9. Where did I go?
Lost & Found.
The events from that night left you agitated, you felt as if you were abruptly woken up from a dream and unable to go back to sleep. Things were not going to be the same with Iwaizumi threatening to break everything you worked so hard to build back up. He showed up like a fragment of your deepest fears.
You weren’t scared of him, but you feared what his presence carried along with, darkness. The kind of darkness that suffocates your thinking with fog that never seems to dissipate, and leads you to drown in a sea of self-doubt. Once again, you were living controlled by your fears, the ones you thought you overcame a long time ago, but living without fear is no easy task, and no one truly lives fearlessly until they face and embrace those things that keep us up all night. Maybe that encounter was a signal for you to do it, but you just didn't feel ready.
“Are you sure you are not planning to take a last-minute flight to France and surprise all of us?” Osamu asked, taking his cases out of the trunk of Atsumu’s car, you looked at him for a second, assimilating your surroundings. You were functioning on autopilot and snapped back to reality just now. “‘Cause if you are, you can tell me, no one will know.” Right, they were traveling for the tournament that evening and you decided it was best if you didn’t go.
“Nope.” You laughed it off.
“Are you sure?” He raised a brow.
“Yes, ‘Samu, I’m sure.” You closed the trunk and turned around to see Hana waiting for the both of you. “I couldn’t get off work.”
“That’s bullshit. You have three assistants and we are off-season, and I could’ve paid for your trip if you wanted.” She said, knowing that money wasn’t a problem but another excuse. “You were planning to surprise Atsumu and then backed out.”
“You know why I’m not going.” You sighed, not wanting to fight with her.
“Yes, and I still think it’s stupid.” She pushed her sunglasses back. “Are you really going to stop coming to Atsumu’s games just because your ex is there?”
“I’m not having this conversation today, Hana.” You stated, not wanting to start an argument.
“Or ever.” She muttered, taking her bags to start walking inside the airport, leaving you and Osamu alone.
“Sorry about that.” Osamu looked at you, his lips forming a straight line while you stayed quiet for a second. “She’s just worried about you.”
“I know.” You sighed. “Take care, ‘Samu.” You clenched your fists on your sides and saw him walk away.
Gripping the steering wheel, you drove back to your place, focusing on the road instead of your thoughts and regrets. Atsumu wanted you there, and after all your calls with him you noticed that you weren’t the only one having a hard time. Not only was he emotionally exhausted from worrying about you, but he was also dealing with being possibly benched during the tournament. He thought that having you there would motivate him, but when you broke the news that your absence was definitive he looked heartbroken, but he didn’t say a word about it, and that’s what made you feel even worse about not going.
It wasn’t his fault you were a coward with zero confrontational skills, and still, he understood your motives and your need for space. Of course, his friends and teammates made sure to express their concerns about Atsumu’s attitude the following weeks after the incident since he was not being himself, and spending more and more hours training to cope with his frustration. Sakusa was the most worried out of all of them, so he kept you updated about your boyfriend.
Sakusa had a bad reputation. He was known for being blunt and apathetic, many thought he had no friends and that he was a very closed person, but contrary to popular belief, Sakusa was a good friend. Of course, no one would believe that especially coming from Atsumu’s mouth, but the setter found in Sakusa someone to confide his biggest secrets and concerns, and since you were an important part of Atsumu’s life, he also cared about you.
Since the night of your reencounter with Iwaizumi, Atsumu was restless. Constantly overthinking, distracted, and failing tosses. He was completely out of it. Not only did everyone notice his unusual clumsiness, but they could also feel the tension between him and Iwaizumi. They went from best buddies to strangers in a matter of hours, Atsumu asked for another trainer to assist him in the mornings and avoided Iwaizumi during breaks despite the trainer’s attempts to talk to him. Everyone in the training facility tried to look past the tense atmosphere around your boyfriend and Iwaizumi, which was very hard considering they had to be in the same room all day.
It was even harder when they had to be on the same plane for almost twelve hours, so the opposite hitter made sure that Iwaizumi’s seat was as far as possible from Atsumu to avoid trouble. Lucky for him, the staff stayed one floor below the players at the hotel and Sakusa could rest from his hard labor.
“This is ridiculous, Oikawa, I can’t even be in the same room as him. I just want to say sorry for the stuff I said the other night.” Iwaizumi complained on the phone to his best friend.
