Dear Blair (20)

Warnings: None

Summary: The BAU team noticed that Reid had been acting strange. Hotch has a hunch as to why.

A/N: Don’t hate me

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-

He knows he shouldn’t have done it.

Dear Blair,

He knew it would only cause trouble.

I’ve missed you.

He knew that the second he started talking to her again he’d fall back in love with her.

I’ve missed the way you used to hold me.

The thing is-

How you ran your fingers through my hair as I fell asleep.

-he never really stopped.

I miss the talks we used to have.

He knows he shouldn’t have written the letter to her.

The long winded conversations that seemed to have no end.

But in his mind he had a good reason.

I never get that anymore.

He needed someone to talk to.

And it’s made me feel that….

He wanted to talk to his friends.

maybe….

But he felt like he couldn’t.

you were right.

Not anymore.

You were right to not like how they treated me when I tried to talk.

He knows he shouldn’t have let her get to him the way she had.

I know it’s irrational.

He knows he shouldn’t feel this way about his team.

I know I shouldn’t think this way.

He didn’t want to feel the way he did.

They have always been my friends…

It was like having someone else’s thoughts.

…my family.

It felt like he wasn’t in control of his own mind anymore.

But I can’t stop thinking about what you said.

His thoughts belonged to her now.

I can’t stop thinking about the nights we shared.

She swarmed his mind.

I feel so alone here without you.

She was his everything.

So…. let’s talk.

He was hers.

Love Sincerely, Spencer

And only hers.

-

At first the two had just written to each other. They talked in their letters and it had been enough to calm Spencer when he was stressed. After a while he started needing more. Apparently she read his mind because the same day he thought about calling her- she had called him. They could only talk for 15 minutes at a time, but sometimes she managed to get 30. They made calls regularly. Once a week. Hearing her voice again calmed her, but it was only a matter of time before he felt the need to see her face to face. Then to touch her. Then to hold her. He was falling down a rabbit hole and the more he gave in the harder it would be to climb out. He knew that, but he didn’t care.

-

The BAU team had been on the jet on the way back from a case. Hotch had been sitting at one of the tables. Rossi was sitting next to him and Jj was sitting across from him. Blake was sitting next to Jj. Reid had been sitting in one of the sideways chairs closest to Rossi and Morgan was leaning against the side of the plane next to Reid. Usually Morgan would put on his headphones and relax by now but everyone had been together chatting, everyone except for Reid who had his nose in a book from the second he got on the plane.

They had done well on their last case. They were able to save a little boy and reunite him with his family which warmed their hearts to see. When they had first got on the jet that’s what they talked about. They talked about their kids. The conversation had moved onto their lunch plans for when they landed.

“Maybe we can get a pizza. Have something to eat before we start on paperwork.” Jj suggested.

“That works for me.” Rossi agreed.

“It’ll be my treat.” Morgan said.

“Hey I’m not gonna argue with that.” Jj let out a chuckle as she sipped her coffee. Morgan looked over at Reid who still hasn’t said a word to any of them.

“Hey pretty boy, you joining us for pizza?” Morgan leaned over to nudge him as he spoke trying to get his attention. Reid didn’t say a word. He just stayed focused on his book. “Reid? Hey Reid.” Morgan tried to move the book away from his face but he just pushed Morgan’s hand away and carried on reading. Morgan gave a concerned look to the team before turning his attention back to Reid.

“Reid?” Hotch spoke up this time. Still no response. Morgan’s eyebrows drew closer together as the concern for his friend became more apparent.

“Come on genius talk to us.” Morgan reaches out to Reid again but the second his hand came into contact with Reid’s shoulder he got up and made his way to one of the corner chairs of the plane in an attempt to move as far away from everyone as possible. Everyone had been shocked by this action. They all knew there was something he wasn’t telling them, and Hotch had a hunch on what it was.

-

A few minutes after the incident with Reid Blake had gone over to sit in the seat across from him in an attempt to find out what was wrong.

“Hey Reid. What’s on your mind?” She questioned. Reid didn’t even try to acknowledge her. “Come on. Talk to me.”

