Tristan whose literally in the party and has been most of the game and it’s like too long of a walk back to the capital: hey hey- you should take me with you to this dead valley place like I wanna fight evil
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[$$$__$$$__+_+_$+$+$+]
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[the antarctican landscape. as serene as hell itself. rarely any wildlife, some great materials for a snow castle and, awakening from a crash in a pile of snow, one disoriented footmuncher.]
[using his hands as leverage, footmuncher raises himself above the pile of snow he was buried under. he surveys his surroundings.]
FM: ...
[he attempts his radio, and picks up a signal.]
mafia soldier: Mafia Soldier to Footmuncher. Go ahead.
FM: heyy, dude... i may have fallen asleep during one of my flights and gotten lost again... could you, uh, help me out?
mafia soldier: Possibly. Report systems conditions, if you please.
FM: i feel like shit. i think my legs are busted. i don't remember much, splitting headache-
mafia soldier: [writing down notes] Alright, that'll be all. I'll get Patchwork to tow you back and you'll be all good. How's that sound?
FM: that sounds nice. might need an... an energon transplant, too. the snow's all colorful. . ,. , ,,,
mafia soldier: ...Footmuncher?
[Footmuncher's signal is lost with a thump. Get Patchwork stat.]
[Stomping.]
mafia soldier: Patchwork! Sorry to disturb you, but we got a situation!
PW: oh, shit. i-uhm, sorry. paperwork and caffeine. what's going on?
mafia soldier: Footmuncher's in trouble somewhere and I need you to recover him. I've already triangulated his location for you, a-
[patchwork is already rolling out the bunker door.]
[Observe the damage to Patchwork's office door.]
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[..,.,;';'?"?;'!'?"!!!?¡‽‽«»„*:;:±±--]
[footmuncher awakens again, with a much more... calmer attitude, and less energon.]
FM: ...eugh... whuh...
[a faint, russian horn is heard in the distance. footmuncher uses a floodlight as a distress beacon, and fights to keep himself awake.]
...
[eventually, patchwork arrives.]
PW: footmuncher, for primus' sake!
FM: heh. hey doc.
PW: why did you go and fly around at midnight, dude??
FM: wanted to try out autopilot mode. it sucks.
PW: as i can see. here, your legs are... are... dear primus, your legs are fucked. let's get you back home.
FM: alright, well. no promises.
[footmuncher, using what little energy he has left, climbs onto patchwork's rocket tubes and is carried off into the distance.]
-
[Chug a third cup of tea.]
[BEEP. Take a look at the terminal, read the message from Patchwork in record time. Remotely activate the bunker door.]
[patchwork rolls into the base, with footmuncher sliding off of his rocket tubes. patchwork transforms, picking footmuncher up like a princess, carrying him into his office.]
[Get out of the chair, and prepare for a fourth cup of tea.]
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[patchwork loads footmuncher onto the operation table, rushes to grab his tool table and begins hasty work on footmuncher, starting at the legs.]
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[Wait for Patchwork. Encounter a... surprisingly demonic visage.]
Lizzie: Greetings. I don't believe we've met yet, sir.
mafia soldier: Pull up a chair, ma'am. Let's converse.
[Lizzie does so, squatting down next to Mafia Soldier.]
mafia soldier: Well, I suppose I should introduce myself first. I am Mafia Soldier, a man who's lived for 200 or more years. I haven't had the best set of cards dealt to me. If you want to hear some stories later, I'm totally down to tell you some. Now, who are you?
Lizzie: They call me Lizzie, because I was never given a proper name. I forgot for how long I've been alive, but my life is filled with death and sex. Thought I'd fit in here, and I have... a personal situation, if I may explain further.
mafia soldier: As you wish.
