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    EPHEMERAL II BBH Masterlist


    The way his smile vanished made my heart sink. I had a feeling that he was trying to be strong and appear like everything was under control but the confirmation was just unbearable. I wanted to cry. In fact, I would’ve already been crying if not for Kyungsoo who seemed to have already noticed my behavior.

    I took a deep breath, looked out the window to shake the sadness away. Of course, it wouldn’t work but I had to at least try.

    “He talks a lot about you.” It was Kyungsoo’s deep voice that broke my train of thoughts.

    I looked back at him straightaway as he glanced at me. He smiled, the one that was very comforting and honestly, it made me want to cry even more. Gosh, this separation anxiety was something I couldn’t handle. The truth was, I hadn’t really been good at it, ever.

    “I remembered the first time he called me and told me about the girl he met up in the mountain.” He paused to let out of a chuckle. “He talked about you for days and wanting to see you again.”

    I thought of Baekhyun telling me that he went back to the hiking place two weeks after we met hoping he could see me again. I almost blushed at the thought.

    “And when he finally did, he asked me if it was weird to tell you that he likes you that soon…I said yes.” He paused to make way for another smile.  “So I guess he kept it to himself for a while. Did he?” Kyungsoo asked momentarily tearing his attention from the road to turn to me.

    I nodded. I recalled the day he got jealous of Eun Chan and ended up telling me that he wanted to be my boyfriend. Just thinking about it gave me the exact feeling I felt that moment.

    “He’s crazy about you.” His statement was accompanied by a reassuring smile on his face. “I asked him if he was sure about what he was getting into. I reminded him it’ll be complicated because of his celebrity status. You know what he told me?”

    I didn’t say anything but just stared at him obviously waiting for his next words.  

    “He said only a fool would let you go.”

    I blushed, flustered at the thought of Baekhyun talking about me to his friend like that. Damn, it was even overwhelming to just think of him talking about me to anyone.

    I tilted my head down to look at my hands on my lap. My lips curved into a smile. Not because I was happy. Honestly, I felt sorry for Baekhyun having to go through what he would have to go through because of me.

    “He’s strong. You should know that. He’s one of the bravest person I’ve ever met. So, I am pretty sure that he’ll fight for you and what you two have.”

    I swallowed the lump that I could already feel in my throat.

    Gosh, Park Hae Won please don’t embarrass yourself.

    “I guess you are too.”

    I immediately looked at him, confused of what he just said.

    “Well, it takes a lot of courage to love a Byun Baekhyun.” He said in a matter of fact tone. “Aside from the fact that he’s crazy famous, he’s also a kid trapped inside a grown man’s body.”

    He glanced at me and for some reason we both laughed at the same time.

    “That, alone is bravery.” He added as he went to back to fix his attention to driving again. “I guess what I’m really trying to say is, I hope you stay with him Hae Won. As long as you can.”

    I could feel his sincerity and concern while he said those words.

    “Damn, Baekhyun should pay me for being this cheesy.”

    I saw how his eyebrows furrowed, looking disgusted. I let out of a soft laugh feeling a bit better somehow. I knew I just met Kyungsoo but for some reason I knew exactly why he’s best friends with Baekhyun. It was relieving to know that Baekhyun had a friend like him.


    It took us about an hour and forty-minute drive to reach the hotel where Liz and I were staying. I unfastened the seat belt after I thanked him for driving me here.

    My heart was racing as I entered the huge glass doors of the hotel. Images of Liz yelling and nagging about what happened last night flooded my thoughts as I absent minded walked towards the elevator. Once I was inside, I debated whether to tell her everything or come up with another lame excuse. The latter one actually seemed impossible given the chaos going on inside my head right now. When I reached our floor, the first thing I did was to take off the padded jacket Baekhyun made me wear.

    I contemplated for a few moments before I knocked on the door. I immediately heard her rushing to the door and in just a matter of seconds, she and I were already faced to face.

    “Oh my god Hailey!” She exclaimed as she pulled me into a very tight hug.
    “I’m sorry Liz.” I muttered just before she let go of me.

    She initially glared at me but her expression softened after a few seconds. “You have a lot of explaining to do Hailey Park so you’d better be ready.” She blurted as she dragged me inside the room.

    “You didn’t call the police, right?” I asked her, wanting to make sure that the situation hadn’t gotten that worse.

    Well, not that wasn’t already.

    “I was going to if you didn’t appear just now.” She reasoned out, her hands crossed over her chest. She pouted before her attention fell to what I was wearing. “Why are you dressed like that?  What happened to your clothes?”

    I was about to open my mouth to tell her about it but she raised a hand towards me, apparently signaling me to stop. I did.

    “Never mind, that is not the most important thing right now.” She stated as she sat on the bed and tapped the space right next to her. 

    I went to sit on her designated place for me. We both stared at each other for a brief second before I looked away. I was nervous. It was the first time I would be talking about Baekhyun. In fact my relationship with Baekhyun.

    “Hey.” I felt Liz’s hand on my knee.

    Turning to her, I saw that the expression on her face softened. She might have understood my hesitance.

    “I promise. I will not overreact nor judge you.” She said sounding so reassuring. “As long as he’s not married, I’m okay with it.” She added and it was obvious that she was trying to make me feel comfortable.

    I took a deep breath before I grabbed my purse to fish for my phone. Unlocking it, I went to a portal site and typed in Baekhyun’s name. As expected, the first entry about him was about us. There were articles with the same pictures I had seen this morning. My heart started to race as I handed the phone to Liz.

    Her eyebrows furrowed as she took it from me. And in just a matter of seconds, I saw how her facial expression shifted from confused to shock.

    “This is you and the guy I saw you were with last night.” She said, recognizing the photos straightaway.

    She tore her attention from my phone to glance at me, probably asking for confirmation. I nodded.

    “Byun Baekhyun.” I muttered. “His name is Baekhyun.”

    She suddenly went speechless. She made a few taps on the screen and appeared to be reading something. She must have clicked on one of the articles.

    She gasped.

    “They’re saying that you might be his girlfriend!”

    I didn’t make any sound, unable to find my words.

    “Is that true?” Liz asked me, her eyes were probing. That one look that she tends to give me when she’s suspicious.

    I nodded once more. 

    She didn’t gasp or something but brought her free hand to her mouth and just looked at me then back to my phone again. She did it a few times before she decided to check on Baekhyun more.

    I saw her scrolling on his images and I couldn’t help but feel antsy while she did it. She had been doing it for a few minutes when she finally made a sound.

    “Oh. My. Freaking. Gosh.” She said, exaggeratedly syllabicating the words. “This guy is freaking hot and cute at the same time Hailey Park!” She added as she showed me a particular image of Baekhyun.

    It was a concert picture. Black haired Baekhyun, white t-shirt with sleeves rolled up to his shoulders leaving his toned arms exposed. He had mic on his hand which was inches away from his mouth. He was sweating probably due to his performance leaving his hair damp. There was also a fierce look on his face and his eyes weir piercing.

