#autism Tumblr posts

  • 04.04.2020


    I lost both of my jobs. I’ve been cramping horribly, and crying way more often than normal. I’ve been feeling so emotionally sensitive and–not afraid to admit–so mentally fragile, with meltdowns and overstimulation always impending, like a bad thunderstorm.

    @wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey-life , snacks, and A Series Of Unfortunate Events is how I’m coping.

    I’ve been auditioning, and working on my career as much as I possibly can, but being a spoonie makes things so hard. I’ve been trying to apply for unemployment insurance, but we all know how that’s going, with millions of people attempting to apply, all at the same time.

    I’m in so much pain, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I’m so grateful for the friends I have made here, and for Kathryn’s unconditional love. Kathryn takes care of me, each and every day, and each and every night. Even as they’re sleeping, right now, and we’re still calling, Kathryn has never left my side. They keep me comforted, and safe, while I watch my show, cuddle my teddy bear, and stim, softly, under a warm, weighted blankie.

    I’m okay. I’ll be okay. I just wanted to share how I’m doing, because I know my friends all care.

    And this will be over soon.

    I just need time.

    #personal #how i'm feeling #covid 19#self isolation#anxiety#autism#cramps#depression #i need cuddles #i need a little extra love right now #we all do #stay safe everyone #i care #don't be afraid to message me
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  • April 4th: Do you consider your Autism to be an important part of your identity?

    I feel like the answer to that should be a straightforward yes, but it isn’t.

    How to put it?

    I think for me, autism is something that just is an essential, intrinsic part of me. It’s just a fact. It’s like answering the question ‘do you consider being human an important part of your identity’. I am human. I am autistic. My identity is built up from that basis. I suppose from that perspective, yes, it’s very important.

    Outside of relatable memes, which I do very much enjoy, the extent to which autism is an important part of my identity is directly proportional to the degree of ableism I come up against. When I am explaining, for what feels like the millionth time, why certain environments give me sensory overload and no, it isn’t just that it’s ‘stressful for everyone’, I feel like autism is an important part of my identity. Or rather I feel that not being neurotypical is an important part of my identity. I feel this sense that my brain is wired differently to other peoples and the non-acceptance of that difference is putting up barriers for me. When I have to advocate for myself or other people autism is an important part of my identity.

    I suppose what I’m getting at is if I lived in an alternate universe, where autism was totally accepted and society was structured in a way that fully supported autistic people, autism wouldn’t be an important part of my identity. It would just be like having brown eyes or being right handed – another basic fact about me. It wouldn’t be something I thought about on a regular basis or dedicated much time to.

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  • Today’s echolalia: You can’t just shoot a hole into the surface of Mars…

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  • Being autistic is like being born without a leg. You’re not broken or sick, there’s no medicine that can turn you “normal”, you’re just in a world that wasn’t made for someone like you.

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  • #not a reblog #autism
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  • 30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2020: Day 3

    April 3: Talk about special interests. Do you have any? What are they? How long have you had them? What does it feel like to have special interests? What does having special interests mean to you? Talk about your past special interests.

    I have multiple special interests. They are Steven Universe, Steven Universe: The Movie, Steven Universe Future, Infinity Train, My Hero Academia, Sword Art Online: Alicization – War of Underworld, Teen Titans, DC Super Hero Girls, Unikitty, Bob’s Burgers, Arthur, Scooby-Doo, Garfield, Disney, Pixar, Marvel, DC, comics/comic strips, Food Network, voice acting, voice actors/actresses, video games, watching YouTube videos, singing, listening to songs and music, pink things, the pink aesthetic, stimboards, kidcore/kidwave, toycore/toywave, menhera/yami kawaii, Sanrio, Lolita fashion especially Sweet Lolita fashion, and fairy kei.

    I had them for quite some time.

    Having special interests makes me feel content and excited.

    To me, having special interests means that I have a huge passion, enjoyment, and interest in topics that I like or love.

