Cold, damp dirt under his limbs, brown clumps of moist soil clutching onto the space between his fingernails, moist moss and loose ferns clumping into his grown-out, messy hair and glazed eyes cast skywards, a boy lay on the dark trenches of the earth, wallowing in grief.
His foxy, glazed eyes were cast skyward yet distant as if looking far further than just the sky. As if attempting to look beyond.
His breaths shook every time he tried to calm himself, and as if the forest was mimicking him, the dark silhouettes of age-old trees swayed and drifted to the drafts.
The forest mimicked as he dug his hand into the dirt, feeling and feeling until he was almost sure the forest floor was embracing him by entangling its thin roots onto his fingers.
The forest mimicked as it rang out with the sound of a bird, a sound that mimicked the exact beeping in his ears as it rang again and again, an agonising memory piercing his entire being making him want to embrace someone.
Someone he lost.
Someone lost in time.
So he pushed it away, pushed it away until all he felt was the cold yet delicate embrace of the forest, as it welcomed a lost traveller as its own creation, as its own being.
Summary: You always had this weird obsession with becoming an Idol. After attending your first award show since your debut, the reason why gets clear. Because now, you have seven of the most desired men on the planet as your soulmates. And troubles never looked so goddamn fine.
Pairing: OT7 x reader (poly)
When Park Jimin decided that he wanted to see his last mate from up close, he hadn’t anticipated things would take this kind of turn.
He hadn’t because he thought he was being very skillful in the way he achieved to distract the staff, busy trying to coordinate the absolute chaos and frenzy following him and his mates everywhere they went.
To be perfectly honest, deflecting the staff’s attention away from him wasn’t the hard part. A common sign of deceit when he was hiding something was when he was making an attempt at manipulation. He had become an expert at emotionally manipulating them after learning a few things from the two youngest. They, for the record, may use tactics such as large cute cartoon-like eyes, acting adorable, dopey faces (this one had proven multiple times to be extremely efficient), and being cute. In that case, the staff more often than not failed to remember how true evil was above all seductive. And never caught how if they acted outwardly charming, they needed to beware, because it was to conceal the demon inside. This time, however, Jimin kept a low profile and tried another technique, consisting of sidetracking attention.
Jimin knew indicating that Namjoon might need help always did the trick pretty well.
His mates, on the other hand, were more of a problem. Yet, he believed he had been pretty clever and efficient in his deceit. Misleading Seokjin’s attention on the youngest and making sure Hoseok and Yoongi were occupied with Taehyung while Namjoon was paying attention to whatever his role of leader needed him to focus on hadn’t been an easy feat to coordinate.
He was especially pleased with himself today. Escaping Namjoon’s hawk-like gaze he had felt on him and the rest of his mates for the whole duration of the ceremony had seemed an incredible feat. So much that he hadn’t been able to even sneak a glance at their soulmate for the whole night. It had almost made him go mad, it was the first time she was so close by, only twenty feet away, what kind of torture was that? And the fact that she seemed so blissfully unaware of their presence bothered him to no end as well. While he ached so much to even glimpse at the missing end of his life, she didn’t even seem disturbed in the slightest by their pain. Honestly, Jimin would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a pang in his chest.
Well, to begin with, he had found it strangely bitter to be forced to get the most basic pieces of information on his soulmate, like her birthdate, on her recently created Wikipedia page. To be totally honest, it still left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth because of the way he had to get that knowledge.
For the past weeks, Jimin had been consuming every bit of content he could find on Prism. In all honesty, he didn’t care much about the other members except for the fact that they were Y/n’s bandmates, but he did learn their names. He didn’t say anything to his mates, Jungkook had been reading an interview not later than in the car on the way to the ceremony and he knew the others were doing the same thing as him anyway. The only difference was how open they were about it. From the teasers to articles and music videos, without forgetting the interviews, he had seen every tiny bit of content he could possibly find despite his busy schedule. Too bad if it makes him look like a creep. He craved this knowledge like water in a desert. And he was waiting for the first person who would try to prevent him from knowing about his mate.
He had encountered a few problems, however, because Y/n seemed to be shyer than the rest of her bandmates and always spoke very little during the interviews. He had to rely on Haeri, who appeared to be giving away most information. Jimin chuckled at how laughable and pathetic he felt.
Anyhow, after the ceremony ended, Namjoon had slightly relaxed his vigilance on them, knowing the ceremony was over and that they didn’t have to pay any heed to the cameras anymore.
Truly, a terrible mistake.
Namjoon, had he known any better, wouldn’t have made such a beginner’s blunder because he would have noticed Jimin’s insistence and kept his guard up until they had come back home. However, nobody could blame him. He too must have had it hard to have to be the one preventing them from staring at their mate all night long. He, too, must have wanted to stare to the point of creating holes. Still, by the time Namjoon had realized Jimin had escaped his “careful” watch, the latter was already far away. And by far, it meant two hallways away.
All things considered, Jimin caught himself pondering over what could have happened if he hadn’t run off that evening. One thing was for sure, it would have spared him a lot of trouble, and a scolding from his hyungs. But as Jimin would say later in his defense, “he was left unattended”. So whose fault was it really, hum? Was there any of them who could say they didn’t know about his inherent inclination for chaos? Obviously no.
So to come back to the point, in his meticulous escape plan, Jimin did forget to consider a few parameters. He did not, for instance, anticipate having to hide in a closet.
But there he was.
Maybe it wasn’t Jimin’s fault either. To be fair, he hadn’t decided to become the victim of the cosmos disasters today.
Well, for starters, he didn’t know that Prism’s team was so efficient, way too efficient in his opinion. And to make things clear, he had not expected to find Prism’s resting area empty. Let alone did he fathom the likelihood of hearing steps in the hallway, coming in his direction, when he had no reason to be here. Hence, the reason why he hid in the closet. What was he even hiding from? Somehow he felt nervous, but it wasn’t like he was doing something bad, right?
The funny part of the story, if only a funny part was needed, was that Jimin would have never imagined seeing his soulmate entering the room.
While he still remembered his first encounters with his other mates as a feeling that the universe was slowly falling back into its rightful place, here it felt that the bond was slapping him in the face. He looked at the young woman searching for her bag.
But, (and that was if we were to be totally transparent and honest regarding the flaws in Jimin’s design). What he really failed to consider was the eventuality of having to actually talk with the said soulmate.
An eventuality that soon wasn’t one anymore. Because the door slammed violently while he was concentrating on the figure in front of him. He heard the sound of the door being locked from outside but didn’t really pay attention to it. He was more focused on the sight of his soulmate’s hair floating gracefully as she turned toward the entrance and started to hit it frantically.
After a moment of hesitation, Jimin decided he had no business staying hidden in the narrow closet any longer. It didn’t feel right to lurk like that as she seemed to be quite panicked already, moreover, he was starting to get uncomfortable and he didn’t know for how much longer he would be forced to stay here. So he got out. And found himself face to face with the person he longed for the most.
Honestly, he questioned himself if there was such a thing as falling in love at first sight. Because when Jimin had first seen the girl on the screen a few weeks earlier, he sincerely felt more like tripping, rather than falling. Or perhaps that was the shock. Well, he did trip while exiting his hiding place, and soon regretted going out as the Y/n’s face in front of him turned pale, as if she had seen the Grim Reaper. But it for sure had felt really different from when he had met the others. Being in her presence was really something else than just looking at a screen.
Jimin looked up at the woman’s frightened face and abruptly lost his confidence. Don’t get him wrong, he didn’t expect a bright smile or anything, especially given the situation. However, he still had hoped for something else than the crestfallen expression painted on her face. Jimin felt like the world had fallen on his shoulder. He blinked, once. Twice. Trying to calm, albeit just a bit, his inner turmoil and place a rational thought behind another. He failed remarkably, suddenly not knowing how to introduce himself anymore. Only then he realized how weird this situation was for her. Being locked with her soulmate in a room after he got out of a closet must be an unsettling experience. Jimin tried to sort out the mayhem taking place in him and attempted to recover his social persona. Looking at his soulmate’s bewildered face he sought to remember how to acquaint himself because he would have been even weirder if he had continued to stand there saying nothing. What should he say first?
“Hello.” -Appeared by default to be the most satisfactory thing to tell, but Jimin found remarkable how stupid he sounded as he waved his hand shyly. If he had wanted to try to sound more moronic at that moment, he was positive he wouldn’t have been able to do it.
However, no answer came from you in return for his greetings as you only blinked while staring at him from the few feet separating the two of you. Jimin felt like he was undergoing Taehyng’s vibe check and empathized with all people that had to live this experience before. He was a bit frustrated too, could it be that you really were that unfazed by your soulmates?
However, what Jimin imagined couldn’t have been further from the truth. You almost had a heart attack seeing a national treasure getting out of your closet after you had realized you were locked up in the room. So, to avoid fainting from shock as you got into eye contact with one of the most bewitching people in creation, your brain decided to pass beyond the state of hysteria and to directly get into the grey misty coolness. Trying to get into a state of indifference and complete shutdown of all but emergency services in your brain.
In short, your chill couldn’t have been more fake.
Yet, if that technique has proven to be efficient in autopilot mode for the duration you needed to regain your calm, it also meant you had become totally unable to comprehend what the man in front of you told and made him misinterpret your silence further.
“Can we… chat a little?” Jimin gathered what he had left of courage to face his soulmate, and timidly attempted to engage in a conversation. “Look, we’re kinda stuck here together…” Jimin almost gulped in front of the unwavering gaze and continued. “I know one of our- my mates will come to get us out of here soon. But we have to wait so we might as well make the best of it.” Silence greeted his declaration as you internally freaked out, totally ignoring the pronoun he had used and passing it as secondary information. You had to get away from him as quickly as possible, you only had one thing you were certain of, you had to avoid all kinds of physical contact with him. There was no way you would enter any type of relationship with him. You couldn’t get into a relationship with your soulmate. For both your interests.
Not even thinking about the way that may appear to him, you turned away and went to the other side of the room, ready for yet another panic attack in a corner. Breathing in was your first priority, breathing out was the second as you were busy trying to calm yourself. Trying not to trigger a crisis. You reached for your phone, you had never been this thankful to Hae-in for selecting herself as your emergency contact.
“...Or you could just not talk to me. That would work too.” Jimin reluctantly backed away, feeling defeated that he hadn’t been able to hear his mate utter even a single word. Guilt seeped in as you finally began to regain your senses and at that moment, you heard the sound of the door unlocking. Thinking it was Hae-in, a small sigh of relief escaped your lips. The feeling, however, didn’t last long because a second later, a voice suddenly came from its direction.
A voice that wasn’t Hae-in’s.
“Finally found you.” Kim Taehyung entered the room, annoyed that he had let himself be tricked. It would have been acceptable if he had not known how adamant Jimin was about meeting their last mate, but he knew. And he considered he should have anticipated that much. Jimin, with Hoseok, had always been the one who showed the most enthusiasm at the idea of their last mate before the incident. Jimin used to be insufferable the days he saw her in his manifestations, talking about it constantly even when Taehyung teased him for it.
Of course, he would not have backed down so easily now that she was within reach.
Although Taehyung understood where he came from, he innerly admonished his mate for his reckless behavior. The venue was still full of reporters, someone could have seen him coming to Prism’s private waiting room and started some weird rumors. Reasonably, they wouldn’t be impacted by the rumors, as it would have been quickly dismissed by Hybe, so that wasn’t the problem. No, what he dreaded, was the thought that it could have persisted and stained Y/n’s debuts, well more than the trouble Yoongi had already created. These kinds of gossip could have stuck to her and it wouldn’t have been good for a young idol. Y/n’s was already reluctant to meet them, if that happened, she would never want to even hear their names ever again. He definitely couldn’t accept that. And maybe, albeit it felt quite paradoxical, he was also a bit upset that Jimin had not thought of including him in his plan.
“I know you wanted to see her Jimin, but Prism was one of the first groups to go back anyway. She wouldn’t have been here-” He stopped himself mid-sentence as he saw the figure of the young woman breathing heavily a few steps away from him. Jimin froze, understanding the girl was hyperventilating and realizing that contrary to him, Taehyung had not yet had enough time to recover from the mental blow. Eventually, he found himself in the same situation Jimin had previously been in. Except for an important detail that had prevented him from doing the mistake Taehyung was about to do: he wasn’t in a closet.