“You do realize that what you said is not that easy to forget, let alone forgive?” Oikawa replied.
“Yes, I know, but I’m trying to amend things so I can talk to her next.”
“You're still on that train…”
“Yes, Oikawa, I am. I need to talk to her and clear things up so we can go on with our lives.” Iwaizumi’s sentence was followed by a few seconds of silence from the other line. “What?”
“Nothing.” Oikawa sighed. “It's just that the only one who hasn’t moved on is you, Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi was the one who remained silent this time. It was unfair, he thought for the nth time, how you seemed to be doing just fine and he was still stuck.
“Well, I need this, and I swear after I get my closure, I’ll leave her alone.” He stated.
“Maybe you should consider another way to get your closure, not because you found her it means she’s going to talk to you.”
“We are adults, I think we can get to a middle ground.” He said with flawed confidence. Oikawa clicked his tongue.
“Whatever you do, don’t count me in. You know I’m on her side.” The setter said, making Iwaizumi roll his eyes.
“I know I can’t count on you.”
“Oh, don’t start playing the victim again, I told you then, and I’m telling you now, everything you break, I have to pick up.” He explained.
“I’m not gonna break anything this time, I’ll be civil and make it short, but first I need to get through Atsumu.”
“Good luck with that,” Oikawa said, sarcastically. “I have to go, I’ll see you later.” He ended the call. If he was being completely honest, he found himself wanting to talk to Iwaizumi less and less since your encounter. Hajime called him almost immediately, freaked out, but he sounded almost happy, even after receiving a punch from Akaashi.
You called the next day, voice hoarse, probably from crying, and frightened. Iwaizumi’s ignorance of your feelings and his insistence started turning into something malicious, almost spiteful in Oikawa´s eyes. Not that his friend ever listened, but this time was different. Everyone tried to talk sense into him, but he was set on one goal: talking to you. No one knew what could he possibly be expecting from it, but he was constantly planning and rehearsing his apology.
Oikawa warned you about his intentions, you only nodded. Something in you already sunk in realization, that was relieving to the expecting parties in your feud with Iwaizumi. If it was bound to happen, at least you were somehow ready, even if you weren’t aware of it.
The night before their first match at the tournament, Iwaizumi started working on intercepting Atsumu. Ten minutes. That’s all he needed. So he scheduled Kiyoomi’s gym hours at night, right after Atsumu’s, so he could intersect him outside the locker room. He waited by the door, everyone must have thought he was some kind of creep peeking inside from time to time. “How long does he take showering?” He asked under his breath. He waited another five minutes until Atsumu came out of the locker room, hair wet and a towel thrown around his shoulders.
The setter was surprised to see Iwaizumi waiting for him, but chose not to acknowledge him and walked past him. “Miya, wait.” The trainer called to no avail, so he tried again. “Miya, please, just listen to me for a few minutes, let me explain myself. If you don’t want to help me after I finish, I'll stop bothering you.”
Atsumu stopped walking to look at Iwaizumi. He said nothing, he didn’t have to. “I know you must hate me.” Iwaizumi continued, testing the waters. “But I’m trying to do things right for once.”
“And what makes you think I want to be a part of this?” Atsumu asked, his shoulders were tense despite the hot shower he took.
“You love her.” He said, taking a step closer. “Please, just ten minutes.” The blonde looked away, debating himself if it was worth it, he did love you, and he would be lying if he said he never thought about the benefits of you getting closure. Maybe you’ll be more at peace if you finally put the whole thing behind you instead of sweeping it under the rug. So he said:
“Fine, but not here.” They walked outside the training facility, a few players from other teams were jogging or just hanging out by the door, none of them approached the two, by the look of their faces, they were up to no good. Atsumu leaned on a wall, arms crossed over his chest and brows furrowed. “Ten minutes.” He said, signaling Hajime that his time was counting.
“When Y/N and I started dating, we were inseparable, and she always made me so happy.” He said. “She always cared for me, and I always made sure to look after her, and then I had to leave for over a year when I started college.” Just like the man in front of him, he rested his weight on a lamppost. “It was hard, but we decided to do long distance. The plan was for me to finish my studies overseas, but I missed her like crazy, so I came back and we started living together.”