    “This is your boyfriend?!” Lizzie asked with evident firmness in her voice.

    “Yes.” I answered.

    “You…” She pointed at me only to stop what she’s about to say as she continued to scan my phone.  “I was worried about you falling for boring guys but… THIS!” She exclaimed, emphasizing her last word. “This is so unexpected. So unimaginable. So….controversial.”

    I couldn’t really tell whether she was supporting or scolding me. She would look thrilled one moment but then her forehead would also crease in disagreement.

    “Now I get why you tried so hard to hide this from me.” She stated catching my attention once more. “I thought this thing only happens in the movies.”

    I could only look at her. I didn’t really know how to react to her statements.

    “I wouldn’t ask if you love him because you obviously wouldn’t jump into this risky situation if you didn’t love him but…” She paused as she moved closer to me until our shoulders were already touching. “Do you think it’s worth it?”

    I knew exactly what she’s trying to point out.

    “Honestly…” I uttered before I filled my lungs with air. “I don’t exactly know how things are going to turn out Liz. I am scared…” I paused to stop the tears that were already starting to form in my eyes by briefly tilting my head up.

    “I am not used to any of this. When I found out about the photos this morning, I was terrified. I got so scared, I didn’t know what to do…and I still don’t.” I turned to face her and found that her face was painted by worry. “I don’t know what to do Liz.”

    She reached out to hold my hand. She didn’t say anything but it was already comforting.

    “But…” I bit my lip as I took another deep breath. “He’s worth it.” I said just before a tear rolled down my cheek. “It’s scary but…I love him.”

    “Oh Hailey.” She sounded and looked like she’s about to cry when she pulled me into a gentle hug. “I understand. For one second I thought of yelling at you to make you realize how crazy this is but I know you. You’re brave.” She was stroking my back gently with her hand. “And I couldn’t really blame you though, he’s hot.”

    I almost choked because of what she said so I ended up slapping her arm as we both let out of a soft laugh.

    “Does anybody else know about this?” I heard her ask the moment we were facing each other again.

    “His friend knows and probably his cousin too. As for me, you’re the only one who knows about this.” I said hoping that she’d get the message to keep this a secret. “You won’t tell anyone right?” I asked wanting to make sure.

    “Of course, I wouldn’t get you in trouble.” She swore, bringing her hand to her chest.

    “I already am.” I replied unable to stop myself from thinking out loud.

    “As much as I want to tell you that everything will be fine, I won’t do that.” She sounded serious. “You know I am not the one to comfort you with easy words. It’s going to be tough but I’ll support you.” She added with a tight lipped smile on her face. “And if you happen to decide to walk away from all of these, I’m with you too.”

    I forced myself to have my lips curved into a smile as well. Liz has always been the realistic type. She’s straightforward and doesn’t sugarcoat things. So, I totally get why she’s telling me these stuff.

    “I just hope you don’t end up hurting yourself too much in the process.”

    I felt a tug in my heart right at that very moment but I didn’t have enough time to entertain the feeling when she asked me to tell her how Baekhyun and I met. And so I did, I told her how we both met at the old hiking place. Then our conversation led to me explaining to her how I discovered Baekhyun’s celebrity status, how he confessed and how we finally got together.

    Liz had a huge smile on her face while I tell her stuff that I thought were okay to share to her. For a moment there, I felt relieved being able to talk to someone about my feelings for him. And I realized how much I missed talking to her about stuff like this. For the past months, I had suppressed and kept my feelings all to myself. It was hard not having someone to talk to.


    I didn’t receive any message from Baekhyun the whole afternoon and I was too hesitant to text him first thinking that he might be busy because of the whole issue. I knew he was my boyfriend and I shouldn’t feel this way but having Baekhyun as a boyfriend was a totally different story.  

    The night fell. I didn’t go out of the hotel. In fact, Liz asked me to eat dinner outside with her but I was scared to go to public places thinking that someone might recognize me so I refused. She was okay with staying in the hotel at first but she received a message from one of her cousins who also lived in Seoul to meet her. She asked if it was okay for her to leave for a while and I said okay.

    However, it was about past nine in the evening she also sent a message telling me that her cousin asked her for a sleepover.

    Sorry Hail, I couldn’t say no to her. She told me her kids wanted to see me so much and asked me to stay with them for a night. I promise I’ll come home early in the morning tomorrow.

    It’s okay Liz. Please don’t mind me. I’ll be fine.

    You sure?

    Yes. I’ll see you in the morning. J

    Okay. Thanks Hail. Good Night.

    When I realized that I would have the room to myself for tonight, I immediately decided to take a warm bath. It took me about an hour and all I could think was Baekhyun.

    Why do I miss him this much already?

    “God, I’m so in love with you. It’s crazy.” I kept rewinding this scene in my head. I remembered how he exactly said it after we broke the kiss in the closet. I knew full well that I shouldn’t be reminiscing this given the situation that we’re in but these thoughts were involuntary.


    I was already half lying on the bed. I turned on the television to distract myself from anything related to my celebrity boyfriend because I felt like going insane for not being able to talk to him. And the fact that I didn’t have any idea as to when I’d be seeing him again made me feel worse.

    The TV was on but my attention was elsewhere. I didn’t even know what channel was on or what program was being aired at the moment. Then something flashed on the TV screen that immediately caught my attention. It was a news report and I suddenly froze when I saw what it was about. The pictures I saw at Baekhyun’s house were flashed right before my eyes. My heartbeat raced as the female reporter talked about Baekhyun being seen right outside the bar last night with an unknown girl.

    “A lot of Baekhyun’s fans speculated that the girl he was with is probably someone he’s dating. The famous singer had always been very careful with his private life especially with his past relationships so these pictures have obviously shocked his fans all over the world. It’s too early to jump into conclusions but his supporters are already asking for his clarification. As of now, we haven’t received any words both from Baekhyun and his agency…”

    I didn’t let her finish and changed channels right away. My hands were slightly trembling as I kept pressing the remote control but found it pointless so I turned the TV off instead.

    I unconsciously bent my legs up to my chest, my arms circling around them. And before I knew it I was already nibbling the tip of my right thumb. I spent the next few minutes overthinking and it only lead me wanting to cry. I wish I knew what to do at times like this. I just saw myself on TV with Baekhyun.

    Without having second thoughts, I grabbed my phone because I felt like calling my sister, my mom or Aunt Sunny but of course, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Then I decided to send Baekhyun a message because apparently he’s the only one who could and would understand. No, actually he’s the one I needed right now.

    With slightly trembling fingers, I typed in my message but ended up deleting all the characters because I couldn’t come up with anything because honestly, I didn’t know what to tell him. So, I resorted to putting my phone back on the bedside table and ended up covering myself with the blanket as I forced myself to sleep by shutting my eyes. I didn’t know how long I fought with all the crazy thoughts in my head until sleep finally kicked in.


