#amatonormativity Tumblr posts

  • [ID: The Owl House cauldron meme. Luz, labelled “me”, reaches for a cauldron, labelled “a world where it isn’t seen as weird to plan your life around friendship instead of romance”, that Eda, labelled “amatonormativity”, is holding out of Luz’s reach. End ID]

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  • I really like my immediate family when it comes to talking about romance. It’s always felt like my parents expect I’d say something if I started dating, but they never bring it up, and take my “I don’t want a boyfriend” at face value. Most of my brother’s friends are girls, and there are never jokes or comments about him dating one of them. My grandparents, however, ask if I’ve met any guys Every Single Time I see them.

    Did you know that disliking eating mushrooms will make it hard for me to find a boyfriend? I didn’t, but I Don’t Care. Sounds great actually. If only there was a way to get Grampa to believe that.

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  • some times I’m like “I’m definitely an aroace lesbian” and other times I’m “but this guy isn’t so bad, and neither is this one. I guess wouldn’t mind dating one of them. so maybe bi?”

    like the only forms of attraction I really feel are alterous, platonic and aesthetic…

    I love women but a few guys aren’t so bad. is that the same as attraction? I have no idea.

    I’m arospec and my views on romance changes over time. like at one moment I’ll be like “I want to find romantic love and date” and at the next I’m like “well, I’m not that interested in romance in the end”

    how am I supposed to find who I’m attracted to in these conditions?!


    like I’m enthusiastic about women, I know I love them. but guys?? I’m more hesitant. idk if I suffer from coercive heteronormativity/comphet or if being “I don’t hate the idea of dating this one man” is actually attraction. 🤔


    let’s not forget all this could also be a product of amatonormativity…

    why is figuring oneself out so complicated?

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  • Imagine if society just let friends be affectionate with each other without romanticising or sexualizing it. That would be wild.

    #especially male/female friends and male/male friends #m/f friends are romanticised all the time because heteronormativity #and m/m friends #well #boys aren't allowed to be affectionate with anyone but their SO #like why legit why #boys can be soft #even with other boys #get the hell over it #and i know it sounds wild but #platonic affection is a thing #it really is #it is possible to care about your friends without falling in love with them later #f/f friends are romanticised too ofc #but at least heteronormativity and toxic masculinity aren't involved #anyway#heteronormativity#amatonormativity#friendship#toxic masculinity#platonic#aspec#peevesie speaks#original content
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  • To those who think (especially heteroromantic) asexuals aren’t part of the LGBTQ+ community because they’re not oppressed enough, or can “pass”, or aren’t different enough from the heterosexuals. I would like to point out how alienating it is watching sitcoms like How I Met Your Mother or New Girl (shows which I love btw). Because even tho the main character’s overall goals in life is to find a romantic partner and whatever, on an episode by episode basis it’s often about getting sex. With their bf/gf, with a random person. And there’s a lot of crude sex-related jokes, and reactions when they’re sexually attracted to people. I can’t speak for all aces, obviously, but, like I will likely never go through that period in my life where all I want is to go around banging people! But it’s a pop culture phenomenom.

    And I think this is relevant to aromantics as well although I’m not aro so, again, I can’t speak for them, but these shows also include a lot of romantic attraction and yearning for romantic relationships (which some aros want and some don’t).

    My point is the majority of our society is driven by sex and romance and that is alienating and it makes us stand out (some of us have sex but even then it’s not an attraction to people). We are a part of the lgbtq+ community!

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    In Abteilung 2 hat jemensch Amato-, Allo- & Heteronormativität verschüttet, kann da ma’ gerade jemensch helfen? Aber vorsichtig, die Soße könnte vor Geschlechtsbinarität sticken!

    Leute mit solcher Einstellungen finde ich mittlerweile einfach nur noch traurig. Es tut mir beinahe Leid um deren Weltbild.

    • dieses “nur Freunde’ … hach! /sarcasm
    • Idee: Analyse dieses Satzes unter aplatonicism Fokus???

    Wie würden sich befreundete Person fühlen, wenn da unironisch so einer rausgehauen wird? Oder Gegenfrage: Wie wenig tief sind die vorherigen Erfahrungen mit Freund_innenschaft leider gewesen sein müssen? Schon schade. Dieser Originaltweet würden mir als angenommen unwissende panro ace Person auch mitteilen, dass ich mich zu Leuten einfach 24/7 (nur) romantisch angezogen fühlen müsste. Und Allosexys zu allen 24/7 auch sexuell.

