and Alfred never let them into the kitchen again...
and Alfred never let them into the kitchen again...
Bruce: Look, I’m doing fine. See? I even made a checklist of coping mechanisms.
Alfred: Master Bruce, this is an OCD diagnostic questionnaire.
Jason: are you okay?
Marinette: *hanging on by a thread* absolutely not, *takes a sip of her coffee and points to Dick* next question.
Dick: why are your shoes covered in blood?
Marinette: *cusses under her breath and puts down her cup of coffee* i knew i forgot to do something before i came over!
Dick: so it is blood?
Marinette: *points to Duke* next question.
Duke: are you my unofficial Aunt now?
Marinette: yeah, sure, he adopted another one. That's fine. Call me Auntie—
Jason: -Don't. Call her. Auntie.
Marinette: —or whatever. *points to Tim* next question.
Tim: where's B?
Marinette: out. *points back to Jason* next question.
Jason: are you okay?
Marinette: i already answered that, ask again.
Jason: where's Alfred?
Marinette: out, next question—
Old people crying is so emotional to me. Just thinking about Alfred crying over Jason’s death is enough to make me tear up every time.
Bruce: Christmas is cancelled
Clark: You can’t cancel a holiday
Bruce: Keep it up Kent and you’ll lose New Years too
Clark: What does that even mean?
Bruce: That’s it, Alfred take New Years away from Clark
Christian Bale as Batman/Bruce Wayne in the Batman Begins (2005) dir. Christopher Nolan
Batboys, Alfred x GN reader (gonna use GK universe for this)
December was a different experience for each of the boys for many reasons.
Dick always had a good Christmas and New Year, Jason’s was pretty bad as he had abusive parents and then lived in the streets, then was dead. Now fine though, living in a mansion and all. Tim’s was average, then he got officially adopted into the Wayne manic life.
Alfred always tried to make an extra effort for the Boys, now fully grown men, as they are all he has. More so now as Bruce was no longer here.
Barbara was off in Florida for the Holiday with her friends and Aunt. So Alfred was short of one person, but then he remembered you had no where to go as you were stuck in Gotham City.
‘Please do come for as long as you like, this is your home as long as you need y/n’ Alfred spoke on the phone, the three men not being able to hear who he was talking to.
‘Who you think Alf is talking to?’ Jason asked curiously, Dick shrugging as he sipped his Coffee.
‘No idea’ Tim responded, Alfred then walked back into the dining room as he took a seat next to Dick.
‘What?’ Alfred asked nonchalantly, Jason just smirked.
‘Who you talking to on the phone there Alf?’ He asked the Butler, Alfred just winked as he picked up his newspaper.
The three men exchanged looks, not knowing what Alfred was upto. Who is staying? And this close the Holiday.
You drive upto Wayne Manor on the horrendous Snow fall, the white December was beautiful you couldn’t deny. But a huge inconvenience for you right now as you were trying not to die on the bendy road.
‘Uncle Alf?’ You called as you locked your car, rushing over to him in the snow.
‘Y/n, lovely to see you after so long’ Alfred greeted you with his warm smile. The warmest smile you knew, it always melted your heart when your favourite Uncle would greet you.
‘Please come in, warm up by the fire’ he spoke as he took your coat, you entering the Manor.
‘Yikes, this is huge’ you looked around as you took in the sight of Wayne Manor.
‘That’s what she’s said’ Jason shouted from the living room in response to your comment.
‘Master Todd’ Alfred scalded as he walked into the room with you next to him, Jason jumped to his feet as he saw you.
‘Sorry’ Jason looked at you wide eyed as he cringed slightly, you just laughed as you put your hand out to him.
‘I’m y/n, y/n Pennyworth’ Jason shook your hand, looking at Alfred then back at you.
‘Alfred’s Niece/Nephew’ Jason smiled, you nodded as you put your bag down.
‘That’s a big bag’ Alfred looked at it as it test at your feet.
‘Yeah, brought all my presents only the air port thought it was a bag of bloody explosives, twat at customs wouldn’t listen’ you recalled, nearly getting lost for time as you argued with the man.
Alfred chuckled, he always loved your antics and that you never lost your sense of humour. You never lost it even in a crisis, and secretly Alfred needed you to try and cheer everyone up.
‘We’ll come through to the kitchen, I’m sure Masters Dick and Tim would like to meet you’ Alfred put a hand on your back. Jason looking at you a little too long for Alfred’s liking.
‘I remember back when we used to hide under the patio at Nana’s house’ you laughed as Alfred set the cups of tea on the table.
‘Yes, you and your siblings were a riot growing up’ Alfred chuckled to himself. Jason looking at you, never losing eye contact with you.
You looked at him every now and then, smiling as Dick nudged you. Tim even clicked on and kept winking at you as he would subtly point at Jason.
‘It was mostly my brother, he liked to wind everyone up, cantankerous shit’ you smiled, noticing Jason and blushing a little.