    2:46 AM

    I woke up to my phone ringing. I stretched an arm to reach for my phone before I brought it next to my face to check who was calling me.


    I blinked twice or may four times to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming. I wasn’t, he was really calling me. Why was he calling me this late? Did something happen? I was already slightly panicking. I sat up on the bed while I tapped on the answer button.

    “Baek…” I muttered with a voice that had obviously just woken up.

    “Hey Baby, sorry to wake you up.” He said in his usual gentle tone.

    “It’s okay.” My answer came really quick as I bit my lower lip. “I’m glad you called.” I told him honestly.

    I heard him laughed softly. “I missed you too.”

    I smiled instantly because of how assuming he sounded but then he was right. I do miss him.

    “Is something wrong?” I asked him out of curiosity. “I mean I knew something is already wrong but did something happen ag-”

    “I called because I can’t sleep…” He intercepted. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

    I fell silent, my face heating in the process too. I also felt the urge to feel the warmth of his embrace right at the very moment. I wanted to see him so much it made me sad.

    “Last night.” He uttered. “When you were soundly sleeping right next to me, I couldn’t help but stare at you. Actually, I did it until I fell asleep.”

    I was loss for words.

    “I wish I could do that right now too. I wish you’re here beside me.” He stated with a wistful tone. “If things were easier for us, I’d drive to where you are right now.” He added before he sighed probably because of frustration.

    I knew I had to say something but all I could do was listen to his voice. My heart was melting because of his words and the fact that we both felt the same way made me anxious because we also both knew that we couldn’t do anything.

    “Can we switch on to Video?” He asked all of sudden leaving me rattled.

    I was about to open my mouth to say something but was cut when I realized that he already switched on his video. He was on his bed. He was wearing a plain white shirt, disheveled hair, bare faced with the still visible bruises.

    I was shy but that would be a very lame excuse. Just to make sure my hair wasn’t all over the place, I brushed it with my fingers. I was already in my pajamas so I straightened out my top before I turned my video on. It was a little dark since I only had the dim lights lamp on. 

    We both didn’t say anything for a few moments and it was surprisingly comfortable instead of being awkward. He was just looking at me and I did the same thing. His facial expression was so soft while he bore his eyes into mine.

    “You’re the most beautiful like this.” He wasn’t smiling but he said it with a note of affection.

    I held my breath for a second as I felt my face heating.

    “Are you saying that to make me blush because it’s working.” I replied with a nervous laugh trying to ease the tension building inside me.

    He chuckled.

    “Will you stop blushing?” He asked with a lingering smile on his lips. “Don’t make me kiss my phone because that would be so awkward.”

    We both laughed at his remarks. This man really knew how to make me laugh. He just knew when and what words to say. No wonder, he’s so in demand.

    Then my thoughts inevitably wandered to the news I watched a while ago.

    “You okay baby?” His, now slightly raspy, voice caused me to snap out of my thoughts.

    “I…I was watching TV earlier tonight and I saw the news about you…I saw the pictures…” I trailed off when I saw him looked away, a pained expression written all over his face.

    He was guilty. I made him feel guilty again.

    “I’m sorry you had to see that.” He apologized as he looked at me again. “When I told you that I would do everything to get you out of this, I mean it. I really do-”

    “Baek.” I interjected to get his attention. “I believe you.”

    Relief swept through me when I saw him smiled softly. Then he mouthed something I wasn’t able to hear clearly. Was that an I love you?

    He then shifted his position. He went from half lying to completely lying down. He also rolled to one side of the bed, placing his phone adjacent to his face.

    “Did you tell your friend about us?” His voice came out sleepy this time.

    “Yeah.” I answered as I also changed my position into a comfortable one.

    “What did she say?”

    “Well she was so surprised. I was pretty sure she thought I was crazy but I was thankful she understood.” I answered as I watched his sleepy eyes blink in slow motion.

    My lips formed into a curve. He looked so cute I needed to bite my lower lip to stop myself from giggling like a crazy fangirl.

    “She also said you’re hot.” I stated to tease him because I was curious to see his reaction.

    “Well, she’s not lying.” He said smirking while he fought the urge to sleep. “Just make sure to tell her I’m already yours.” He added with his eyes closed and it was obvious that he was trying to stifle a laugh.

    I let out of a small laugh as I was showered by how adorable he looked right now.

    “M’kay.” I uttered.

    He smiled but his eyes never opened again. I knew he already fell asleep but I stayed for a few more minutes just watching him. I could hear his breathing and it sounded so beautiful in my ears. My heart was beating so loud and it’s crazy because I was just watching him sleep.

    He looked so peaceful right now and it somehow hurts to think that he would be dealing with a lot of things in the coming days. I was sure he’d end up being scolded by a lot of people just like how his publicist yelled at him earlier today.

    “He’s strong. You should know that. He’s one of the bravest person I’ve ever met. So, I am pretty sure that he’ll fight for you and what you two have.” Kyungsoo’s words filled my thoughts.

    I had to be brave just like what he was trying to do amidst all of these controversies.

    He gently shifted his position. He was now lying on his back, his chest subtly moving up and down as he breathe. Then he got me so surprised when he talked all of a sudden.

    “Night baby.”

    I suddenly felt that familiar warmth in my heart.

    God, I’m so in love with this man. It’s crazy.


    The very next day, I woke up at around nine thirty in the morning and the first thing I noticed was Liz’s things on her bed. She must’ve arrived already. I could also hear the shower so she must be taking it right now. I stretched to grab my phone and was welcomed by Baekhyun’s messages.

    I had a feeling I fell asleep last night. Sorry baby. But then you had a chance to stare at my handsome face, you’re lucky. I hope you did that because I’d be frustrated if you didn’t. Good morning. J

    I smiled but my forehead creased with the realization that he was up too early.

    Sort of. ^^ Good morning.

    I got up and found that there was food available on the table. Based on the packaging, it must have been from Liz’s sister. I was hungry but I decided to wait for Liz to finish showering.

    My phone beeped and I was already smiling without having to check the sender of the message yet. It was also the exact moment Liz came out of the shower. She was wearing a robe with a towel on her head and instantly shot me with as questioning stare. I guess the smile on my face was to be blamed.

    “You have a crazy look on your face Hail. I guess your famous boyfriend is texting you, huh?” She said teasing me.

    I just let out of a small laugh.

    “What time did you arrive?” I asked her instead of answering her question.

    “An hour ago.” She replied as she went to the closet for her clothes.

    I took the opportunity to check the message I just received. I was all smiles thinking that it would be Baekhyun’s reply but it wasn’t. The smile on my face disappeared straightaway when an unregistered number appeared on my inbox. I tapped on it so and read it.

    010 **** ****:

    Hi Hae Won. It’s Eun Chan. Do you think we could meet this weekend?