The surge of emotion was so severe that he didn’t take time to think twice and only thought about calming his soulmate’s rapid breaths. Grabbed her wrist without a second thought. She looked up in horror after staring horrifyingly at her wrist, seemingly mesmerized at the touch. Jimin tried to prevent the mating from happening against her will but he was too far -and Taehyung too close.
When he reached his mate, it was already too late. After a second of deadpan silence, all blood had left Y/n’s face. She proceeded to free herself, swiftly recovering her senses. Meanwhile, Taehyung tried to catch his breath and staggered as she broke physical contact, retracting her hand and holding it close to her chest as if she had just been burnt. Jimin arrived at that moment, right in time to catch Taehyung in extremis as his legs gave up under his weight.
So yes, when Park Jimin decided that he wanted to see his last mate from up close, he hadn’t anticipated things would take this kind of turn.
By the time Namjoon and the others entered, Taehyung had recovered from the mental blow by then and when Jimin looked around to find Y/n and see how she was, she had already got out of the room and ran away.
Maybe he had done something wrong? Jimin glanced in Taehyung’s direction, concerned. The horrified expression painted on her face somehow wouldn’t leave his mind.
i know, i know. i haven’t really watch the movie yet, since i’m not up to angst these days but that’s beside the point. i have heard the ost (or something. i don’t really know) of five feet apart multiple times. it’s titled “don’t give up on me” and it was the sweetest and the most painful thing i have heard so far. and i’m loving it.
and yes, i also spoiled myself. AND THAT’S WHY I WANT IT. it doesn’t really make any sense, but yeah.
#dreamnoblade#technodream#dnb #i'm craving angst but it's written #should i just read the book? #i don't really want to watch anything these days
Pregnant Lisa mini fic part 29 (a little heart hurting)
She left work earlier than the usual, too tired to concentrate, a headache pulsing in her temple.
One the perky things about being her own boss is that she can usually make her own schedule. So today she warned her staff she would go out earlier and work from home.
She took some papers and books, stashed them in her bag and walked home.
She didn't think she would find her wife in their home. Not after everything that was said and done.
The short conversation with Jean left her feeling alone and aching. She missed their gigs, their easy conversations. She miss Jean presence, her quiet footsteps, her calm voice.
She misses Jean so much it hurts.
Even at home she can't concentrate on the paperwork, she keeps thinking of Jean's small smile, the way she almost glowed when talking about their daughter. There's something different about her, something free that before wasn't there. The way as she speaks about their daughter, the love shining in her eyes, it's seems lighter.
Lisa sighs and aches deeply to understand Jean, to take her in her arms and forget about their fights and loss.
The clock on the wall points to the hour and she sighs again. It's seems like she will not get enough work done anyway.
Lisa rises from the chair and collect her bag. She needs a little peace.
(◡ ω ◡)(◡ ω ◡)(≧▽≦)
She is waiting under s big tree, the leaves green and big, the sun shining in between them. The wind is cool, refreshing against the spring hot sun.
She inspires deeply and feels the scent of earth, of nature. This doesn't release her aching heart but do make breath easier.
The sound of footsteps gets her attention, and in the middle of so much children she sees a little blonde head.
Her daughter brown eyes sparkles when they lock on hers, Klee beautiful smile expanding in her little face. She starts to run, bag bouncing on her back, pigtails floating on the wind.
Lisa has only time to squat on the ground and then her daughter's weight is colliding in her middle, little arms wrapping around her neck, small face resting against hers.
The witch chuckles, heart lightening, full. She envelops her daughter in her hug, inspires deeply to take her scent - the lavender from the perfume Lisa got her, something sweet resembling candy and little sweat. -, she loves her daughter scent, it's always makes her heart pulse calmly.
K: " Mommieeee~ you came pick up Klee!?"
She pulls aways a little, fingers tidying blonde strands, caressing the round cheek.
L: " Yes. Mommy was missing you."
Lisa says, kissing her daughter cheeks and extracting Klee's giggles.
K: " Mommiee, you will drool Klee's cheeks!"
Lisa laughs and rises from the floor.
L: " Come on, give me your bag."
Klee takes her bag from her shoulders and offers it to Lisa. The book bag is heavy, like always but she puts it on her shoulder and extends her arms.
Klee throws her arms up and soon she is taking her daughter in her arms, carrying her and resting her against her hip.
She starts to walk while talks, nose nuzzling on her daughter's cheeks.
L: " did you have fun at Grandma's?"
Klee nods excitedly, little arm resting on Lisa's shoulder.
K: " YES! Grandma made soup!"
Lisa laughs at her daughter enthusiasm.
L: " oh, really?" She gaps excitedly as her daughter, chuckling all the time. " Did you like it?"
Klee nods again, blonde pigtails swinging back and forth.
K: " It's was really good, Mommie! Klee ate two times!"
Lisa gasps again and her hand tickles Klee's sides.
L: " Oh my~ this must have been a really good soup!"
Klee squirms and laugh again, nodding.
K: " The best! It was fish soup, mommie!"
L: " so this is why you ate two servings...I can see you belly got really thankful."
She tickles Klee again, the little girl squirming so much that she almost slipping free from Lisa's hold - what it couldn't happen, really. Lisa makes sure to secure her hold to don't let her daughter fall.
Klee pants between laughs.
K: " Mommieeee~ stooooop."
Lisa laughs and stops her tickling, kissing instead her daughter's head.
L: " what do you want to eat today?"
She changes topic, turning into main street.
K: " hmmmmm" Klee humms, eyes looking at the street, comically serious. Lisa wants to laugh at it. " ICE CREAM!"
Lisa rolls her eyes, smile so big in her face it's almost hurt.
L: " I was talking about dinner, my love."
Klee looks at her, a sheepshly expression, insincere, eyes glittering with mischief.
K: " Sorry Mommie~"
Her little, cherubic expression makes Lisa kiss her forehead and laugh.
L: " we can have ice cream how if you want, my love."
Klee eyes widen and she asks
K: " really!?"
Lisa nods and Klee is the one kissing her cheek now.
K: " thank you Mommiee"
( ´◡‿ゝ◡`)( ´◡‿ゝ◡`)(｡♡‿♡｡)
They sit inside the ice cream parlor, near the outside venue.
Klee had two scoops of chocolate and vanilla and Lisa got to herself one coconut scoop.
They are eating and Klee is babbling away about her day at school. Lisa watches her messy eater daughter spill some ice cream on her school shirt. She doesn't say nothing though, because Klee is a child and should be free to act like such. Besides, Klee has other school shirts at home.
K: " Mommie?"
Lisa blinks once and turns her attention to her daughter, she was so caught in her own thoughts she didn't even saw Klee had already consumed one entire scoop.
L: " Hum? What is it, princess?"
Klee rolls her eyes, exasperated and Lisa can't stop thinking this little blonde girl resembles so much other blondes in her family.
Maybe she is getting to much time with Barbara and Frederica
K: " Mommie, Klee is a knight."
L: " you are my princess knight."
Klee shakes her head but there's a smile on her mouth.
L: " are you liking her ice cream, sweetheart?"
Klee nods and then twirls the spoon on her fingers.
K: " Mommie, is Mama coming home early today?"
Today is friday and every Friday Jean comes home a little bit early than normal. It's hot so early to have dinner with them but early enough to give a quick kiss on Klee before she sleeps.
Klee misses Jean every day and lately she has been missing her mama even more. Lisa thinks it's because her little girl is growing and starting to understand a little more about her own feelings.
It's one the things that makes Lisa so angry about Jean, how she throws herself on work and manages to disappoint their daughter.
She sighs, the issue is even bigger now. Because Jean isn't coming to home anymore, at least for a while and she will be the one that will have to explain it to Klee - like most difficult conversations, it's Lisa that will have to resolve it, go through it.
K: " Mommie?"
Lisa nods and smiles shakily.
L: " I'm sorry, baby. Mama can't make it today."
Klee little face drops, eyes sliding away from hers to fix themselves on the table.
K: " oh..."
Her small oh is so quiet and disappointed. It's pains Lisa so much, makes her ache all over again.
Lisa reaches for her daughter little hand and squeezes it gently.
L: " it's okay, my love...You can see Mama other time."
K: " But mama is never home. Klee don't see Mama forever!"
Lisa nods, understanding.
L:. " I know, but remember what we talked before? Mama is Mondstadt leader, she has a lot of work to do so we can all be safe. And besides you saw mama yesterday."
Klee pouts at her ice cream.
K: " it's not the same."
Lisa nods. No, it's not. She thinks to herself. Heart hurting for her baby.
She takes a deep breath, don't knowing what to say and how explain to Klee that how her mama will not be around, that how her little time with her mama will be even shorter.
L: " baby, mommy had something to talk to you."
Klee lofts her face, eyes on her, waiting. She takes a deep breath before start.
L: " you know mommy and mama loves you a lot, right?"
Klee nods in silence.
L: " Mommy and Mama are going to spend a little while apart of each other."
Klee cocks her head, confused.
L: " But we both love you so, so much. And you can see each of us anytime you want. You just need to say it."
Still confused Klee asks.
K: " Mama isn't coming home anymore?"
Lisa knee it could come but she didn't expected the first question was this one. She nods jerkily.
L: " just for a while, sweet. And you can see your mama any time."
Klee furrows her little brows, eyes on her melting ice cream. She takes a spoon of it and eats slowly.
K: " is mama lefting us?"
Lisa almost chokes on her surprise, eyes big on her daughter.
L: " what?"
She whispers, so shocked and with her heart so pained.
K: " Felipe dads don't live in the same house anymore and Felipe said his other dad left him." She rises her small head and earnestly looks at Lisa. " Is mama lefting us too?" Her big, round eyes seems sad and confused when she quietly asks. " Did Klee was a bad girl?"
Lisa lifts from her chair and takes her daughter on her arms, squatting on her floor.
She kisses her daughter head, hand caressing her little back.
L: " no baby." She chokes out, trying to don't cry in front of her child. " No. Your mama loves you very much and she isn't lefting you. Never."
She pulls away a little so she can look at Klee's eyes.
L: " Your mama never going to leave you. And you will never be a bad girl, my love. You are the best thing, the brightest little girl in this world. We love you so much."
Tears gather in the corner of her eyes and she makes an inhumane effort to don't let them slip free.
K: " but mama isn't coming home anymore."
L: " just for a while, baby and look, we will see her a lot of times. I promise you. Every time you want to see her we will. She is staying with Grandma."
Klee looks at her little hands for a few seconds, silent and Lisa shifts on her floor, her hug loose.
K: " Klee wants to see Mama now."
Klee says, voice quiet. Lisa heart breaks anew. She doesn't want to deny her daughter anything but at this hour Jean is probably still on the hospital, taking care of the girls discharge or then she is taking the little girls to her mother's home.
Lisa can't take Klee to see Jean right now, tomorrow it could be a possibility, with the children already in the house, their belongings delivered. It's most likely if they go now they will be in Jean's and the kids way. Maybe Jean isn't even there yet, maybe she decided to stop to purchase things for the girls. Their beds and clothes and everything they will need starting now.
Going there will be a even bigger disappointment to Klee.
Lisa inspires deeply and hold her daughter small hands.
L: " I'm sorry, my love...Today is a little...difficul. Your mama is too busy right now but tomorrow we can try to see her, ok?"
Klee frows and pouts, little hands slipping free from hers. Lisa feels her heart hurt again.
K: " but Mommie, you said Klee could see Mama anytime she wanted."
Lisa nods, sad smile on her face.
L: " I know, baby. But today is not a good time. I promise you we can see Mama tomorrow, ok?"
Klee pouts, brows furrowed. She folds her arms in front her small body and Lisa can feel her daughter bad mood increasing.
L: " Baby."
Klee shakes her head, stubborn.
K: " Klee wants to see Mama now!"
Lisa sighs and hates herself for have to be firmer.
