#anderperry Tumblr posts

  • a-cowboy-needs-a-hat
    28.09.2021 - 3 hours ago

    listen listen listen listen ok listen. anderperry childhood friends 2 lovers. modern au. trans ! todd anderson. for the longest time ppl teased abt how they'd be such a cute couple :))) but then neil is obviously gay and todd is very butch. everyone forgets about this joke. todd transitions and transfers to welton. he rooms with his (gay, we all know this) best friend. this is a Smart Move. no falling in love or fooling around will occur. pfsh. todd is Unwaveringly Straight. i will accept my son as trans but i draw the line at entertaining the idea hes gay

    #thisis so stupid i know. ignore it. i came up w/ it while half asleep #ummm #a couple tags #anderperry#dps headcanons#cowboy posts
    View Full
  • ameliterature
    28.09.2021 - 7 hours ago

    TODD TIME TRAVELLER THEORY/HC

    I was eventually gonna make this into an angst fic but I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT (I also have a different plot device so this wont spoil it)

    OKAY SO, at the very start of Todd's stay in his room like--

    Todd synced his watch/clock together at THIS MOMENT, where Neil's father first ruined Neil's entire school year, removing his School Annual membership.

    Still fixing it when he's invited to the study group as well

    Then literally the next shot is the clock chiming (time/clock motif)

    The central theme also of the movie is Making use of what little time you have left on earth with something that means a lot to you

    Don't waste your time not doing something that'll make you truly alive.

    They further emphasize this with classes reminding them of "DUE DATES, TOMORROW, THIS IS DUE BY THE END OF THE SEMESTER" further reminding us of "how little time" they have but they have so much to do.

    (no image available cuz tumblr said i cant have more photos lmao)

    (LONG POST SORRY, keep reading)

    Keating of course connects Death and Time together. You'll never know what your life truly was until you come to die. (The Dead Poets' opening poem; "When I came to die, discover I have not lived")

    So while Todd was having his gay panic TM, he says he needs to study History... HMMM WHY?? DO YOU NEED IT FOR TIMETRAVEL???? /hj

    But homeboy's next scene is him doing this 'promotional dps ad, obligatory motto of the movie, cliche commercial writing of Seize the Day'. BUT HOHOHOH LOOK, a watch, it's also clear in the audio; the watch Ticking faster and faster as he writes the words "Seize the Day". So yeah, I once thought this was cheesy, but like-- He literally HAS to SEIZE THE DAY or else--

    I know this is a continuity error but:

    This could imply Todd either:

    tried to join them but chickened out so he studies alone

    or this is a paradox todd and there are 2 twos in the same timeline cuz he was time travellig LMAOOOO

    Ok so, ALSO TODD is the Time Keeper for the DPS meetings, JUST SAYING

    Todd has got a lot of... time in his hands hahaha OK ANYWAY

    if you also read/saw the full verision of todd's POEM

    Our boy uses the words for time a lot. "Yesterday, tomorrow, a new day, future" and the title of his poem is probably "And Still We Sleep" and he read this AFTER Neil's play, when he was out of time :( he slept on his chance laksjdlkasjdlks

    EVEN HIS IMPROV POEM IS TIME RELATED

    We're on TODD'S TIMELINE because we're given his birthday. It happens at the mid point of the movie and most likely the mid point of the semester. Also helps cuz he's gonna remember this year A LOT.

    Also ok before neil's final shot we get a shot (hehe) of Mr. Perry and his watch, very sus, but like, we're also focusing on the last TIME Mr. Perry had a son-- oof

    ALSO, TODD LOOKS AT THE CLOCK BEFORE HE HAS TO SIGN THE DOCUMENT

    And ok, anyway the movie ENDS with Todd's face too. the END of the movie, end of that experience for US.

    We're asked to remember Todd like remembering our time, remember moments when we did or didn't do something interesting with our time.

    But also.... like... if Todd could do it over, he'd go back to the time he first fixed his watch so he could get to know Neil all over again...

    Or imagine him in an endless loop of trying to save Neil, every iteration he loses him somehow or ruins something if Neil is alive; in order for things to truly be in order, he had to stop messing with TIME.

    This post is getting too long, I'll make another TimeTraveller!Todd post again later, I need to eat lmaooo

    View Full
  • anythingforjegulus
    28.09.2021 - 10 hours ago

    neil reading the secret history to todd who's knitting a sweater for neil at 2 am in the dorm room at fall. that's it, that's the post.

    #yes i know that the secret history was published in 1992 #anderperry#neil perry#todd anderson #todd x neil #dead poets society #dps
    View Full
  • ship-enthusiast
    28.09.2021 - 15 hours ago

    What is it with gays and carpe diem??

    View Full
  • noyasflower
    28.09.2021 - 17 hours ago

    omg i was rewatching dps yesterday and i noticed that after the play ends with neil’s monologue and the curtains close, the girl who played the other garden fairy with neil kisses him???

    like its a very small detail but how did not notice this before 

    or maybe i was too delusional after studying all day

    #pls tell me im not crazy #anderperry#neil perry #todd and neil #todd anderson #dead poets society #dead poets headcanons
    View Full
  • hannibalsvest
    28.09.2021 - 18 hours ago

    screaming and crying rn and it’s not because of a short blanket

    View Full
  • pelicanchaos
    28.09.2021 - 19 hours ago

    i only hear your voice when i’m breathing

    Based on this post by me :)

    Basically just me projecting onto Todd in an anderperry fic. If you don’t know DPS this fic prolly won’t make much sense. It’s kind of a mix of AU and canon, in my mind Todd and Neil met the summer before DPS and fell in love, and were ecstatic to become roommates in the fall. The events of DPS still happen though. sorry. (so tw: suicide)

    The song Neil sings is “Never Be Anyone Else But You” by Ricky Nelson

    @anderperryshit @justarandompjofan

    - - - - - - -

    “Hey I saw this in a movie once!”

    Todd looked up from the sidewalk, trying to keep track of his own feet as people pushed by. Neil was pointing excitedly at a window display (why did he always look so happy?) showing off pairs of matching voice recorders, with a banner that read: “Record messages for your sweetheart!”

    “That looks pointless.” Todd mumbled.