    “Why did he text me all of a sudden?” I asked, totally unaware that I was verbalizing my thoughts.

    “Eun Chan?” Liz said, popping her head from the closet. “As in your first love Eun Chan?”

    “Y-yeah.” I answered realizing that it was too late for me to hide it from her. “He actually came to visit me at my Aunt’s house last time.”

    “Hmmm interesting,” She commented before going resuming to scan for her clothes. “What did he say?”

    “He’s asking if we could meet this weekend.”

    “So, you’re going to meet him?” She asked casually once more.

    “I don’t know. I guess, not?” My answer sounded so skeptical.

    “Why not?”

    “Because I already have a boyfriend Liz.”

    “You’re just meeting an old friend Hailey, what’s wrong with that?” She said in a matter of fact tone as she appeared in front of me, her clothes on her hands. “Unless you still like him.”

    “Of course I don’t like him anymore Liz.” I hastily replied.

    “Well then there wouldn’t be any issue if you meet him.” She prodded while she put her clothes on her bed.

    “Baekhyun wouldn’t like it.” I murmured not sure if I wanted her to hear that.

    “He doesn’t have to know.” She insisted since she obviously heard what I said.

    I sighed exasperatedly as I sat on my bed in front of her. I somehow got annoyed because she was apparently pushing me to meet Eun Chan. And I don’t get why. Or maybe I do.

    “I don’t want to do anything that’ll make my relationship with Baekhyun more complicated than it already is Liz.” I told her and I wasn’t able to hide how irritated I was.

    “Okay fine. My god Hailey, chill.” She replied defiantly, raising an eyebrow.

    I got so triggered so I stood in front of her.

    “You know what, I think I know what you’re trying to do here Liz. You wanted me to meet Eun Chan so hoping I would get interested again and when that happens, I’ll forget about Baekhyun right?” I told her with a sigh of irritation.

    “Well…” She trailed off. Her face turned red. I evidently caught her off guard.

    “I thought you’re going to support me on this Liz.” I told her sounding hurt.

    She sighed momentarily looking away from me.

    “Okay, I’m sorry.” She apologized, meeting my eyes. “You’re right. Somehow, I was still hoping that you’d change your mind Hail. I just don’t want you to get hurt. And let’s admit it, this whole situation with Baekhyun is going to hurt you in one way or another.”

    She might be right.

    “I know you’re worried about me Liz and I would feel the same way if you were in my situation but I already told you that I’m not leaving him. And I am not going to choose someone over Baekhyun.” I reasoned out making sure that she’d feel the firmness in my words.

    “Okay, okay. As I’ve said, I’m sorry. I promise I’m not gonna try to convince you to do something you don’t want to.” She sounded sincere this time as she went closer to me and gave me hug.

    I softened as my anger died down. We had been at each other’s throats a lot of times in the past and once one of us admits her mistake, we’d end up saying sorry by hugging the other person. And that’s what she was exactly doing right now.

    “The truth is…” She paused to lean slightly lean her body away from mine so she could face and talk to me. “I think this whole stuff you have with Baekhyun is so romantic. I kind of had the feeling that he really liked you by the way you talked about him. And believe me, I wanted things to work out for the two of you it’s just that…okay, I was being an overprotective friend.”


    She nodded. “And I told you, he’s hot.”

    “Yes, I know.” I said confidently and as our eyes met once more, we couldn’t help but to burst out laughing.

    “Since you’re not meeting Eun Chan, can we please go out? Can we please go somewhere? I’m going back to Australia tomorrow and I wanna see the rest of Seoul.” She pleaded. “You were not clearly seen in the pictures right? So, you only have about two percent out of ten being recognized.”

    I was still worried but Liz was right, she’s going back to Australia tomorrow and I’d go back to my mom’s hometown as well. It’s our last day in Seoul.

    “Okay.” I nodded in agreement. “But can we please eat that?” I said pointing at the food on the table. “I’m starving.”

    She laughed. “Of course.” She dragged me towards the table. “My cousin gave it to me. Her husband’s a chef so we’re so lucky.” She informed as we both got ready to eat.

    I laughed at the thought of us bickering moments ago but enjoying the same food now.


    The first place we visited was Namsan Tower. We had both heard about this place a lot and since we spent most of our lives in Australia, we had never been there once. We were aware that the place was always crowded by tourists but since it was a weekday, it wasn’t really the case. There were people but not that much. At first I was a little bit uncomfortable with a lot of people but Liz was right. The chances of me being recognized because of the blurred pictures were low. So, I decided to forget about it and focus on the place.

    We were both delighted when we saw the love chains in person. We also enjoyed the view from the tower where we could see the whole Seoul City. Liz liked taking pictures a lot so as expected, we both took a lot of instagrammable photos. 

    Next, we went to Gangnam which was known to be a good hang out place. There were also a lot of shopping places. I was dragged by Liz to almost all of the shops. We, of course, did not leave empty handed.

    It was about eight in the evening when we finally decided to look for a good restaurant for dinner. When we found one, we both ate some of our favorite Korean food such as Samyetang, Bulgogi and of course Kimchi.

    We also went to a café called Sun and Moon. And we were fascinated by the theme and the interior of the place. It was cozy and magical inside. They’re just so stylistic and pretty.

    Liz was at the counter ordering while I sat on the spot we chose which was next to the tempered wall. I had always loved Cafés in Korea.

    I checked my phone and found an unread message. The message was sent about 30 minutes ago. I secretly hoped it was from Baekhyun and when I found out that it was indeed from him, the corner of my lips involuntarily turned upwards.

    I’ll drive you home tomorrow.

    Are you sure?

    I was surprised when he replied right away.

    Yeah. I’ll come pick you up.

    My forehead creased upon reading his reply. I was pretty sure his manager told him to keep a low profile for now. Why was he suddenly so eager to come pick me up and drive me home?

    How is that keeping a low profile Baek?

    I don’t care. I want to see you. 

    I instantly sensed something was wrong. He sounded mad. The tone of his message was rebellious in a sense. I got worried. I was about to type in my reply to ask him about it but Liz showed up in front of me. I decided to keep my phone instead.

    Our orders were served after a couple of minutes. We started to talk about some of the places in Korea we haven’t visited yet and promised to check them out next time. Liz also told me to take her to the old hiking place since she was really curious where I met Baekhyun. We were both laughing when Liz suddenly stopped.

    “What’s wrong?” I asked her.

    She pointed somewhere and when I followed the direction she was referring to, I saw the huge, wall-mounted TV of the Café where Baekhyun was currently shown. I instantly held my breath as I gazed at him. We couldn’t hear anything because the music inside the café filled the entire place but it didn’t matter.

    I saw Baekhyun getting out of his car with a hat, sunglasses, and mask on. He was right outside his company building and was making his way inside. There were fans and press outside who were busy taking his pictures.

    So, he went to his company today. Was that why he sounded mad a while ago? My heart started to beat wildly upon the confirmation. What could’ve happened?