“We were fine for a while, but she started working overtime along with her apprenticeship, and I took a few extra courses. We were seeing each other less and less, and I was struggling a lot mentally. Being home felt so dull, compared to how happy I was back in America, and it was even worse when the only reason I came back was drifting away from me.” He paused for a second. “I felt pathetic, for being so dependent on her. It used to be the other way around, she used to be the needy one.”
Atsumu’s jaw clenched at the way Iwaizumi referred to you. “After a while, I couldn’t handle it anymore but I didn’t want to tell her, she was already under so much stress and I couldn’t find the words or the time to talk about it.” Listening to himself, Iwaizumi started to realize how stupid he sounded. “So I guess it was partially my fault, for never bringing it up.” He tried to amend.
“The semester before she left, I met this girl, Asui, and we got along very well. We worked together on a few assignments and we spent a lot of time together…” He breathed in, feeling his throat getting drier by the second. “There was a lot of tension between us, and I held myself back from getting closer with her, but one night after finishing a project… it just happened.”
“You never mentioned you were dating someone?” Atsumu asked, raising one of his brows. Iwaizumi shook his head. “Why?”
“I don’t know, I wasn’t close to anyone in that class, so I never brought it up.”
“But you were close to her.” Atsumu pointed out. Once again, silence reigned, Hajime was so painfully unaware, he never realized how clouded his logic was. “How long?”
“What?” The brunette asked, disoriented by his thoughts.
“How long did you screw with that girl?” Atsumu elaborated.
“A month, maybe. Y/N worked late nights, so we hung out at her place most of the time and I could still get home before she was there.” Iwaizumi paused, refusing to let his walls down. “I know it sounds fucked up…”
“It is fucked up.” Your boyfriend interrupted, making Iwaizumi grow frustrated. “You got it down to a T. Conveniently hiding your girlfriend of years to get all warm and cozy with some random girl.”
“You got it all wrong.” Iwaizumi tried to defend himself, making Atsumu laugh humorlessly.
“I can’t believe how the truth is right in front of your face, and you still can’t see it.” The taller of the two said, now standing properly. “You carefully crafted your love affair, counted every step, predicted every damn outcome, except the one where you got caught.” He stepped closer. “So sure of yourself, high above everyone, even the ones you claim to love.”
Atsumu’s words were harsh and aimed to hurt, his abrasive nature coming through, from the way he phrased his thoughts to the way he stood. He enjoyed the way Iwaizumi attempted to keep his composure, holding back tears and clenching his fists. So easy to read, so easy to take down. Forcibly opening his eyes.
“You lost the best thing you ever had, for what? What were you trying to prove?” He asked knowing there would be no answer from the man in front of him. “How much of a man you were? Pathetic.”
“I know I was wrong, that’s why I’m trying to fix it. I’m pathetic and stupid, and I don’t deserve her forgiveness or your help, but I need to at least try.” Iwaizumi was almost begging at this point. “You don’t know how sorry I am, Atsumu.”
“Yeah, for yourself.” Atsumu scoffed. “You’re sorry because you got caught. Now cut your little act, you are not going to get anything from me with those tricks.” They both looked away from each other, tired of going back and forth with no resolve.
“I’m not going to help you before you ask.” Iwaizumi nodded at the setter’s words. “At least not the way you want me to. I can’t force her to do anything she’s not willing to do. So when she’s ready, I’ll be the first one to tell you.” He explained. “But for now, stay away from her.”
With that, Atsumu walked away, entering the facility and leaving Iwaizumi alone. Well, that just makes things harder for him. He was beating himself mentally for thinking Atsumu would be the easy path to get to you.
“Shit.” He said to himself, walking in the opposite direction from the facility to clear his mind. He was pissed, he never liked people pointing out what he already knew, but did he really? Atsumu’s words echoed in his head and chased him despite how far he was walking from the spot they were minutes before. Everyone he asked for advice told him the same thing: ‘don’t disturb her peace.’
But what about his peace? All the sleepless nights, how worried he was, how alone he felt, the tears he cried… He wanted to be okay too.
He had to admit that the look in your eyes the moment you saw him broke his heart, and realizing it was you who Atsumu talked about with such adoration, broke his. You proved to him once again that you were better off without him, and he was convinced that he needed to talk to you and clear everything up, he deserved that much, and he would walk out of your life after that if that’s what you wanted.