    Was 1 beklemmende Vorstellung lmao XD richtig Halloween vibes

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  • It’s amatonormative to say that someone’s first time needs to be with a boyfriend/girlfriend to be special. I know when I was a teen and looking for advice, this is the message I got from all around. And it’s not true. Sex can be meaningful even if it’s not with a boyfriend or girlfriend. When writing Take Me to Your Nerdy Leader, it was important to me that Paige, my main character, had a subplot where she wanted to lose her virginity to someone she wasn’t dating and didn’t intend to date. And spoiler alert: it was both special and meaningful and Paige doesn’t regret her decision. This is a message I want teen girls to read. There’s so much pressure on teen girls and women and we’re held to unfair and conflicting standards. They shouldn’t dictate us and they shouldn’t tell us what is and what isn’t meaningful.

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  • You know, at this point, I really couldn’t care any less for the Damian x Allie drama. Like, I am long over that shit, it’s just a bunch petty relationship drama, aka baloney, and as someone who is aromantic and exhausted by most romance and relationship dramas, I am just so fucking tired of it.

    You know what I really want? All I want is for Allie to have a friend. A friend that won’t betray him and will love him unconditionally, because the bastard is in desperate need of someone who is deeply caring like that. Fuck all of the drama surrounding him and Damian, Allie has gone his entire existence without a single (human) friend. And I can only imagine just how isolated he has been his entire life, poor bastard.

    Alistair Jacobi needs and deserves a friend, dammit. That is all I want. Nothing else. Please, for the love of god, let hime have a friend, and screw the romance.

    #nine stones #nine stone webcomic #alistair jacobi #nine stones allie #kiwii rambles#amatonormativity
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  • So I saw Doctor Who A Christmas Carol and… that relationship between Kazran and Abigail sure is something.

    I had the bad feeling they’d take it down the romantic route. The way they had him as a kid look at her, that pic he took of her that was basically a glamour shot. It felt like it was going down the path of kid having a crush on some attractive adult trope that is weirdly common. But I let myself be hopeful. No, I thought, they wouldn’t do that, he was like 12 when they first met, that would be weird.

    Except they did and… It just feels so unnecessary and kind of squicky? I mean he started out as 12 and then every year him and the Doctor would hang out with Abigail for Christmas Eve. Basically she got to see him grow up. And somehow she can have romantic feelings for him despite that?

    Back to it being unnecessary, why did his feelings for her need to be romantic in nature in order to have him be sad he only has one day left with her? It easily could have worked just the same with her being his friend. And we would have been saved from the awkward romance scenes they jammed in. But I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

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  • I hate amatonormativity lmao I have a friend who is like so very obviously genuinely uncomfortable with some aspect of romantic/sexual relationships. Every time they go on dating apps or whatever and start talking to people they get uncomfortable after a little while and the couple of times they’ve told us about going on a date or having kissed someone it was in context of being uncomfortable and ultimately not seeing that person again and like I have specifically talked with them about it a couple of times where they were like yeah it makes me uncomfortable and I was like…. yes but it doesn’t have to because you don’t have to be doing this and like you have the option to not and that is normal and okay and they were just like
    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    So it’s just this like ongoing cycle of them seeking out these kinds of things and then being uncomfortable and shutting it down and then doing it again and it’s just like
    Like obviously I don’t know specifically what they’re experiencing and I’m not trying to project on them or anything and I know they also have a lot of anxiety and that can get in the way of stuff like this too! But like. That’s how amatonormativity also affects people who aren’t aro or ace right because like. Even if you’re not aspec you still have no obligation to pursue that kind of thing if it’s not something you’re comfortable with right now.
    Ugh I don’t know I just hope they like. Figure out sometime what’s going to make them happy.

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  • Ich nehme ’#Amatonormativität’ für 500!

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    “I take ‘Amatonormativity’ for 500!” - Spider Al loves KatBlue heart♤♣@spideraspecpjo · Sep 25: “how come other non-romantic bonds don’t have their own genres like romance does?”

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  • I think it’s important to have stories- especially YA stories- where female protagonists don’t have their story consumed in romance or don’t “get the guy” at the end. Society tells girls and women that happiness=romance. People think that single girls are unhappy and are just waiting to get a boyfriend (or girlfriend!) to feel complete. And that’s just ridiculous. That’s why it was important for me to have my main character Paige from Take Me to Your Nerdy Leader not have a romantic storyline. Her storyline is just about friendship and being confident/ not letting her fears control her for once. She’s happy without romance in her life and I think that’s an important message that needs to be told more often than it is.

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  • Reading aro posts is interesting, because I can so intensely relate to the thing of being way more attached to my friends than my friends are to me. Without being even remotely aro myself.

    I’m not going to comment directly on these posts, because I’m sure aromantics would find it very annoying to have a post about them get derailed by non-aromantics. But yeah. Can relate.