    I almost forgot Liz was right in front of me because for some reasons she wasn’t able to talk too. She also had this annoyed expression on her face which made me wonder. I cleared my thoughts so I could ask her. When I finally did, I opened my mouth to speak but I heard the customers right behind us talking about Baekhyun. I ended up closing my mouth to listen.

    “Do you really think he was dating the girl he was with?” It was a woman’s voice.

    “I don’t know, she doesn’t look beautiful.” Another woman commented.

    “How could you say that? Her face was blurred out on the photos.” The first woman replied.

    “It doesn’t matter, it was so obvious that she’s not pretty. And maybe she’s just someone Baekhyun met at the Bar. You know, one of those girls. She looked like one anyway.” The other woman reasoned out.

    I felt the familiar pang in my heart. I wasn’t mad. I was hurt. It hurt to hear people judging me like this. Then I was startled when Liz stood as if she was ready to fight the women talking.

    “Liz… don’t. Please.” I told her in a low voice because causing a scene here will definitely make the situation worse.

    She thankfully listened and went back to sit again.  

    We both continued to listen since it was so hard to ignore them.

    “Baekhyun used to like cute women right? Do you remember the time when he was rumored to have a relationship with Kim Ara two years ago?”

    “Yeah. I liked Kim Ara. She was pretty and Baekhyun seemed to like her very much.”

    “Exactly. I mean look at the girl he was with, she’s tall and definitely not Baekhyun’s type.”

    I swallowed hard. Tears already pooling my eyes. Kim Ara?

    “Anyway, I hope Baekhyun clears everything as soon as possible so we could just all live in peace.” The woman who had been badmouthing me added.

    “Poor Baekhyun, he’s suffering because of that girl.” The other one stated. “She should just get lost really-”

    I wasn’t able to hear her next words because I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood and instantly left my seat to storm out of café but just as I was about to reach the exit, I overheard Liz. I glanced back and saw how she accidentally spilled her drink on their table.

    My heart was too heavy to even call her so I quickly pushed the door open. I inhaled as much air as I could when I was finally outside. I didn’t even bother stopping in front of the café. I walked away making sure to put as much distance between me and those girls.

    It hurt. It really hurt.

    “Hail, stop! Wait for me.” Liz called and that was the only time I stopped walking.

    She stood in front of me when she was finally able to catch up.

    “They were a bunch of useless bitches.” She told me. “They’re also very ugly so please don’t mind them.”

    I wiped the tears from my cheeks.

    “They don’t know anything about you.” Liz added, placing both of her hands on her waist. “Gosh, I hoped they didn’t blur your face on the picture so they would see how beautiful you are.” She huffed, her bangs moving with the air coming from her mouth.

    “You shouldn’t have stopped me a while ago really, I would’ve punch their mouths so bad.” She scolded, her voice filled with annoyance.

    I just looked at her trying my best not to cry again.

    “You okay?”

    I took a deep breath.

    “I’ll be fine Liz.” I forced myself to smile. “I guess there will always be a first time to everything.” I added making an effort to sound as reassuring as I could.

    Liz gave me a comforting smile as she reached for my arm.

    “I hate them for making me spill my drink, I liked the flavor so much.” She whined. “But it was satisfying.” Liz added as she grinned.

    I was about to comment on her war freak attitude when my phone rang inside the pocket of my overcoat.

    It was Baekhyun.

    Liz saw the name on my screen so she stepped away from me to give me space.

    “Baek…” I said as soon as I answered his call.

    “Are you outside?” He asked, his tone wasn’t as gentle like the other times he talked to me on the phone.

    “Yeah. I’m with Liz. We went around since it’s our last day in Seoul.” I said trying my best not to sound like I went through what I just experienced.

    “Is everything okay?”

    “Yeah. We’re on our way home now.”

    Our voices sounded dry.

    I heard him took a deep breath but didn’t say anything.

    “I’ll see you tomorrow Baek.” I told him because I knew the last thing he needed was a rejection from me. “I’ll wait for you to pick me up… I’ll wait for you.” This time, I made sure he would sense the affection in my voice because I didn’t like talking to him like we were fighting.

    “Okay baby.” He replied and I was relieved to finally hear the gentleness in his voice. “Will you text me once you get home?”

    I smiled. “Of course Baek.”

    “Okay, take care on your way home. Bye Baby.”


    Liz and I were both standing at the bus stop since we both agreed to try something we had never done before so we’re taking the bus in Seoul for the first time.

    “Hail?” She called.


    “Why didn’t you tell Baekhyun about what happened a while ago?”

    I thought about her question because the truth was, I never really had the intention of telling him about the incident in the café. He’s also dealing with a lot right now. He’s got his whole agency, his publicist, his manager, his fans, the press and the public to appease.

    “He has his own battles too.” I said as I took a deep breath. 

    Liz only looked at me and I knew she felt sorry for me. Maybe for Baekhyun too.

    “And they’re way bigger than mine.”

    Brave. I needed to be brave.  


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  • You’re Not Alone, Eraser
    by therabbitisdead

    Shota Aizawa would be the last person to admit he needed help. That man was a strong pro-hero. A capable teacher who would sacrifice his own well being just to make sure his students were in a stable mindset. But when his body falters and it starts to affect his daily routine, even he can’t keep hiding his pain forever.

    Words: 1593, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

    Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23492308

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    Chapter One 

    Chapter Two

    Chapter Three

    Chapter Four

    Chapter Five

    Chapter Six

    Chapter Seven

    Chapter Eight

    Chapter Nine

    Chapter Ten

    Chapter Eleven

    Chapter Twelve

    Chapter Thirteen

    Chapter Fourteen


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  • „Du bist so viel größer als deine Angst.“

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    Summary: You are waiting for your blind date. Dean waits for someone else.

    Request: Can I have Alpha Dean? I don’t have a specific idea. I just want Alpha Dean and some angst. Maybe smut too. Happy ending please.

    Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader, Benny Lafitte

    A/N: This is an AU setting.

    Warnings: angst, misunderstandings, mentions of prostitution, language, arguments, smut, unprotected sex, knotting, scenting, true mates, fingering, light oral (female receiving), one- nightstands, angry reader, sad reader, violence, Dean being a douche (for a moment or two)


    Bouncing your leg, you look around the fancy restaurant. Your friend talked you into a blind date and this time – you did not have the chance to say no.

    Here you are now. Bored, nervous and pissed as your date is late. Half an hour passed, and he did not show. You will give him five more minutes and you will leave the restaurant.

    The door opens again, and a handsome man enters the restaurant. He carries himself as if he owns the restaurant or the whole world, but his scent is intoxicating.

    You can’t hear what he’s asking the man at the entrance but then he points toward your table and your heart flutters.

    This man, this dream of an Alpha walks toward your table and you nervously glance up at him as he holds out his hand.