“…”

“Please?”

“…” Blake sighs.

“Alright. I’ll leave you alone. Let me know when you’re ready to talk.”

As Blake walked away Reid bit his tongue to stop himself from blowing up at her. She didn’t deserve that. She was just trying to help.

Blake tried to read a book of her own but her mind stayed with her worry for Reid.

-

Garcia was looking up photos of cute cats when she heard her phone ding. She had gotten a text.

Hotch

Garcia. I need you to look through Reid’s phone records for me.

Garcia reread the text again to make sure she had read it right the first time.

Garcia

Okay. Mind telling me what I’m looking for?

Hotch

I want to see if he’s had any contact with Blair.

Reading that text saddened Garcia. She knew he had been struggling more than he let on, she didn’t have to be a profiler to know that, but she didn’t think he would go back to Blair.

Garcia

Right away sir.

Hotch

Thank you.

Could you keep this on the down low? I don’t want anyone to know for now.

Garcia

Of course sir. I will have everything by the time you land.

Hotch

Perfect. Print a photocopy for me. I’ll look at it after we eat. Do you mind ordering pizzas so we can start eating when we get back? Morgan’s paying so he will pay you back.

Garcia

Will do

Garcia ordered the pizza before starting to get to work on accessing Reid’s phone records.

-

When the team made their way into the office they had all been dead silent, their minds still occupied with Reid. He had made a few snappy comments here and there but he had never done anything like that before.

Reid had made his way through the glass door and went straight to his desk. Everyone else made their way up to the conference room where the pizza was waiting for them.

“Welcome home everyone!” Garcia greeted. The smile on her face quickly turned into a look of confusion when she noticed one person didn’t walk in. “Where’s Reid?” Hotch simply pointed out the window to his desk where he sat doing paperwork. “He’s not joining us?”

“Apparently not.”

“He didn’t say a word on the jet ride home. I tried to get him to speak and he just walked away from me.”

“I’m worried about him.” Blake chimes in.

“We all are.” Everyone nodded their heads in agreement before opening the pizza. After one slice Garcia looked over to Reid again. She wasn’t sure if he had eaten anything yet so she grabbed a plate for him. She put a slice of his favorite pizza on a plate and made her way down to his desk. Everyone watched her through the window.

“Hey Reid.” Reid didn’t look up. “Um…. I’m not sure if you’ve eaten anything yet today so I brought you a slice of your favorite pizza….. I’ll just…. um…. set it here.” She set the pizza on the edge of Reid’s desk. He mumbled a thank you as she walked away. He didn’t even look at me. She thought. Did I do something wrong?

Reid never touched the pizza. He carried on doing his paperwork for a few minutes until he thought no one would be watching him. His arm brushed against the plate and he looked over at it. Garcia was watching and hoped that he would eat the pizza, but when he pushed the plate off his desk and into the trash below she felt a sadness overcome her. Her attempts to help her friend were failing and she couldn’t figure out why.

-

“Do you have it?” Hotch asked, walking into Garcia’s office.

“Yeah.” She handed him the paper. “Right here. Reid has been making calls to the prison once a week. I gave them a call as well. He had been sending letters for a few months before the calls began. He hasn’t visited in person though.”

“I knew something was up. Thank you Garcia.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Hotch stops to think about the question before answering, debating whether he should answer hopefully or honestly.

“I don’t know.”

-

“Reid?” Hotch walked up to Reid’s desk. “Can I see you in my office please?” Reid sets his pen down and follows Hotch to his office. Reid waited as Hotch closed the door behind them.

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

“I noticed you have been acting irritated and hostile towards the team. Clearly your situation has been affecting you more than you lead on.” Hotch says.

“No it’s not.” Reid replies defensively.

“Why have you been making calls to the prison?”

“Why have you been going through my calls?”

“You’re talking to her aren’t you?” Reid stays silent. Hotch starts to get frustrated and let some of his anger seep into his words. “Why would you want to keep talking to her after everything she did to you? After everything she did to all of us?”

