how it started is that at kindergarten being friends with a boy was not normal, you were supposed to dislike them. and i age 4/5 was talking to this boy, just wanting a friend since no other girl would be friends with me. and other girls would ask me if i was friends with him (how it translates to lithuanian could also mean “be together romantically”) and i wanted to be accepted by the girls, they were finally talking to me! so i said that i’m not friends with him, so the follow up question was “then why are you talking to him?” and this happened multiple times/days.
when i said i was friends with the boy the girls would think i’m weird and reject me. & when i said i wasn’t, i would hurt the boy and couldn’t talk to him anymore. ultimitely i chose to be accepted by girls and hurting my only friend for a chance of having girl friends as “normal” girls did.
It’s almost as if he doesn’t care. Which he doesn’t. He just wants what he wants and once I give it to him I’m sure he’ll disappear.
NCT 2020 - SUNGCHAN
Getting back into that never ending fear that no boy will ever say with me if I say no
And so here I am saying yes
NCT 2020 - SHOTARO