#antijokes Tumblr posts

  • Beginning, Expectations development, Punchline

    View Full
  • so there was this kid one day in library class, he forgot his book so he asked his teacher what to do. his teacher told him to just read the dictionary. so he’s looking through all the words, seeing common definitions and shit. he eventually finds a word without a definition, so he asks his teacher. the teachers like “hmm, thats weird, whats the word?” and the kid says “snuffleupagus” immediately, the teacher kicks him out of class saying “i can’t belive youd say such things in this classroom” and sends him to the principals office.

    in the principals office the receptionist sees him and says “yknow, this is really out of character for you, why were you sent here” and the kid  goes “weelll, i was in class and forgot my book, so the teacher told me to read the dictionary, and i found a word that didnt have a defintion, so i told her the word and she sent me here” and the receptionist replies “thats strange, what was the word?” and the kid says “snuffleupagus” immediately the receptionist forces him into the principals office, saying to immediately expel him for saying such things. so now the kid is freaking out in the principals office, and the prinicpal is trying to calm him down. he asks “what happened?” and the kid replied “weeeeellllll, i was in class and forgot my book, so the teacher made me read the dictionary , then i found a word without a definition and i asked her what it was. she asked me the word and i told her and she kicked me out of class. then the receptionist asked me the word and she sent me in here” the prinicpal says “thats… odd, whats the word?” and the kid is like “weeeeelllll, i dont know if i want to tell you, everyone kinda freaks out when i say it” and the principal is like “no, you can trust me!” so the kid is like “okay, the word is snuffleupagus” immediately, the principal calls the kids parents and expels him from the school

    so now the kid is going home with his parents, hes all crying and sobbing. about 10 minutes away from home the dad asks “yknow son, this is really unusual for you. whyd you get expelled?” and the kid is says “weeeeeeeelllllll, i was in class and forgot my book, so the teacher made me read the dictionary. i found a word without a definition so i asked her what it was. when i said the word she kicked me out of class and sent me to the principals office. when i was in there the receptionist asked what the word was and i told her and she immediately send me into the principals office. when i was in there he asked the word and i told him and he expelled me from school” the dad was like, thats unusual, whats the word? the kid replies “weeellll, i dont know if i wanna tell you” the dad says “kid, im your dad, you dont have to worry, you can trust me” so the kid tells him the word is snuffuleupagus immediately, the dad kicks him out of the car and says “youre no longer welcome in this family” and drives off 

    so now the kid is wandering the streets, he has nowhere to go or to stay. no friends, and now no family. its about 4am and a cop sees him walking around and so he asks the kid what happened. the kid replies "weeeelllll, i was in class and forgot my book so the teacher told me to read the dictionary. i was reading it and found a word with no definition, so i asked the teacher what it was. i told her the word and she kicked me out of class into the principals office. in there the receptionist asked what the word was and she forced me into the principals office. the principal then asked what the word was and he expelled me from school, then my dad asked me what the word was and he kicked me out of the family” the cop is like, “hmm thats strange, what was the word if you dont mind me asking?” and the kid says “weeeelll, i dont know if i wanna tell you, everyone kinda freaks out when i say it” and the cop is like, “kid im a cop, you can trust me” so the kid tells him the word is snuffleupagus. immediatlley the cop arrests the kid and sends him to jail

    now the kid is on trial, hes appeared in front of a judge and the judge is all confused. “youre only like, 14 he asks, why are you here” and the kid replied “weeeeeeeeeeellllllllllll,  i was in class and forgot my book so the teacher told me to read the dictionary. i was reading it and found a word with no definition, so i asked the teacher what it was. i told her the word and she kicked me out of class into the principals office. in there the receptionist asked what the word was and she forced me into the principals office. the principal then asked what the word was and he expelled me from school, then my dad asked me what the word was and he kicked me out of the family, and then a cop asked me what the word was and he arrested me” and the judge is like “thats… really strange…. what was the word if you dont mind me asking? and the kid replies "snuffleupagus” immediately, the judge sentences him to 30 years in prison, stating “that type of language will not be tolerated in this courtroom”

    30 years pass. the kid is now on the street, homeless, no highschool, no marketable skills. so hes just wandering around and he meets a homeless man, the homeless man starts talking to him and asks him about his life story. the kid is like “you’ll never believe it”, the homeless man is like “start talking.” so the kid says “weeeeellllll, one day i was in class and forgot my book so the teacher told me to read the dictionary. i was reading it and found a word with no definition, so i asked the teacher what it was. i told her the word and she kicked me out of class into the principals office. in there the receptionist asked what the word was and she forced me into the principals office. the principal then asked what the word was and he expelled me from school, then my dad asked me what the word was and he kicked me out of the family, and then a cop asked me what the word was and he arrested me. then i went to court and the judge asked me what the word was and he sentenced me to 30 years in jail" 

    Keep reading

    View Full
  • What’s a vampires favorite food?