    “No, no, it was really cute!” Neil insisted. “The two girls in love would record little notes for each other and then they’d swap the recorders and listen to each other’s voice whenever they needed a little pick me up. Let’s get them, Todd!”

    “Neil, I don’t have the money right now—”

    “My treat. Come on, it’ll be fun!”

    Todd knew he couldn’t resist Neil’s ridiculously adorable puppy eyes for long, but he hated having to let other people buy things for him. “Neil, you don’t have to, I don’t want you to have to spend your money on unnecessary—”

    Neil grabbed his hands, the smile disappearing as he peered seriously into Todd’s eyes. “Toddrick. I like doing things for you. I like getting you gifts. You’re not a burden. It’s not unnecessary. You’re worth it.”

    Todd blushed, but let Neil pull him inside the store and pay for two ridiculously overpriced voice recorders. One was dark blue with forest green buttons, the other green with blue buttons. Neil’s eyes were already sparkling with ideas of messages to record, and Todd had to admit he felt excited about it too.

    - - - - - - - 

    And so it started. As promised, every week they would record messages. Neil kept his on him at all times, pulling it out to rant about random happy moments “Todd, I just saw a cat that looked exactly like Knox!”, or annoying encounters “Oh God, I just ran into my father’s business partner, who said he was glad I was going to military school soon because I looked too happy at Welton. Can you believe it?”, To work out a trig problem out loud with adorable frustrated groans “Darling I don’t understand tangents in the slightest. I wish I could think about tangerines instead.”, or to recite lines from Shakespeare, replacing the lover’s name with Todd’s, which made Todd blush immensely.

    Todd forgot to carry his around as much, mainly because if he had anything in his pockets he would get distracted with it, and he was trying to get better about focusing on where he really was. But in his dorm during a free period or at night when he couldn’t sleep, he would verbally recount over and over the things Neil did that made him smile, or a poem he was trying to figure out the next line for. Despite his initial protests, Todd began to love the weekly trades, and had to stop himself from listening to all the recordings on the first day. It was just so comforting to hear Neil’s voice even when he wasn’t right there. After a few months they ran out of space on the recorders, but Todd had saved up enough of his allowance to buy new ones, this time colored purple and dark red. and surprised Neil with them one dreary fall morning. Neil’s face lit up and for a second Todd forgot there was a sun, because what could be more radiant than Neil’s joy?

    - - - - - - - 

    “Todd, you did so good!” Neil ruffled his boyfriend’s hair as the poets streamed out of Keating’s class. Even twenty minutes after being forced to spit out the poem in front of those horrid staring eyes, Todd’s hands were still shaking and his stomach was still churning. He resented Keating for making him get up in front of everyone and make a fool out of himself, even though everyone said they loved his words.

    “Todd that was actually amazing.” Knox said with a grin. Todd gave a little smile back. Though the boys were rowdy and rambunctious and often gave Todd a headache, he still couldn’t deny that he loved their banter and laughter. It just felt so amazing to be a part of something. Still, he felt exhausted from the stress of the previous lesson, and soon slipped off to skip chemistry and relax in the study hall for an hour. The Whitman poem had unlocked a flood of random lines and word pairs, and Todd wanted to get them down before they disappeared like stars at dawn. Soon he got distracted by staring into the flames in the fireplace. They were so delicate, so dangerous. They looked soft enough to run your fingers through but you’d get burnt if you touched them.

    Todd decided he needed something to listen to while dissociating, so he played one of Neil’s recordings.

    “Hello darling! I’m getting ready for the day right now, you’re at breakfast, I still don’t understand how you can possibly eat food right now, it’s 7:30! Anyway, why have you stolen all my sweaters? I get cold too, you know! I’m trying to find something to put on and I know I just did laundry, just yesterday. And then I go over to your closet and boom. All my spare hoodies and sweaters.” Neil let out a long sigh. “You know, I love that you’re comfortable enough to take my stuff. I really do. But I get cold too, Toddothy.”

    “Still not my name.” Todd mumbled.

    “So, I don’t want to deprave you of my hoodies cause you really do look adorable, but I get cold too. So here’s the deal. You get your own hoodies, and then I’ll steal yours and you can steal mine. Ok?”

    Todd smiled. “Ok.”

    - - - - - - - 

    On Halloween afternoon Neil caught a stomach bug that was going around. Todd hadn’t planned on going trick-or-treating with the poets anyway, he was going to call Jeffery and catch up, but Neil and Charlie had planned out a couple’s Cinderella themed costume and now Charlie was insisting that Todd stand in as Prince Charming.

    “Please, Todd? You could call your brother tomorrow and Halloween only comes once a year!” Apparently none of the other poets could do it, Meeks and Pitts were going in matching robot costumes, Knox was going as a mouse (“it’s very important ok”), and Cameron insisted that he had to catch up on his studies, and no amount of “you’re already the top of literally every class and it’s one night!” could change his mind. So the only option left was Todd.

    Eventually, with a lot of pleading from both Neil and Charlie, and a quick phone call to make sure Jeff was ok with it, Todd consented. He was rewarded by Neil’s hoarse fawning over how good he looked in the outfit (“quiet, Neil, you don’t want to ruin your voice”) and after a lot of Neil insisting he didn’t need someone to cuddle him to help him feel better, Todd finally decided to just enjoy himself. And for the first hour or so, he did. Charlie had insisted on wearing high heels he’d borrowed from Meeks’ mom, even though you couldn’t see his feet under the ridiculous skirt (“it’s to get into character, Todd.”), and he had ripped the dress twice already because he couldn’t balance on stilettos. Also the Cinderella wig was made out of yarn and kept flopping around because there weren’t enough pins in it. Charlie kept saying “Trick or treat” in a ridiculously falsetto voice that made Todd die laughing every time.

    But as much as Todd tried to keep up his cheer, he couldn’t stop the feelings of panic as the crowds of trick-or-treaters grew and the noise built and there was so much movement, people walking this way and that and someone shouting and another twirling and the colors and the noise and the motion—

    “Todd, you okay?” Charlie dropped the falsetto as he tried to peer into Todd’s face. Todd knew he was being stupid, but everything was so much, it was too much, and he dropped his bag of candy and hunched over, now all the poets were crowding around him and he knew they meant well but it was too small of a space and they were all overlapping voices and blurry faces and he couldn’t breathe. Now someone was touching him, hands on his back or shoulders, it was Knox or maybe Pitts, Todd couldn’t see he couldn’t breathe he had to get out. In a last burst of energy he shoved them off, pulled away, had to find somewhere quiet. He heard the poets calling after him and then Charlie saying “Leave him be.”

