Whoops caught red handed 🤭
it’s one of those things where... I’m not one of those atheists who’s like “har har you’re a fucking idiot for believing in something” because that seems pointless, but I also sympathize with the frustrations of atheists who’ve come from religious backgrounds and struggle to have their criticisms of the groups they came from heard.
belief is one of those things, where sometimes you just find people who do have them will assume that you’re the same, while it’s not something I go out of my way to assert or talk about it’s belittling sometimes
because. really all you need to do to reach out to an atheist is not to assume anything, take the literal, just talk about what is right here in this life, the weight of the human consciousness - there’s really no need to venture into the more abstract and talk about things like souls or the afterlife
another time I read up this article talking about how to deal with the grief of a lost pet, and while the first half I related to, it started getting into the spiritual and eventually at the end “oh and if you don’t believe in that sort of thing, just pretend your pet has gone somewhere better :)”..... that just felt like rubbing salt in the wound when I was already upset.
it’s ok to say you have no answers, I don’t want to pretend things are better than they are, I would rather just have that honesty than be told I can’t work through my grief without making something up.
Soooo its apperantly 2:50 In the hecking morning, and woken up in the middle(maybe) of the night watching youtube and just laying in bed like I always do(other than drawing or eating :v), so to kill my boredom, I will just send you some anime relatable memes just because I can and because I dont know what to do with my life at this moment.
sometimes i reread poetry that i wrote and previously posted and am just so gosh-darn pleased w/ myself that i need to post it again
i thought it an omen
a premonition on the telephone wire, a harbinger in feathers.
a seagull’s wing speared clean through the bone.
no blood or struggle
sharp and bow-shaped.
i looked for the carcass, for the other wing,
never found either.
i saw a seagull’s wing up on the telephone wire
on a sunny, cloudless day in summer.
it danced on a breeze i couldn’t feel
as though the seagull were still twitching
and bound to it by sinew.
the seagull’s wing said your name and i
wept, wept, wept.
i heard it on the wind
whispered through the feathers on the cable.
i thought it an omen.
of the words you said and never told me
and “i’ll do it before he comes home.”
the seagull’s wing told me its name and i
wept, wept, wept.
i heard it on the phone
i said it in prayer, in a curse.
if the rabbit’s foot is for luck,
then what does the seagull’s wing say?
it told me our names and it
wept, wept, wept.
it gave me the portent from the wire:
there was no carcass, only your body,
and i’d find it up on the cable,
speared clean through the bone.
no blood or struggle.
i thought it an omen.
a premonition on the telephone wire, a harbinger in flesh.
your name in the dirt under my feet.
no blood or struggle.
shapeless and ill-defined.
i found your body under my skin and in-between my teeth.
and under my tongue everything you said and never told me.
fyi substrate for leopard geckos is legit the most stressful fucking thing ive done in my entire life. 70% of keepers say any loose sub anywhere will kill a gecko instantly, 30% say its vital for enrichment and a happy leo, studies give conflicting info, everyone has a different opinion on what sub is safe, and then once you navigate that, its like. Is this organic topsoil safe? or this one? does my small town even HAVE organic topsoil. Is organic fertilizer ok? is compost ok? is my mix holding too much humidity. will it be safe for cuc. will plants live in it. is this actually safe or will my lizard instant get impaction and die. will my lizard get arthritis and live a boring horrible life if I DON’T give her sub.
The trip was amazing in many ways, and it enabled me to safely see and spend time with family members I have not seen in years and may not see again for a long time. There were many joyous moments, memories made, and all that, but...
Just as I was beginning the trip home yesterday, I got a phone call from my friend, who had graciously offered to watch my hamster, Nugget, while I was away. After thankfully not hearing any ill news about my old girl for the majority of my trip, my friend regretfully informed me that Nugget's health had taken a sudden nosedive and that she had passed away that same morning.
I guess I had vaguely known that this was a possibility...I mean, Nugget was a little over two years old when I left, and the average life expectancy for her species is 1-2 years. But she was very healthy and happy and active when I left and it sounds like she was very much the same up until yesterday morning when she passed. To think that I was only a handful of hours from being able to say one last goodbye to her...
It really stings, and I have just been...numb since I got the news. Not to mention the fact that my poor friend had to be the one to endure the brunt of this painful final chapter of life...I suppose it's every pet owner's worst nightmare for something to happen on another person's watch.
This has cast a bit of a shadow over the whole trip for me. I know I will get over this in time, but in the moment I'm really struggling to be back in my apartment and know that I will be going to pick up an empty tank from my friend tomorrow instead of the pet I left behind. I...don't know how quick I will be to get back to being active on here, even though I'm home now. I think I just need time to process, to get my headspace back in shape so that I can return to my studies and tackle the work I need to catch up on. I guess, if you really need me, I'll be checking in often enough on FR. You can send a message there.
See you all...sometime. Hopefully soon.
I remember when this blog was fun and goofs the majority of the time. But here I am, having to possibly put another cat to sleep with such little funds. It hurts. My baby is already gone and another of our cats is going out the SAME EXACT WAY he did. I have to go through this heartbreak AGAIN and it hasn't even been a year- it's barely even been 6 months.
I don't like the 'woe is me' attitude a lot but I'm really feeling it, Mr Krabs.
I keep saying I'll be back to a positive and more fun attitude and bring more content, but it's still not here. Adulting sucks but It's what I have to do. I have to do what's best for Kitty, even if my heart aches the entire time doing it
my crested gecko died ):
Saw a dog that look literally like a carbon copy of mine that died last year. So now I’m sad again.
I'm gonna lure you into the dark
My dog is gone now
this is about animal death so don’t read it if that bothers you at all.
(i promise its just an inane ramble that doesn’t matter so if you think it might upset you, dont look at this post - its not important)
pony is fine for now, or as fine as she can be, but its made me start rethinking my stance on what path to take when she goes. because horses are so big and need proper disposal you need to think about it well in advance, and i remember being at uni and the blue cross coming and giving us all little pamphlets with options where we could pick next steps to take. it was almost a decade ago but i still remember it, and at the time i was so sure i wanted her cremated privately to keep but now im kind of thinking whats the point?
i love her, she was my first true and best friend and has been for 13 years, but keeping a box of her ashes feels kind of, pointless? i wanted to before as a keepsake i guess but now im thinking differently and idk if its like the proper reality of her going that’s making it seem less logical. i have a horseshoe of hers from when she retired thats painted and decorated and hung on my wall, i still want a tattoo for her (not a memorial one just like my hugo one), i wanna get in a good few photoshoots, but a box full of her ashes maybe isn’t what i want to remember her by. although i guess the disposal otherwise feels a little too much like discarding her?? which, i don’t really like the thought of.
it all sucks, death sucks, and being in charge of it sucks the most. i guess i kind of have to figure out my thoughts and what they mean since i do need to have a good plan, bc its important with livestock and important for pony. mostly i just hope i get to make a plan and be able to carry it out so pony can be entirely unbothered and comfortable right until the end
Mello is so pretty I just hhhhhh—
Please tell me how good this drawing is, cause it took me a really long time to do this perspective shit
(He's giving you hi)
ID: minecraft messages between fall and nolan.
fall says: G in my chicken coop. what will she do nolan says: she says "tell them i keel.... not actually" fall says: it's the baby chicken incident all over again...