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    Vampires aren’t real dumbass.

    View Full
  • A man walks into a bar.

    “Ow!”

    View Full
  • ANTI jokes

    whats brown and sticky?

    (QUESTIONS): Do you know of any anti-jokes?

    View Full
  • What’s a parent’s worst fear?

    Outliving their child.

    View Full
  • A summer day.

    Do you know what happens if you, in the warmest day of the summer, run into your backyard, jump onto your trampoline and after jumping two times you throw yourself in a swimingpoll in a 36° angle?

    You get wet.

    View Full
  • View Full
  • He was hit by a bus

    View Full
  • 2 Heads Are Not Better Than One Pt. 1

    So Its a normal day I’m home from work texting back and forth with the misses (her still bein at her job) you know the weird shit that we call normal or “us”

    image

    Originally posted by m-ochaa

    When all of a sudden my other gf who happens to be hanging out with a friend of hers (who lives 6 minutes away from me) begins texting me also so I begin to expertly conduct two conversations at once

    image

    Originally posted by scipunk

    Until I then made a fatal mistake of sending a message to GF#1 meant for GF#2 and somehow GF#1’s female senses went off as if something in her head was processing while listening to my dumbass try to explain it away

    image

    Originally posted by scipunk

    image

    Originally posted by usedpimpa

    And I really tried too

    A nigga really tried to tell this women my reason for texting her outta the blue

    “I can’t let you in my house let alone my room”

    Was because my brother just said it in a freestyle and I thought it was hard

    image

    Originally posted by connie-awanderingsoul

    image

    Originally posted by connie-awanderingsoul

    image

    Originally posted by justalittletumblweed

    image

    Originally posted by tetsuibara

    I’m sweating wondering how she gonna respond is she gonna text my other girl so many questions so little time for a nigga to reach the hyperbolic time chamber and lay low for a year

    But I beIN the real nigga I am know I’m a stick with my story so I pull my final forbidden jutsu on her brain called turn it on younojutsu and it’s fierce battle

    image

    Originally posted by animebigworld

    And I’m masterfully tryna maneuver out of this tough situation until I fuçk up and say you can go ahead and text so-so I don’t talk to her as anyway it was then GF#1 saw my message and went ghost and I assuming her brain completed processing (aka she texted her) decided to make a final stand and use my final shot and call that bitch a liar everything that came out her mouth was a lie but she saw thru my final attack and unleashed her greatest response

    image

    Originally posted by captain-packard

    #anime gif#antijokes#blackanime#dark humor #made with tumblr #niggasbelike#anime nigga#anime humor#like4like #follow 4 follow #follow for follow #follow for like #follow 4 more #nigga just follow me #real nigga#thug nigga #stories using gifs #anime story using gifs #true story#black#black humor#black tumblr#black comedy#black anime#Naruto#jutsu #talk no jutsu #minato namikaze #this ain't it #chief
    View Full
  • They say gals are attracted to funny men.

    I’ve come to a personal conclusion, I must not be very funny.

    View Full
  • send me ur best dad jokes

    View Full
  • Anti Joke #17

    “This person was really annoying me, therefore I did the only thing reasonable. I killed them. Problem solved, no one gets hurt…”

    “Umm, someone died!?”

    “I said no one got hurt, they DIED, a quick and painless death.”

    View Full
  • because he was a goldfish

    #bad jokes#antijokes#im sorry #why am i like this
    View Full
  • Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Because it was suicidal

    View Full
  • Anti jokes are the best 😂

    View Full
  • Snakes.

    Why was the snake sad.

    Because he had eaten all the food.

    And now he was gonna starve.

    But then he remembered that snakes only eat every few weeks.

    So by next week he should be able to find more food.

    And the snake was happy.

    Then he died.

    The end.

    View Full
  • Josh R.: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

    Michael: Genocide?

    Josh: The Holocaust.

    Michael: Egh, close enough.

    Josh R.: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

    Michael: The Holocaust?

    Josh R.: Getting raped by a giant scorpion.

    View Full
  • Why did Billy fall off the swing set?

    Because he had no arms.


    Knock knock…

    Whos there?

    Not Billy!

    View Full
  • Zing

    My sister and are out shopping and she pipes up with the following.

    Tiff: Do you think Anti gets cold?

    Me: What?

    Tiff: Do you think Anti gets cold?

    Me: ummm I dunno. Why?

    Tiff: *Hold up jug* Maybe we should get him Antifreeze.

    And that’s how we got kick outta walmart.

    @therealjacksepticeye

    View Full