Im scared to relapse..
im here thinking i could ate better this past month, i didn't binged or anything.. just stress eating for uni and stuff.. but i fell like the voice inside my head its coming back... this past few weeks i tried to listen to my body and cravings.. and didn't feel guilty, wich i didnt felt in long time and i was happy you know.. but i feel like i disappointed someone, something inside of me want to relapse so bad, to be skinny, to be like a doll, to feel the hunger, to be cold, i miss it, its so scary that i miss something like that, but i miss it, and i want to start again i know its bad for all the progress i made, i know, i have to remember it, but i feel like i need some control in my life, i need to starve, i feel disgusted by myself , the guilt inside of me is killing me, i want to wake up Tomorrow and just starve. it's hard recovering alone, its hard and i cant keep up, i want to be skinny. its hard cause in my head its all messed up.. idk if i should post this cause im trying to be positive , but i feel like this is the side of the story, its not easy, and i konw i should love myself or the thing i post... but i feel like its important to know that its not going to be easy and its normal to relapse, im scared, i dont want to take 10 steps back.
if you need someone we can talk... i need someone