no i’m not listening im trying to find THE th!nspo i’m trying to recreate
I've lost a whole 5lbs in a week so how much was I eating before for me to not be losing weight?? Because I'm not even fully restricting myself yet. But I'm sure I'll have to start once I get to my first goal weight.
Sorry, It's been a few days, but I'm back now. I have The next couple of months planned out for my "Diet" aspect. I'm currently 18hrs into a fast. I'm going for 96hrs this time. I know I can do it and it's time I get hard on myself. This next month is going to be a majority of fasting, leading up to a week fast. Each fast will go up a day each time. The few days between fasts will always be below 500 cals. Some days, I will eat exactly 500, but the majority of the days I eat anything will be up to 200. I know it's going to be hard but I want to see major changes, and I'm tired of making excuses for myself. I will update you every day here to keep me motivated and on track.
I Feel Fat.
Oh Wait I Am.
Update on the roadtrip #16:
Today was another lazy day.
I managed to get a 24h fast in, so there's that.
I ate quite a lot, though. I even had chips watching a movie!
Overall, I'm not too happy rn.
I ate an extra 112 cals today to try to fix my heart issues (lmao as if that’ll do anything) and even though I’m still under 500 cals for the day I feel so guilty and like I’m gonna gain so much weight so moral of the story is I’m never doing this again and I’ll go back to restricting at 375 cals per day and hope my heart resolves itself
At this point my friend is even my thinspo , she just showed me a photo of her in her new swimsuit and istg I want to be skinnniiiiii so bad.
So i've been eating sugar "free" for a week now and even tho I haven't weighed myself I definitely look skinnier... yeeessss
imagine being on tumblr at the same time eugenia cooney was... girl 😳
i got to 100 followers surprisingly fast, so in honor of this small milestone, ill do a small challenge! only 100 calories tomorrow ♡
Me filling out the psychological part of the scuba medical check like:
Self harm? [mental note:make sure noone sees anything]
Suicidal thoughts? What's that? Why would anyone have those?
A developmental disability? Well, I haven't gotten the diagnosis yet, so...
Psychological treatment? Not me...
Panic attacks? Again, what's that?
What I ate today- 07/27/21
- Cooked Spinach - 10 Cals. (one cup)
- 1 egg white - 16 Cals.
I went on a 9.68 mile run. Burned 3,506 Cals.
- 1 fillet of Mahi Mahi - 90 Cals.
- Coleslaw - 12 Cals.
- Peas - 16 Cals.
- 4 Oreos - 212 Cals.
Total- 446 Cals.
Burned- 3,506 Cals.
Net•••••• 3,060 Cals.
I had a basic day, i worked a whole bunch in the morning (i work from home). then i went on a run in the afternoon with my sister and we ran 9 miles. felt great.
My boyfriend works from 7pm-12pm for three days of the weekdays. 🥲. I’m just gonna have to stay up so much.
Update on the roadtrip #15:
I've been able to sleep long today. Or I haven't. My sister kept waking me up.
We went shopping. I kept thinkimg "once you're skinny", so I don't have as much as I'd like. I still have a dress, a shirt and a pair of pants.
I only had a bit of pizza for lunch. I was feeling really bad (the heat doesn't become me too well in my super-modest-clothing, maybe I should check ot typically arabic one? Would that be cultural appropriation? Or however you spell it)
Usually I'm fine with all weathers, but again, covering up.
And the pizza was disgusting.
I avoid mirrors. I don’t want to be reminded of my physical presence, my bodily needs. She makes me angry, her existence bothers me.
I want to make it all stop for a while, I can feel myself caving in.
acc sick of myself - been out drinking for the last 6 days so obvs eaten more than I wanted to and honestly ready to kms lol
I feel like I won the ana lottery lmao I got a backed up colon and now I have to get super lax for it and it's an excuse to liquid diet I can't make this shit up
so my meds are my excuse not to eat but I can't take them unless I eat cause I feel SO ILL
although the excuse works nevertheless so I'll have to make the best out of the fact that It's a good excuse but I puke when I take them
recently I feel like everyone around me has an ed , even when I'm walking in the streets I'd feel like all these people are struggling with an eating disorder and hiding it the same way I do , and now I think my sister has one , yes I see her enjoy all her favorite food , she'd order some fast-food if she wants , eat w friends yet she eats healthy food and all,
but here's what makes me suspicious :
she turns food around to look at the cals - not always as I do -
she says that I'm skinny
she said about smth " it's high in calories"
she don't know abt tumbler and when I thought she was counting cals on her phone I passed by without getting her to notice and she was just chatting w a friend
guys, I'm feeling worried, triggered, and not comfortable at all so help please
p.s. : I pretend to be an ignorant in front of her , chew/spit food so she'd never know abt my ed.