Alfred sat beside you as he sipped his tea, watching as your face would light up telling everyone mental stories from your childhood. The pranks you and your Brothers would pull on each other, the antics and most importantly the love you shared for each other, even to now.
December 25th shot at you all fast as you sat in the living room, Alfred already telling you what to get for the three siblings. Knowing bits and pieces about them. Of course, already knowing their alter egos. You would take that information to the grave.
Dick and Tim chuckled as the they opened their presents, getting great gifts from everyone.
Though there was no Bruce, it still felt like they could be happy. Alfred tried his best to make everyone not miss out on the cheer of the day. Even if a family member was missing.
Wrapping paper and gift bags discarded to the side of the room, unwrapped gifts being carried up the stairs.
Jason stood in the doorway to the living room as you walked in, standing in front of him. You both smiled slightly, looking up to see.
‘Mistletoe?’ You both whispered simultaneously, Jason went red as you winked at him.
‘Come here’ you said as you leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. Just slight pressure for a few seconds.
Pulling away and sighing slightly as Jason inhaled, going even more red in the face.
‘Merry Christmas’ you said as you walked into the room, Jason just smiled shyly as he followed you.
He grabbed your arm, spun you round to face him again and kissed you harder, one hand on your waist and the other on the back of your head holding you in place. You grabbed onto one of arms and the other hand the side of his face. Leaning your head into the kiss more.
‘Merry Christmas y/n’ Jason smiled as he pulled away from you.
I just realized I’ve been imagining torin as alfred penny worth this ENTIRE TIME
LOOK AT THIS THING MY LITTLE SISTER DREW
One day I will write my essay about how Alfred going with everything Bruce did while thinking they were horrible (which even discounting the Robin issue they were (see Robin: Year One (2000) or Robin (1993) Annual #4 for explanations)) can be just as bad as what Bruce did and the kids can have anger against him without being wrong and everyone acting like he is perfect is just unrealistic
If you loved canon PTA parent! Bruce on ep. 15 of the webtoon (or in the WFA in general) you are gonna love this fic, that is also batlantern and some jaykyle, its fucking ELITE.
(no capes au, mostly everyone in the league is there but they're neighbors, bruce is a tired dad and a dash of a karen)
Falcone’s return brings chaos to Gotham City!
Batman Eternal #4
"You're not ready yet young master, you need more training!!!"
The Yassification of Jason Todd 💅
dilf wayne made an appearance yall it’s okay AND LOOK AT THE FAMILY EVEN JASONS THERE :D
Bruce: okay you know the drill, if you’ve been good pizza, if you’ve been bad poison.
Damian: what if half of us were good and the other bad?
Jason: poison pizza.
Alfred: Oh no I’m not making two stops!
Batfam Headcanons pt. ?
Tim is really good at ice skating (ice skating lessons when he was growing up)
Duke's favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip
Jason would totally not *wink* give any of his siblings advice on getting back at someone in a petty way, he'd be like "do NOT put sugar in their gasoline tank, that would absolutely ruin their car" or like "never ever send them a glitter bomb, that shit would never be entirely cleaned up"
Dick did a photo shoot for Abercrombie and Fitch back when he moved out of the manor and then bribed Babs to delete it from the internet later on (only she has copies of the photos)
Tim, Duke, and Cass are k pop stans
Dick owns one of those indoor trampoline parks in bludhaven
Bruce had the "green lantern" name trademarked because he was feeling petty one particular morning after a JL meeting (it only lasted a year because he didn't feel like renewing it so he gave it back)
Steph is the designated one (after beating the shit out of Black Spider that one time) that kills the spiders around the house (she charges favors and they depend on how big is the spider)
Dick is that Michael from the office meme rolling up to poker face blasting in his car pulling up and say "it's Britney bitch" every time Steph asks him to pick her up (at this point if someone tries to clone Dick that's how she can tell if he's the real one)
Steph and Cass were watching the parent trap for the millionth time and decided to pierce each other's ears like in the movie, zero thoughts just vibes
Damian loves The Grinch movie, he thinks the animated one is trash
Cass has a collection of chapsticks and has them meticulously counted so if she sees one is missing she isn't afraid to throw hands
Sometimes when patrol is too slow Damian will whip out his little sketchbook and doodle or full-on draw the skyline of Gotham or whoever he's patrolling with
One time after not seeing them after a long time Jason decided to prank Bruce by putting a lot of fake tattoos on his arms, neck, and torso and wore a muscle tee to roll around the manor
Alfred greets everyone each morning as they come down to have breakfast
Batbros as Pokemon
Jason would either be a Lycanroc midnight form or a houndoom:
Damien would probably be either an Umbreon , a mimikyu or a Decidueye:
Tim, I'm making a psyduck (because it gets headaches (stuff that would not let him sleep) and when he evolves he's stronger) or an evolution of Abra
Dick.... He is harder honestly but he could be a Vaporeon or a Lucario
And Bruce is a Noibat (he would definitely evolve quickly but still:
Bonus, Alfred is a drampa.
Alfred: I have an interesting case, treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities.
Alfred: I’m getting paid by eight people.