“Because she actually listens to me! Alright?” Hotch stays silent, taken aback by what he had just been told. “When I want to talk about something I’m excited about or interested in she doesn’t cut me off. She doesn’t walk away or say that I’m being annoying or tries to apologize for saying something that makes me talk for more than five seconds at a time. When I talk to her she shows genuine interest no matter what it is I want to talk about. If it’s something she knows about she’ll share her knowledge with me. If it’s something she’s interested in she’ll ask questions. Even if she wouldn’t find interest in it if she knows it’s something I want to talk about she always lets me. She’s the only person that does that Hotch. The only person. You know, after spending so long alone with someone who cares about everything I say and coming back to people I always remembered as my family acting like they don’t care about what I’m saying outside of the job, it hurts. If you think for whatever reason that I’m wrong for not wanting to be shot down every time I try and speak then I apologize.” When Hotch doesn’t say anything Reid storms out. He grabs his bag and makes his way to the elevator nearly in tears. He doesn’t know where he is going but he doesn’t want to be there anymore.

-

Garcia had seen Reid storm out. She didn’t walk up to him because she didn’t want to upset him further so she waited until he got into the elevator and the doors closed before she fully walked out of her office and towards Hotch’s. She had stood in the doorway and hesitated a moment when she saw him just standing there.

“S-sir?” Garcia stuttered. Hotch looked over at her completely stunned. “Is everything okay?”

“Fine. What do you need?”

“We need to do a review of the last case. S-sir.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Okay. I’ll just- I will meet you in there.” Garcia walked away leaving Hotch alone to think. He had no idea Reid had felt so disrespected. No wonder why he had been acting strange. Is that why Blair had manipulated him so easily?

-

As soon as Reid reached his car he knew where he wanted to go. Back to the bunker. He had turned his phone off in the elevator. He didn’t plan on using it.

When he made it there he quickly made his way down into the bunker and into the bedroom he had shared with Blair. He looked around for a minute before laying in the bed. He brought one of the pillows to his side and he hugged it. It didn’t take long for the tears to start streaming down his face. He cried for hours until he had fallen asleep.

He had plenty of people he could have talked to. Every member of his team would listen to him talk about anything bothering him. He had a therapist to talk to about his struggles. There were plenty of people around him every day, so why did he feel so alone?

-

Taglist: @agenthotchner @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @pprettyboyreid @ssaic-jareau @simp-for-mgg @mbowles23-blog @reminiscing-writer @drprettyboyreid

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References

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wasn’t planning on ever posting ocs but here we are 😌😌

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The Lies He Tells (19)

Warnings: is mentions of therapy one? I don’t know 😬, mentions of violence

Summary: After a year and a half Spencer talks about what happened in the bunker and works towards getting reinstated in the BAU.

A/N: This chapter has quite a few time skips, however it is one of my favorite chapters I’ve written so far. I hope you all love it as much as I do!

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-

“How have the nightmares been?”

“Less frequent. More manageable.”

“That’s good. Now, why don’t we pick up where we left off. Talking about the trust you gained for Blair.”

“I don’t even know how it happened.”

“Let’s go through what happened again. See if we can figure it out.”

“Okay. Where do I start?”

“Anywhere you’d like to.”

He gave a nod. He ran his tongue over his lips as he thought. He started to bounce his leg up and down, a nervous habit he had.

“You don’t have to worry Spencer. I’m a therapist not a judge. Anything you tell me is confidential.”

“Okay. After I met her at the farm, she uh…. drugged me with some gas. I passed out. When I woke up I had a blindfold over my eyes. My hands were tied behind my back. I couldn’t get up. I could barely move at all. I was too weak. I stayed like that for a while before I heard footsteps come behind me and I got picked up and brought to the other room…. Um…. Do I have to go into detail about that again?”

“Not if you aren’t comfortable with it. Let’s jump ahead to when you were in the room. You said you tried to get out.”

