#bad experiences Tumblr posts

  • Express yourself, don’t repress yourself

    Portugal is one of the few countries that hasn’t gone for a 100% English entry, if not the remaining one. They probably would have with Blasted Mechanism’s “Rebellion”, and due to my bias for rock songs may have some shots in my top 10 (even though that live performance is a bit off).

    Anyway, onto what matters.

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  • I was gonna make a list of bad experiences with m*n but then I realized I don’t have 2 weeks of time to write a 700 page essay…

    #radfem#radical feminism#bad experiences #tbh everything bad i've ever seen or heard was caused by men #i'm tired
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  • How is it that at every single appointment I have with a doctor, I feel terrified, afraid I’ll say the wrong thing, afraid I’ll say something the wrong way, afraid if I ask about a specific diagnosis or medication I’ll make myself sound like a hypochondriac or a drug addict and destroy my chances of getting any actual help? Why do I always feel like I have to lie, I can never actually be honest, ever? How is it that after every single appointment I have with a doctor, I feel violated, dismissed, invalidated, the same way my narcissistic mother made me feel as a child, like I’m a useless, selfish brat making things up for attention and bothering everyone? Why do I need a good cry after every single appointment I have with a doctor?

    Why do doctors have to be like this?

    I’ve been sick for over five years, and it’s gotten worse over time. My symptoms are not complicated, but apparently they don’t precisely match any single common diagnosis.

    My symptoms come and go. A few months ago I started keeping a daily log of them, so I could give the doctors more precise information. I’ll typically have 1-3 weeks of feeling more or less fine, then 2-4 weeks of:

    • intense fatigue, like I’ve been drugged all the time; it’s almost impossible to get out of bed in the morning; I fall asleep at my desk at work and I’m too tired to play video games at home; my body feels like it weighs a ton and I can hardly move
    • headaches, lightheadedness, brain fog; difficulty concentrating, difficulty remembering things
    • a low fever that comes and goes throughout the day, just enough to make life more difficult, usually paired with chills
    • terrible joint pain, especially in my knees, wrists, shoulders, and jaw, sometimes in my hips, and generally in any joint that gets any use; the pain is worst in the afternoon and evening, after I’ve been up and about all day, and it’s lightest in the morning after I’ve been lying in bed all night
    • shortness of breath whenever I do even the slightest physical activity, from taking a walk to going up the stairs to simply getting out of a chair; sometimes breathing is even painful

    All of these symptoms are far worse in the summer when it’s hot out, especially if I go out in the sun, which irritates my skin.

    My knees hurt more and more all the time, even in the light periods between episodes. Recently my knees have started making clicking and crunching noises when I go up and down stairs. Now and then my kneecaps get a bit swollen, like there’s a bubble of liquid under the skin, and I have trouble walking at all.

    The first doctor I went to with these symptoms was an older man. He told me it sounded like anxiety and to see a psychiatrist. If my knees hurt so badly, he said, I should stop going up and down stairs, stop taking walks, stop using my knees. That was the end of it. No tests, no specialists, nothing.

    The second doctor, an older woman, said roughly the same thing. Sounds like anxiety. Go to therapy. If your knees really hurt, we’ll send you to an expensive alternative medicine practitioner who will charge you for 45 minutes what you earn in a day and try to sell you all kinds of expensive snake oil nonsense. That was the end of it. No tests, no specialists, nothing.

    At long last, after wasting several years and a terrifying amount of money on nothing, I found a new doctor. A young woman. My new GP. She listened to me. She never said the word “anxiety”. She never asked about my mental health at all. She took careful notes and asked a lot of follow-up questions. She was concerned. These symptoms could be quite serious, she said. She wasn’t sure what it might be, but we needed to do something about it. She sent me for blood tests immediately to rule out a simple vitamin deficiency or a few common infections. They all came back normal aside from my vitamin D, which was low (but not low enough to cause these problems), and she said to start taking a supplement (which I did).

    She said the next step was to go to a rheumatologist. It might be something autoimmune. She warned me that it might be a long road to a diagnosis, and that I shouldn’t get my hopes up too high, because anything that might cause these symptoms is likely to be chronic. But she hoped we would at least find an answer.

    I love that woman to death. I will never go to another GP. At age 34, I had found a doctor who listened to me, took me seriously, and was genuinely concerned and interested in helping me. For the first time in my life. At age 34.

    She sent me to a rheumatologist. It took me 2 months to get an appointment.

    That appointment was today, and now that I’ve had my good cry, I need to write down what happened, because I still can’t believe it.

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    When I’m meeting someone for online dating, I insist that:

    •it’s in a public place (it’s safer)

    •preferably during the day or early evening (makes it clear it’s not a hook-up)

    •not at a bar (it’s awkward to wait around there on my own. Coffee shops are better for this & they are quieter)

    •it’s just for a coffee or a short meeting (if it’s bad, I can leave quickly. If it’s good, it can always be extended)

    •it’s fairly soon after a few messages exchanged. (I’d rather get to know the real person, face to face. Plus I want to make sure the guy is OK with actually meeting people, not a big chicken or a time waster. And you can see if there is any chemistry/attraction there.)