    My past special interests are Reader Rabbit, Mercer Mayer books, 6teen, Total Drama Island, Hi-Hi Puffy AmiYumi, Boruto, and Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein.

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  • You know what’s sad? There is still so much in common between me and many of the trans boys on tumblr. Teenage or young adult girls who pretend to be boys or crave the idea of being male. Many of these are girls I see so much of myself in a few years ago and even today still. A lot of these girls, like so many, are autistic and have other issues like depression. The level of autism in the trans community both ftm and mtf but especially the young ftms is staggering. There’s really no questions why. Autistic young people and teens are extremely misunderstood, lonely, and alienated. They feel alien to others and others feel alien to them. Sometimes they are treated as alien or bullied. A lot of the heavily autistic or disabled kids are treated actually better than the less severe kids because it’s seen as cruel to bully an obviously disabled person. Yet kids on the spectrum who can pass as normal are still bullied or excluded because it isn’t clear they have issues; theyre just seen as weird or off or creepy or awkward. Those kids feel bad about themselves because they have self awareness and can tell when they aren’t liked or wanted by others. They feel isolated within the general population and it’s also harder to find common interests with friends because their interests may be offbeat niche or offputtingly obsessive and limited.

    So they turn to the internet and especially tumblr to find others with their niche interests, and the online setup makes communication easier than in person. They also have a higher chance of developing depression and anxiety due to the social ostrisicm. This encourages even less attempt at regular connections and promotes unhealthy behaviors including too much internet use and self isolation. Sometimes drug abuse or self harm or eating disorders. Very very low self esteem. It creates a real disconnect to the body and self because they really loathe themselves and might even feel shame and guilt for their social or mental or emotional positions. Even if they aren’t super depressed or mentally ill, autistic people tend to screw naive because they might be less nuanced with social behaviors, irony, sarcasm, might be too trusting, etc. For autistic teens going online this can easily lead to being misled and even psyching themselves into things.

    Then, they start reading about all the different gender identities and start thinking about which they can project themself onto the best. Autistic people definitely like thinking about their personality traits because they want to understand themselves better, as it can be very confusing, especially when others are often not understanding them. They question their perceptions, and overthink everything. Then these poor autistic girls, who are all weirdos and misfits, get obsessed with some meaningless gender label to try and find a sense of misplaced pride and identity and belonging. They learn about being a trans boy and suddenly relate to it all, because after all, they’re so uncomfortable with all of these things; sex, sexuality, gender norms, having a body, romance, and all other social behaviors. They think that maybe all their weirdness all their not fitting in and all their troubles and low self esteem are caused by being the wrong sex. They research more and the fantasy sounds better and better. They develop gender dysphoria and get obsessed with all things gender and passing and their dysphoria worsens. They’re very insecure in their bodies and selves but try to hide it by aggressively pushing trans acceptance and validation and by othering and making fun of “cis” people and “transphobes.” They make memes about trans stuff using their special interests and share it with other autistic and trans friends. It’s damaging as fuck because they learn to hate their natural bodies and selves and lives more and more. And the trans community validates this as normal and pushes transition aggressively. It’s the same as the pro ana communities who collectively push each other to worsen their self hate and reach their unhealthy weight and body goals. It’s pure mental illness at work and it’s disguised as pride in your “true” self.

    These autistic girls are high risk for mental illness, including for gender dysphoria. And the autistic black and white thinking, stubbornness, and obsessive thinking makes it worse once they get into the fantasy of changing sex, changing their lives, changing their confidence. After all, wouldn’t some of their unusual or weird behaviors or interests, unladylike behavior and attitudes, general differences from normal girls and women, be more accepted and valued if they were boys or men? They wouldn’t have to care about toxic femininity or even “cis” people anymore. Some of them go so far as to dismiss all non trans and non-binary people. And it’s understandable why. Non trans and non-binary people are normies who don’t understand autism and don’t understand them. They might have been bullies or rejectors They feel safe belonging to the trans community because they’re all misfits who need belonging and acceptance.

