anyone have an ed playlist they can send me? or songs you reccomend?
anyone have an ed playlist they can send me? or songs you reccomend?
i’m so hungry but i won’t eat. eating is not worth it and i know it’s not worth it. i’m so fucking fat already, if i just don’t eat i won’t be anymore. that’s all i want. food disgusts me.
i feel nauseous, but it’s okay, it’s worth it.
i want to recover from my ed. i just had a 2 hour call with my s/o and seeing the huge negative effect it has on them is too much for me, especially because this does not actually make me happy either.
the sheer thought of the habits i will need to give up scares me so much and i Don’t Know What To Do
any advice/tips/motivation is welcome and appreciated.
i think me and my bf just broke up!! more motivation to lose weight i suppose ://
TW: panic suicidal extremely upset
I cannot stop crying.
I haven’t been able to get out of my bracket for 6 months
I’ve tried every thing! Every fucking thing
I fucking hate myself
I’m gonna binge tonight too
God i can’t stop crying
I’m so hungry I’m so tired I can’t I want to throw myself out my apartment window.
I just want love I just want to be conventionally pretty
I just im so sad
I’m trying my best not to binge but
What’s the point if even if I don’t I’ll still gain
I tried to quit this app but wow…look at me crying bc im ugly and disgusting time to get back on my toxic fucking shit :’)
so every safe food list i’ve found is american and i can’t find any of them in the UK very sad￼ so i thought i’d make a list of some of the ones i’ve found because we deserve to have some foods we can eat even if we’re struggling :)
theyre 50 calories each and good for a desert ehehe
it’s 222 cals for the whole thing i have it with a little sour cream for like 250 total ish for dinner, it genuinely tastes good and is filling
you can make a sandwich ehehe they’re around 100 cal for one and it comes cut in half :)
it’s so fucking good and a quarter of the whole thing is like 170 cal it’s filling and tastes SO GOOD i have it with a lil bit of salad
6 cals per pot 🤌🤌
they are so good and remind me of childhood and they’re 107 cals for a 30g serving which is a bigger bowl than most other cereals cause they’re light as shit
it’s so good i like the sweet and salty cause it tastes buttery and each lil pack is 63 cal
my CHILDHOOD, the calories depend on the size of the lil packs but in the multipack i got they’re like 60 cal a bag
anyway i need to stop now cause this is gonna crash my tumblr but <3
when ana makes you lose your tits but you’re enby and don’t want them anyways 🤩
I just need to lose 10 more lbs and I’ll have reached my UGW just 10. But for some reason this is the point where my brain decided to think about recovering nonstop
I have spent the passed 3 days having this inner war with myself of eating like I’m in recovery regretting it then being like ohhh just hold on a little longer and I honestly don’t know what to if anyone has any advice on how to just hold out that little bit longer plz let me know
I started really getting into eating protein bars/shakes as meal replacements
am i the only one that really craves a certain food but then when i get it it’s like :/
like i’m craving chocolate so much rn but i don’t wanna eat any??
Now I’m back in the 140s and I’m sad
this really prevents me from binging
I’m staying at a friends place tonight and I’ve got no idea what we’re doing for dinner. She could be cooking. Her mum could be cooking. We could be going to the pub. We could be ordering in. I’ve got zero clue and I hate not knowing because it’s so hard to prep for this stuff. I’m currently on a 22 hour fast so hopefully whatever I end up eating won’t sabotage things.
I hate how much stress this disorder makes me feel now though. Before these issues, I doubt dinner would’ve really crossed my mind. Now I’m constantly stressing about the next meal I have to eat.
okay. for the next week i’m going to eat under 1200 calories a day. i’ll post updates at the end of the week.
there’s going to be progress. there needs to be progress. i can’t keep feeling like this.
