Warning: This is just a fluffy anecdote but I felt the need to put it on the Tumblr because so many posts surrounding these kinda subjects are shrouded in anxiety and sadness. I PROMISE there is a point 😂
ANNYWAAY. I recently started spending time with this guy. Eventually he asked if he could take me on a date. I said yes. The date was very similar to just our hanging out before, only towards the end he held my hand. I let him. Afterwards I went back to my place and told my closest friends about the lovely evening.
After a bit of giddiness in a group message, my one friend asked: “does he know you’re asexual?”
Right then and there, it hit me. If I would like to continue seeing this guy, eventually calling him my boyfriend, I would need to tell him. I was terrified.
About 4 days later he came over to my place and kept me company while I did chores. After about an hour I got tired and decided to show him my favorite comedy. We sat on my bed. I was nervous. About 5 or 10 minutes into settingly down, we held hands. A couple minutes later I was casually lounging in his arms. I could sense he wanted to kiss me but he wasn’t the least bit agressive and continued to hold me.
About 2 hours later. We both had other responsibilities. As he was leaving I told him. I mumbled out a string of sentences essentially saying “Hey I have a complicated relationship with physical affection… I don’t always call it this but the most accurate way to describe me is *asexual*” I stared down at my feet and told him he did nothing wrong I just needed him to know. I ran back inside.
I followed up over text because I was just too anxious to say anymore in person. He told me he’s a little scared of crossing a line but that it’s not my fault and I’m just gonna have to help him. He admitted that it was new to him but he wanted to persue me regardless of my orientation (he even called it that which made me really happy) We briefly talked boundaries and I made sure he knew that I was still attracted to him romantically. I ended the conversation by saying that I wouldn’t mind if he kissed me now that he knows about me. We both laughed at and he thanked me for trusting him enough to say something.
*Why am I telling Tumblr this:*
Real life is not the Internet. Not everyone equates intimacy and sex. While not everyone you date is going to be the right fit for you and your asexuality—Hecc, I barely know how Guy and I are gonna last—there are people out there that understand (or are willing to). There are asexual people ready to date asexual people. There are sexually attracted people who would be proud to call an asexual person their SO.
You just have to use your strength to say something.
Clear up those misconceptions.
Tell them what you need, and what you need them to refrain from doing.
Love yourself and the right person will love you.
Yes it’s difficult at times. You may think: “What if they don’t believe me that I like/love them?” “What if they think I’m implying they are a sex obsessed deviant?” “What if they think I’m useless?”
You just have to look out for the ones that are willing to listen regardless of their prior understanding.
Being asexual presents it’s own set of unique obstacles; statistically way more people are sexually attracted to others than they are asexual. And that’s okay. Give life a chance.
*But most importantly*
Do it when you are ready. I chose to tell him then because I have chosen to continue seeing him. If you do not feel safe. You don’t have to tell. Everything is up to you. :)