    Keep reading

    #abo#abo dynamics #alpha!dean winchester #alpha!dean #smut#knotting #alpha!dean x reader #alpha!dean x omega!reader #alpha!dean x omegareader #angst#dean winchester #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester SPN #Dean Winchester ABO One Shots #dean winchester smut #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean x you #Sam Winchester#benny lafitte #Omega for rent
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  • #anonymous#lovestruck #women of lovestruck #lovestruck headcanons#vivienne tang #vivienne x mc #queen of thieves vivienne #qot vivienne #queen of thieves #queen of thieves fic #angst#sporadic sunday
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  • Hey look, an update-

    AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20116123/chapters/56331502

    Summary:It’s difficult to be around someone you’ve been ignoring and hurting. Logan wants to show Deceit he’s sorry. Deceit thinks they’re all angry at him.

    TW: U!Patton, destruction of property (previously)

    Special thanks to @scenecipriano for helping!

    Keep reading

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    Originally posted by nuooage

    Requested by @magmagicstyle​ : “Charlie Barber x male!reader. Just a little bit of angst and fluff, reader meeting Charlie’s son and ex-wife. Maybe dinner. Of course, reader is a nervous wreck because: “what happens if your son hates me?” But with a happy ending. (I’ll probably send different requests from time to time if you are okay with it…)”

    Charlie Barber x Male Reader

    Word Count: 2100

    A/N: Loved this request so much

    Keep reading

    #charlie barber #charlie barber x male reader #marriage story#male reader #x male reader #fluff#angst#adam driver #Adam driver x male reader
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    When I talk about you there’s no hate anymore. No more anger and frustration.

    I bathe in the memories your name provides me and I smile at how much time has past.

    When they mention your name my heart still stops, a brief griev covers my features but I recover so quickly no one ever notices. It hurts sometimes but I won’t let the past drown me in pain. When I talk about you nostalgia wraps around my brain and my heart swells a bit. My heart still, fragile and weakened by the rocky waves of the sea, holds it’s place in my ribcage ready for the flood to come.

    Everything we had is washed up again. Laying on the sand for anyone to see.

    I dont mind anymore

    I won’t hide anymore

    I dont hate you anymore, I can look back and ignore the water in my lungs and the salty water in my head. I can overlook our mistakes.

    I can appreciate the constant rain you brought into my life because now I’m thriving all because of you.

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  • a/n: part 1 & part 2

    [8:59PM] How did you know my name? That question still lingered in your mind. You were sure that you heard Stranger!Jaemin calling your name. It was definitely not an imagination. But you were also so sure that you didn’t know him. That he was a stranger. So how could he have known your name?

    You tried to remember whether you met him before or not. Did you go to a cafe where he possibly worked at? And he just happened to remember your name? Or is he actually not a stranger and you just forgot him? No, that couldn’t be it. He said himself “stranger or not”.

    All the questioning gave you a slight headache, so you let it be for awhile but you were determined to ask him, when he was going to visit you again. Well, you at least hoped that he would come to see you again.

    It’s been a few hours since your parents went back home to rest as well, after a long argument with you telling them to go home. You worried them too much, you thought, thus you sent them away.

    Visiting hours were already over, therefore you decided to try going to sleep, until you hear your door opening. Who could it be? “Doctor?” You called out to the emptiness but it wasn’t your doctor who answered. “No, it’s me. Jaemin,” huh? Why was he here?

    You sat up on your bed to get a better view of him. “What are you doing here? How did the doctors let you in?” You bombarded him with questions. Jaemin just chuckled at you. “I sneaked in to tell you something.”

    “And that couldn’t wait?”

    “No, I had to tell you now. I couldn’t sleep without telling you the truth.” Now you were anxious. What was he going to tell you? You didn’t know, and you didn’t know what to expect. “Y/N…I-”

    You cut him off to ask him your question first that you wanted to desperately ask him. “How do you know my name?” His eyes widened for a second before he calmed himself down to proceed to continue talking. “That’s what I’m going to tell you.”

    “The friend I told you about…it was a lie. Well, partly,” you looked at him confused and he seemed to notice. “My best friend was actually you. What I told you about ‘him’ was you. The only thing that was a lie was that it wasn’t too late to save you.” I have been in this situation already…?

    “When you woke up, you didn’t know who I was. You couldn’t remember anything that had to do with me. So I thought…I-I thought it was the best not to show up anymore.” He was on the verge of crying. He couldn’t take it. It was too much for him.

    “Why did you think that?” You decided to ask him and once he calmed down again, he continued. “Because I was possibly the reason for your suicide attempt.”

    “How come?”

    “The day before, you confessed your feelings to me and…you took my silence as rejection and ran away. For the rest of the day, I haven’t seen anything from you, until I spotted you up there.” Confession? That would explain why I felt so warm whenever he was close to me.

    “I think it wasn’t a coincidence that I was passing by because destiny gave me another chance to save you and not to make the same mistake again.”

    #nct#nct dream#jaemin#na jaemin#nct jaemin #nct dream jaemin #stranger jaemin #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #jaemin x reader #angst#nct angst #nct dream angst #jaemin angst#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct drabbles#nct timestamps #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream drabbles #nct dream timestamps #jaemin imagines#jaemin scenarios#jaemin drabbles#jaemin timestamps
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  • Does anyone know how to write an angst filled “I want be with you and you want to be with me” relationship? Like the two people start off not really knowing each other and sort of are enemies but over time they get to know each other, become friends and kinda fall in love. But they have a sort of wedge there that’s keeping them from going for a relationship.

    #skydragonclaw talks#writing#writers#angst #i’m not the best at writing #enemies to friends to lovers
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  • “I hate when you do that!” I screamed as I tried to get out of his arms.

    “Do what?” He yelled trying to pull me back into his embrace.

    I let out a frustrated groan,”When you make decisions based on your needs not even thing about my own feelings.”

    I finally managed to put some distance between us.

    “I’m just trying to do what’s best for us”, he says as he trys to approach me again.

    I shook my head, taking a step back,“No, you are trying to do what’s best for you and I’m done.”

    “You don’t mean that.” He whispered sadly.

    “I have given chance after chance to prove to me that you changed. That you’re not still the immature boy I fell in love with in high school”, my voice began to wavier “But you still are and I don’t have the time to babysit you like I did when we were young.”

    His eyes are holding back tears and I notice that mine are too.

    “I knew sooner or later this would happen. You were always too good for me. But just remember you chose to take back this idiot and I told you not to.” He joked, trying to blink away his tears.

    “God I love you,”I laughed as I wipe the tears of my cheeks, “I hate that I love you but I’m glad that at least this time around I finally got some closure.”

    He gave me a little smile. The kind of smile you give someone when you pretend you’re not hurting inside.

    “I was an asshole then and I guess I still am. I hope you fall in love with someone who treats you better.”