L: " Klee, mommy already told you that today it's not possible. Joe, why don't you finish you ice cream so we can go home?"
Klee pout increase in size.
K: " Klee don't wanna!"
She pushes the reaming ice cream away and turn her face to the other side, letting clear she doesn't want to look at her mommy right now.
Lisa hands fold on her lap, fingers squeezing tight her other hand. She is hurting so much right now, more even then when she talked with Jean yesterday.
L: " Klee-"
She starts but her little girl rises from the chair and walks away, voice distant.
K: " Klee don't want to be here anymore. Klee is going home."
Lisa sighs and pays for their ice cream, walking behind Klee and letting her little girl have this alone time for herself, eyes watching her from afar, longing and hurting so much for her.
It always Rains Whenever We are Together - Kim Namjoon
Pairing: professor!namjoon x bookstore owner!reader x officer!hoseok
Plot Summary: She’s afraid of the rain, and he’s her umbrella. Everything is not like what it seems though. After all, umbrellas can have holes. The one over her head.. It’s a different colour from the one she knows ever so well. She has been deceived. By him..
It always Rains Whenever We are Together - Kim Namjoon
Genre: horror / thriller / crime!au / angst
Pairing: professor!namjoon x bookstore owner!reader x officer!hoseok
Word Count: 11.4k
Plot Summary: She’s afraid of the rain, and he’s her umbrella. Everything is not like what it seems though. After all, umbrellas can have holes. The one over her head.. It’s a different colour from the one she knows ever so well. She has been deceived. By him..
Prompts: 6 of horror/thriller, 15 and 24 of angst - ‘The Seasonal Blues Event’ hosted by @houseofincantations
Warning: attempted murder / infidelity / deception / mentions of sex (no smut) / personallity disorders / amnesia / inaccurate depictions of the law / consumption of alcohol
A/N: Meow ha ha ha ha.. I’m so evil for this..
More than half of this was written at night and resulted in me freaking out for ten minutes straight after the chapter was written. Because I was scared. :).. And you are talking to a person who slept peacefully after watching a horror movie.
Thank you to @xcherrycosmos for beta-reading this for me. I appreciate the lovely feedback you gave. Thank you so much.. :] 💜💜
I was walking back home from work when it started to rain. I forgot to bring an umbrella with me and was getting soaked with every inch of my skin. My bag had water dripping from its sides, and my hair had water flowing down its strands. I was shivering.. I looked as though I had been pushed off of a bridge, returning as an apparition to lurk for revenge.
If that had continued on, I was sure to shrivel up and die. For no person can handle the sheer magnitude of a dam cracking open on their heads. So vulnerable to the perpetual flow of raindrops that flutter down innocently. Its innocence a pretence to lure me in, for it has the power to swallow me alive. First, my lungs will fill up with water, then my feet will get weak, and then I will become one with the ground. Decomposing and becoming a fossil geologists a millennium from now will rely on to study.
‘You look cold,’ I flinched at the noise that permeated through the silence of the night.
The sun had set long ago, unsettling, for I am usually alone. Everyone is way too afraid to come out. Locked up in their rooms, as the radio blasts away. The music too loud for anything other than the singer to be heard. Even if it isn’t, and they hear someone scream or cry - they cover their eyes and indulge themselves in these few words: ‘Ignorance is Bliss.’ For isn’t it better to be ignorant than to be dead?
‘This town is known for its brutal cases of murder and assault. The perpetrators never found and the victims never given justice. The homicide cases have risen by 10% over the last decade,’ I had heard once on the radio, over a dinner meeting.
My mother begging me to move away. But, the child in me wanting nothing but to cling to what is familiar.
Sadly.. It didn't get to me until my mother didn't come home one day. Her body laying on the street, a white sheet the only thing that covers what remains of her dignity.
It's been two decades, the times have changed. Yet people still stick to the past.
Perhaps I should have done just as they did. I couldn't though. So here I am, a stranger behind my back. You were behind my back.
The streets were void of cars and the lights were dimmed. I didn't know if I could trust you..
‘Are you okay?’
Were those words of actual concern, or words of deception? I couldn't let my guard down just like that. My conscience told me to run.. However you see, I couldn't run.
I was frozen in place.
Fire tracing over my back, ascending to my neck and flushing my cheeks red. I was burning up.
When you are in pain, scared, anxious, happy, or empty, your body reacts. Your body knows you better than you know it.
‘Don’t come closer! Don’t come closer!’ I repeated over and over again, wrapping myself in a blanket of comfort.
Don’t hurt me! I’ll give you anything! I’ll give you everything! Don’t touch me! Don’t come near me! Don’t hurt me!.. I didn't have the courage to say that. I was scared it would provoke you more.
Please.. Don’t Don’t..
I broke down on the floor, trembling like a child on caffeine. If I was crying, I wouldn't have known. The rain and my tears were camouflaged as one.
Maybe my eyes were red, I wouldn’t have known. It could have been burning from the rain and not the blood of distress that bubbled in my veins - the same sangria red coursing through my body until it twitched.
You know what! Stab me! Stab me to the point I’m unrecognisable! Strip me off of my humanity! Drag me down to hell already! I’m so tired of this! I’m so tired of it all! My life was never right, to begin with anyway! So.. Stab me! Stab me and get over it!
I’d laugh at how bipolar I seemed to be if it weren’t for the fact that I couldn't speak. So shocked, my voice gave up on me.
‘Please get up.. The ground’s wet,’ yet instead of being punctured by the blade of a rusted knife, a pair of hands reached out to me.
Like the fool I was, I grabbed on to whatever I could. The sharp corners of my nails clawing at the base of your palms.
No one has ever reached their hands out for me. I couldn't resist. Even if it meant I would soon fall to my demise.
‘We need to bring you somewhere safe.’
I turned around and started to freak out yet again. My eyes widened in horror, and I tried crawling away. I expected you to yank my hair and drag me back. But.. you didn’t.. It was just my anxiety taking over.
‘Please stop.. I won’t hurt you,’ you pleaded..
And so I did. I stopped..
‘Aha! There we go,’ you draped your jacket over me, sheltering me from the rain - if only it could shelter me from you.
‘Huh?’ I peeked through the tiny hole next to the zipper, the world within the premises of the piece of clothing making me feel bigger than I ever did outside of it.
You didn't look scary nor monstrous at all.. You were beautiful.. Ethereal.. Majestical
Despite that, the thirty centimetres of fabric was what I was going to stick with. I will continue to scream at the world before me. The fact that you didn't look alarming wasn’t going to stop me.
When my mother didn't die like everyone else’s did, or when everyone else had a mother when I didn't.. I got ostracised. Whether it was group studies, birthday parties or campaigns. I was never invited. What makes me think you’re any different than them?
They were scared to stick next to me. ‘If the killer came for her mother, who knows when they will come for her?’
That didn't stop me from being the person I am today: fearless.. That's what I pretend to be..
The truth.. I have full-on panic attacks whenever someone is present behind me..
I try to pretend that those rumours never got to me. However.. You see, the moment I came to be aware of their existence, they became the truth installed in my head.
‘I know a clinic up ahead. We’ll get you treated there.’
I glanced down, blood seeping through my sneakers - the left pair. Trimming off every hint of innocence the strikingly white pair of shoes once consisted of. It hurts..
It stings.. I was running and I didn't even know it. Yet you chased after me?
‘Uhh..’ I groaned.. It felt like needles were jabbing at my ankle. The devil sweeping my dishevelled hair to the side, and whispering into my ears: ‘You’re going to die! You deserve it!’
The same voice that plagued the bedroom walls during those nights where lightning would strike across the sky.
‘Uhhh..’ my fingers roamed over to my ears, preventing myself from hearing every scream and laughter uttered out loud.
I didn't want to hear it! I was tired of it all!
I wasn't afraid of you, I was afraid of that rainy day when shit went wrong. When I was left an orphan, expected to fend for myself.
‘Ms.. Are you okay?’
‘Please help me..’ I plummeted to the ground, my chest flat on the floor. Like an umbrella opened and forgotten.
That's right! I wasn't afraid of you!
I felt something creeping up my waist, my existence levitated up into the air. I was being saved.
The rain wouldn’t harm me ever again. Mommy will be safe. I won’t die! We won’t die!
‘Wu-wat are you doing?’
I leaned into your warmth.. It felt nice.. So- nice..
‘Ms L/N Y/N.. Are you there?’ a turbulent hammering continued in my head, my eyes struggling to adjust to the lights emitted by the lamp situated on my bedside ta-
I don't own a lamp! Neither do I have a bedside table! realisation punched me awake.
‘Where am I?’ I sat up, the clock’s every tick and turn mocking my very existence.
September 12th, 2012.. The calendar displayed with big fat red letters hanged loosely on the wall.
Red! My foot.. I rustled the white covers off of me, bandages wrapped neatly over where I recall it hurting.
It wasn’t a dream after all.. If so, Where is he? I didn't get to thank him yet. I would have died yesterday if he hadn't found me.
‘You’re at the hospital, Ms L/N Y/N,’ the woman who appeared to be a doctor replied.
‘A professor by the name of Kim Namjoon brought you here. You were bleeding around your ankle, had a few bruises on your arm, and arrived unstable. You should be able to leave today afternoon.. 4 pm..’
Namjoon. So, that's his name. It's pretty..
A professor? Hehe.. And I thought he was some unemployed pervert that has nothing better to do than follow women around.
Hoseok? Oh shit!
‘Y/N.. Are you okay? Oh my goodness!! I should have picked you up yesterday!! Look!! You’re bleeding!! This Kim Namjoon, whoever he is, I’m grateful.. Oh my goodness!! Thank goodness you’re okay!!’ he’s frantic, refusing to let you go.
‘Are you sure this is good for your reputation, officer Jung?’ I tease, knowing how much that newly gained title means to him.
‘A kind officer who cares for his best friend.. Oh my, my reputation is ruined!’ he’s dramatic, dropping down to his knees and acting like a Shakespeare character that has been wronged.
‘Huh.. Silly little thing. You learned that from Seokjin, didn't you?’
‘Oh- Oh- How did you know?’ he moves back to sitting his ass down on my bed.
‘The guys’s a flirt.. He’s flirted with a fucking cat before. I’ve seen him.’
‘The pretty little kitty likes staying next to this handsome boy. Doesn’t she? Doesn't she?’
‘Aha ha ha ha,’ I can’t help but cackle at that.
‘Jin Hyung did that? I’ll have to bring that up one day.. Always nagging me to stop drinking so much caffeine. We’re officers.. How else do we survive?’
‘Seok-ah.. Maybe he is right. Too much caffeine isn’t good for you.’
‘You too, Y/N.. Fine, I’ll cut on the caffeine,’ he pouts.
It’s truly unbelievable that this man right here solves a good ten homicide cases every month..
‘I’m Kim Namjoon.. I’m here to visit, L/N.. Uhh- Y/N.. Yes- L/N Y/N.’
‘Oh.. I remember you, professor. Come this way. She is right over there.’
Damn.. You look fine in that suit of yours.
‘Y/N! Earth to Y/N?!’ a hand wavers over my face, you nearing closer and closer.
‘Who are you?’ Hoseok defends me with his own body, his hands wavering over to grab the knife in his pocket.
Your eyes linger over to it, yet fear didn't strike them.
‘He’s the one who brought me here, Seok.’
‘Oh! Namjoon!’ his serious face dissolves into a grin.
October 17th of 2012, the day we reunited.
‘Two martinis,’ I request, leaning on the table as I release a grunt, ‘Uhhhhh..’
The books didn't arrive today, leaving tons of customers distressed and disappointed. Some even going to the extent of canceling their orders.
It was my fault.. I forgot to confirm the date.. It’s always my fault.
I turn over to meet a familiar face.
Was I stunned or was I pleased? I didn't know..
‘Yeah,’ I remove the garnish and chug the drink down.
The freshness of my failure yet to be obliterated by the intoxication I was searching for. My thoughts overpowering even the rambunctious banging of music that never falters.
‘Slow down..’ you chuckle.
‘I don’t want to,’ I gnaw at my bottom lip, tracing my fingers along the hoop earrings I wore.