    This is why it’s sad to see all these autistic girls on here making memes about being queer and trans. They’re these innocent looking weird quirky girls who want to belong and have friends and feel appreciated and human. And I see a lot of myself just a few years ago in them and totally relate 100%. I love these girls. these girls are so cool. They’re weird and amazing. I wish I could tell them they are their most badass authentic selves just being quirky autistic girls. That they don’t have to try and be a boy to be valid. Or reject their female bodies. But I am just over the queer bullshit. I don’t interact with them because they’re never going to take any advice. It’s not my place or in my power to convince them that they can be impowrred and happy autistic girls (human beings) without being a boy or being trans. Having gender dysphoria isn’t the same as being trans either; they can have these real mental feelings without needing to actually call themselves trans. They can get actual help for their gender dysphoria and not suffer the life of transition and FURTHER self hate, depression, loneliness, difficulty finding romantic and sexual partners, health issues, etc.

    But, it’s not my place to convince them. It really is the responsibility of the parents and therapists to empower the child (all children but especially mentally ill ones) and help them feel loved valid and good enough in their bodies and minds. Sadly many parents and therapists are failing to do this. In those cases, it’s up to the child herself to go through her journey and find peace with her body and mind, do the self help and better her life and cope with her issues. No trans teen is going to listen to anybody especially people they think of as hating them. And that’s sad because I have so much in common with them in like every way. If I were a little younger we’d probably all be friends in a little trans boy circle. Yet Im fully over my dysphoria, I have been doing the self help and I am fully accepting of myself being a weird autistic depressed young woman. All I can say is that it feels so much better than my dysphoric self hating trans days, and that I hope the girls I see being trans boys find the same type of peace.

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  • Anyone else have a specific type of pain/reaction etc. so often that its more annoying than scary?

    Like ope, I can feel a horrible stomach pain that will leave me on the toilet for two hours, scratching at the wall in pain, better grab my phone charger.

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  • My uncle used to be so nice. My father had so many siblings, yet his youngest brother is the only person that I knew longest ever since childhood.

    I should have seen the signs of how much of an image he and his wife try to hold up.

    HIs father, my grandfather passed away when I was in college. It made him man of the house now, but he is not ready for that position yet. After all, he is the youngest in his family, even compared to the girls.

    Respect your elders. Submit and be obedient, or leave.

    Ever since the funeral, we’ve been arguing often. Okay, girl… he’s just upset his dad died. Maybe he’ll change soon. He’ll be back… Right?

    The arguing continues. It went from petty nitpicking from the chores, the way I walked, talked, pretty much everything. Then he started to curse.

    Didn’t all elders say that swearing was bad?

    They say respect your elders, but they don’t actually give respect to the younger generation back.

    What are we, emotional punching bags?

    I am in acting school. We are arguing in the car again. It’s so hard to find a job. I’m living on my own for the first time. I’m in a new industry. Mother doesn’t believe in me and did something domestically violent that I’m still trying to see through, and he doesn’t care?

    “If you don’t find a job soon, I’ll make it so much harder…”

    Yeah, I know I’m a loser. You can tell by my glasses and awkwardness that I was never part of the cool crowd.

    Are you ashamed of me cus I’m not your trophy niece?

    We’re Southeast Asian, but you prep your kids like the 80’s jock stage dad on ‘Breakfast Club’.

    “Come on, I didn’t raise a loser…!”

    I’m in a different town a few months down the road, so at least I don’t have to see you in person.

    I try to open up to you about what mom just said. How she’s trying to do all these things for religion, so she could be ‘redeemed’.

    She wants to go to our version of heaven. One part of it is keeping her distance emotionally from me.

    I’m one of her regrets.

    Oh, so I shouldn’t exist?

    He basically turned it all around and spat it in my face.

    “I don’t care.”