“Yes. I had searched around the room and found a bobby pin on the floor. I went to the door to try and pick the lock, but she had caught me. Before she had a chance to react I pushed her to the ground so I could run past her. I tried to push the bookcase door but it wouldn’t budge. By the time I found the release switch it was too late. She had caught me. She grabbed me and threw me to the ground behind her. She tied my hands together. I tried to scream out for help but she screamed back trying to prove that it was pointless. Then she pulled out a knife. She put it to my back and forced me back into the room I had been in. Then she got chains and chained me to the floor.”

“Is that where you started to give up?”

“No. I kept hope for a while before I started to fully lose hope. I had pretended to give in to whatever it was she wanted- which at first seemed like she just wanted me to submit to her in one way or another, but it was more like she wanted me to stay there and have conversations with her. She would usually come in and get me to talk about just about anything I wanted. Didn’t matter if it was Dr Who or Quantum Physics. If I wanted to talk about it she listened no matter how long it took. I think that’s where the trust started to root. It took a few months for me to trust her fully. Or what I assume was a few months. I couldn’t exactly tell time down there.”

“Did she ever show trust in you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you ever leave the room you were in?”

“Sometimes she would bring me out to some of the other rooms but not often. I would always end up back in that one room when I slept or if she was leaving.”

“Did you ever come out from behind the hidden bookcase?”

“No.”

Hotch had an obvious look of disbelief on his face. It had been a year and a half since he went missing. He had gone back to therapy and she said he had done well. He worked on his firearms evaluation and passed. All that was left was the psych evaluation.

“You’re holding something back Reid.” He finally said after what felt like hours of silence.

“No I’m not.” His voice wavered giving away the obvious lie.

“Yes you are. What aren’t you telling me? Whatever it is I won’t judge you for it and it’ll be off the record.”

Reid looks at Hotch for a moment before speaking. He doesn’t stop for long enough to think it through.

“I’m in love with her.” He almost wants to take back what he said. Almost. But it is the truth. He fell in love with her and he can’t seem to get that feeling to go away. “I’ve tried to ignore the feeling and I’ve tried to figure out why I feel it yet it seems there is no reason behind it, but I am.”

“Have you talked with your therapist about this?” Reid looks down in shame.

“No.”

“Okay. Well, I appreciate you trusting me with that information. After everything you’ve been through it must be difficult adjusting back to normal life.” Reid nods and looks Hotch in the eyes once again.

“It has been. But at the same time it’s been nice. Talking with you guys again and going down to see my mom.”

“How was that by the way?”

“It was good. I missed her a lot.”

“I’d imagine you did.” Things are silent as Hotch reviews a few notes he had taken down as he made his decision. “I’m going to be completely honest, I’m not sure if you’re ready to come back full time yet.”

“Hotch-“

“Let me finish. I think we should do a trial run to make sure you are ready for the field. If it’s too much for you then we can have you work with Penelope until you’re ready to try again. However, I don’t think you should carry a weapon again yet.”

“But I passed my qualification.”

“I’m aware of that. I just think we should see how you react to getting back on the field first. From there I will decide what the final call will be. You may not like it but at least you will be able to get back to work. I’m certain the higher ups will agree with me.”

“I guess.”

“Anything else you want to talk about before I file the report?”

“No.”

“Alright.” Hotch goes to leave but turns back around before he does. “It will be good to have you back Spencer. We’ve all missed you.”

As Hotch leaves the room Reid can’t help but smile to himself. He really did miss them too, even if Blair didn’t want him to.

Spencer grabbed his bag and got up to leave. He walked through the bullpen, waving hello to his friends who had been doing paperwork as he passed by, and made his way to the elevators waiting patiently for them to open so he could go down to the parking lot.

As he finally made it to his car he thought about what he said to Hotch about Blair. That he loved her. It was the truth and it truly did scare him. He thought that the feeling would have gone away by now or at least have faded, but it seemed like every second he spent away from her the feeling only grew and he just became more irritated.

Of course, him occasionally going back to the bunker probably didn’t help much, but it was the only thing that seemed to calm him down anymore. Whether he is irritated or he just had a nightmare he’d go there to collect his thoughts. It had been her safe space and it had become his as well.

