- Does he give them names? Absolutely no question about it. Most of them are named after Queen songs and lyrics but some of them are named after Aziraphale’s favorite books. One is named Shakespeare. It’s the rosebush.
- Do his plants know their names? Yeah of course how else will he threaten them? Naming their species isn’t that effective it’s like going, “Listen here human you better grow taller or else” it just doesn’t work you know?
- Look sometimes he rescues sad looking plants from grocery stores and he rescues them. No one needs to know. ESPECIALLY not Aziraphale.
- He is either
- “These plants will take whatever conditions I give them and LIKE IT”
- or
- He completely dotes on his plants and puts together every way possible for each individual plants to have their ideal conditions to thrive in
- He kills something simple like a spider plant and Aziraphale is like, “Want me to miracle another one?”
- “nO aNGeL iT’s nOT tHe sAMe” He feels guilty about it for decades, he doesn’t threaten a single plant for a month and they grow faster and more beautifully than they have in a long while in an attempt to make him feel better about it.
- It works
- I’m not saying that when Aziraphale was the gardener Nanny Ashtoreth lost her fucking mind but she lost her fucking mind
- She stressed about that garden almost constantly it completely plagued her thoughts
- Cue a sitcom style episode with Brother Francis accidentally finding newer and more horrific ways of killing plants with Nanny Ashtoreth foiling his plans from a distance and almost getting caught every time
- Look she doesn’t want to hurt her angel’s feelings okay he’s trying his best
- It turns out ok in the end because Warlock is smart and whispers to Brother Francis what the problem is (not before having a separate conversation with Nanny about it and calling her out on her bullshit excuses) and Brother Francis smiles and later asks Ashtoreth if she’ll kindly help him with the garden because he’s having a hard time managing it all on his own
- Look when Crowley sees a pretty garden where someone’s completely gotten rid of their perfectly mowed lawn in favor of native plants? That’s the best shit ever and sometimes he becomes Plant Cutting Exchange Partners with them
- Whenever a new nature center or plant nursery opens he HAS to visit it, ones with badly taken care of plants or underpaid workers quickly find themselves without any business, and most of the workers somehow find suspiciously good jobs in suspiciously good positions at better nurseries
- Along that same vein the sheer amount of plant nurseries within a twenty mile radius of Crowley’s flat is also highly suspicious
- He has 1000 pairs of pruning sheers everywhere at all times because he can never find where he put them, same goes for watering cans
- He chose his flat on the sheer fact that it has a lot of natural lighting and north and south facing windows and I cannot be convinced otherwise
- Old books and moisture and humidity don’t mix well which is one of the only reasons Crowley and Aziraphale don’t live together because many of those plants need humidity y’all