In that precise moment, when he stopped dead on his track, probably one of his stupidest ideas popped up in his head. He turned back, running inside and straight to his room. “What are you doing?” The man he was sharing a room with, one of the physical therapists, asked. “Why are you packing your things?”
“I need to go.” Iwaizumi said, shoving everything he unpacked the day before into his suitcase. “Family emergency.” He lied. “Cover for me, please.”
His body moved before his brain could even process what he was doing. Heading out to the training room to talk to his boss and to get someone to cover for him. He got an earful from the head of the training team but left in the end. He took a taxi to the airport and waited for a few hours to board the extremely overpriced flight back home. He decided to ignore the loud beating of his heart and his shaking legs. This was his last chance, so he was going to get to you before anyone could object.
The national team met at their assigned training room early in the morning to get their routines done and replace their tapes. Atsumu laid on one of the beds, his body shivering from the sensation of the cold cream on his thigh, and his arm covering his eyes. It was too early and he was still jet-lagged. “Morning guys, sorry for the wait, I was rearranging the tabs.” The head of training entered the room, stress-ridden and tired. “Please, Iwaizumi had to leave yesterday, so I’ll be working with everyone who was working with him until we get someone from the tournament’s staff to help us.
“Is he okay?” Wakatsu asked as he stretched his arms.
“Yes, he said it was a family emergency and left late at night.” He explained. “But enough of that, we have a match to play today so let’s make it quick.”
Sakusa shot a glance at Atsumu, who was already staring at him in suspicion. “You don’t think he…?”
“No, impossible,” Atsumu answered before second-guessing. “Well, I don’t know, maybe.”
“Isn’t his friend playing too?” Sakusa was talking about Oikawa, Atsumu nodded. “Then let’s ask him.” When the staff finished their bandages, they headed to the courts where the teams were already setting up for their matches. Argentina in the far left of the salon, stretching and running drills. Atsumu spotted your brunette pretty easily, standing next to the net, tossing for his teammates.
“Atsumu-chan!” Oikawa called when he saw the two players walk over to him. It was the first time they met in person, but your boyfriend and best friend got to know each other through your weekly video calls. They got along very well, and you thought they were very much alike, so you were glad but also concerned about the synchrony of their devilish minds. “You should be honored to finally meet me.” Atsumu laughed, taking Oikawa’s extended hand and pulling him in for a short hug.
“In your wildest dreams.” He fired back.
“How did you know?” Oikawa teased before looking at Kiyoomi, who seemed impressed by their odd exchange of greetings. “Hey, I know you. You are the one with bendy wrists!” Sakusa nodded slightly. “Pleasure to meet you.” The ex-captain extended his hand again, Sakusa stepped back and stared at him.
“I don’t do handshakes.” Sakusa said bluntly, leaving Oikawa in an awkward position, retrieving his hand and looking at Atsumu again.
“Okay… So, what are you doing here, I saw the schedule, you guys play until ten right?” The brunette raised a brow.
“Yeah, but I came to ask if you know anything about Iwaizumi. Someone told us he had to leave yesterday. A family emergency, do you know anything?” Atsumu inquired, his tone suggesting his suspicions, and Oikawa catching up right away.
“No, he didn’t tell me.” Oikawa slowly walked towards the bench where he had his bag, grabbing his phone and starting to dial his best friend’s number. “He went home?” He asked before he heard the voice mail saying Iwaizumi’s phone was off. “He must be on the plane right now… I’ll try to get a hold of him later, don’t worry.”
“Text me if you know anything, please.” Atsumu stressed.
“Sure, I’ll keep you updated.” Oikawa reassured him. ‘He wouldn’t.’ Was his first thought, Hajime wasn’t one to make stupid decisions all of a sudden, especially if it compromised his work. But thinking back on his behavior, it was a possibility that he indeed was on his way to talk to you. “Shit.” He whispered. “Please don’t do anything stupid…”
Regardless of their worries, they still had to play. They were already on their second and last match of the day, Atsumu played three sets before switching with Kageyama. He was exhausted from the previous match, and his muscles were cramping. While he sat on the bench, an ice pack on his shoulder, he saw Oikawa standing by the door, waving his hand. He got up and told the assistant coach he needed the bathroom. Once he was with Oikawa, they walked out of the court and near the bathrooms. “You talked to him?”