    Todd didn’t remember how but now he was sitting against the side of a house, his royal jacket thrown off somewhere, the cold brick on his back and firm concrete beneath his feet. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out, hearing echoes of Neil’s breath in his ear. Slowly his senses cleared. He could see the blades of grass in front of him, hear a cricket somewhere to his left, feel the cold wind on his face, smell cigarette smoke from somewhere. And as the panic dissipated, lines of poetry replaced it. Todd reached for his notebook, but of course it wasn’t in the pockets of the Prince Charming costume. Instead he found his voice recorder. He pressed record.

    “Neil. I wish you were here right now.” The sound of his own voice was grounding. “Uh, it’s halloween right now, you’re back at the dorm and I’m, uh, I’m next to someone’s house. There was—there was too much noise. And movement. And I—“ the panic was coming again. Why had he started this recording? Right. “Neil.. I heard your breath in my ear and it was a symphony of calm, like the ripples of a lake at daybreak. I, um, remembered your hand on mine and I may be a star in the night sky but you are my tether to earth. Gravity has no hold on me, when I lose my grip on reality, but your voice in my mind keeps me from drifting into nothingness.” Todd slipped into silence, focusing on breathing. A smile drifted onto his face. “You’re my sun, the point I revolve around. You’re my moon, you light up the darkest nights. You’re my everything, Neil Perry.”

    Soon Charlie found him and sat down a few inches away, letting Todd have space if he needed it.

    “We were all really worried about you, Todd. You okay?”

    Todd nodded. He just needed to sit still a bit longer, and Charlie allowed it. Eventually Todd scooted over and rested his head on Charlie’s shoulder. It wasn’t quite as comforting as Neil’s, but he knew Charlie loved him too, in a different way.

    We must look so stupid. Todd thought with a little grin, picturing what someone watching them would see: Charlie in his stupid ripped up, oversized costume with that ugly wig and Todd in a stained t-shirt with sparkly pants. And then Todd wanted to cry because at Balincrest he’d had hundreds of panic attacks and there wasn’t a single time someone had tried to comfort or help him, and now here he had Neil, and Charlie, and Knox, and Meeks, and Pitts, and sort of Cameron too. And they didn’t care that he needed more breaks than other people, or that he couldn’t handle noise and light too well, or that he needed a lot of reassurance because he never felt good enough. They just adapted, and made him feel welcome and cared for and loved. Todd realized he was crying now, and he didn’t even care.

    - - - - - - - 

    The rain was beating down on the window and Todd was laying with his head in Neil’s lap. It was a quiet evening after a stressful day of tests, and the two boys had decided to skip study hall in favor of relaxing together in their room. Neil was playing with Todd’s hair and Todd was trying to memorize everything in this moment, the way the rain sounded, the way Neil’s breath blew down just slightly onto Todd’s face, the way Neil’s hands felt in his hair and how comfortable and amazing it was to just be in Neil’s presence. Neil’s eyes were glowing, not like a raging bonfire but like candlelight. Todd could faintly smell Neil’s cologne and while he knew it was cold outside, in here, in this private solitude, everything was comfortably warm. Todd was perfectly content. The planets aligned when Neil’s gaze caught his, and everything was right in the world. And then somehow it became even better.

    “You know I love you, right?” Neil asked softly, still gently smoothing and carding through Todd’s hair.

    “What?” Todd whispered.

    “I love you. You know that, right Todd?”

    “Say it again.” Todd breathed.

    “You heard me the first two times.” Neil laughed lightly.

    “Say it again.” Todd said. “I want to know I’m not dreaming.”

    “Todd Anderson, I love you.” Neil’s voice was still low, still soft, but his words carried the weight of a thousand dying stars. “I love you as the sun loves the earth. I love you as the grass loves the rain. I love you and I will never stop loving you. If you were the only person I ever knew I would be perfectly happy.”

    Todd breathed. He breathed and he was alive and Neil Perry loved him.

    “I love you too.” Todd said, and with all of his heart he meant it.

    (Later, when listening through recordings, Todd heard this conversation played back. He let himself be taken back to that wonderful, calm content day, and once more everything was right with the world.)

    - - - - - - - 

    Thanksgiving was hard for most of the poets. The Perrys always had a silent, formal dinner that was pretty much the opposite of giving thanks. The Camerons didn’t believe in Thanksgiving, just business. The Meeks family was the only happy, loving one in the group, so Steven would always invite everyone over, but most years only Pitts was able to come. The Overstreets always had big party-like meal with Welton board and alumni. The Andersons had a family dinner which consisted of praise for Jeff and barely concealed insults for Todd, snide remarks about how they’d heard he kept making up those “panic attacks” and how he needed to just settle down and focus on schoolwork. To make it worse, all the relatives came, and the grandparents and aunts and uncles took Todd’s parents words as truth. It was almost torture.

    Todd sat through it this year barely hearing a thing, his mind consistently focused on Neil. Neil’s smile, the little noises Neil made whenever he was really happy, Neil picking flowers and putting them in Todd’s hair and telling him how pretty he was, Neil, Neil, Neil. Todd didn’t realize he was smiling on the outside too until one of his aunts leaned in and made a rude comment about his teeth. Todd just took it in stride. He knew Neil would tell him just to ignore it.

    After eating, the various relatives collapsed in food comas around the house, and Todd went upstairs to his room, which he and Jeff were sharing over the holiday weekend. He found one of the messages from Neil and closed his eyes to listen to it.

    “Hey Todd!” Came a chorus of boys voices. Todd opened his eyes.

    “I know Thanksgiving gets hard for you sometimes, so I wanted to have everyone say something to cheer you up.” Neil explained. “Hopefully you like it.”

    “Todd, I just wanted to say I hope your family isn’t too awful to you this year, and if it gets to be too much you can come and spend a day with me and Pitts, my moms would be happy to have you!” from Meeks.