Why were you here? Were you having a bad day as well? No one comes alone to drink unless they’ve been through some shit. Like how I drank my liver away, the day my boyfriend from college dumped me. Like how I distracted myself from the fact that people will never come to accept me for who I am. Like how I had no one to spend Christmas with, therefore decided to chug down a whole bottle of vodka. My body in pain the next day instead of longing for a person to be with.
‘Let me have the other one,’ your fingers crawl over to grasp the glass.
‘Fine,’ I tilt it closer, allowing you to take possession of the drink.
‘One whiskey.. Neat,’ the gloss on my lips fade away.
‘On the rocks..’
‘No.. Neat,’ I argue with you, raising my eyebrows in irritation.
I need something to burn the roof of my mouth and make my throat feel like it's on fire. Not a drink that is mild and soon to be diluted due to the ice in it. The martinis weren’t enough. Especially considering how one is now yours, and not mine.
‘That’s for me,’ in one gulp the transparent drink disappears.
‘Do Elaborate,’ I couldn’t quite get what you said.
Actually.. I was never able to get what anyone said or meant. Not just you.
‘The whiskey on the rocks is my order.’
You didn't call me dumb or inattentive. That cheers me up a bit.
‘One neat and one on the rocks,’ I inform the bartender, that listens intently.
‘And now were ordering for each other,’ you act like a giddy teenager finally accepted by his crush.
I like how innocence looks on you.
‘What do you mean by - What happened?’
‘For you to need all of that alcohol?’ your breath fans over my neck.
‘Work..’ I sigh, looking down at the newly brought vessel of treacle-coloured liquid.
Regardless of how I might have needed a trash can to spill my feelings in, you looked as though you’ve been through a lot yourself. I didn’t need to bother you with my problems
‘Is that so? Do you want me to beat your boss up, sweetheart?’
What kind of offer is that? Feisty.. I like him.
Oh, Oh.. Sweetheart? I haven’t felt butterflies in such a long time.
‘I’m the boss over where I am. Are you going to beat me up?’
I could have sworn that I saw you smirk.
‘Do you want me to help you feel better?’ as expected the liquor scorches me.. So well, I almost feel better.
Wait a moment! Did you just offer to have sex with me? And why am I not opposed to this?
‘Depends on what you have to offer,’ I was playing a game I was bound to loose, yet I went along.
I’m still sober. Okay- Okay- Slightly drunk, but still sober. All those years of drinking does a thing or so to you. I’ve always had a high tolerance to alcohol anyway.
‘What do I not have to offer?’ you play around with your shirt’s buttons on purpose - your exposed skin waiting for me to explore with my tongue.
Oh how desperately I wanted to rip your shirt off and roam my fingers over every centimetre that there is to you.
Perhaps that's why I woke up the next day, undressed, intertwined and one with you. The memory of last night fresh in the throbbing pain of my head and the aching sensation between my thighs.
I was drunk on your voice more so than I was drunk last night. Is this what being hazy from sleep does to you? Because your husky and hoarse voice is good enough for me to accept the idea of dying in peace.
‘I planned a date for us,’ you traced circles over my back.
We didn't know each other well, but I was willing to get to know you. You’re so gentle and caring.. How do I not fall for you?
My heart might not have been sold completely, but a quarter of it is already yours.
‘The dress on the chair is yours,’ you get up from the bed, walking over to the bathroom - unashamed of how bare and exposed you are. Not bothering to wrap yourself up in a robe or walking in a way so you wouldn’t be disclosed.
Who am I blame you though? You’re beautiful..
So.. as you disappear, I admire your toned form one last time. The tattoo that marks your right leg, and the delicate curve of your hips.
‘Aren’t you going to join me?’
That night could have been two people so emerged in their own needs, so devasted to the point that they were willing to satisfy themselves in a heated lovemaking desolated of any kind of affection, tenderness, or fondness. However, it wasn’t. Nothing in the way your lips fell on mine or the way you touched me spoke so.
And as water befalls itself on us like the day we had met, our eyes locked. This time, my lips fell on yours first.. They felt perfect on mine, just as the rest of me did.
‘I prepared a picnic for us,’ you wrapped me up in a tight bundle, carrying me over to your bed.
I’ve never been handled this carefully before. A flower plucked from the ground, placed delicately in a bath of water.
‘You look beautiful,’ as you zipped the dress on, you placed kisses over my neck.
You were marking me as yours. A doll you could possess and call your own. Fucking her whenever you wanted, and convincing her to stay by murmuring the love confessions you never meant.
That day, I felt like a tree being pampered by its master. Your submission and will to do anything for me and to me, a reverse manipulation technique I never quite snagged onto. You made me think as though I was in control, when in reality it was always you who had the advantage of being the first player in a chess game.
I’ll play my moves without fear, knowing you are not trying to win at anything. Yet in the end, you’ll say checkmate. My king gone, and the truth out. My heart dropped out of my chest and my eyes bulged out in shock. A gun to my forehead, the game gone wrong.
My blood splatered on the floor, my soul all yours.
‘Sandwiches.. Sandwiches.. I tried to make my own, but that didn't end well. So.. I ordered them instead,’ you were embarrassed, stuttering between words.
This was a side of you I never got to see. A side that brought a smile to my face.
‘Have some,’ you push them over to my side.
Maybe that is how were are? Offering something to take, and giving in return. We’ve always wanted something from each other. Whether it was warmth or sweet words of petty lust.. We’ve always wanted something. You’ve never wanted me though.
‘Feed me,’ the strawberries and cream made my eyes crinkle. The soft bread melting away just as my worries did.
At that, red became raw on my lips.
There was something I missed then. The corruption in your eyes that awakened from how my lips looked as though it was dripping off blood.
I don't want to know what state you had imagined me in. Yet I can’t help but let my mind run miles down the road. Did you imagine a blade dragged across my back, or did you imagine a bullet up my throat?
‘Did the books arrive yet?’ you kissed the red off of my lips, fervent kitten licks that transferred it onto yours.
‘How- did you know?’ I was taken aback by how much you knew.
I should have ran away then..
‘You told me last night.’
A memory I didn't even know as mine hit me in the head like stones would.
‘I fucked up, Namjoon..’ I was on the brink of crying, my tears rooted so deep within me that they refused to fall.
The dog howled like a wolf, as though it saw something it didn’t want to.. The wind cascaded against the glass windows, a creaking to be heard..
‘What did you do, sweetheart?’ you rubbed my back, pretending to care.
That was good enough for tears to leak from my eyes. When was the last time someone cared? When was last time someone listened to what I have to say? When was the last time someone stayed this long?
‘Sweetheart? Why are you crying?’ you dabbed the tears out off my eyes.
So I told you everything. The intense rumbling of the sky and the splattering of water on the ground, a sign that the universe was shaking its head in disapproval to what I had just done. It was raining.
Never in my life have associated rain with anything pleasant. I hated how it smelled, how it sounded, how it looked, how it fell and everything that has to do with it.
‘Scared... I’m scared...’ I buried myself under the blanket and fainted into your arms.
‘I’m here for you sweetheart...’
I felt comforted at that - the endearment your words held.
In a tsunami, where houses are embedded from their roofs and debris flutters around in the air. I stand seven feet deep in water, your arms enclosed around me. I was drowning and on my last set of oxygen, yet because you were there. I wasn't afraid.
Next to you, I felt loved. More loved than I have ever been.
And like leaves streaming down the drain, a year passed by. We were closer than ever and my world became yours just as it did mine.
Your eyes were the ones I looked forward to every weekend, the times in which you were done with teaching.
I’d sit on your lap, as you’d correct one of the assignments your students had passed. I’d hear you grunt: ‘Such silly answers,’ once in a while. That's when I’d kiss the frown of your forehead away.
Whenever I’d see you get too distracted by me, I’d leave. Attempt to leave at least. For whenever I tried, you’d pull me back, begging me to stay.
I never knew I’d be this deep into someone. So deep to the point that anything that I laid eyes on reminded me of you. You make a fool of me?
A fool I truly was..
‘Seok-ah!’ I approached him, a cup of coffee in my hands.
The umber brown liquid oozing its fragrant scent everywhere. A scent closely bound to Hoseok's heart.
The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach, the way to Hoseok's heart is through coffee. Expresso with a shot of cream.
As Jin likes to say: ‘Expresso yourself..’
The caffeinated drink describes Hoseok well. Before Namjoon, he was my safe space. His exuberant and animated personality transforming even the darkest of days to ones with a dash of sunshine.
He always will be more than enough. But no one has time to listen to me go off about the bullshit I go through except for Namjoon. Hoseok's a busy man. Running around and solving cases every second that he were to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide.
‘Y/N-ahh!’ he collapsed into me, the cup now placed on the table nearby.
His hugs I have grown to love.. With how busy he was then, I recall missing them quite greatly..
‘Seok!’ I tried to wiggle him off of me.
‘Are you scared your boyfriend will see us like this? Does he work here? Do I know him? Oh my- Is it Ji-’ you silence him.
‘So it is-’
‘No Seok-ah.. It’s Namjoon,’ and for some reason a fire ignited in his eyes at the mention of your name.
'I don't like him, Y/N..'
'You know you can't stop me from seeing him, right? I am my own person.'
'I know.. Just be careful,' he kisses the top of my head.
Hoseok desperately wanted to tell me about how he was digging deep into your files and history. However, upon knowing who you were to me, he knew I'd snap at him for doing what he did.
'I've got to go now, Seok-ah! Take care!'
And what he found after I left.. It wasn't pretty..
‘What did you find?’ he towered over his junior.
He knows how this is a breach of the law, and he could possibly loose his badge from it. But.. He needed to know if you were as innocent as you claimed to be.
If he wanted to know before, he now needed to know. Especially since you were oftentimes by my side.
If you were to be anyone else, he would have smiled at me and congratulated me for the new partner I have found. But.. Ever since the day you had stepped foot in his life, he had no reason not to suspect you.
That day at the hospital, you didn't show any form of anxiety when he held on to his stunt knife. That's not normal. A regular and stable-minded person would have flinched away, fear in their eyes. He concluded that day, that you either had knowledge on knives or was sick in the head.
He decided to let that go, thinking that he was looking way to much into all of it. His usual role as a government worker in the department of crime blinding him from reality. On the other hand.. you’re the person who saved me from dying on the streets.
He should be thankful of you. You did save the most important person in his life.
The next time he had run into you was when he was going out for a coffee break. His night-shift preventing him from getting the sleep he needed.
You had a hoodie over your head, bleach reeking off of you. A hint of blood concealed underneath.
If it weren’t for the times Hoseok had to walk into a crime scene, the yellow tape doing him no mercy. Or the times he had to push reporters away from gaining way too much insight on a case, he wouldn't have spotted this right away. For the metallic taste of blood that lingered onto his tongue and the pungent smell that tickled at his nose haunted him for far too many nights for him to forget of its existence.
‘Kim Namjoon.. Whoever he is, Hyung.. The person you wanted me to gather information on.. He’s got a lot of shit on him,’ the dainty man before him informs.
‘Jimin.. What exactly did you find?’ Hoseok raised his eyebrows up in wonder.
‘He has two criminal records, one for gang violence and the other for theft..’
‘Are you sure you got the right Kim Namjoon? Because the one I know is a professor.’
He’s scratching the back of his head so hard, he is bound to have peeling and flakey skin.
‘Yes.. A professor at ‘Kim’s University of Seoul’..’
‘I had to dig hard for all of this to surface. His father is Kim f/N.. He’s the owner of Kim Corporation. A retired lawyer, who decided to go into politics. It didn't work out well for him, so he resigned. Hungry for wealth, he built an empire on his own. His brands are a success worldwide. Rose, Dawn, SV, and Berry Boo.. They are all under Kim Corporation.‘
‘The guys’s got connections, Hyung.. He probably paid his way through getting his son out of all that trouble. And if you didn't think it was messed up enough already. ‘Kim’s University of Seoul’ is owned by his uncle.’
‘They would look at his resume and be impressed. A doctorate in education, graduated from one of the best universities out there, and most of all - a master’s degree in child and adolescent psychology. And then they dig deeper, the criminal records surfacing up. Who would hire a person who was arrested for violence and theft? What those colleges and universities did is what I am doing.’