“Not quite.” Oikawa sighed. “I called his mom, to see if she was alright. He doesn’t have many close relatives, so she was the only one that could be in trouble.”
“She’s doing perfectly fine.” Oikawa’s lips formed a straight line. Their assumptions were true.
“That son of a bitch…” Rage filled Atsumu’s eyes, fists going numb from how hard he was clenching his fists. “I’m going to kill him.”
“Wait, where are you going?” Oikawa followed your boyfriend as he stomped his way to the gym. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going home, I can’t get there before him, but I can be just in time to beat the shit out of him.” He pushed the doors and walked in, the brunette still behind him.
“What about your team?”
“They’ll be fine, they have Tobio.” Atsumu assured.
“Then I’ll go with you.” Oikawa insisted.
“No, you stay here and play. I’ll be fine, but I need to leave now.” Suna was able to hear the last part, coming from Atsumu’s lips.
“What? You’re leaving?” The long-haired man asked. “You can’t leave now, you must be kidding.” At the blonde’s lack of response, his demeanor changed completely, he was now worried. “Wait, are you serious?” Suna looked at Oikawa, who could only shrug in frustration.
“Coach, I’m leaving.” Atsumu announced when he finished gathering his belongings.
“Where do you think you are going, Miya? The match’s not over yet.” His coach reprimanded.
“Home. It's an emergency.” He stood in front of him.
“Is everything okay?” The coach toned his voice down a little.
“My girlfriend got in trouble and she has no one in the city.” He partially lied.
“Then go, but I’ll keep this in mind for the next season.” Relief ran momentarily through Atsumu’s body. He got lucky this time. The rest of his teammates kept asking questions, but he avoided them all, saying he would explain later. Osamu saw his brother leave the gym fuming, so he followed him.
“Oi, what’s your deal?” The gray-haired twin yelled from a distance, trying to catch up with his brother.
“That asshole left last night behind my back.” Atsumu snarled under his breath.
“Who?” Osamu was very lost.
“Iwaizumi! Who else?” Atsumu was exasperated, his speed making his breathing heavy. “He flew back home last night, he wants Y/N to listen to him. Tried to talk me into helping him, and when I said no, he got mad and left.”
“You are going after him?”
“What do you think I’m doing, ‘Samu? Of course I am, and don’t say you’ll come with me. You stay here, and I’ll call you when I get there.” Atsumu settled. This was no one’s business, not even his, but he swore he’d never let Iwaizumi hurt you again.
The airline had a field day with their second last-minute ticket to Japan sold in less than twenty-four hours. Atsumu was lucky enough to have a sponsorship with the same airline, he waited at the V.I.P lounge for a couple of hours before boarding. He left a few of his belongings back in his hotel room, he asked his brother to pick them up and bring them back when they returned later the following week as they scheduled in the first place, he had half the mind to think about anything other than to get to you on time.
“Y/N, there’s someone outside who insists on seeing you.” One of your assistants announced, standing by your door. You twisted your mouth in annoyance, you were about to leave for your lunch break.
“Do you know who they are?” The girl shook his head.
“Never seen him in my life. Do you want me to tell him you’re busy?” You smiled at her proposition and sighed.
“No, let him in. It’s better if I get over with it quickly.” She nodded and left to call the unknown man that waited outside. You hid the container with your food on your top drawer and sighed again in defeat. You were really hungry. You heard the door open as you took your glasses from your desk. “Sorry for the wait, so how can I help you?” You finally looked up, eyes adjusting to the magnified view of your glasses. Your heart almost stopped when you recognized the figure in front of you.
“I honestly don’t know, never thought I’d get this far.” Hajime smiled awkwardly. “Hey.”
“Hi.” You cleared your throat. “What are you doing here? Isn’t the team playing abroad?” You asked, clearly nervous from his presence.
“Came back early, I needed to talk to you.” He explained shortly.
“How did you find me?” You mentally slapped yourself, it was obvious.
“I connected the dots, Atsumu told me you worked with his team, I just looked for the facility…” He paused, heart threatening to come out of his mouth in any second. He swallowed his nervousness and asked: “Can we talk?”