    “Definitely, we’ll try not to bore you too much with our inventions, and also Meeks has a cat we thought you might like to meet.” from Pitts. (Todd was allergic to cats, but it was the intent behind the suggestion that made him smile)

    “I can’t offer the same invitation, but Todd I hope you do have a good weekend!” from Knox.

    “Don’t miss me too much, Anderson.” came Charlie’s voice. “And if those asshole relatives of yours try to beat you down, you beat them up back, got it?”

    A few more clambering remarks were tossed out, then Neil reclaimed the recorder. “Have a great week, darling. Love you.”

    “Love you too.” Todd whispered as the recording ended. He laughed to himself. What did he ever do to get such amazing friends?

    - - - - - - - 

    “Todd, are you coming to rehearsal with me?”

    “I don’t know, Neil, I’m really tired today. I’ll see you tonight, though.” Todd forced a smile, he really was tired. He wanted to ask Neil just to stay here, in their dorm (forever) but he knew he shouldn’t. In a whirlwind of fluttering script pages, a scarf, and a final kiss Neil was gone, and Todd was left alone with his thoughts. This was never good.

    All his life Todd had lived in a shadow, and he had become convinced that he belonged there. So even when he got a group of friends and a boyfriend who constantly made sure he didn’t stay in the dark, he still had trouble convincing himself, especially after a long day and when Neil was away at rehearsal. A few minutes after Neil left, Charlie had barged in to invite Todd to study group, pressing for truth when Todd replied with “I’m just tired”. But Todd had become a good liar with his own feelings, and Charlie didn’t want to push it too far. So Todd was curled on his bed, barely trying to fight the self hatred that poured in. “Neil’s only with you out of pity.” His mind insisted. “All of the boys are. None of them actually care. They wouldn’t mind if you were gone. You don’t make a difference.” Todd felt a single tear fall from his eye as he succumbed to the waves, too exhausted to swim for the surface. Then he shifted a bit in bed, and a button was pressed.

    “Todd.” A voice whispered into the dark room. Another tear fell. “You’re asleep right now and I know you’ve had a long day so I didn’t want to wake you, but there’s a fox on the lawn. It’s bright red and so gorgeous.” There was rustling of bed sheets in the recording and then Neil spoke again, obviously smiling. “You’re prettier, though.”

    Todd knew it was stupid to be missing Neil when he had just seen him an hour ago and kissed him goodbye (something he still marveled that he was able to do). But it felt like ages.

    Neil’s voice was still speaking. “The moon is shining down on your hair and face. You look like you’re glowing, Todd. You look like an angel. My angel.” A pause, Todd could hear Neil’s breathing and he synced his own breathing with it. “You’re so beautiful, my love.” Neil’s voice was full of so much wonder, almost tangible awe, that Todd felt for a second like he was somehow worthy of it. The voices that were so heavy just a few minutes ago were forgotten now, darkness pushed away by the irresistible light of Neil’s love. Todd fell asleep with the recorder on his pillow, Neil’s voice still showering praise.

    - - - - - - - 

    The night of the play, Neil was whisked away by his father before Todd could properly tell him what an amazing job he’d done. So he sat on his bed and looked at Neil’s, picturing his boyfriend smiling back at him. Usually an empty bed would be a sad sight, but this one wasn’t. It was a promise that Neil would be back in the morning, or maybe in two days, and Todd could properly tell him how much Todd loved him, and then maybe they could cuddle until class started. Todd was a bit worried about Neil, because dealing with horrible parents was never easy, but Neil had dealt with it plenty, he’d be back soon, and everything would be okay. Todd smiled again and started recording.

    “Neil, you were so amazing tonight. I can’t even tell you properly, not without you being right here, but I had to get my thoughts down before they slip away. That crown you wore, it was only made of sticks and berries but it made you look more noble than the wealthiest king. The way you spoke your lines, I know we’ve rehearsed together but tonight you weren’t just playing Puck, Neil you were Puck. You were glowing with pure joy, Neil I don’t care what your father says, you were born to act on the stage. You were the brightest star in the sky tonight.”

    Todd lay back, not stopping the recording just yet. He thought back over the past few months, which had been the happiest he’d ever known. Neil was easily the best part of his life. He was Todd’s universe, everything Todd needed was found in Neil.

    “Neil, I adore you.”

    Todd drifted to sleep, the recorder still clutched in his hand.

    - - - - - - - 

    “Neil’s dead.”

    After the two words that woke him, Todd couldn’t hear a thing anyone said to him. Everything felt like a horrible dream, it had to be a dream, because none of this could be real life. Todd knew he had stumbled outside at some point, he remembered snow on his bare hands and on his face. There were blurry figures around him, holding him back and then letting him go. And then he was at the lake, scrabbling past the place where he and Neil had practiced lines, where he and Neil had rowing together, where he and Neil had sat and read poetry together, everything was him and Neil, and now Neil was—no he couldn’t be, Neil would never leave him behind.

    “You’re my sun, Neil!” Todd was screaming, his throat was ragged but he couldn’t stop, it was either scream and defy or sob and accept. “You’re my moon, you’re my stars, you’re my universe, you’re my everything!” He couldn’t breathe. “Neil!”

    The softly falling snow reminded him of Neil’s soft footsteps when he was trying not to wake Todd at night, and the cold reminded him of the chills he still got when Neil looked at him, and Todd’s hands grasped at his clothes and of course he was wearing Neil’s pajamas. Everything in his life led back to that boy. Nothing would ever be right without him.

    “You’re not gone. You can’t be gone.” His voice was too hoarse to scream anymore, now it was a choked whisper. He lay curled in the snow, probably shaking from cold but he didn’t feel it anymore. But of course Neil wasn’t gone. Neil was right next to him, staring with those warm eyes into his soul. Todd smiled back.

    “I had the most horrible dream.” He whispered. Neil mouthed something back, but no sound came out. Todd sat up, reaching for his love, but he was gone.

    “Neil?” Todd sat silently, staring at the white emptiness. He couldn’t think, couldn’t feel anymore. Todd looked down at his hands and found they were red and shaking. Todd knew he should go inside and warm up, but he didn’t think he could walk. He put his hands in his pockets and felt an object.

    The recorder. Numbly, Todd pulled it out and found one of the messages Neil had left.