Lizzie: So there's this fanatic crewmate I met back on Polus, a blue one. He's... a bit insane about trying to hunt me down? I think he wants my "pelt", whatever that is, or he just wants to keep me as a slave for some reason. Maybe he wants to kill me... and I wanted to ask if you could keep me safe?
mafia soldier: ...This reminds me. I have a friend who's very good at this sort of 'bodyguard' stuff. Give me a second.
Lizzie: Alright.
[Get up. Time to call the TYRANT. Soldier takes his phone out of his pocket, and dials the Titan of Time.]
[Moments later, the Thing With a Mile Wide Smile arrives with his glitch-teleportation.]
TYRANT: GREETINGS.
Lizzie: Hello there.
TYRANT: ...ANOTHER SPACESUIT, SOLDIER?
mafia soldier: Kolga's girlfriend, as far as I know.
Lizzie: Yeah, he's really nice. I know a couple of the guys here, so I figured I'd stay here for a couple days.
TYRANT: ANY PARTICULAR REASON, OR ARE YOU A NOMAD SORT OF PERSON?
Lizzie: There's a blue crewmate after me, and he's managed to chase me to every single hiding place I've ever used, from back alley to dumpster to cave 'n' cliff. Could you make sure he doesn't get to me?
TYRANT: WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD I BE IF I DIDN'T PROTECT A FRIEND, HMM?
[Lizzie's footing grows loose.]
[TYRANT kneels down to match Lizzie's squatting height.]
TYRANT: I PRESUME THIS ISSUE HAS TROUBLED YOU FOR QUITE SOME TIME?
Lizzie: ...Y-yeah. [She hugs the TYRANT.] Thank you. Very much.
TYRANT: I KNOW WHY YOU'VE DONNED ME WITH THE THERAPY ROBOT NICKNAME NOW, SOLDIER.
[Chuckle.] mafia soldier: I can tell.
[TYRANT pats Lizzie's back, and feeling her leaning into him, he holds her up and decides to scratch her chin.]
[Head over to the kettle. Gotta make the tea now, soldier.]
[a yawning bonecrusher rolls out of the hallway, and takes a seat on the kitchen counter.]
BC: hey, little dudes.
TYRANT: GREETINGS, BONECRUSHER. THERE'S A NEW SPACESUIT IN THE BASE TODAY.
BC: oh? cool. [he scoots over a bit.] how'zit going, purple lady?
Lizzie: It's going... unusual. Being on the run can make you get emotional quickly.
mafia soldier: I've got personal experience, I can understand. Welcome to your new home, if you wish.
Lizzie: I am absolutely staying here, no argument. Everyone here that I've met so far is just... [A small stim.] Why would I leave?
TYRANT: GLAD TO HEAR IT, MA'AM. WHAT IS YOUR NAME, IF I MAY ASK?
Lizzie: Lizzie's m'name, and... well, I'm really horny. Especially for my boyfriend.
BC: oh shit, me too. that's so cool! [he pets lizzie's head.]
Lizzie: Gotta say, I love the attention... who's that?
[footmuncher arrives from patchwork's office.]
BC: oh, thats... footmuncher? did you get bulkier since we last saw you, buddy?
FM, looking at his upgrades: ...you could say that. i've got an armored form like rockie's now, dude, and i feel fucking awesome! [he sits next to the smaller lads.] how's it going, everyone?
Lizzie: Pretty good. Name's Lizzie. Hi.
TYRANT: YEAH, IT'S GOING ALRIGHT. NOT THAT MUCH MURDERING YET, VERY PEACEFUL.
mafia soldier: The voices have gotten quieter. Glad to see you've recovered from the crash.
FM: [He retract his armor.] so, y'all wanna converse for a bit?
BC: i'm down.
mafia soldier, Lizzie: Cool.
TYRANT: I'VE GOT TO GO, ACTUALLY. APOLOGIES, EVERYONE, TIGHT SCHEDULE. GOOD DAY, EVERYONE. [The TYRANT dissipates.]
[Lizzie topples over.] Lizzie: ...damnit. [She giggles, and gets back onto her feet.]
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