    And that thing of. Is this platonic or romantic. In that, in my case it often was romantic and I didn’t realize because of compulsory heterosexuality. But also, I think in many cases I mostly wanted closeness and if I could have gotten that without “romance” as such or sex I’d still be happy? Dunno. Could be wrong.

    Never really got a chance to figure that out, because I never found someone who wanted to have that kind of relationship (broad sense relationship, found family kind of thing) with me, without it being a romance thing.

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  • [ID: The scroll of truth meme. In the first panel, an explorer, labelled “society” arrives at a chest, saying “I’ve “finally found it…after 15 years.” In the second panel, they grab the contents, exclaiming “The Scroll of Truth!” In the third panel, the explorer sees that the scroll says “romance isn’t inherently more meaningful than friendship”. In the fourth panel, the explorer throws it away, yelling “NYEHHH”. End ID]

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  • Oof, I’d forgotten how bad the amatonormativity was in Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad. I’d remembered Stamets’ irritating “I’m sorry” line but had totally forgotten that bit about how sad it is supposed to be space whales care more about eating than finding mates.

    It’s frustrating too because they could have so easily just made it about how Michael has trouble forging connections of any kind including romance or even especially romance, without making it sound like you should be pitied if you haven’t experienced romantic love or prioritize other things. Michael doesn’t need to be shamed for not getting around to romantic relationships earlier.

    And otherwise it’s such a good episode, but that just leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

    Also did I miss it or did they not tell us if the space whale was OK in the end? This is need to know information guys.

    #star trek discovery #discovery rewarch#star trek#aromantic#amatonormativity #star trek spoilers #discovery spoilers #start trek discovery spoilers #i will assume the space whale was ok #i also claim space whales as belonging to aros now #sorry but they're ours now
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  • Well, I’m noticing something interesting.

    My best friend and I have a close bond and recently agreed to consider ourselves found family. They’re one of the most important people in my life, and the first one I think of when I want to share exciting news, or talk about something serious, or just see something funny and want to send it to someone. I adore them, I truly do. Their friendship - now siblinghood - is incredibly meaningful to me.

    It’s not a substitute for anything in my life. It’s not romance in denial. It’s friendship, and we are both completely satisfied with that.

    But when I tell people about it, I’ve found that I present it differently - or at least I feel the urge to. I explain that I don’t have a romantic partner, but I have my best friend. We’re not dating, but it’s almost like we are. I may be aroace, but I still have a close and committed relationship. What’s more, I’m realising that I’ve done this before. When I was fifteen, I convinced myself that my then-best friend was practically my boyfriend. When I was ten and pressured to have a crush, I declared that if my then-best friend was a boy, I would be in love with her.

    It turns out that I have a very hard time conceptualising a meaningful bond between two people that isn’t romantic. So that others recognise its validity and the depth of the feelings involved, I’ve been resorting to calling it romance - insisting it would be and could be romantic, even though, for various reasons, it isn’t and won’t be. And, to be honest, it would be a lie to say some part of me doesn’t want it to be romantic. It would be so much easier. It would be so simple and straightforward to say “this is the most important person in my life, my romantic partner”. To answer “are you in a relationship?” simply with “yes".

    But I can’t. Because I’m aroace. Because I don’t enjoy romance in practise (nor even, when I really think about it, in theory). Because my friendships, for all their closeness, are still friendships. And that makes things complicated, because it throws me out of the amatonormative mould into a position where I constantly have to justify myself. It’s so hard to stand up against society for what makes me most comfortable - to explain that no, I really don’t want nor need a partner, and my friendships don’t have to be a discount version of romance to be valid.

    I have to choose between words that reflect how I feel, but that others will judge or misunderstand, and words that make it seem like I fit in. And all this time, though I hate to admit it, I’ve been choosing the latter.

    I’m working on it. But damn, overcoming amatonormative beliefs is hard.

    #aroace#actually aroace#aromantic#actually aromantic#amatonormativity#nonamorous #<= i've been wondering whether i want to keep identifying that way lately #because i do have and want a close family-like bond with someone #and the friendship i currently have with my best friend fits the definition of queerplatonic #but at the same time i still feel extremely alienated from the idea of partnership #might just be the romance repulsion speaking - but i really don't want to consider myself 'together' with someone #part of that is definitely me wanting to fight back against amatonormativity #i reject the whole notion of having to be 'together' with someone #even though i still struggle with it as stated above #but overall i don't think i want a life partner #one or more people who will stick with me through thick and thin? yeah for sure #there'll always be a place for my best friend in my life #but someone to build a life with? probably nah
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