Back when I first started exhibiting ed behaviours (4 years ago) my first SW was 20kg (44lbs) lower then my SW now!
I was trying recover last year. Staying at home made it easy to eat, binge really, and I was avoiding the mirrors like the plague and I was drinking my anxiety away. And I gained so much weight - over 35 kg (77lbs) just in 2020. Every now and then I'd feel guilty about it and try to lose some of the weight but I ended up binging everytime.
Now as the whole covid situation got better and I realized I have to go to uni, where people can see me, I got triggered.
I was (am) really depressed at this point, so naturally I have to bring every bad coping mechanism I ever had back on the table, panic attacks, sedatives, SH, and ofc disordered eating for the 🍒 on top.
It's really frustrating having to start over and moreover having such a high starting weight. I feel super ashamed of how fat I allowed myself to get.
Now that I think about it, crying when I had to shower is probably a long way form full recovery. But at least I can say I tried I guess.
But I'm super proud that I'm less that 1 kg (2lbs) away from GW1 💖
And I don't see myself recovering any time soon but that's ok. I realize this is an illness and I'll try to stay safe, as much as that's possible anyway.
So for real this time, I wish you all can stay safe too