Why do we narrate what we are doing? And do we narrate to ourselves? If I’m already doing something, why do I narrate it? Why does thinking have to be involved with doing? Why do I basically talk to myself in my mind? What is actually happening? It’s just my thoughts and me. Who’s me? I am me, my name is this and I was born there in that year and the life I’ve had has made me who I am today. But that identity of mine was done upon me. My person is a collection of circumstances and influences. My person isn’t my body because had I in the same body been raised by a different culture, country or tradition, I would have become a whole different person. So then the person is psychological. What I relate to as myself has always been the person with the identity. So the mind is psychological too. But there’s something always here to witness the life that’s being experienced. And that can only be described as a silent observer. My awareness or just awareness. An awareness experiencing the physical life of this person with the belief of being an identity/individual. The body and mind can be molded but whatever the final form will be, there will always be an awareness to experience what we call life from that perspective with their own unique way of circumstances and influences. So when I say I, I’m referring to my identity because that’s whom I’ve identified with my whole life. Who am I if I’m not the one that’s doing the thinking? That sense of I am, I exist, that I am aware of being aware, that’s the true self of my being. I am not the mind. I am not the body. I am the awareness of it all. This must never be lost sight of in the mind.
Remove the I as identity. I can still be an I but as in my self to be an awareness instead of the person. My whole life experience has always been my awareness of it. Since mind and body are observed, something is aware of that. That is I. What I am cannot be touched and yet it is here. This body will die but I can never die because I am timeless. Time is an idea of the mind. Fear of death is fear of losing consciousness because we identify ourselves to be the mind and body.
How do I stay as the awareness and not fall back into person mode? By practicing seeing life without thinking, remaining as the awareness of this life. Receiving the experiences through these perceptions without reacting to them. Mind and the content of the thoughts belong to the person/identity. There is no point in reacting negatively because life is happening as it is. Only the ego/self image/identity can be hurt by wanting things to be different. So just go with life like a river. Life is the dancer and I am the dance. Reactions can only come from the person/identity, from the self image, the self we think we are. It is not I who desires, fears or suffers. It is the mind/ego. And my whole life I have believed the mind/ego to be me. When I was simply the awareness “behind” the person.
It starts with just being. Sit and be. Don’t think or do. But also don’t try to not do because the mind will try to make not doing into doing something. No agenda. No plans. No, “What now?” Simply be your being. It is what we are effortlessly doing always. Focus on that. Focus on the fact that you are aware. Mind will try to distract you. Mind cannot be controlled but it can be ignored. Mind has only a hold over you if you agree with what it has to offer and that only happens when the content of that which is related to the person/identity, is believed to be true about who we think we are. But we are not the mind or the body so we do not have to listen to the mind. Only identification with the mind/person can cause suffering. Awareness of this is what we are.
“Life is a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.” - Bill Hicks