You analyzed your possibilities. You had none, it was a dead end. No escaping route this time. So after a few seconds of piercing silence, you nodded. “Yes, but not here.” Your words made him recall his talk with Atsumu hours ago. You stood up from your chair. “Follow me.”
He did. Walking slightly behind you as you walked through the hallways of your workplace, looking for the nearest exit. He noticed your stance and demeanor, you were tense but your chin was still up. You waved to every one that passed you by, trying not to look at the man behind you. You guided him outside the training center, to the small café across the street that opened a few months ago. He ordered water, you kept to yourself.
You weren’t staying for long.
“It’s been a while.” He affirmed.
“It has.” Was your answer. “I suppose you want to explain yourself.” You fidgeted with your bracelets under the table, fingers grasping the charm Atsumu gave you for your first month. You traced his initials engraved in it for comfort.
“I do.” You nodded at his response, signaling him to start, expecting nothing and everything at once.
So he did. He narrated everything he did and didn’t do. How he felt when he came back from America, stressing and promising he never had other women while he was away, how he felt pathetic and needy, and lastly how he found Asui. You stopped looking at him two minutes into his explanation, staring into space, but still listening intently. Every word spilled from his mouth furthered your disappointment. You remembered everything Asui told you, and comparing their stories, you could tell he wasn’t missing many details, except the ones that mattered.When he finally stopped talking, you asked:
“And why did you hide the fact we were dating? Your classmates worked at our place once or twice, what did you say, that I was your roommate?” You noticed his eyes widening at your questions.
“I wasn’t close to anyone in that class, only Asui.” He hesitated.
“She didn’t know about me either.” You mused. “She told me.”
“She talked to you?” You nodded slowly, still not looking at him. “I’m not going to excuse my actions, Y/N, I know I was wrong.”
“Then why did you do it?” You spared him a glance. He puffed his chest, not sure of what he was going to say next.
“I don’t know… I guess I just felt like you didn’t love me anymore.”
An involuntary laugh left your mouth. Was he being serious? After all you did for him, he thought you didn’t loved him?
“You’re such an asshole.” You muttered in disbelief.
“I’m sorry.” He looked down. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. But you didn’t need me anymore, and I missed the feeling of being wanted. You were so immersed in your job and school, we barely spent time with each other.”
“Please.” You stopped him. “Shut up, Iwaizumi, you’re making it worse.” Furious, that’s what you were. “You’re unbelievable.” Your change of demeanor shook him. Maybe you weren’t so willing to forgive him.
“No, you don’t.” You interrupted. “You really don’t. You did all of this because you couldn’t communicate with me?” No response from him. “I was too immersed in my fucking job because I was saving money to buy plane tickets to California… I wanted to spend our anniversary there, and I wanted it to be special. I looked after myself because you were busy too. I exhausted myself so we could have a future together, Iwaizumi.” You ran your index finger under your eyes to get rid of the stray tears that escaped your eyes. “Of course I wanted you. More than fucking anything.”
“I wanted to make you proud.” A pause was necessary, you needed air. “You didn’t want me. You wanted a helpless girl to feed your fucking ego; and you more than anyone know, that I’ve never been helpless.”
Never were, and never will.
“You did all of this because you wanted to hurt me.” You dropped a bomb on him.
“What? No, Y/N, hurting you wasn’t my intention.” He rushed to amend.
“You tried to make me miserable, and feel what you were feeling, because between you and me. You are the helpless one, Hajime.”
Iwaizumi’s body felt on fire, humiliation making his ears burn red. “If that’s everything you have to say, then I’m leaving.” You announced getting up.
“Wait, no, we haven’t fixed this yet.” He tripped with the table as you walked across the street. He held your arm, stopping you from entering the parking lot. “Y/N, please, I’m begging you.”
“You are hurting me.” You said, snatching your arm away from him.
“You don’t know what I’ve been through, Y/N, all those years have been hell for me.” He tried to tower over you, and even if you were scared of his much bigger figure, you weren’t letting down.
“Really? You think it was any better for me?” You laughed in his face.
“Well you don’t look so sad, you got over me pretty fast don’t you think? You must be very happy with your hotshot boyfriend, while I was worried sick for you.” You paused after hearing his words, rage numbing your senses. He regretted that instantly, but he was angry now, too.