    He steps toward me and I’m expecting a hug. Instead he places a kiss on my forehead. It makes me want to tell him to stay but I don’t. He lingers for a second before pulling away

    “Take care of yourself”

    I nod not wanting to say anything else. I watch as he leaves. Although I’m sad I’m more relieved; it feels like I can finally release a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

    #excerpt from a book i'll never write #excerpts of stories #excerpt of a book i'll never write #excerpts from my mind #excerpt from a book i'll never finish #spilled ink#spilled thoughts#quotes#spilled words#love#love quotes#spilled writing#angst#sad#short story
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  • Moral of the Story
    by han man

    At Hogwarts, Hermione thought that she and Ron were meant to be. Years later, they’re engaged. She falls a little more out of love with him every day. This is the story of two people slowly drifting apart. Spoiler alert: it’s sad.

    “Some people fall in love with the wrong people sometimes.” - Ashe

    Based off of Moral of the Story by Ashe. Canon compliant, excluding the epilogue.

    Words: 298, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

    Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23491873

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  • Sleep It Off. [Yaku Morisuke]

    a/n: wrote this angsty gem for my discord friends! if you’re seeing this, hiiiiii i love you so much <3


    Originally posted by volleygifs

    Oh, man did he hate this.

    Honest to god, if Yaku had the option to shut off his emotions it would’ve been done and did already. Instead, here he was sitting in the middle of his bed wanting to snap his fucking neck for how pathetic he was acting.

    Looking at it from an outside standpoint he had to be sad about. He was a libero— a good and highly praised one at that— and was confident in his skills, he was on a spectacular volleyball team where he met some of the greatest people he’s had the pleasure of knowing, and he had a fairly good home life. It’s not like he had anything to stress over.

    But this wasn’t some outside standpoint. He wasn’t in some scripted TV sitcom where the only issues he had to worry about were his exams, girls, and the next volleyball game.

    This was life. His real life— a life where he had to suck up all his issues and plaster on a fake smile to make it through his day. He couldn’t risk having an off one. The sheer thought of having to deal with the “Are you okay?” and “Is something wrong?” comments he’d be getting all day gave him a headache. If anything, he’d just say he was tired.

    He didn’t like to cry. He didn’t even know why his eyes were beginning to sting and well up in the first place because he was convinced he was fine. There were no sad thoughts running through his mind for the past few weeks, things had been going fairly well at school, and he’d been going to sleep without a frown on his face. Things were starting to look up, he thought.

    But he was wrong.

    The realization that he was just ignoring his feelings and pushing them down instead of them actually having had been solved fell a top of his being just like that first tear that slipped from his cheek fell upon his duvet.

    He was shaking now, whether it be from the force of his sobs or from the anger he felt boiling up inside his being at the same time he did not know. What he did know was that the way he was acting was below him and he shouldn’t be acting like some spoiled brat who didn’t get their way.

    God, how he wished he could call you right now. He knew you’d make his worries dissipate and tell him that how he felt was valid. He knew you would know just what to say to calm his nerves.

    He reached for his phone from his dresser, but froze and withdrew his hand halfway.

    He couldn’t bother you with this. Not when he’s the one you’re supposed to be able to come through to vent. He was supposed to be a parental figure— someone his friends, teammates, family, and significant others could count and rely on.

    And so, he slid back down under his covered and rolled onto his side. The pillow was already soaked from the onslaught of tears pouring from his eyes. Sighing, he flipped the pillow over to the other side, the dry side, and closed his eyes.

    He’d be fine in the morning.

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    Originally posted by 1-800-fandomsdestroyedme


    “Every straight man has a weakness, and that weakness is named woman.”


    Without even realizing it, the entire atmosphere suddenly felt calm. My last coherent thought was being kissed by an almost complete stranger, well, a very sexy stranger, then, next thing I know, we’re hailing a cab back to his place. While still in the back seat, he manages to continue kissing me, only occasionally breaking a part to catch a little bit of air. I feel his hands gravitating around the center of my back, seemingly unsure of where to place them.

    I barely remember getting out of the cab, much less up the stairs to his second floor apartment.

    “I don’t normally do this…” he spoke, breathlessly against my collarbone. I might have answered him, but I was too busy unbuttoning his dress shirt to care. As I slinked out of my shimmering mess of a dress, I watched his eyes gaze at my shoulder. “I like your tattoos,” he murmurs. I feel him gently kiss each of the three butterflies that decorate my right arm.

    In no time, we’re inside his bedroom, completely bare underneath his sheets and comforter. We continue exploring each other’s bodies, much in a way that an astrologist explores various stars on a map. I slowly begin to feel the true effects of the punch. I start to phase in and out. One second, he’s whispering “Are you sure?” in my ear, the next, I am screaming his name to the heavens. As my eyes slowly drift open and shut, I am met with a warm embrace and happily drift off to sleep.

    Keep reading

    #a chance encounter of the reid kind #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid x charlotte hansen #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #fluff#angst #criminal minds fanfiction #series#fanfiction series #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid#andiebeaword#masterlist
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    Was tun, wenn die eigene Familie einen zerstört?

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  • I tried writing something a little angsty this time around, so let me know what you think! 

    thirteenth doctor x reader

    word count- 1915


    It had been months since you’d been home, and while you loved traveling with the Doctor more than anything (except for maybe the Doctor herself, but you weren’t quite ready to address that potential issue), you missed your family, your home. The place you had been rooted for the entirety of your life until the Doctor had swept you away in a whirlwind of adventure about a year and a half ago (or so you guessed, time had begun to grow rather confusing after the first three planets). You missed the sound of your mums voice.

    With a sigh, you moved to the corner of your room that housed the objects that you found yourself using less and less as your time with the Doctor increased and your life back on Earth seemed to become more distant, eventually finding your phone hiding in the pocket of your backpack that you had been using to bring more and more of your belongings on board the ship. You held the power button down on the phone, mildly surprised when it had turned on after sitting unused for such a long time. What was less surprising was the fact that once you attempted to place the call, a pleasant voice notified you that you were out of the bounds of service. The time vortex didn’t seem like it would get good reception in retrospect, you supposed. Leaving your room, you made your way to the TARDIS library, still set on making some sort of contact with home.

    Once you got there, you weren’t shocked to find the Doctor perched on a sofa in a back corner somewhere between the pool and the bowling alley that had inexplicably appeared a few days ago and seemed to be there to stay.

    “Hey Doc, you have a mobile right?”

    Looking up from her book (that seemed to be in a language that you couldn’t even begin to comprehend), the Doctor smiled at you in the way that made her eyes crinkle up in the corners and your stomach flutter with butterflies. “Yeah! Let me just see if I can….” Her voice trailed off as she put her book down in favor of rummaging through her pockets. A minute passed, then two, and just as you had begun to see if you could recite the alphabet backwards the Doctor made a noise of triumph while pulling out the device. “Here you are! What do you need it for, anyways?”