Spencer tried his other outlets for when he got frustrated. Reading, taking a bubble bath, listening to classical music as he sips coffee and looks out the window at nothing, taking a nap, eating food, crying. Nothing seemed to be working for him.

He stopped the car in front of the house. He had zoned out during the drive and didn’t notice that his subconscious mind brought him back here.

The bunker.The last place she ever brought him.

He knows deep down that she wanted him to find a connection with this place. That she wanted him to keep it a secret.

He couldn’t seem to stop himself from doing everything he knew she wanted him to do. It was like he had been hypnotized by her and he was hearing her siren call.

-

Spencer took a deep breath before stepping out of the elevator, the strap of his satchel clutched close to his chest. When he first walked through the glass doors he noticed that no one was at their desks, so naturally he walked up to the conference room. As he walked in he noticed his entire team had set up balloons and streamers around the room. Garcia had been holding a cake and every member shouted a “Surprise!” As he entered.

“Welcome back Spencer!” Penelope said with a large grin on her face. She put the cake on the table before going in for a hug. “I missed you.” Everyone proceeds to give Spencer a welcome back hug before they get down to business.

“As much as I’d love for you to stay and celebrate for the day, the cake is going to have to wait because Illinois needs our help. I don’t suggest eating while I review this one because it is a gruesome one.”

-

Three months had passed by since that day. For the most part Spencer was adjusting nicely, however one thing did change.

When it first started happening again he brushed it off. It wasn’t a big deal, it never had been before. But as it happened more and more his irritation grew. Before Blair he had been used to his long winded conversations being cut off. He had a tendency to ramble and not know when to stop, he understood that, but not being able to talk about anything he was excited without getting cut off or hearing a sigh or even the little comments saying ‘they just asked a simple question’. It broke his heart and made him feel like he was alone again. Even his therapist cut him off from his rants on multiple occasions. He could feel his frustration slowly bubble up and nothing he was doing was working to calm him down. He knew he had to do something to calm himself before he exploded. After many failed attempts he did the one thing he knew he shouldn’t have done. Something that shouldn’t have even been an option.

Spencer sat down at his desk after getting all the materials needed: pen, paper, envelopes, and stamps. He took a moment to gather his thoughts and then he started writing.

Dear Blair.

-

Taglist: @agenthotchner @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @pprettyboyreid @ssaic-jareau @simp-for-mgg @mbowles23-blog @reminiscing-writer

Maggie: Just because I make bad decisions doesn’t mean I don’t make good ones.

Rose: In the time that I’ve known you, you’ve killed my cousin, lied despite knowing the universe might kill you over it, consorted with the fair folk which resulted in you getting your name stolen, and you–for some ungodly reason–befriended Blake.

Maggie: Counter argument! I befriended Blake!

Blake: No, I agree with Rose, that was a bad idea.

The Demon Form of my OC Blake. Like how it turned out <3

My first two OC’s, Blake and Jinxies! His hoodie is the color of his girlfriends eyes, and her boyfriend is on her pop socket. They’re both dorks.

Team RWBY if they were Cats

Ruby - Red Somali Cat

Weiss - White Sammies

Blake - Tuxedo Cat

Yang - Maine Coon (or a Yang Coon😂)

Join Monty Oum’s

RWBY ~Cat Cafe~

❤💙

💜💛🐱

Team RWBY going all crazy in Atlas… well most of them.

PS Blake is the voice of reason

long time no RWBY!

monochrome with weiss being. well. weiss LOL

my design -> canon concept art

Ruby: What? I don’t have a cush on Blake. Pfft! I just admire her a lot, and want to hold her hand, and be her partner for the rest of our lives :)

*later*

Ruby: *waking up in a cold sweat* I have a crush on Blake.

Yang: Called it.

Weiss: Literally no one is surprised.

Commissions | Ko-Fi

so one day I said to myself 

“why don’t I just put all the OCs I only ever draw in one scenario?" 

and then this short comic happened