‘Do you have evidence?’ he didn't know what he was supposed to do with all of this information.
‘As expected of the hacker fairy..’ coos spill from his lips.
‘Stop teasing me, Hyung.. The only reason why I’m doing this is because you’re paying me,’ Jimin’s glasses don’t fall just as his facial expression remains stone cold.
‘Here,’ he clicks on a file, two mugshots coming into light.
August 4th 2010
June 7th of 2011
‘His name in the gang he was part of.. The date of birth is fake.’
Just how much does this Namjoon guy have to hide?, Hoseok had thought to himself.
Maybe he’d even come across a strange collection of books at the library one day. About gangs, RM mentioned somewhere between, above or under thousands of words printed on paper.
‘1984.. He’s the same age as you are.’
At that he wasn't surprised.. You looked around our age. The age where you stop believing in true love or fate, and just love for the sake of it. The age where you realise just how cruel human beings can be, and learn how to strive on your own. The age where you’re either running a bookstore or laying on the streets, waiting to die.
The age in which you realise just how close you are to living for another decade. Some might fear how that nine will get pushed aside and replaced with zero, while others can’t wait for their numbers to be even yet again.
And when you reach thirty, you soon realise pretty quickly that it isn’t anything as big as people make it out to be. You’re just one step away from joining those ahjummas or ahjussies. But.. That's pretty much it.
You either lose contact with friends or hang out with the same one. Your job is either the same, or you are without one.
‘Why did the police allow him to do so?’ instead of questioning what, he was questioning why.
‘His father’s a high profile. He could make or break their career. They had to arrest him, that was definite. But.. If he wins the case, then they are free of his father's power and wrath. That’s exactly what happened’
‘The law wasn’t as strict as it is now. And him being a minor would be an advantage on his side. Minors can’t be sentenced to jail. Even if he were to lose, he’ll just be shipped off to some correction centre or forced to do a month’s worth of community service.’
‘To his luck. Daddy’s got a lot of cash to spare. Wouldn't want his “teenage” son to wipe the floors up,’ resentment seemed to flow out of the hacker‘s lips.
Those pretty lips that would only spill flowers out of them, cussing ever so mercilessly at a supposed stranger.
‘Is there something I don't know about, Chim?’
Hoseok was right to be suspicious. This behaviour was so unlike of Jimin. The young chap has seen through countless of cases. Ones where the cruellest of cruel were taking place. Whether it was finger chopping or knife carving, he’s seen it all. And even amidst all of that, he’s never been anything but professional. Even if he probably uttered profanity in his head countless of times at those evil bastards he had to research on. He’s never been this straightforward with how he felt, to the point where he’d say it out loud.
The mouse has been caught in the trap. He was definitely hiding something.
‘Hyung, I told you about my sister.. Right?’ he swears that he sees Jimin’s eyes water.
‘Yeah.. The one who’s in a coma?’
Hoseok’s worried. The younger never blinks or flinches at anything, yet he was trembling right now.
‘What did I tell you about her?’
Jimin had snot all over his face and his eyes weren’t the one of intelligence that Hoseok has grown accustomed to.
‘That she got into a car accident,’ Hoseok only speaks of what he knows.
‘Well.. That's bullshit! Because walking out of school, she was attacked by a group of drunk men! One of which hit her harder than the others did! One of which- Huh.. damaged her internal organs! To the point! To-.. To.. The point.. Huhh.. Huhhh.. She had- had- to rely on a machine to li- live,’ the sweet voice that would joke around or recite information to him was never this scary.
He screamed so hard, Hoseok doesn't know whether the soundproof walls would be able to contain it all. His voice was hoarse as he muttered the last few words he had to say.
‘Who do you think.. Huhh.. Did that?’
‘Huhh.. Huhh.. Huhh,’ Jimin was out of breath.
‘Breathe Jimin.. Breathe..’
Hoseok had spotted a glass of water sitting on the table, therefore he walked over to fetch it for the blonde-haired man to drink. He was tired, and he felt like retching his guts out upon knowing of Namjoon’s true identity.
‘Here..’ the sides of the glass are pressed tightly to Jimin’s lips. Plump, pink and sugary..
If it were years ago, he would have started imagining something else out of this scene before him. Something rather obscene.
‘It’s vodka..’ his lips moved away as soon as it touched what was presumably the alcoholic spirit that begins with a v.
‘Fuck.. My bad,’ the glass is placed yet again where it came from.
Like a person unwanted by this world. Like me..
The edges so pretty, the outside clear of fingerprints, and the liquid within - one that some would treasure dearly. Yet at that day, they didn't want or need it.
That same cup could have been someone’s way of enduring the hardships of life. Whatever inside, gold that is meant to be savoured.
Alcohol doesn't solve all of your problems though. And as much as Jimin wanted to bring all the pain away. When he’s sober.. What is he to do?
‘Vodka will only make my throat dry,’ he starts cackling, yet misery is all that is present.
‘I don’t want it,’ his swivel chair allows him to turn over to the same table Hoseok travelled to, his fingers landing where it intends to land - the cup.
Like particular people are only appreciated by those who choose to do so. The cup was ignored.
‘I’m sorry Jimin..’
Hoseok fucked up.. He knows how much Jimin hated it when people pitied him, yet he said that one word Jimin hated the most: sorry.
‘Sorry won’t make my sister smile again. Sorry won’t put that bastard in jail. Sorry won’t make me smile again. Sorry won’t do anything, Hyung.. Plus, what are you sorry for?’
If he could buy a star and name it Jimin, he would. For whenever that star would sparkle, Jimin would smile.
‘Hyung, I think you should go..’
Jimin needed to be alone. He needed to hear how much his heart beat, and know how long he needed to cry for. All without the scrutiny of another person.
‘There’s one more thing you should know though..’
‘What is it, Jimin?’
Jimin was hesitant. He had a capsule filled with cyanide in it that he was about to feed to Hoseok. Hoseok would either swallow it dry or wet.. Either way, he knew that the elder would freak out at the information in his hands.
He was right. Hoseok was wide-eyed and shocked to the point if a fly were to enter through his mouth, he would digest the fly instead of shooing it away.
‘Why doesn't he wear a ring?’
‘Because he doesn't want anyone knowing that he is married?’
Y/N! That little shit head!!! What does he want from her?!!! What does he want from her?!!!!!
‘When does Namjoon work?’
‘Mondays to Fridays,’ a sigh of relief.
That means he isn’t with me right now. I’m safe.
‘Great job, Chim! I’ll have the cash ready by tomorrow afternoon. If I run away, you know where to find me. The police have all of my information in their database. All you have to say is: Jung Hoseok scammed me. They’ll show it to you,’ enthusiastic as ever, he had been.
‘I’m sure you can’t afford running away, Officer.’
‘You won’t let me have my fun,’ a pout sinks into him.
He looked pissed off, when really, a smirk was hiding behind it this whole time.
‘Catch you later, Chim..’
‘Sure.. Sure..’ his sarcastic self was kicking back in.
Maybe he didn't need to cry after all.
‘Kim Namjoon, you have been exposed.’
Hoseok felt like a farmer who spent weeks to months ploughing the ground, planting seeds, and watering them under the blazing heat. The wheat now ready to be harvested and sold.
Upon knowing this, he felt accomplished. He might have not done all the digging, and his fingers aren’t as sore as Jimin’s are. But.. It’s a success. He’s found out about what he wanted to know. What more does he want?
Now he can go warn you.. He can finally protect you, as he should have from the very beginning. Namjoon’s a dangerous man. How did he let it come this far?
I made your favourite that day.. Stir-fried kimchi and pork.
I couldn't help but smile as I carried the lunch I made to your workplace. You would be thrilled to see me here, I had thought.
A bookmark to your busy day I was going to be. For I knew just how hectic things can get. Students forgetting books, students not listening, students dozing off and students coming in late. The list is endless.
Yet even after all of that, another wave of work comes rushing in. Whether it was sitting down and reviewing books so the next lesson will run smoothly, or writing down an explanation in advance for a lesson - you had to do it all. And in all good integrity.. For what? So you could see a bunch of twenty-year-olds deem your effort as nothing? What a life! Really.. What a life you had...
‘Nam-’ cold pressed into my cheeks, as devastation took over my muscles and my heart reduced to a pool of concentrated blood. For a second, the world was too fast for me.
The train that coursed from Incheon to Busan was miles ahead of where I am, unable to move. The leaves that plummeted to the ground in fall, vacant of colour just I was.
My eyes were bleeding not with tears, but betrayal.
Your coarse hands that I knew so well pressed into the back of another. Your lips that I could navigate with my eyes closed grazing that of another. Your hips that once brought me warmth, clasped tight to that of another.
He was wearing an ash grey suit, his toned abs covered in a white blouse. You trailed your fingers all over him.
He had a towering flow of locks that reached his neck. Its length not comparable to the building from which my soul had fallen.
‘No,’ I chocked a sniffle, a frog living in my gullet.
Every few seconds, the creature threatened to croak. I squeezed my neck tight. I’d rather choke than get caught. The green amphibian can feed on me for as long as it wants. Maybe it’ll even get rid of the flies of betrayal swarming in my lungs.
As soon you had stopped eating his face out, I caught a glimpse of what he looked like. He was a beauty. Even through the rectangular glass opening saturated in fingerprints, I could tell he was beautiful.
I hated that he was beautiful! I hated that you were with him! But.. If he knew about me, wouldn’t he have hated me too?
Which one of us were you cheating on? Was it me, or was it him? I didn't want to know! I felt gross..
I felt as though a bullet had been lodged in my chest.. At first, it felt simply like a pebble was thrown at me, but then a burning sensation took over. It was painful! It was so painful!
I didn't have time to collect myself though. Not when I could feel the presence now looming over the door. The tingling smell of roses escaping through the tiny gap under the door.
If I were to get caught then, whose side would you have been on? Would you have claimed that I was a stranger that you’ve never even met once? Or would you have claimed that I was hallucinating? That you and this other professor were simply chatting over tea, and I was being an obsessive girlfriend who couldn't trust you properly.
‘Bye..’ at that I knew I had to run for it.
I took my shoes off and went for what I could - the lavatory. Who knew I’d end up hiding behind your bathroom door one day? Who knew I’d ever be stuck where I am now? I felt as though I was trapped in a crime show of some sort, running away from the upcoming danger ahead of me. Perhaps a crime show would have been better..
‘Thank goodness,’ a hand slammed across my mouth, as I listened.
Quietly sobbing, I couldn't open my eyes. The world was too bright for what I have become.
‘I’ll see you at home, Namjoon Hyung.’
Home? They live together? I’m the bitch here.. Aren't I? Why me! Why me! Fuck me! Fuck you Kim Namjoon!
My brain then was a mess. A dumpsite of confusion, anguish, trepidation, dismay, and heartbreak.
‘It’s been a great day,’ he walked past me, a smile on his face. The opposite of whatever frown or scowl on mine. I couldn't bear to look into the mirror, it would have only been a reminder of the battle taking place in my heart. The heart forcefully torn into shreds by the same vulture that repeatedly pecked at Prometheus’s flesh and ate his liver.
He didn't stay still and walked playfully forward. Therefore... at a specific turn of his body, his name became visible to me.
He was a professor just as you were, knowing how the reflective silver tag lies on your chest just as it did his. Even with my eyes blinded by tears, his name slowly plagued my mind like a virus infecting a computer. I thought I had lost the ability to remember, but then his name became permanently engraved in my mind. It was as though it was all I knew. It was as though it was all I was allowed to know.
Jeon Jungkook. That’s his name. Jeon Jungkook, who are you? And how did I become entangled in your life, despite having known you for two seconds?
I recall walking home that day, my feet red just as my eyes were.
After I met you, I thought the rain would never swallow me up ever again - for you’d protect me. But, I was wrong. For the ocean came up to my knees. I couldn't get up, and you were doing the opposite of what you had promised. You were pushing me into the waves, my breath no more.
Despite how much I wanted to hold onto our love and pretend that your feelings towards me were unadulterated and pure. I knew what I had to do. I had to confront you. I had to set things right.. I had to walk away.
