Ana is my only friend at this point
Ana is my only friend at this point
It's fine, I'll die anyway.
I don't want to be anything but perfect
We got another bingo!!! I remembered to add the original bingo :)
food - 795
exercise - 115
total - 627
I messed up 🥴 I got some back news this morning and let myself have lunch (normally I skip food until dinner). Between food and drink I’m at ~1,000 calories today 🤢 wtf is wrong with me
Pls ignore my dirty ass mirror lol. Anyways I wanted to do a retake body check cuz the one I took yesterday was like right after I ate so yeah. Bro I feel skinnyyyyyyyy! :D
The best feeling in the world is drinking water on an empty stomach.
should I post more thinspo of me cause I lost more weight or should I wait till I'm smaller??
Day 3: thn sp0
I’m not going to post a picture because I can’t even find one that I like that isn’t too much but also not to little.
I’m into sharp jawlines and small upper arms.
One. I am watching you get sick; the whites of your eyes are becoming yellow yolks, cheeks hang like grocery bags. You make diets of day planners, no time to eat with a stuffed calendar. Live off of scheduled glamour. Meals are powdered hot chocolate packets, no marshmallows, just water. Breakfast is plain oatmeal, no milk, flavored with tap water.
Two. To invite happiness inside him Vincent Van Gogh drank paints of yellow hues. You do mad things for happiness too. Vomit like an after school sport, your teeth blister. Bathe in sea salt to dehydrate water weight.
Three. Eating disorders are very in. Like kale, like skinny jeans, like old Hollywood glamour- and don’t you dare bring up Marylin Monroe. Recent studies show her frame was only one third of what you think.
Four. Shrivel your stomach until it takes a single granola bar to feel full. Have NyQuil for a midnight snack. With pale pupils and unplugged irises, the only language you communicate in is numbers. You are a human recycling bin. Quit blaming your hometown and decomposing skin. If you’re not recovering, you are dying.
Five. There was another girl who got sick about the same time that you did, but she went to the hospital real quick because she was already thin to begin with.
Six. You were not thin to begin with. You were fat, and now you’re evaporating so everybody is congratulating you on getting healthy. You are not an illness, but an inspiration. Your father still carries your before and after photo in his wallet. Your disease is a smashing sensation.
Seven. Friend, I am so sorry. You too are sick. Your messiah Kate Moss insists that her physique is an achievable ambition: “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” Girl, she’s never had Nutella. Do not trust her, her two-faced dental care, or her fur pelt. Anorexics develop hair all over to thaw their glacial bodies, called lanugo. The cold will not let you go.
Eight. Veins bulging like a pop-up book, I am watching you get sick. Mistake tracing paper for your skin, I am watching you get sick. When the blackouts start and your pulse gets slippery, wallpaper your interior with laxatives. I am watching you get sick. Read so much your body trusts it is full on authors, high on hunger. I am watching you get sick.
Nine. One day you will learn. The natural pigmentation will return- no more yellow skin, no blue fingernails, no red scratch in your throat matching the nick on your middle finger. Make amends with the kitchen. Your face will glow like a television. You will get full again. Be able to finish a meal. You will become a writer. One day I hope I’ll be able to finish this poem and say:
Ten. I am watching you heal. I am watching you get better.
Why is when I binge I lose like 1 pound but when I don't eat I gain like 5 million pounds wtf?
I only feel pretty when I'm so hungry my stomach hurts
i prayed that god would have someone break my heart so i would lose my appetite
be careful what you wish for! lmao i can’t eat i’m sad
One of my closest friends kinda knows bout my ed, but she doesn't know it's an ed. I mean, she's kinda dumb(? But she's a really good friend.
Sometimes i drop things like "sometimes i do fast of 14 hours and i'm not hungry at all" and she responses with "are u crazy? How can u not eat for that long? I could never food is so delicious" or "i know u don't mind skipping meals, but i cannot and i want food"
It's confusing ig, but i feel validated when she says those things someway
Food log -tw (10/20/21)
1010 claories eaten, 175 calories burned.
Total: 835 kcals
It's almost 1 am and i feel like i'm starving. Later in the morning i have P.E and i hope i faint bc my breakfast is gonna be just a coffee, if i have a breakfast obviously
I hate myself so much i want to end it
Body check for the day :,(
I want to take this moment to say I fuckin love baggy clothes