    “Hey Todd. I just heard a song that reminds me of you.” Neil started humming a slightly upbeat tune, then began singing in a soft voice. “There'll never be anyone else, but you for me. Never ever be, just couldn't be anyone else but you.” Todd smiled. Neil had a good singing voice, he should use it more often. The next time Todd saw Neil, Todd would tell him so.

    “A heart that's true and longs for you, is all I have to give. All my love belongs to you, as long as I may live.”

    At some point Todd made his way inside. At some point he looked at Neil’s bed and the promise he’d saw last night wasn’t there. At some point he played the recording of Neil singing over and over until he’d memorized every word and exactly how Neil’s voice said it. At some point Todd drifted off to sleep, dreamlike memories floating through his mind like clouds.

    - - - - - - - 

    Todd didn’t think there was a worse way to spend Christmas than at home, with his parents grilling him about grades, classes, girls, and showering Jeff with compliments that turned into backhand insults to Todd.

    But sitting in his and Neil’s empty, quiet dorm room was definitely worse. Only Knox, Meeks, and Pitts had gone to Neil’s funeral, three days after his death. Charlie was already gone from school and no one really knew what was going on with Cam. The poets had their own funeral of sorts in the cave. No one acknowledged Neil’s death, instead they read poems that spoke of life. Todd recorded the whole thing. He wasn’t sure why.

    He’d still been recording messages for Neil, just like usual. With every new recording he forced away the need to accept the truth. He pushed everything away, burying things that needed to be dealt with.

    - - - - - - - 

    When Neil Perry’s eyes caught Todd’s, the planets had aligned. When Neil’s eyes closed forever, chaos replaced order and everything good became broken and twisted. Todd, who in the past year had bloomed for the first time, closed up his petals and settled in for an unending winter. Life might go on, but on December 25, 1959, Todd’s smile went with Neil to the grave.

    - - - - - - - 

    December 15, 1964 (5 years later)

    Todd hadn’t written a poem, sang a song, recorded a message, or spoken to any of the poets in five years. By the time the second semester of school started Todd was gone, Jefferey had finally gathered the funds to get them both out of there, and they’d moved a few states over. No one from their old life had the address.

    So there was no way to predict that Charlie Dalton was the one knocking at the door.

    Todd stood for a few seconds in shock when he saw his old friend. Charlie smirked his signature smirk and Todd felt something inside him twist, he couldn’t tell if it hurt or it was good to see the boy.

    “You gonna let me in or just gape until the sun goes down?” Charlie asked, then pushed past Todd before he could reply.

    Todd shook himself out of the shock. “Uh, what are you doing here? How did you find my address? What are you doing here?”

    “I brought you a present, Toddrick.” The nickname set off another internal twist. Charlie plopped onto the couch. “Come sit.”

    Todd slowly came over. “What is it?”

    “So. You disappeared really soon after… everything, and I couldn’t track you down for the longest time. Then I met a guy who knew a guy who could find where people lived. I needed to find you. You see, after… everything, I went to go through his stuff before his dad could throw everything out. His mom let me in, she’s not as bad as his dad, just a bit of a pushover. And… I found this.” Out of his pocket came two little devices. One blue and green, the other purple and red. Todd froze. Charlie held the second one up. “There’s a last message on here, Todd. From.. that night. You need to hear it.”

    Todd took the recorder with a trembling hand. All the memories Todd had buried were coming back, in a torrent. Textbooks and standing on desks and reading lines and sitting in a cave and in every one, a boy’s smile. Neil.

    Charlie left the room to let Todd listen to the message in silence. Todd took two deep breaths, then pressed play. Neil’s voice. He hadn’t heard it in so long.

    “The moon is so bright tonight.” He was so young that night, only 17 years old. “I’m the one glowing now. And the wind is so cold. But it feels good, too. Fresh, like a new day. An end, and a new beginning.” A soft chuckle. “Todd, you’re my angel. You’re the one who made my life worth living again. You saved me, Todd.”

    “I found this quote in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, and… I wanted to leave you with something. Here goes.” A breath. “And whether we shall meet again I know not/ Therefore our everlasting farewell take/ For ever, and for ever, farewell!/ If we do meet again, why, we shall smile/ If not, why then, this parting was well made.” Neil’s breathing wasn’t shaky, nor were his words, instead it sounded like he was smiling.

    “I love you so much, Todd.”

    Todd gulped. Then choked. Then he sobbed. Out came all of the tears and the pain he’d been storing inside for the past five years. At some point Charlie was in the room again and they were holding each other. Nothing would be okay, the world was broken and cold and heartless but Todd could finally let himself crumble, and there would be rubble everywhere but in every pile of rubble was hope for new life.

    Neil was gone. Neil was really gone, and there was nothing Todd could do about that. But he’d been pushing it away for so long, refusing to accept it, and now he finally could. It still ached and twisted, and there would always be a hole that no one could fill, but Todd was finally acknowledging that that hole existed.

    He could breathe.

    #anderperry#todd anderson#anderperry fic#neil perry #dead poets society #dead poets society fic #dps
    View Full
  • comfyymoon
    28.09.2021 - 20 hours ago

    I would hereby like to inform that neil perry didn't un-alive himself, it was all an act to run away with todd anderson. those *gays in love* got married and lived happily.

    Now, I would also like to state that I am their love-child, because I an anxious asf poet like one of them and 'want to be an actor' poet like the other.