‘Joonie.. Are you ready for our date?’
I was at your door, five pm.. September 11th of 2013.
It's funny how things come to be, isn’t it? How we end up separating on the day we met..
And as usual, the sky’s looking after me. It had soaked the ground with its blood, sweat, and tears. It either wanted me to slip on water or soak in water. I didn't slip, the bottom of my shoes were just absorbed in mud.
I was going to wear your favourite pair of red heels. However, you took all of me and gave me none of you. Who are you to deserve even a drop more of me? I won’t let you have me again! I won’t be yours ever again!
Because.. Kim Namjoon, there was once a thin thread of connection that attached us together. The one on my side thicker than the one on your side. It was about time I ended what was never supposed to happen.
‘Y/N.. Ah. Our anniversary is nearing soon. I’ve got a surprise for you,’ as you had kept your eyes on the road, I tried my best to not spit at your face.
The audacity you possessed, when in reality you had a husband to go home to - then again, assholes like you are the ones with the most inflated of egos and pride.
That's right, aside from the name tag, I managed to get a peek of the golden band plastered in gems on both of your fingers.
It is said that your ring finger connects to your heart. If your veins were to be visible, you’d see how it runs to nowhere. Cut off and unable to allow blood-flow. After all.. You don’t have a heart.
‘Oh.. Joonie. You don't have to get me anything.’
If I had to sugar-coat my way through it all and pretend to be the person that fell in love with you. So it be..
Today will be the last of it all. My lips will no longer spill sugar for you. For you have torched me with the fire you sneaked in behind my back, and now I am burnt. Wounded, sharp and acrid all in between.
Bitter lingers on the tip of my tongue. It swirls deep within the crevices of my soul, therefore, venom or nothing is all that I will cuss at you.
‘But.. I want to! Stubborn as always.. Huhh! Anyways, we’re at the restaurant. If you won’t let me get you a present, at least let me buy you a meal.’
You spoke three languages: lies, persuasion, and flattery.
First, the truth you spoon-fed to me and I swallowed ever so innocently. The truth that I only started choking on now, the poison finally getting to me.
The world is made up of stories and facts. A person can carry both, and you can’t tell which one is which. Just like I got tricked - a fish caught in your little net.
Second, those three words you told me every now and then. Those three words convinced me into thinking that you were enamoured of the person I was.
Don’t stay simply because someone says they love you.. Don’t believe them so easily.. You’ll fall that way, like I did. Because, at one point.. you become so heavy of love, the see-saw that you are both on sends you tumbling off its seat.
Third, those times you’d compliment how beautiful, flawless or wise I was. Deprived of love and attention my whole life, your words chained me to the bar you set up. Perhaps that brought me attached to you as well - no one has ever done what you did to me.
‘One serving of medium-rare beef.’
The last supper, in which we sat there facing each other. You were being your usual self. Attractive, charming and witty as a cherry on pie. I guess that's how I ended up falling in love with you. But, the person I’m seeing now, it’s not you. It's the person you want me to see you as. What more fiction have you fed me, Joonie? You’re not the man I fell in love with..
‘I’ll cut it up for you,’ you insisted, and I agreed.
You’ve always had a liking for cutting things up into pieces. The way the knife sliced through the steak that day satisfied you; it made your eyes sparkle. Even more so than the taste of the meal itself did.
‘I have something to tell you.’
It was now or never. I had the scissors ready to cut our string of connection away, yet regardless of what I wanted, you decided to push the scissors back into its case. I had no choice but to surrender.
‘When I walk you home. Tell me then.’
‘Walk me home? Didn't you drive me here, Joonie?’
What are you playing at, Namjoon?
‘A friend needed the car. He came to pick it up a while ago.’
Are you bullshiting me right now? Who am I kidding? You always are..
‘Oh.. Is that so..’ I wiped the stains away from the corner of my lips, ‘Let’s go now then. We’re both finished. Aren't we?’
I tried my best to act normal and almost snapped. I should have just shouted at you then, leaving you stranded and infuriated just as you deserve. It would have been better if I had. I wouldn’t have to feel the lava bubbling inside of me, nor the aching persistence of the real version of myself that was dying to frown.
‘Yeah.. We are.‘
Strolling along with the swarm of silence that swallowed the neighbourhood we both inhabited, just as we did on the day we met, I was scared. This time.. it wasn’t the rain, it was you that I was scared of.
The ground wasn’t coated in droplets or residue of the sky’s downpour, nor was it far as cold as it was that day. Yet, I shivered..
You were walking ahead of me, however, it felt like I was being watched. Watched by the shadow that roamed around you, watched by my own anxiety and fears, watched by the future I cannot see.
‘I’ll walk the rest of the way,’ despite how fearful I was, I couldn't let you know.
You would only take advantage of my vulnerability, slash me bare of my identity and abandon me with the person you have left me as. No name, no face or emotion to call as their own.
‘I wouldn’t want to bother you.’
Mistake number one.. Acting out of character and being obvious of your intentions.
‘Bother me of what?’
‘Your assignments,’ sweat rolled down my forehead. I lost..
Mistake number two.. Showing fear. You feed a killer’s narcissism that way. It just makes them more eager to get to you.
‘Not this,’ your eyes flashed from sweet ones I knew to the wicked ones I dreaded to meet. The symbol of marriage on your finger clear as the dull night light ahead of us could get.
There were no room for words. It would have been foolish of me to speak. For, if you think about it. Would that have changed you from being Kim Namjoon? No- Whether I spoke or not, you’d still be a dirty asshole of an unfaithful husband.
So.. as fast as I could, I ran.. I needed to get away somehow. You were dangerous, far more dangerous than I first thought of you as.
‘Oops,’ your passive-aggressiveness runs everywhere.
Perhaps I had gotten to know the real you after all. Excluding the bits you didn't want me to know of course - the ones I ended up knowing anyway.
I turned around, and locked eyes with you. I didn’t know you. I wanted to scream and go: ‘Bring the namjoon I know back!’ But, there is no Namjoon that I knew or know. You are Namjoon.
‘Huh..’ that was all I could get out.
I didn't understand what you meant until I felt the wetness bonding to my foot. Red, was all I saw.
There was a fucking knife piercing through my sneakers - history seems to love repeating itself. I didn't expect to be in a state of déjà vu, following up a situation of such. Nevertheless, you were able to make me feel that way.
You were a sorcerer of deception and emotions. You brought out the parts of me I didn't even know existed and made me feel in a way I didn't even know I could. Everything is a lie though. You are a lie.
I guess that's why they say - sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people.
I regret falling in love with you, yet at the same time, I don’t. You’ve taught me one important thing out of it all.. You’ve taught me, that being a good person is something I should aim for. (That I shouldn’t be you) Either than that, I hate you. With utter contempt.
‘Get away from me!’ I had to scream, in order to be heard.
Banshees tend to scream their lungs out when announcing a person’s death. I was one, just with a different purpose. I was screaming my lungs out so I wouldn’t succumb to death. I was announcing out loud: ‘I don't want to die!’
‘Get the fuck away from me!‘ I begged to be saved.
The houses.. I rushed for the closest one, limping as swiftly as I could. The black door painted with a big seven was my saviour. One that I never knew was coming but was there for me.
I knocked and knocked.. And knocked again. More desperate than goldy locks ever will be for survival. I was ready to make a dent in the door if I had to. I was knocking till my knuckles reddened and till it started bruising up. It was better to have tried than died in the hands of a killer like you.
‘Please... Help me,’ my voice was fading away, I wasn’t screaming anymore - I was crying. I was breaking down and pleading.
‘Please.. Save me.. Save me!!’ the pounding of the door, induced footsteps.
‘Get behind me,’ a grouchy voice demanded.
I was helpless.. I couldn't do anything else but follow.
‘Save me..’ a yelp escaped my throat, the world ahead of me blurry as I almost collapsed into an abyss of nothing.
‘The police is here..’
I was going to hit my head on the floor and bleed to death, yet despite that, a pair of hands glided over my waist. I wouldn’t die that day. I couldn't die. He, whom I didn't know the name of, wouldn’t let me die.
‘Hang in there.’
A part of me knew I wouldn't have regretted dying that day. Those words gave me hope, and somehow brought upon a smile on my face. The fact that someone wanted me alive was enough - more than enough.
You might call me a person who is easily attached and foolish for holding on to such a meaningless statement. And I admit. My tendency to believe and have hope in people, regardless of how humans are the reason to why my life is shit, brings me down more than once or twice. But, who are you to judge me for doing what I want? We are all foolish in a way.. Aren’t we? Maybe one day I’ll stop being that person. However.. For now, I’ll continue with who I am.
‘Isn’t she going to wake up soon?’ a rather familiar voice bolted at me like a whisper.
After that, everything was morphed into a variation of silence. My memories distorted, and my life similar to that of nothing. I was trapped in a black box with no curtains or lights to lend me even a sprinkle of hope.
‘She was stabbed twice,’ the doctor informed.
I might have not catched on to the conversation, but the irritation that surged up and down my back spoke to me through ripples of pain.
‘She arrived here mumbling about the knife a few inches close to her heel bone - that was when she passed out. She wasn’t aware of the other knife that was attached to her back - it was close to her spine. Thankfully, we were able to save her.’
‘She’s on pain medications right now. She’ll wake up in around a few days. We’ll be monitoring her closely both now and after she regains consciousness.’
‘She’s recommended to undergo physical therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy. It's to guarantee a proper recovery.’
Past - Jin and another Officer ↴
‘Kim Namjoon.. 1994.’
‘84.. It’s fake,’ she adds on, so sure of herself.
‘How do you know that?’
‘We worked on his case years ago. Rm.. You know him, officer. The one who never got held accountable for what he did. The ‘Kim’s’ son.’
‘That bastard?‘ profanity wasn’t short on Jin’s side.
‘Yep.. This time it's attempted murder. Will the Kim really be able to bail him out again?’ coffee is stirred, the languid swooshing of liquid opposite to that of the situation taking place.
‘Wasn’t the gang violence case just as bad as this?’
‘There are eyewitnesses this time. Video evidence even. It won’t be easy for him to manipulate his way out of-’
‘Hello.. I’m here to turn in evidence of the crime that occurred back in 2010.’
‘Ma’am, where are you calling from?’ Jin’s eyes are wide open and in shock.
‘I can’t reveal my identity..’ the woman behind the phone is consumed by sweat, her hands trembling as she holds her phone in place.
‘I was on my way home from buying groceries that day. When I saw a group of thugs.. Huhh.. beating up- beating up a young girl. I was so scared I left.. I saw the news. He’s the same guy isn’t he?..’
‘Yes.. Ma’am.. He is. The evidence you have could be the key to getting him convicted.’
‘My car’s camera was on that day. I have the footage stored on my computer,’ her feet shook palpably away as she picked at her nails.
‘We can arrange a place to meet..’
‘No- I will drop it off somewhere.. And.. And... And.. You- You can go pick it up.’
‘Jeon-ho marketplace. I’ll leave it near Beom’s fruit Stall,’ a sigh of relief is heard, as the line cuts.
‘Ma’am? Ma’am?.. Take your car there! We have to hurry.’
‘With all the evidence we have collected. Without a doubt, he’s not getting away this time.’
‘Don’t act like we’ve won already. We only win once he's behind bars.’
‘But.. Just look at all this evidence,’ she points at the device.
‘To get him punished for what he deserves, we have to dig much more deeper. Don’t be naive.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘We got a psychologist to observe him. He’s psychopathic. Yet he allowed himself to get caught this easily?
Present - Jin and Taehyung ↴
‘Dun Dun Dun..’
‘Hyung... Continue on already,’ Taehyung ignores Jin’s dramatic sound effects.
‘He did it on purpose. They were on a date - the victim and him. The waiter who served them said that he ordered wine but never drank it.’
‘Did he drug her?’
‘The wine was for him. The victim doesn't drink..’
‘He’s smart.. Super smart. He could have drank the wine, and used the state of being under the influence of alcohol to reduce his sentence. He didn't though. Which means he wanted to get caught.’
