyone who looks at me.
I'm so alone. But I don't want anyone. I'm so broken... So fucking useless, worthless...