    •the first few dates are meeting up in public (time to get to know & trust the person a bit)

    •I don’t tell them exactly where I work or my full name until we’ve dated a few times

    We’ve all had bad dates & learned from them.

    I once drove an hour to a nearby town for a first date. We had already committed to spending the day together & had an OK time, but never contacted each other after that. The quick coffee date rule came from that… we could have seen we had no chemistry & not wasted a whole day.

    The no bar rule came from agreeing to meet a guy in a pub & he was a no show. A woman alone in a bar gets a lot more attention than one in a cafe.

    The meeting quickly rule comes mostly from close friends who had big internet romances with guys that went on for months with messaging each other lots, and talking often on the phone, sharing everything about each other. They’d finally make plans to meet, and fly across the country with all sorts of big plans, and the guy wouldn’t show up. Were they married & lying the whole time? Or lying about other stuff? Or just too chicken? It was a big waste of money & emotionally crushing to my friends.

    The meeting in public for a few dates rule comes from experience too. Went on a couple dates & then was hanging with a guy at his place. While watching a movie he started talking about how not that many Jews were killed in WWII & pulling out books to back this up. He had seemed pretty normal up to that point… This rule also weeds out the guys just looking for a hook-up.

    Not telling them too much rule comes from the guys that don’t make it past the first couple dates. Some don’t take the ‘you are nice, but I’m not feeling the chemistry’ message well, and blow up your phone with messages/calls. You can change your phone number if you have to, but at least they don’t know enough about you to become a real pest. I’ve had co-workers who have had guys hanging around outside our business, and another friend who was stalked.

    I know it’s a pain, but the good guys will understand & make the effort. Stay safe!

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  • gosh halloween sucks here

    in my lane (not my lil ‘close/street’ just the lane we’re on) there have already been several issues. such as two houses being broken into, several houses being egged, many cars being egged and honestly the worst of all would be a group of teenage boys firing fireworks at this little kid trick or treating with his mum.they actually lit fireworks and threw it at this kid, who i think is alright besides being terrified.

    i fucking hate halloween here, it’s so chaotic.

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  • I don’t like vegans at all.

    #vent#idk why#i mean #i do know #bad experiences#with vegans #sorry if ur a vegan #but im biased af against you
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  • Has anyone ever just had their mind automatically close itself off to subjects they were constantly forced to listen to or experience as a child and couldn’t really get out of because you were either too young to be left alone or because you’re a teen so you’re “just a kid and this experience will benefit you later in life”? And it does… In some way… but you remember just being inexplicably bored? Does anyone just resent that subject and consistantly avoid it because of bad memories associated with it because a family member is just so obsessed with it that you could show all the signs of being uncomfortable with the subject including not talking to them for around a year and a half because of it?! Or is that just me?!

    #trauma#family issues#bad experiences #not ptsd but I kind of don't like it #i left out the subject name to avoid insulting people that are pretty chill on here
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  • #🔥▓◤out of dragon nip: ooc post◥ #stop sending me this #you cant change my mind sorry #bad experiences#shitty people#just stop#mobile post
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    new fursona;;;;;

    #HES A BUPPY!!!! #also im ajdvdjdbdnd anxious about suiting again #bad experiences
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  • I have to remember that I have had the misfortune to meet people that I have, that most people remain as innocent and as interesting as they come.

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  • I want to date someone who brushes their teeth

    It isn’t my fault if satistics push me to date women

    #women #brush your teeth men #you might get a women #bad experiences#moving on #i was bi anyways #excuses to your parents #lgbtqa+
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  • Matsu is now side eyeing the Netherlands entry. Country? All the damn side eye. 

    #loup watches eurovision #matsu hates country #bad experiences
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  • Day 97 - 11:07

    Observation: The bad things will always hurt, but what you do in the face of it matters.

    #observation#positive #I need something to pick me up #bad experiences #what you do matters #dont listen to people #observer#day 97#11:07am
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  • The holiday season is depressing

    #my no family having ass #bad experiences #i just wanna crawl into a hole #hibernation style
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  • Experiences in life are what shaped you.

    #and what i am now is because of my experiences #bad experiences#horrible past#personal#quote#quotes#my thoughts
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  • well, my yokai watch twitter is dead, but I’ll still be posting yokai watch content on tumblr as well as RT and draw some less spoilery things on my main twitter.

    #spoonblabs #it's sad but yeah #bad experiences
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  • i was looking for therapists in my area (trauma therapy in particular) and i found someone i could contact but then the thought of starting therapy again gave me a headache and made me feel dizzy and nauseous so there’s that

    #bad experiences #i can't function on my own but therapy has never really helped me either #i cannot function either way
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  • I have had some really bad experiences which has led to me doubting who I am and my abilities. I’ve let these experiences and also other people’s opinions destroy the opinion I have of myself and the things I can achieve. Now I have this fear in me and when I go to try new things I second guess myself. This has affected my life, my faith, my education pretty much everything. This is something I’m still struggling with. I’m afraid, I’m scared, I’m worried, I’m stressed and I’m tired. I’m sick of not being secure with who I am. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why I feel this way. I now may have this opportunity to try something new and I’m feeling bad about it and I don’t know what to do 😔😔😔😔😔.

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