‘Why? Why would he do that,’ the man in all of his youth was perplexed, wrinkles forming places it shouldn't be.
‘Why would he want to get caught?’ a rhetorical question paired with a scoff, his superior had let out.
‘He’s tired of the life he has. His father’s a scumbag, his mother’s dead, his husband cheated on him, and in the middle of it all he’s stuck teaching a bunch of hard-headed youngsters.’
‘People like him depend harshly on the people they surround themselves with. He clings onto familiar scenarios and bathes in normality.’
‘The victim’s mother is dead. He approached her knowing that. He got into the relationship with the victim to get back at his partner. He too is a scumbag, and he too is hard-headed as fuck.’
‘He’s like a child.. A child who is trying to fit in among a crowd of adults. That turned him into a monster.’
‘And he’s now tired of being that monster.’
‘Poor thing..’ he pouts, undeserved sympathy born from his pure soul.
‘You can pitty him for the life he had and the people he had to be among. But never excuse what he did. He’s a monster - that will never change.’
‘How do we know that his husband was having an affair on him?’
‘Photos and Videos..’
‘Can I view it?’ a pencil is twirling in the air, tracing random patterns that remain invisible to the human eye.
‘Are you sure, Tae?’
‘Jin Hyung.. Just show it to me- I can handle it.’
‘It was sent over by an anonymous person..’
‘They could simply be friends..’ Tae’s up and on his feet.
‘There are more photos that have been sent. I don't think you’d want to see them.’
‘Hoseok Hyung didn't know.. That’s the only possible explanation.’.
‘He knew..’ Jin’s boiling in a state of disappointment, ‘Hoseok was held in with Jungkook yesterday.’
‘Held.. They are out now?’ the young officer simply wanted the man he looked up to and held in high regard in terms of a being a role-model to be as innocent and rightful as he knew him as.
‘They what?!’ he was now pacing around in horror.
‘Hoseok provoked Namjoon a day before the incident.’
‘You have a footage of that too.. Don’t you?’
‘He told namjoon..’
‘Just the play the fucking footage,’ at this point, he was enraged.
‘Fine.. If you say so,’ mouse clicks was all they could hear.
Mouse clicks that gave a rise to the horridness of this case.
Hoseok: I’ll tell him everything..
Namjoon: No.. Don’t- I can’t loose him
Hoseok: Then get rid of Y/N..
Namjoon: Aren’t you her best friend?
Hoseok: I warned her. She should have stepped away when she had the chance to.
Namjoon: What do you want me to do?
Hoseok: Here... Have fun
He handed a black bag over to him, the outline of a peculiar item clear as daylight.
‘Knifes.. Isn’t it? That trash bag?’
‘What happened in the investigation room yesterday?’ he was more composed. Anger wouldn’t do him any good but pent up rage in his heart.
‘They had a plan. They were going to put Namjoon behind bars, and live happily ever after.’
‘If they got caught, they’d swallow pills.’
‘And that’s exactly what they did.’
‘Couldn’t divorce have solved it all?’
‘It’s not that simple. If those two got divorced, not only will their marriage tumble down - Jungkook’s father’s corporation will also fall with it.’
‘It was a marriage of convenience. Namjoon became obsessed with Jungkook, and Jungkook fell for Hoseok.’
‘The trial took place this afternoon.’
‘What?.. I- What more have you kept from me?
‘Tae? Don’t you remember anything?’
‘Hyung.. What in the world are you talking about?’
‘That day we caught you driving Namjoon’s car away. Hoseok asked you to do that. Didn't he?’
‘Hyung.. What do you mean?
‘You helped them.’
‘Hyung is sorry, Tae.. I should have gotten you the help you needed. Then this wouldn’t have happened.’
‘DID.. You have DID. It was a week after the incident. You kept on acting strange. Sometimes you were the Tae I knew, sometimes you weren't,’ his sanity crawled out of his head.
‘Why didn't you tell me?’
‘I was scared.’
‘Bullshit.. I could have learnt how to control my symptoms, and this wouldn’t have happened.’
‘It’s not that easy, tae bear..’
‘Isn’t it better to try than not? That’s what you told me Hyung - the day father and mother died. We could have given up and died on the streets. But you said it yourself Hyung: We should at least try. It's better than dying.’
‘I’m sorry.. I thought I could help you.’
‘Are you a psychiatrist, Hyung?’
‘Sometimes I wish it was me who ended up with..’
‘Don’t speak such nonsense.’
‘I’m not an actual officer. Aren't I?’ the past shined on his eyes. His parents buried in fire as he screamed and cried to be saved - the faded scar scratching his leg burning and fresh yet again. It made him squirm uncontrollably - guilty for having survived.
‘No.. You aren’t one. I just wanted you to be happy. So.. So... I- lied. All those cases I had discussed with you were fake.’
‘Is this one fake too?’
‘No.. This one’s real.’
‘Make it up to me by dropping me off at future counselling sessions to come. That’s all I need.’
‘How can you forgive me so easily?’
‘Because you’re my brother.’
‘That doesn't excuse my actions. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I should have stopped acting as though I knew what was best for you. You’re your own person. With your own judgement and perspective of life. I shouldn’t have done that.’
‘Hyung.. I would have been mad at you, if only you weren’t like this.’
‘It’s not everyday I meet someone like Jin Hyung.’
‘There’s news reports and broadcasts on the tv and internet regarding the case. If you want to know more that is.’
‘You wouldn’t have told me all of this if it weren't for that. Isn’t it?’
‘I’m an officer Tae. I can’t disclose information just like that. Even if you’re my brother.’
‘Well then. Hyungiee.. Buy me some ice cream. It’s getting hotter and hotter these days.’
‘Aish.. After listening to me talk about people dying, you’re still hungry for ice cream? You little bastard,’ giggles pierce through the air, shattering away the dome of apprehension that once surrounded the two brothers.
‘Oh Hyungiee..Who do you think I am?’ he sticks his tongue out in a playful manner.
‘My little brother.’
‘Ms.. are you awake?’ at the movement of my fingers, the nurse had assumed that I was starting to regain consciousness.
‘Why am I here?’
Frankly, I didn't remember what happened. It felt as though my memories had been put into a washing machine, cleaned off of the dirt it once contained.
‘Jin.. Why am I here?’
‘You fainted from exhaustion.. Do you know how worried I was?’ he played along.
And if you are thinking that love somehow will blossom from all of that pretence, you are wrong. In this world my mind has created, Jin is my best friend.
One that if I haven't mentioned yet, is very much betrothed to the love of his life.
‘Yoongi,’ he called out.
And to the house labelled seven I entered.
‘Home?’ perhaps the comfort that doorway brought to me, led to this.
‘My love~~’ he’s still the same, flirty old Jin.
‘Ewwww.. Don’t! Ahhh.’
‘Y/Niee..’ he too was willing to sacrifice for me.
Home it truly would come to be. For I’d live there a good fifty years and more.
‘Y/nieeee,’ hugged by a human teddy bear I had been.
With grey hair and a barely functioning brain, Yoongi wasn’t the man he was years ago. Neither was I though.
‘I baked cookies for you,’ his smile is the same.
Taking the plate of cookies, warm against my fingers, I switched the television remote on with the other hand.
‘Kim Namjoon has been found dead this mor-’
‘Yoons..’ he had switched the tv off, a black screen staring right back at me.
‘He’s scary Y/Niee.. I don’t want to see him.’
Little did he know, I’ve regained my memories years ago - a few days after I moved in.
In the fictional version of this story. Kim Namjoon and Jung Hoseok were my two best friends who died in a car accident years ago. It was my way of coping with it all. Because to my brain, they were better remembered dead than having been scumbags who chugged a shovel at my back whilst smiling at me.
Perhaps the reason why I woke up seeing Jin as my best friend, is because those days where it was just me and Hoseok were the ones I longed for the most. Those days, before you came.
I’m happy with where I am now.
‘Fuck you,’ I cussed at your burial site, water running down my sides.
‘It always rains whenever we are together. Doesn’t it?’
summary: " someone will love you, but someone isnt me. "
a/n: credit to the artist of this picture. i couldnt find who im sorry :(
we are just a series of maybe,
maybe you like me,
maybe, if i waited you long enough, you'll like me,
maybe we are meant to be.
but i forgot to consider that there will always be two sides of everything, and that maybe--
you dont like me,
you wont be mine,
we arent meant to be.
all the thoughts filled your mind as soon as you back away from your phone. your vision is getting blurry, breaths are getting shorter, the sharp pain you feel in your chest as you inhale is stronger than before. its not enough, my best is not enough. maybe if i were a little more pretty, he will accept me? why? you are always there for him, 5 years is not a short time but not long enough for him to notice your feelings, or he just chose not to notice. being his best friend has its perks, but no one ever warn you about this pain.
tetsurou: hey shorty, i think that we are better off as strangers. i keep on hurting you if i still stand by your side. i know all your sad tweets were because of me. the last thing i want is for you to lose yourself because of me. im sorry i cant return your feelings..i kind of have my eyes on someone. and im not gonna be selfish to ask you to still be my friend so im letting you go. but you know you can always come to me and we can be friends again whenever you're ready. thank you for all the fun memories and please know that i wish for the best for you. im sorry.
in which george bets fred 5 galleons that he cannot score a date with the elusive y/n l/n. he agrees, before falling heavily in love with them.
fred weasley x gn!reader
word count: ± 1.6k
tw: angsty, but super fluffy at the end
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silly games lead to sillier heartbreak
love is a ruthless game
unless you play it good and right
and it was all a bet
you couldn't believe it when fred weasley started talking to you. sure, he was a social butterfly, but you were as mysterious as it got.
you both discovered that you had a lot in common, and you found yourself being more drawn to the reckless redhead, who threw you winks and smirks that made your heart pitter patter like the rain.
it had to be obvious, it had to be. and he knew too. he would purposefully say things to make your cheeks heat up and your expression to change to one of flusteredness.
sometimes you would think maybe he liked you back? maybe he wanted to kiss you and love you the same way you wanted to do to him, but he was fred weasley. he was known to charm the pants off anyone no matter who they were.
"hey, y/n!!" you heard the voice of fred from all the way up on the stairs that led to the potions classroom.
you wave back and he grins as you catch up to him.
"good morning, freddie," you greet him, "hi george!! how's it going?"
george nods, "good."
"yeah! we've just developed a new product!" fred fishes out a pastille, "wanna try?"
you shake your head. "i'll skip."
he grins at you, "good choice," and you feel yourself falling down the rabbit hole of love again, pushing past him to go and sit with angelina to hide the blatancy of the words of adoration written between the parting of your lip.
this absolute infatuation turns into something more as you see him stooping down to help a first year who's spilled all her books and seems to be quite distraught, her situation is fixed with a casual flick of his wand and a few bluntly put jokes which causes the girl to giggle.
he points to the transfiguration classroom, before walking ever so effortlessly away, whistling a merry tune before being hit on the head by snape, ('quiet down george!' 'i'm fred!!!') and cheekily sticking out his tongue at the potions' professor.
over the next few weeks, you can't hide it anymore without giving yourself away. so you decide to tell him in a sophisticated and sensible way.
you've recited what you're going to say over and over again, and as you step into the gryffindor common room you spot him immediately. he's smiling to himself, head seemingly in the clouds as a fierce red paints over his freckled face, like he's admiring a picture in his mind.
you head over to him, sitting down next to him.
"o-oh, y/n, fancy seeing you here!"
you laugh, "it's a common room, fred, where else would i be? snape's storeroom?"
he laughs, the blush never fading as you tilt your head enquiringly at him.
"is anything the matter?"
"n-no, not at all," he rubs the back of his neck. he's smiling sheepishly now.
"alright then. i wanted to tell you something."
"could we go somewhere a little more private??" you fiddle with your hands.
he seems to understand, "of course, lee and george and i always go up to this little corner off of the tower, here."
he leads you to a secluded corner, before looking at you encouragingly.
"i kinda might be in love with you," you blurt out and he smiles.
it's not a grin, or a smirk, it's a smile. a genuine one.
"well, i might love you too-"
"oi- fred! have you forgotten the bet?" lee's voice can be heard.
