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It’s 3:30 am, have an angsty fic of Amelia dealing with loneliness and RSD

This is only my second time writing a fic so I hope y’all like it

Loneliness is like smog; horrid and toxic, slowly filling your lungs with each inhale in hopes that this next breath will bring the oxygen, the love, you so desire, only to be left with nothing. No, not nothing. It does leave you with something. It leaves you with black lungs filled with despair and the heaviness of sadness, slowly suffocating you with your own fruitless attempts at some semblance of human connection. At least that’s what it felt like to Amelia.

Locked away inside her home in want of searching the world for its beauty but was too afraid of the horrors that it contains. Hopeful that maybe, just maybe, that a beautiful source of joy and light might find its way to her, as she stays locked away inside her own Pandora’s box.

She wasn’t sure about the lanky man her father suggested she let into her home to work at first, but she was trustful of her father and maybe too obedient and too eager to please him to say no.

Afraid that that horrid emotion would fill her lungs once more, she kept her distance from the man with proud yet kind eyes. But slowly, her resolve started to form cracks with every conversation and thoughtful gesture that the man—That Lithuania, no that Toyls— offered to her. She loathed to admit it, but she accepted the fact that they were friends. Oh, the irony of her feeling so saddened by the fact that she had what she always wanted, consistently plagued by that which she knew wouldn’t last, something her friend seemed to not pick up on, or perhaps he didn’t care. Amelia didn’t know which way she preferred.

Once again, was she projecting her fantasies onto the other, and that the game of house she seems to be playing is with a man who was only polite and courteous and not a willful participant? Was she setting herself up for one more breath of loneliness? Or was she finally going to be able to grasp that which she’s never had? In the end, would it matter at all? He’ll leave like they always do, never for her to hear a word from them again.

Then why does that sparkle in his eyes and ringing of his laughter being her so much joy? Why does he tell her that they’ll always be friends? Why does he seem to understand her fear without her uttering a word about it? Could he see it? Was she that easy to read? Does he have a smog of his own? The way his gentle voice reassures her and the way his arms wrap around her like the way a warm blanket on a winter's night does lead her to believe so.

Perhaps it will be alright to open the door to her little box, and that maybe this next breath will be a good one. So she does, and how delighted she is to be met with a breeze of wildflowers and sandalwood.

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