    View Full
  • a-cowboy-needs-a-hat
    28.09.2021 - 20 hours ago

    todd babysitting neils friends little girl the last couple years of college, and neil growing close w/ one of the girls in his theater class the first couple years he's a teacher, and anderperry deciding they want a daughter of their own. they also obviously keep in touch with those girls as they grow up, and maybe jeff marries gives todd a neice and nephew, and yea they r just in love with with being the cool gay (family friends) uncles to anyone possible<3

    #could be modern au. could simply be 'by god we will find a way' #silly little things... #todd anderson#neil perry#anderperry#dps headcanons#cowboy posts
    View Full
  • pelicanchaos
    27.09.2021 - 1 day ago

    todd always compares neil to the sun, moon and stars because he thought the celestials were the most beautiful thing in creation until he met neil perry

    #anderperry#todd anderson#neil perry #dead poets society #dps #dead poets society headcanon #dps headcanons
    View Full
  • ameliterature
    27.09.2021 - 1 day ago

    Charlie/Todd Post-Canon Ficlet

    based on @the-movie-ends-after-midsummer 's post

    Yes, it's a CHADD Fic (Charlie/Todd) and It's ANGSTY AS FUCK CUZ IT'S POST-CANON <3 But it's also (mostly) AnderPerry

    Taglist: @cupiiid @duh-itsalampmeeks @maisietheweltoncow @poetrusicperry @anderperrytheplatypus @justarandompjofan @she-nuwanda

    There's a little hope when you're around

    Despite what occurred in the first week of winter in 1989, Welton's own Charlie Dalton was not expelled. The short answer was 'money'-- Dalton Hush Money to be exact, and the hard answer was Charlie Dalton himself.

    For as much tenacity could be born into a man, at 17 years of age, Charlie was not one to be expelled so easily. He stayed in Welton despite his best efforts. He had thought, now with Neil gone, Cameron ratting out the group, that his wishes of expulsion should be an easy fix. Punching Cameron in the face was like hitting two birds with one stone.

    He had heard from Knox and Meeks that they had to sign a document "admitting" to Mr. Keating's wrongdoings and that his own name wasn't on there. Good riddance, Charlie thought, his expulsion was for the best. He kissed Welton and his life there goodbye with a bang.

    However, the very next Monday, Charlie's ass was back at Welton. Turns out, his minor suspension was just to avoid his own signature (or lack thereof above his name)from tarnishing the document. A nasty ploy Mr. Nolan and the rest of the parents did to hush everyone up.

    For the safety of Cameron, he was relocated into Todd's room. Neil's former room. It wasn't fair, none of it was. Neil died and for what? A Gag Order?!

    Charlie trudged his way through the dorms, early morning so he could still attend his classes that day. When he twists the knob open, he notices a small ray of light coming from a desk lamp.

    "Todd?"

    Charlie enters the room only to see Todd kneeling by Neil's empty bed, holding onto a familiar green sweater.

    "Ch-Charlie- I- What are you...?" Todd gathers himself, hands still clutching the sweater. The way he held it close to his face seemed like Todd was smelling it.

    "Looks like they just wanted me out of the picture while you signed that Gag Order."

    "I thought... I thought you were gone." When he said gone, Charlie felt like he didn't mean 'expelled'. Todd probably meant 'gone for good'.

    "Still here."

    Charlie made his way to Todd's side, not sitting on Neil's bed, just kneeling by Todd.

    "I... I found his sweater."

    "I see that." Charlie pats his back. "Can ya' still smell him?"

    "... Yeah." Todd's lips twitch slightly, feeling embarrassed, realizing this action may be weird. It was a broken smile.

    "What does Neil smell like?" Charlie asked. Todd could tell he was being genuine about it.

    "Like... Trees, like leaves and pine trees... A bit of smoke, 'cuz you of you guys... and..." Todd pauses a bit, shyly sniffing the sweater. "It..."

    "Could I take a whiff?" Charlie was worried that maybe Todd might deny him of that but Todd slowly brought over the sweater to Charlie's hands.

    It wasn't awkward between them. They had this mutual understanding between them when it came to loving Neil. Charlie loved Neil, the way a brother would. Todd's love for Neil was merely a budding rose during the night of The Play. Between Charlie and Todd, Neil was the one thing they really had in common. They could be on two different poles of the earth, opposite spectrums of concepts spanning vast complexities of life, but here they were, both trying to remember what Neil smelled like.

    "You're right... I do smell trees-- good nose, Anderson." Charlie takes another whiff, smelling the hint of cigarette smoke laced within the threads. Then another familiar smell.

    "Oh," Charlie's eyes lit up.

    "What is it?" Todd eagerly looked at him, almost ready to take back the sweater.

    Charlie looked at him pensively before giving back the sweater. He turns to open his suitcase, being met with a disarray of his clothes just stuffed into it. Amongst all the messy assortment of his own sweaters, Charlie dug up a small bottle of cologne.

    Todd looks at him with curiosity. Charlie sprits a bit of the cologne on his wrist before taking a sniff from it. "Ah, I knew it."

    Charlie moved his hand abruptly in front of Todd. Todd, of course, jerks backward. "Wh-what?"

    "Smell it." Charlie's enthusiastic smile prompted Todd to trust his word.

    Todd gently leans over to smell Charlie's wrist. It was the same scent as the sweater. Not as faint, but Charlie knew his own cologne when he smelled it.

    "Where did you...?" Todd tilts his head in confusion.

    "Neil and I... We used to share this cologne a few times. He... He would usually ask me if he could borrow it. A spray or two... Y'know, before meetings, before that play... ever since he's met you."

    "Y-yeah?" Todd's eyes refused to meet Charlie's gaze.

    "Neil he... He always got kinda self-conscious when you were around, think he'd stink up the place being so sweaty and nervous around you. I suggested my cologne and I guess... it stuck?"

    Todd couldn't begin to believe that Neil's scent could come from a bottle. It didn't, obviously, but just a bit of his memory of Neil was stitched undeniably with this smell.

    "Did you... Do you want it? I could always buy a new one." Charlie handed the bottle over to Todd.

    "... Y-You sure?"

    "Take it, it's yours now, bud. Spray some on the sweater if you want." Charlie stood up to get his beddings from his suitcase.

    "Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna have to settle on my new bed, roomie."

    This day was the first of many times Todd would spray the sweater with this cologne. He'd do it sparingly of course, only on times he really missed Neil. Specifically, those were times when he's be hauled up in their dorm alone.

    A new semester arose, this time giving more opportunities for Charlie and Todd to get used to being roommates. Charlie, though he was able to spend time with the others, still had to check up on Todd every now and then.

    One of those moments was during Activity Days, he'd just return from one of his extracurriculars (at least the ones he was lucky to still be in) to check up on Todd.

    Todd was lying on his bed, seemingly taking a nap. Upon closer inspection, Charlie noticed Neil's sweater over Todd's face and his cologne bottle half empty.

    Charlie creeps up to Todd, gently patting him on the shoulder, "Todd..? You okay?" He lifts up the sweater to catch Todd's eyes opening.

