One goes to the morgue, the other to jail
i can’t look in the mirror and be happy anymore
I am a good person, I’ve been kind and caring and independent from a very young age. All my trauma did was make me angry and bitter and selfish and manipulative and I have to fight that side of myself every day, push it down to the point of dissociating so I don’t want to rip my own heart out of my chest because of who I’ve become and the things I’ve done. My trauma did not make me better, It made me worse and I have to fight to make me better every single day.
blood on the floor behind my eyes in my brain under my nails on my arm down my throat in my stomach invading burning eating me alive drowning me
you said you were diffirent..
but you left me as well
I feel strange sensations every time the light goes out
As soon as the sensations start there’s no going back
It’s as if when I was meant to die, my soul ceased instead. Now I am trapped in this life as a soulless body.
UPDATE I JUST REALIZED I WAS GROOMED BY A 17 YEAR OLD ONLINE WHEN I WAS 11 IM GONNA CRY
in case being constantly groped and felt up by my hockey teammates wasnt enough !!!!!!!! jesus fucking christ can i get a break !!!!!
do you remember that day beneath the bridge? one of many, but this one is special. you insist on cradling me. i am curled in your arms, looking up at you like true prey, all reverence and beginnings of fear. the river beside us is whipping by in her eternal clash. i cannot swim, even to this day. you know this.
“i could throw you in,” it comes with a smirk.
then the sudden tilt. the world spins, i lose my breath. but you know better. you can’t take my life now. you just needed to hear me beg for mercy and grasp at you, you, you, the last tether. just the way you wanted.
Hey! I’ve seen some posts like this but I haven’t seen a lot, so I wanted to say something!
Its okay if you joke, talk, etc. casually about your trauma, that does not make it any less traumatizing. Just because someone can joke or talk about it casually does not mean it hasn’t affected them or will not continue to affect them in the future.
People process trauma differently, thats why some people with have reactions and some people wont, and that will ALWAYS be 100% valid. Do not feel like your trauma is less valid because you can joke or talk about it casually.
You are valid in how you react to your trauma and if it has to do with making jokes? Thats okay. No one should tell you, even yourself, that you are less valid because of how you cope or how you react.
Again, not everyone will process it the same way, and I feel like its important to say this because ive always felt less valid about my trauma because I can joke or talk about it casually.
You are NOT less valid.
You ARE 100% valid.
this place doesnt feel like home anymore.