TW: mentions of ed behaviour, p**ging— if this will in any way trigger you please scroll away, that is not the intent of this piece. I wrote this when my ed was at its worst a few months ago, but I am in recovery now and am proof that it does get better!! If anyone needs to talk, please know I’m here for you and that this is a safe space <333
You don’t know me. That’s why this is the best place for my story to begin. Actually, before we properly get into it, I should warn you now, this one is hardly a fairytale— certainly not for the sensitive or easily offended. But that’s the reality, and I can’t do fuck all about it.
So, here I am, shutting my bedroom door gently behind me before my shoulders slouch. I collapse with a thud against the dark wood and let myself fall to the floor like a brick thrown from the roof of some massive, Tokyo skyscraper. Knees to my chest, I white-knuckle both my ankles and feel the crescents of my chewed up fingernails dig into my skin. Electric rushes from the tips of my toes all the way up my spine, but skin remains unbroken — the tang, however, is sharp enough to warrant a two week’s holiday for a family of bright purple bruises.
I can hear the beginnings of an amber alert meltdown readying themselves at the gully of my throat. I bite my teeth tight together because I don’t want to let go of what sanity I do have left. I’m not letting go. I somehow manage to tighten the hold my wrists have around my ankles; they’re probably welded on by now. I clench my neck, my jaw, my eyes. The cogs in my brain I hear chugging - starting to spit, splinter, and burst at the seams. Soon, plumes of smoke will surely be rising from my ears; burning up my skull. I’ll be rid of all sense and sensibility in no time. This. This is my time to break.
Afterwards, I know I’ll eventually climb out from the ashes a very blue, very grey-feathered phoenix that the majority will end up mistaking for a weary, old pigeon. A pigeon that has seen too much, felt too much, and not done enough about it.
You don’t know me. You shouldn’t want to know me. I will hurt you. I will destroy you. And not by will of course, let that be known. But because that’s the way it always goes.
Lights off. Welcome the darkness. Allow it to infiltrate every one of your whims, envelop every good intention, turn what’s left of your motivation into sludge until you are left there, naked in the middle of a room surrounded by the night. Windows lead only to what’s on the outside, where crowds of people dressed in all values of black and white press their faces against the glass and peer in. They see nothing. You stand shaking, hugging your arms desperately around your bare frame, and yet your sense of touch appears to be vacant. You see everything.
‘Where have your fingertips gone?’
… My fingertips? They press hard against the back of my tongue. Sometimes they catch the wall of my throat and my entire body convulses as I choke on the whole of my hand. Slimy snail trails of snot and spit lather my cheeks and drip from my chin. My knuckles are red raw and bruised as they scrape against the ridges of my teeth.
A sorrowful sight, disheartening and hardly hopeful. No single child should ever have to experience such horrors. No one is deserving of this hellish life. No one but me. And they see me behind the glass. I stand doubled over in the shower, my hair almost touching my toes; the constant rushing of water playing against my skin-tearing spine like a xylophone. My entire body trembles as I stuff my arm down the back of my throat; such a desperate attempt to rid myself of so much guilt. My sensibilities and my sight have abandoned me, it seems. My mind has succumbed to porcelain ghosts, and I cannot feel a thing.
where have your fingertips gone? -
tw // overdose , hospital , ed (obviously)
so about a week ago i accidentally od’d and had to go to the er,,(i’m okay now though) while i was in the ambulance they were asking me a bunch of questions and i told them i’ve been starving myself for months (i thought i was boutta die lol) but apparently they didn’t tell my parents because they haven’t talked to me about it and they haven’t monitored my food intake at all. i think either they didn’t take it seriously or they want me to lose weight because i’m fat. either way, both of those just exert fatphobia to me :/ i got labs drawn a couple days later and they even showed signs of starving myself, but no one did anything about it because they didn’t know (which i see as a good thing, but if i told them already, wouldn’t they do something about it now?)
Maybe if I was skinny I’d find a bf
fuckkk i forgot to weigh myself before drinking water when i woke up :( oh well time to fast i guess