    Startled, Todd took a while to register who was in front of him.

    "Woah, woah! It's okay- Sorry, it's me!"

    Todd was able to collect himself, sitting up to face Charlie. "Sorry."

    "Nightmare?"

    "N-no... it's..." Todd bit his lip slightly. "I... I thought you were Neil for a second-- I panicked a bit."

    "Oh... Sorry." Charlie didn't have anything useful to say. What could you say when someone tells you that you reminded them of your dead best friend?

    "It's alright. How was Rowing club?" Todd asks, wiping his forehead of sweat.

    "Boring. Y'know Cameron was taken out of there 'cuz of me? Guess that's one less thing to worry about."

    "I guess."

    It was quiet between them again. There were other times when it would be just as quiet but they'd use the silence to tell each other about their troubles, their doubts, the Neil incident especially. Charlie and Todd had developed a closer bond that there grew an understanding: it was safe to miss Neil when it was just the two of them.

    Before Charlie could hop off the bed, Todd held him by his sleeve. "Charlie... I have... a favor to ask."

    "Sure, what is it?

    Carefully, Todd brings up the cologne again. "I... It's only us and-- I... Look I know you can't replace Neil but... I was thinking if you..."

    Charlie stared into Todd's scrambling eyes. He knew what he was asking for, he knew Todd was at a point of desperation, where comfort was the most important solution.

    "I was thinking if I could spray this on you and hug you. I just... "

    "It's alright, Todd. I'll do it."

    Charlie, even if he was willing to stand in for Neil, felt a certain pang in his heart. He wasn't Neil. It wasn't because he felt bad that Todd wasn't hugging the real Neil, Charlie's chest grew heavy with the burden of knowing that he wasn't a great as Neil wished he was. He wanted to get expelled for fuck's sake. Even if he and Neil share so much in common, Neil was a burn mark on Welton that no one could replace. Yet here he was, hugging the only person that he truly loved.

    Todd desperately hugged Charlie, imagining Neil's presence despite the height and build difference with Charlie. It still felt nice to hug someone again. It felt good to feel warm again rather than freezing in his grief.

    Todd could also tell Charlie needed this hug. To tell him he's wanted here, to remind him that none of this was his fault. They deserved to be here right now, they deserved comfort, they deserve Neil's memory.

    The memory of Neil showing his best, doing his best, and keep on living for him. Charlie couldn't let Neil's verse end there. Neil was the fire that lit the torches in the Dead Poets, just as much as Mr. Keating did for him. Charlie couldn't mess around and try to get himself expelled anymore, nor could he slack off on his academics.

    But to Charlie, one of the first things he owed Neil was to make sure Todd got through this. Whatever it took.

    "Thanks, Charlie." Todd whispers, finally being able to smile after months of crying.

    While Charlie could still live and breathe, he could give a little hope for Todd and the others around him.

    #chadd#charlie/todd#anderperry#dps#dps fic #dead poets society fic #dead poets society
    View Full
  • hannibalsvest
    27.09.2021 - 1 day ago

    there is nothing more annoying than having dps be a movie watched in class and then having to go over questions and then assholes laughing abt neil and todd in the snow scene and just making a whole joke about it. like even if it wasn’t a major hyperfixation of mine, laughing about those topics is so immature. plus the movie is literally life changing like if you actually took in the theme and things about it you woukd get it but instead ur too busy trying to impress ur asshole friends with ur lame jokes

    what a lame gimmick!

    View Full
  • a-cowboy-needs-a-hat
    27.09.2021 - 1 day ago

    todd always having enjoyed drawing as a pasttime, half of jeffrey's corkboard (both at home and at welton) being covered by things from todd ,, plants, animals, characters from books they read when they were twelve, the kind w/ the fancy cover and artwork every few pages. todd doesnt know how much he sends to jeff at welton gets put up, and when he talks abt being excited to have a college dorm to have at least a bit more wall space, todd's like !! what !!!!!!!

    anyway not to make this angsty but ,. making silly little drawings and copying down silly little quotes; from books, songs, lines of poety - becoming todd's love language, of sorts, and neil starting a box to store all this kind of stuff. (jeff already has a few). his wall doesnt get nearly as taken over by Todd as jeffreys ever did, but its still a good amount. there are a couple drawings up there of him, or his castmates, from when he finally convinced todd to come along to rehearsals, with some quote from the show sprawled over their head or some fantasy-looking flora around them.

    after neil dies, todd makes quick work of taking everything down he gave to neil, setting them in the box and taking them back for himself. he's mostly able to ignore the tears in his eyes and ache in his throat until he accidentally tears smth, swears, and nearly loses it.

    maybe halfway through, one of his friends knocks on the door, lets himself in. puts a hand on todd's back, gently telling him to slow down, take it easy, let me help you out with that. and so he sits on neil's bed, trying to steady his breathing, watching as his friend carefully takes down everything else from neil's side of the room in a tender sort of silence.

    (im rooting for friend in question to be either pitts or cameron. they both seem like he silent, actions-speak-louder-than-words caring type)

    #hes also sorta helping take neils stuff down for himself #physical closure or smth #maybe theres one drawing he holds for a minute longer and todd tells him he can have it. wont let him refuse it #'i dont need all of them. im probably never gonna look at them again' and they both sorta laugh #:')#todd anderson#jeffrey anderson#jeffery anderson#neil perry#anderperry#gerard pitts#richard cameron#death ment #dead poets society #dps headcanons#cowboy posts
    View Full
  • kingdvlan
    27.09.2021 - 1 day ago

    people write "the dps boys as ur bf..." shit all the time as if they aren't all fruity as hell

    View Full
  • sirensechoes
    27.09.2021 - 1 day ago

    one more anderperry edit with a mitski song and i'll end it all

    View Full
  • grotty-beatles
    27.09.2021 - 1 day ago

    todd and neil vs. charlie and cameron

    View Full
  • a-cowboy-needs-a-hat
    27.09.2021 - 1 day ago

    good brother jeffrey anderson headcanons :)

    feat. some anderson family angst . sorry you've been warned<3

    (jeffrey? jeffery? jeff.)