"yeah, remember you have to get l/n to fall in love with you!" a second voice joins the snickering.
"five galleons is a lot, isn't it, georgie?"
you feel your heart plummet as you shakily stand up, walking briskly and furiously out of the common room, fiercely wiping away any tears that even dare to brim in the crevices of your eyes.
fred calls after you, but you ignore him.
he was just about to tell you he loved you too, but what was all this? a game. a stupid bet that made you the target. what was it about you that was so gullible?
he just wanted the galleons, you think, what a jerk.
you're angry at him. angry at lee and george. angry at yourself, for ever believing in their gimmicks. sad because there was no way he'd ever love you, bet or not. bitter that it took five galleons to get you two talking. envious of how easily he can just do it. just make a girl fall in love with you. tell her you love her back. like 1 2 3. clockwork.
you're sobbing into your pillow as you shake uncontrollably. the room around you feels cold and empty. a few of your dormmates peer concernedly over at you but you shake your head.
exhausted, you drift asleep, not even bothering to change your clothes or take a shower.
the next morning, it all seems drab. usually your day starts off well, but today? you're reminded that instead of the sun shining nicely and the clouds drifting lullingly, that there was a bet.
one that made your mind go wild. one that made salty tears fill up in your eyes. one that made you feel little and disgusting.
he notices a change in you. the light in your eyes is artificial and fake. there are heavy bags under your eyes and you pick at your food.
"you can have the five galleons," you blankly stare at him, passing him five gold coins, "now please, move."
"no, no, i wanted to explain the situation."
"i get the situation," you tone is cold and harsh, "now, move."
fred sighs, "i won't until you let me explain myself."
you stonily stare at him, "i have potions."
"we both know you don't. look, it's true, it was a bet. george and lee bet me that i couldn't get you to fall in love with me at first. and, i, being the stubborn person i am, took it on. and i-i'm glad i did. you're really beautiful and i found myself thinking about you a lot and falling in love with you eventually, regardless of the bet."
"stop playing with my feelings. i've given you the galleons, congratulations. your bet was successful. do you know how happy i was when you were going to tell me my feelings were reciprocated? and do you know how much it hurt when the guys stormed in and wiped it all away? and do you know how it's like a knife is stabbing me in the heart when you come up with these lies? the bet is over. celebrate. and most importantly, stay away from me."
fred flinches at your words. "please, lovely-"
"stop," tears flow down your cheeks, "please stop. just promise me one thing, okay?"
"never do it to another girl. play all the pranks you want on teachers, friends, but never ever try to lie your way through relationships," you smile painfully, "and stop with your jokes, they're funny. but stop. because they hurt."
"whatever do you mean?"
"y'know, the bet's over, you can stop trying to make it better. you won," you walk away, "you don't like me, and i like you, you got what you wanted."
fred knows you won't believe him unless he does something about his feelings.
so he greets you everyday and accompanies you to your dorm room every night, even if none of it is acknowledged by you. he slips little love letters in your pockets that you pretend to not see but in truth, you just want him to stop trying to make things better, especially because you know he couldn't be genuine.
he leaves sugar quills in your bag and braids your hair when you find it too annoying, as long as you agree to it begrudgingly.
fred gives you compliments which can't possibly be truthful. he sits next to you in classes and takes extra notes for you.
as he's playing with your fingers on the quidditch pitch, you decide you're sick of this behaviour, so you sigh.
"fred, why are you doing this?"
his lips curve into a smile as he realises that you're not asking him to stop.
"'cause you don't believe that i love you."
"okay. i believe it. now will you stop? seriously, you don't need to do this if you feel bad. i'm over it."
"are you really over it?"
"no," you mumble quietly, "i don't get how you can just make someone fall in love with you and then it's a bet and you're still trying to make them fall in love with you," you say defeatedly, "i'm in love with you, okay? now please," you beg him, "stop."
"when will you ever realise that i'm genuine, lovely?"
"well you'll probably announce that it's another bet! i don't want to be hurt, okay?"
"but i'll never ever hurt you," his tone is quiet and sure, "if i hurt you, i hurt me. i promise. i really really adore you. please, i know i've been a jerk but i'm sorry and please, give me a chance?"
you ponder it, "okay," you whisper.
his face splits into a grin and he moves to hug you but hesitates.
you nod. he holds you close, planting a kiss on your cheek. you blush, hiding your face into the crook of his neck and he laughs.
"i am truly sorry, my love."
"nonsense. i'll make it my life goal to make you happy."
"that's a silly life goal, i'm already quite content with the life i have," you cheekily quip.
"well i know for a fact people find themselves laughing a lot more around me-" you roll your eyes, "so yes, happier. happiest."
"ah yes, truly the greatest thing about you is the size of your massive ego."
"mhm, but won't you listen? you make me ten times happier, and i think that matters a lot, doesn't it?" he says smoothly.
summary. after an arranged marriage collapsed into a quintessential tragic romance, two past lovers undergo another series of experiences on love, heartbreak, identity, illness, and trauma along the road to a happily ever after.
genre. heavy angst, amnesia, modern au, 18+
fic warnings. TBA
sincerely not (prequel)
+ one + two + three + four + five + six + seven + eight + nine + ten +
i still harbour the virgin mindset in that when i do have sex i feel like i need to let everyone know that in fact Do have sex
#proud of me. go get em champ (i am champ) #i can't justify this tumblr as virgin angst anymore. i have had sex and i also call feminine kpop boys my wife #i have both hit an adult milestone and am an insufferable little goblin who reblogs mark catholic corruption imagine #self#goodnight
synopsis: Tom comes home after getting into a fight and the two of you have a weird moment
notes: I wanna progress this relationship but I really want it to be a slow burn as well - unedited too
Tom Holland is such a dick. He’s always been a dick and he always will be. You were stupid to think otherwise.
This silly little dream you’d had made your mind all fuzzy for a second, thinking this was the universe telling you he’d changed or something. He didn’t. And he never will.
Last night, the fight you two had was completely out of the blue. This time, you didn’t insult him or even look at him the wrong way. He all of a sudden came and yelled at you.
Now you were regretting smiling at him more than before.
“Y/N?” You heard Harry’s voice softly through the door. “Y/N, are you okay?”
“Go away.” You groaned from under the covers. It was only around 10 am but you’d decided the day was over and you’d stay in bed.
“Come on, Y/N. Let’s go do something, just you and me.” He pleaded.
“I’m not in the mood Harry.” You mumbled back. You felt bad about turning him down. He was only trying to help. He knew the things his brother said to you and he always knew when they hurt a little too much.
“Y/N..” Harry pressed once more.
“I said no!” You shouted, pulling the covers off your head.
“Okay, well I’ll let you know when dinners ready.” Harry mumbled, feeling deflated.
You definitely felt bad about yelling at him but you were angry and upset. Tom always used the argued of you not being wanted and he knew it got to you.
You’d fallen asleep at some point and was woken up by your phone ringing on the pillow next to you. It was Grace.
You didn’t particularly want to speak to her at the moment. You weren’t angry with her. She didn’t do anything wrong. However, she did put the whole sex idea in your head and thinking about that pissed you off.
Reluctantly, you pressed answer.
“What?” You seethed out, monotonously.
“Well, hello to you too.” She said sarcastically. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” You gritted.
“Come on, Y/N. First you didn’t fight back at Poor Boys and now apparently then at home as well.”
“How do you know that?”
“Harrison told me. I guess Tom told him.” She shrugged as if it was no big deal. “He said you smiled at him.”
“Yeah, well I wish I didn’t. He’s a fucking prick and I hate him.” You spat. “You know this is all your fault. You’re the one who put that fucking idea in my head and if you didn’t, I wouldn’t have had that fucking dream and I wouldn’t be feeling this way!” You yelled into the phone, not realising how loud your voice was getting.
“And what feeling would that be?” Grace asked smugly.
“Shut up! Don’t even fucking try to put another idea in my head!” You yelled.
Grace laughed on the other end. “If it makes you feel any better, that whole ‘dreams are subconsciously what you really want’ thing isn’t true.”
“It doesn’t.” You gritted.
“Listen, we just need to get you laid.” She said casually.
“How is that gonna do anything?”
“It’ll take your mind off him.”
“My mind isn’t on him! I want to stab him in the fucking neck!” You shouted.
“Sounds like your minds on him.”
“I’ll stab you in the fucking neck.” You gritted.
Grace laughed. “Listen I gotta go, but we’ll meet up tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah.” You mumbled before hanging up.
After you hung up the phone, you looked at the clock. It was almost 5. You figured you should probably go an apologise to Harry for snapping at him.
You left the room and checked in his bedroom. Empty. You checked down stairs in the living room and then in the kitchen and even checked outside. All empty. The house was completely empty.
You pulled out your phone from your pocket and crafted a message.
sorry for being a bitch
You sent to him and he replied almost instantly
its ok I get it, Tom’s a prick
He texted back. You chuckled slightly at the message.
he sure is
Just as you hit send, you heard the front door open and open. Thinking it Harry, you walked out into the entryway only to met by Tom’s back as he was kicking off his shoes.
“Oh, it’s you.” You muttered, rolling your eyes. You were about to walk away and go back to the room when he turned to face you. His cheek was bruised and busted up, his lip was split wide open and his nose was bloody, dripping down onto his white shirt.
“Oh my god, what happened to your face?” You gasped, looking at him.
“Nothing.” He mumbled, trying to push past you.
“That’s not nothing, Tom.” You exclaimed, grabbing his elbow and forcing him to look at you.
You had an almost bored expression on his busted up face.
“Jesus.” You whispered as you looked over his wounds. “Come on.”
You pulled him by his elbow up the stairs and into the bathroom, flicking on the light and pushing him to sit down in the toilet.
With the bathroom light shining down on him, his cuts and gashes looked twice as bad.
You got a clean cloth from under the sink and ran it under the cold water. There was a tension in the air that made you uncomfortable but you knew that if you didn’t clean Tom’s face, he wouldn’t do it himself. He was too proud to admit that he needed help with this kind of thing. It was usually Harry or Harrison fixing him up after he’d gotten into a fight. Unfortunately it was you and him tonight.
Placing a gentle hand under his chin, you wiped the cloth over the deep cut on his cheekbone with soft, short passes. Your eyebrows knitted together as you cringed, not sure if this was hurting him or not. He wasn’t reacting in any way. He was just watching you intently. You knew he was watching you and you did your best to avoid locking eyes with him.
Next was his lip. Upon further inspection, you noticed his lip wasn’t too bad. He wouldn’t need stitches.
In the time you were cleaning his lip, you noticed he slowly pulled his eyebrows together and clenched his jaw. You weren’t sure if it was because you were hurting him or if he was just annoyed you were near him.
He began pulling away as you tried to wipe away the dried up blood under his nose. By the looks of it, it wasn’t broken.
“Stop moving.” You said, getting annoyed at him. Without much though, you moved your hand from under his chin to the back of his neck. The curly hairs at the nape sat between your fingers. His hair was surprisingly soft under your touch.
“I think that’s clean enough.” He grumbled lowly. He reached his hand up and gripped your wrist softly, presumably to push you away but he didn’t. He just left his hand there.
With his hand on your skin, you got instant flashbacks to your dream about him and suddenly became very shy and very uncomfortable.
You tensed up and pulled your hand away from him and dropped the bloodied up cloth into the sink. The small puddle of water was now a deep red.
You opened your mouth to say something but decided not to.
You rushed out of the bathroom and into the room, wanting to sink into the floor. You didn’t even get undressed before diving into the covers and trying to fall asleep.
The next morning, you’d woken up pretty early. You thought about having breakfast but the thought of food right now made you queasy. You decided to go for a run.
You put on the same plain white baby tee you’d worn to bed the other night, and a pair of old swimming shorts. You didn’t have running shoes with you so vans would have to do.
You left your phone and wallet and just took off running. You ran as fast as you could and felt tears soak your eyes.
You had no idea why you were crying. Maybe you were angry at Tom for everything he’s said to you over the years. Maybe you were angry at Grace for putting the whole fucking each other idea in your head. Maybe you were angry at yourself for feeling this way.
All you knew was that you were confused. Very confused.
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