“No.” You choked out, tired of keeping your composure. “Get out of here, now. You don’t get to say shit like that, Iwaizumi. You don’t get to judge me, and you don’t get to disrespect me like that.” You started walking away, but he stopped you again, making you turn around to see him.
“You left without a word, playing your stupid hide and seek game, no one heard from you for months. You can’t keep avoiding this, Y/N, this is ridiculous!” He dared to yell at you, so you snapped, pulling away from his touch.
“Wanna know what’s ridiculous? That I moved to another continent and avoided you for as long as I could because I didn’t want to see your face ever again, and you still don’t get the fucking hint.” You were breathing heavily, his presence was nauseating. “That’s ridiculous.” You emphasized. He remained quiet, only feeding your fury with his sorry expression.
“Nothing to say now?” You asked, all your frustration and pain turned into pure venom. “If getting my life back together with someone that respects me is enough for you to insinuate I’m easy, then so be it, but I might just need to remind you that you were the one who cheated in our relationship. You brought this upon yourself the day you decided to lie to me and everyone around you, because that’s what you are, Iwaizumi.” He looked at you, waiting for your next words.
“A liar that couldn't keep up with his own show, thinking everyone would just play along with it, you are so full of yourself you think you deserve forgiveness only for you to be able to sleep at night.” You wiped your tears with a quick movement and continued. “I’m not a situation you need to handle, believe me, I was doing great without you, and the last thing I need is your apologies. I have my life figured out this time, and I’m happy because you aren’t in it.”
“Hate me all you want, Y/N, but we need closure. Please, let’s put an end to this.”
“No, you need closure. I got mine a long time ago, and it’s not my fault you couldn't move on. I don’t look to our past anymore, and I’m tired, so, so tired of running away. I walked away because I didn't had the mind to go through it at the time, and when I left I still tried to protect you and your name, I lost almost all my friends, left everything behind, all because of you.” You spat. “And still I couldn't bring myself to hate you.” Iwaizumi’s expression softened.
“But now, you don’t know how much I wish I did. You didn't deserve any of my sympathy, too bad it took me years to realize that.” You stepped back, but not away. “It took me over a year to open up to someone else and I was lucky enough to find Atsumu, and I’m not going to let you take that away from me.”
“I’m not forgiving you, because it’s not going to do the wonders you think it will. You need help, professional help because you’re fucked up inside. I’m sorry for whoever had to deal with you all these years and you don’t know how glad I am to be free from you.” Thick silence filled the space between you two. Iwaizumi in his most vulnerable state, and you, burning red.
“Goodbye, Hajime. I really hope you find peace.”
You walked away. Notifying security to not let him enter again through your radio, once inside you spent a few minutes in the bathroom, collecting yourself and thinking what to do next. After that, you decided to leave early, you were exhausted.
When you found yourself alone in Atsumu’s car, you screamed with everything you had. Even after the monologue you recited in front of Iwaizumi, you felt frustrated, dizzy, dirty, and humiliated. You drove off in silence.
You couldn't say you were surprised by Iwaizumi’s insincerity, there wasn’t any trace left of the man you once knew, the one who was your friend before being your lover. When did he lost himself like that? You had so many questions left unanswered, they were irrelevant now.
It was a one-man act. He excelled in his role as the victim, but no crowd ever applauded. You felt sorry.
For not confronting him before. ‘This could've been prevented.’ You thought and took it back immediately. You weren't responsible for him, not anymore.
It was the end of your story together. The only thing you were sure of, is the people you wanted in the next chapter of your life, and Iwaizumi wasn't one of them.
(a/n: chapter nine is finally here, damn this one was a bitch to write. sadly, chapter 10 is the last one. i'll try not to take six months to write it. a year ago i posted the first chapter of this fic while i was in bed rest after an accident. it started as something silly i wanted to document because i had the plot and several scenarios in my head. i never thought people would like it, and i'm very thankful for your patience and support. i say this now and not in chapter 10 because tomorrow it's l&f's first anniversary! yes, it's a crime to take over a year to finish a fic, but i know, but this is a big thing for me, it's the first fic i finish in over 4 years. and it's all thanks to you guys, thank you for giving me a reason to keep writing. i'll do my best to post chapter 10 before october ends. love y'all!)
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