    he's only two years older than todd, a freshman in college when todd starts at welton, and they've always gotten along well, and talking has always come easy

    this talking def includes complaining about their parents. jeff has never liked the way ppl compare todd to him, the way his parents are awfully neglectful, and he's always done his best to make this known

    jeff teaches todd card games on rainy days. i think ive said this one before and yes its simple but its very Near and Dear to me

    todd likes 2 draw. he insists sports should be left up to jeff and that he wants to be left alone to read and draw and such, but eventually good brother todd anderson caves and lets jeff drag him outside to learn soccer

    which. he does end up enjoying. bc jeff is all nice about it and insistent on getting him to have fun!!

    and now hes good at soccer. good for him

    jeff has always been like that; encouraging him to try new things, but never forcing it

    he's always been fine with todd's shyness, taking it in stride when todd asks if he can order food for him, or come with him to talk to a teacher. and he never minds when todd isnt in the mood to talk, content to listen to jeff or just exist together, hanging out in one of their rooms to study, read, draw, or do whatever else kids did back then

    jeff is the first person todd ever comes out to

    its the summer before 10th grade and he disappeared with a boy during a party he got jeff to take him to. on the drive back jeff asks him abt it, prefacing by saying hes not gonna judge or tell anyone, he just wants to know his little brother is being safe. now which was it. drugs or sex. no one looks as flushed as u do if it was nothing. and todd laughs, saying it was neither, really, he kissed me and we talked

    after that jeff loves to tease him about boys whenever he gets the chance, and todd returns the favor, teasing him abt girls and boys, bc hes the one that goes to an all boys school, so.. like.. and jeff always jsut... Shrugs....

    that aside

    when jeff was at welton and todd was at balincrest, jeff always looked forward to the days he could see todd, and in the meantime they wrote often, even if they didnt have much to say

    sometimes todd just sends him lil drawings he's made or a nice quote from a book he's reading :-)

    alright now time 4 post-canon

    todd starting at welton and jeff starting at college made them both pretty busy, they didnt rly get a chance to write much the first few months

    sidenote; neil had always been on jeff's radar. they were the same, in a lot of ways; popular golden kid praised for being at the top of his class, maybe they had a couple extracurriculars together

    canon compliant;

    when jeff comes home for winter break, he can immediately tell something is wrong. sure, todd is a quiet kid, but never like this. conversation is stilted and, eventually, todd quietly leaves when his father asks him about exams. nobody makes a scene, and still neither of his parents will tell him anything, so jeff leaves, too, and knocks on todd's door softly

    todd lets him in, and catches him up on ... everything. he must be in shock, at this point, cause it all comes out calm, distant. its not til he admits he loved neil that his voice catches

    good brother jeffrey anderson is one thing todd has over neil. someone to confide in at home, someone to tell him he'd make just as big of an awful impact neil did if he were to do something reckless, regardless of the fact he was never anything like neil, never anything like jeff

    at this point, jeff is only 20. he's practically a kid himself, reeling from shock over the neglect of his parents, no clue how to deal with this kind of thing, but he does his best, and that seems to be good enough

    alright. that's enough of that time for happy canon divergence

    the first day of winter break, todd is uncharacteristically giddy, more than happy to answer their dad's questions about how the school year's gone. after dinner he finally gets the chance to drag jeff away, tell him he has a boyfriend now, neil perry, you remember him?? and jeff, ofc, is very very happy for him, and loves how excited todd is to catch him up on the past few months, proud to hear how he's come out of his shell and gotten into writing and stuff :))

    after winter break they do get into writing to each other again, and jeff loves the casual updates of how neil's doing, too

    in both universes he's more than supportive of todd thru his senior year and dreams of being a writer. in a world where neil lives, he takes him under his wing, too, starts writing to him almost as much as todd and is eager to hear about acting, loves going to his shows whenever he can. and he def doesnt cry when, a few years after college, neil and todd are still living together and he gets invited to their wedding, of sorts. more just an opportunity to talk about how much they love each other all dressed up with their closest friends, but, whatever.

    #JESUS i did not mean 4 this to get so long #does it....mean anything #i feel like its just a ton of words #maybe ive stared at it too long #just take it #todd anderson#neil perry#jeffrey anderson#jeffery anderson#anderperry #dead poets society #dps headcanons #many thoughts head full #long post#suicide ment#death ment#character death#neglect #as always ask 2 tag #cowboy posts
    View Full
  • leoslander
    27.09.2021 - 1 day ago

    neil knew todd couldn’t take care of himself. after all, who would know better about not being able to take care of yourself than he did?

    View Full
  • mrperryhatepage
    27.09.2021 - 1 day ago

    presenting: what actually happens after the play <3

    instead of unaliving, neil escapes through the window he conveniently just opened and goes to welton, which we know is possible because knox and chris walk from there to the theater, so we can assume everything is relatively close by. neil packs some essentials with him, toothbrush, toothpaste, change of clothes, etc. because of the dps, he knows how to sneak in and out of welton at night without any problems. once inside, he immediately goes to his dorm, where he wakes up todd. todd is confused at first, but once neil explains what's going on (med school n stuff) todd freaks out. he starts crying, much to neil's surprise. the conversation goes something like this:

    "todd, why are you crying?"

    "i just- i can't lose you"

    "jeez, i always thought i just annoyed the crap out of you-"

    and then todd interrupts neil with a kiss, who is totally unprepared and is left speechless. quickly though, they both confess their feelings and have a cute lil moment, before they remember neil's life is literally falling apart. they go wake mr. keating up, who listens and becomes very concerned. he promises to try his best, and talk to mr. nolan, but, he admits he doesn't think they'll listen to him. however, since neil's 18th birthday is in three months, so he decides to just go along to medical school, then quit and move to nyc once he turns 18.

    before he goes back home, neil and todd share another cute moment, where they promise to meet back up when neil quits. todd's parents want him to go to columbia for college, so he'll be headed to nyc at the same time. he promises to write neil letters every day, which is a promise he keeps. they stay in touch, even meeting up for a weekend when todd's family is visiting jeffery at harvard. the day neil turns 18 he quits school, and he and todd live happily ever after.

    this. is. canon.

    #dead poets #dead poets society #dead poets society headcanon #dead poets in nyc #neil perry#todd anderson#anderperry#anderperry supremacy
    View Full