    “Whenever I try to tell you what’s going on in my life, I feel I can’t open up to you. Did you get that email about mom turning to religion?”

    “No, I didn’t. I either deleted that or don’t remember, cus every email you send me makes you sound like a brat. If I showed them to anyone, they’d be like ‘yeah, she’s a brat’. You always say in your relationships how frustrated you are, maybe you’re the problem. Hang up before I get angry…!”

    I try to breathe.

    What just happened?

    I hold my pillow tight as it stains with tears.

    So basically, nobody wants me to exist. To be born.

    “Mommy, Uncle Hien just did something really bad…”

    I’m in my early twenties, and here I am talking like a baby.

    “You actually talked to that jerk?” Dad’s side of the family abandoned mother years ago when I was a kid. Her side of the family ditched her, too. “Where’s your self respect?”

    She’s the last person I want to discuss self respect to. She does let her own son call her fat after all.

    How could anyone stand to be insulted anymore in this family?

    My own brother even calls me overweight now and then.

    “Oh, we’re just trying to make you strong.”

    I already hate the word ‘strong’ from the phrase ‘come on strong’ when I messed up socially in making friends and dating. I was bullied for it.

    “Do you come on strong cus you’re autistic?”

    You’re not human, walking freak show.

    ‘Strong’ is such a cliche word already, it’s practically given to every girl like ‘beautiful’. The worst part about being strong is no one ask if you’re okay.

    Enough is enough, I’m not gonna put up with your crap anymore.

    Either acknowledge you hurt me, or leave.

    It’s been months since that phone call and nothing has really changed. He hasn’t replied to or acknowledge any of my other emails.

    Oh, so you’re just going to go about your day like nothing happened, and just pretend like everything’s okay?

    You don’t actually care about me as a person. I’m just your tool to make you look good, and I’m the shame of the family.

    All because of my autism diagnosis.

    “You always send me nasty emails. I can’t let you do this to me and my family.”

    I’m being nasty? Record yourself and see how you talk.

    “I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m just trying to tell you what’s going on. And what do you mean your family? I was never apart of it?”

    I have had it with this man.

    All the cursing, the threats, the degradation.

    I have had it with their shallow world and their hypocritical asses. As long as I’m like them, all pretty and perfect, you won’t judge me. I may vomit from that.

    I finally wrote this to them in an email.

    “You know what you all remind me of? Kardashians. Plastic Barbie dolls. Oh, and how much did that plastic surgery cost for your wife? Hope the push up bra didn’t break the budget.”

    I shouldn’t have said it, but it was true. I was jealous that their family, specifically the girls were way more prettier than me. My little cousin, their daughter had way more potential to be in the popular crowd than I ever did when I was her age. Being around them, it was high school all over again, the jocks verses the nerds. Having glasses doesn’t help.

    Since I am Southeast Asian, and have to respect my elders, if I said that in person, I’d be beaten the snot out of for being disrespectful. Then again, that’s all she is, plastic. I don’t think her slap would hurt as much.

    I’d be lucky if I got away with just a slap. I’d be this century’s Anne Boleyn with my head rolling on the floor.

    I didn’t stop there. Just to see if he was listening I called aunt more names that she was unattractive. I didn’t just name called her.

    I name called uncle, finally.

    “You’re still stuck in high school, aren’t you? Pushing your kids to get into sports and to act all cool? And you tell me I’m the one in a fantasy. Get over yourself, Hien. That popular girl you liked? She’d never go for a loser like you.”

    The first remark about calling my aunt unattractive was my first slip to a path of no return.

    I became a monster.

    A bully.

    A fearful coward like him who just wanted to fit in.

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  • Today I asked my partner to show me how to iron, so I could help around in the house, and I was afraid of it. It was too hot and steamy.

    It’s hard to not feel like a total waste of space on days like this.

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    The worst thing about being autistic and ADHD?