    “Just felt like making a call home, is all. I miss it a bit, and I guess hanging out in the middle of space doesn’t make for very good phone service, because my call wouldn’t go through.”

    “You don’t want to just go home, do you? I totally would understand if you did, y/n, just give me the word and i’ll get us there and it’ll be like you never even left at all! I’d get it if you wanted to, I mean-”

    “Doctor!” You cut her off before she could go any further down the rabbit hole. That’s what she did when she felt insecure, convincing herself that she was a burden to you, a jailer, keeping you aboard her prison, and you knew the best way to reassure her was to keep the Doctor out of her own head. “I promise I want to stay, I just want to catch up with my family, is all.”

    “Yeah, yeah, of course! I knew that!”

    You took her hand in her own before squeezing, “We’re in this together. Until the end of time, yeah?”


    “Alright, I’ll have this back in a few minutes. We could maybe go off after that..?”

    The Doctor’s eyes lit up at your suggestion, already leaping out of her seat. She never had been one to sit around for too long. “Absolutely! I’ll check in once I’ve got everything all set!”

    You made your way back to your room after agreeing, space-and-time compatible phone now in hand. Once seated comfortably on your bed, you unlocked the Doctors phone and almost began to dial in your mum’s number before hesitating.

    The Doctor never told you anything about herself. Most of the time you were fine with it, but you were curious, and now you had her phone in your hands, holding a treasure trove of information. You didn’t want to snoop, that would be rude, and you certainly didn’t want to be rude, but maybe looking through pictures wouldn’t hurt? And maybe she had your mum’s number already saved in case of an emergency or something, so you may as well scroll through her contacts as while you were at it.

    Steeling your resolve, you opened the photo app, fueled by self reassurance that the Doctor probably would do the same thing on your phone if she ever had the chance.

    Disappointingly, most of what was saved were selfies, in many of which the camera lense was half covered by a thumb, perfectly in character for the Doctor, no matter how much she liked to act like she understood 21st century technology. You occasionally stumbled on a picture of a gray haired sunglasses wearing bloke, a man with floppy hair and a prominent chin, or pictures of different women who you assumed were friends the Doctor made on adventures. For the most part, though, the pictures were a bust.

    You flipped to the contacts app, telling yourself that you were looking for your mum’s contact and nothing else, but soon your stomach started to tighten. A sort of cold energy seemed to flow through the screen into your hands, the same sort of stillness and chill you’d felt at your great nan’s funeral all those years back. Names flew by endlessly, and although it was only a phone, you felt like you were in a graveyard. These names, these numbers, the headstones. Or, you thought faintly, maybe these were the ghosts. The ghosts that the Doctor left behind. Amy, Clara, Jack, Rose, Missy, River, Martha, Donna, Mickey, Wilfred, Nardole, Bill, Sarah Jane. Their names flashed by, blurrier and blurrier by the second as you realized you began to cry. Is this all you were to the Doctor? Another stupid human to add to her collection? Another person to worship her and then die so that she can run along and forget about you and collect the next victim in the cycle?

    “Y/n, I’m ready whenever you are!” Her voice began as she peeked into your room. Upon seeing your crying, hunched over form on the bed, the Doctor’s excitement quickly dropped. “Y/n,” she spoke softly and she crept towards you, “are you alright?”

    You stilled, the crying abruptly halting, but kept staring down at the phone, unwillingly to make eye contact with her. “Who am I to you? Just another piece in some never ending game of death? Do you even care about me at all, or am I just here to be your audience?”

    Her movement stopped as she worked out whether or not to proceed on the defense, realizing what you had found on the device. “What do you mean?”

    “Who are all these people, Doctor, what happened to them?” Her silence gave you room to keep going. “They were like me, right? Someone for you to pull along while you parade around the universe playing the hero. And now they’re all gone.”

    “I should’ve told you about them earlier,” she sighed as she sat opposite you. Gently, she pulled the phone from your hands, scrolling though the names herself. “They were all important to me. They are important to me. None of them was ever meant to be hurt, but I was too careless. I’m always too careless with you humans,” her laugh was hollow and bitter. “Every single one of them was special, and nearly all of them were gone too soon. But I can’t help it, I always end up finding another starry eyed person who wants to see the universe and know that they made a difference. I never learn.”

    “Who are you Doctor, really?”

    She rolled the question over her tongue a few times, considering how to respond. “I’m a traveler. I’ve got my box and I’ve got a sprinkle of fire and hopefully a lot of kindness. I try to fix what I can, to help where it’s needed, but I can’t always win. And when I lose, I always lose big.”

    You stared at the comforter beneath you, trying to memorize the way the bunches of fabric folded in on itself.

    She sighed, her voice resigned as she filled the thick air. “I’ll go put in the coordinates for your home. But I just want to say, not one person that I’ve travelled with has been unimportant to me or been beneath me even a little bit. You especially. I know that you want to leave now, and I can’t blame you, but know that you are more important to me than the whole of the universe. And I hope that maybe you can one day find it in yourself to forgive me.”

    “Wait,” you grabbed her hand as she stood from the bed, “I don’t want to go home Doctor. This time I’ve spent with you has been the most amazing of my life. I can’t go back to it. I won’t.”

    “But you’re right! All those people, y/n, none of them are here today and it’s because of me! It’s my fault, and I don’t want you to just become another name. I can’t lose you, too.” Her shell, so meticulously constructed, began to crack. The energy that she hid behind had been spent in the confrontation, in the surprise of needing to relive her spotted past. She crumpled down onto the bed and let you pull her towards you.

    “Doctor, I knew what I was signing up for when I decided to come along for the long haul. I know that there’s danger, and I know the risk, but I want to stay! Knowing any of this doesn’t change who I know you are. You’re the best, kindest person I’ve ever met, Doctor!” You let out a watery laugh, “I love you, you stupid alien! So whether you like it or not, you’re going to be stuck with me for a long, long time.”

    The Doctor looked up at you with an expression of disbelief. “You’re staying?”

    You nodded your head with as much reassurance as you could muster up, your bottom lip trembling. You felt bad about what you had said, about how she was using people. Looking down at the golden headed woman, as you could see was someone who was scared to love, scared to be vulnerable. She had lost too much and put too much responsibility on her own shoulders. She was broken.

    “Well, if we’re coming out with confessions now,” she attempted a grin, “now’s as good a time as any to say that I love you, too.”

    After waiting so long to hear those words, a part of you wanted to kiss her, but you needed something more than that. You just needed the comfort of an embrace, and you were sure she felt the same.

    You and the Doctor lay tangled in a hug for a long time, saying nothing, afraid of what comes next. But you knew it would be alright, the two of you had each other, and despite everything, that’s all you needed.

    #thirteenth doctor imagine #thirteenth doctor#13th doctor #thirteenth doctor x reader #13th doctor x reader #reader insert#doctor who #this might be awful im so sorry #angst
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  • Me going through the comments and tags after I’ve posted an angsty fic:

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