    My autistic brain making me go really obsessively fast into my special interest and my adhd brain going “ooh squirrel” and changing it too fast…

    …now I’m stuck with pug wallpaper when I don’t even like them like that no more 😂

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  • came here to ask about roles, is there like a system role out there or a name for a role were an alter exists to process one of your mental illnesses/conditions? cuz im p sure i exist to process our autism and that’s it. im not an ANP, but i dont feel like i fit any ep roles either 


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  • Happy Autism Acceptance Month! If you don’t know who this is, this is Gretchen Greene, Pupple’s love interest. She a ten-year-old Irish girl who has an unhealthy obsession with Pupple. Like, she’s Panini from Chowder. XD She can’t help herself. She loves him!

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  • Neurodiversity doesn\'t ignore difficulties, it acknowledges and accommodates them.

    #AutismSpeaks #LIUB #LightItUpBlue #AutismAwareness #REDInstead #ScrewBlue #BoycottAutismSpeaks #AutismAcceptance #AcceptanceNOTAwareness #AreYouAwareOfMeNow #LoveNotFear #AllAutistics #ActuallyAutistic April 4

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  • Do you want to know what sensory input is like for a neroudivergent person? For a neurotypical person, for the most part you’re able to hone in on a single sense, an image, the feeling of something, the taste or smell. Your brain is able to filter out excess sensations, and you can easily have a conversation without hearing the sound of wind outside or the humbuzz of lightbulbs or the out of sync breathing from your sleeping dogs or The Office theme song playing from your brothers room on loop. I can’t fucking do that. Imagine having 20 songs palying at once, and trying to focus on just 1 song. That’s the bare bones of what me and many other people’s lives are like, and thats just the audible sense, the same applies to every other sense.

    I can feel the fabric of my clothes at all times and the texture of the straw woven chair on my butt and the stagnant air fluttering by.

    I can smell every whiff of cow manure and chicken feed that flows around.

    I can see Every. Single. Damn. Movement. I can see (and hear) the soda bubbles beside me as I type this, the rising and falling of the the dogs chest, the crawling of ladybugs from the other side of the room. I can even see all the birds outside from my peripheral view, they’re looking for sticks and worms right now.

    I can hear the drying machine spinning around and thump of clothes when they hit the bottom from the living room, the passing conversation from girls riding their bikes across the street, every step from upstairs.

    The only time everything is “quiet” is at night. And even then, sometimes not. I can hear Evans fan and tv from the other room, the shuffling from downstairs, barking dogs across town, I can even hear all the bugs and rodents having what I can only assume is a disco in the walls. You want me to sleep when I can hear rats in the walls? Ok then.

    Every sense is turned all the way up with no off button, so please don’t get upset with divergent people when they can’t pay attention

    #autism#autismacceptancemonth #do tumblr tags work like insta tags? #no? #ok#actuallyautistic
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  • i was diagnosed with Autism around 1 year ago whcih was pretty late because i just turned 18 at first i hated my Autism but i have kinda acceptet my handicap the month of April is Autism Awareness Month


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  • i use diagnosis first language for my autism because it effects every aspect of my life. it effects how i process what’s happening around me, how i deal with emotional stimuli, how i perceive my gender, sexuality, and romantic attraction. everything is different for me because of it- i wouldn’t be the person i am without my autism. it’s a core part of my identity, and there’s nothing wrong with that. and person first language seems to be operating under the assumption that there’s something wrong with autism effecting every aspect of your life. of course, in some cases it can make you more prone to being overwhelmed, but it also makes me more prone to finding joy in the little things. it lets me relish in the smell of my morning coffee, feel the wind on my face in all its glory, draw for hours on end, and sing just because the sensation of it brings me joy. autism isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but it’s certainly not all misery and rain, either. basically what i’m saying is there’s nothing wrong with having a large part of your identity come from your experience as an autistic person, because autism is quite literally a different brain chemistry from what NT people have. it changes everything. and you’re allowed to be grateful to it for that

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    sorry I haven’t been posting much this pandemic has me a little depressed

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